Yak Facts Issue #6: Repeat as necessary

Published in

· 5 hours ago

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Yak Facts                                  18 November, 1998 
Issue #6                                 Repeat as necessary 
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In This Week's Issue:

The Ultimate Marketing Scheme
Let's Eat
On the Web
Call to Action
This Week in Be Dope
Credits

The Ultimate Marketing Scheme

There is a fine line between strategic advertising and sporadic advertising. We used to know where the line was. Then somebody sold the line to Coca-Cola so they could replace it with computer-generated polar bears. Now it seems everything is up for sale.

Now, I'm not here to speak about the evils of "selling out" to advertising. I'm sure you've also noticed the ads running across the top of Be Dope. I'd even sell a bit more ad space if the opportunity came up. What I won't do is turn every pixel of possible space into billboards for other companies. I won't use "product placement" strategies in my stories. And I won't sell the very color off of my pages to anyone (as HotWired is doing).

Moderation is a term lost to most people today. This thought crossed my mind as I got into line at my local supermarket and noticed the movie advertisements pasted on to the plastic bars used to separate on person's groceries from another. But at least that is obvious. What's worse is seeing products and movies become closely intertwined as, say, the last James Bond. It's to the point where every time I hear a brand name mentioned in a TV show or movie that I stop paying attention and wonder how much the brand had to pay to get mentioned.

So what's next? Traffic signs that change to advertisements when traffic is at a standstill and no one needs to read that the Santa Cruz exit is coming up in a half mile for the fiftieth time? Paying for unmanned vehicles to travel to the moon and carve out your company logo in the Sea of Tranquility? Car radios that play a fifteen second commercial every time you start the car? (By the way, if anyone starts a company based on any of my ideas, I claim 15% of the revenue)

For a while, I thought the biggest scheme would be to hire a bunch of astronomers to find a comet for you. The idea being, of course, that the person who discovers a comet gets to name it. Traditionally, the comet is named after the person who discovers it. Little did Edmund Halley know what a marketing opportunity he missed out on. He should have autioned the rights to the name to the highest bidder. Imagine if today a representative of Coca-Cola were to discover a comet. They give it the official name "Coca-Cola - the best cola on earth." Now, newscasters are bound to refer to the comet by its full name. The phrase "Coca-Cola - the best cola on earth" is reproduced in television broadcasts, newspapers, astronomy magazines and even school textbooks around the globe.

After careful review, I've decided that most company execs are too impatient to sit around and wait for a comet. So what's the next logical step?

Let me introduce my newborn son, Yahoo!, just home from the hospital today. Of course, his full name is "Yahoo!, Your One-Stop Shop For Everything On The Internet," but as specified in my contract immediate family members and up to 10 friends may refer to him by the nickname "Yahoo!". Thanks for the gift of the baby pajamas, but Yahoo! can only wear clothing provided by the Yahoo! store, and of course it all features the Yahoo! logo prominently. Not only does this promote a wonderful website, it lets potential playmates learn his name quickly. I know by letting Yahoo! provide all his clothing, food from approved Yahoo! partners and tuition to the Yahoo!-approved schools of his choice, my son Yahoo! will have a better life than I could have possibly provided for him. I'm sure he won't even mind the Yahoo! tattoo. It's all the rage with kids these days.

You laugh now. But remember where you heard it first.

Let's Eat

As a public service, Be Dope now provides the answer to that eternal and annoying question: "What's for dinner?"

Back before I turned vegetarian, this was perhaps my favorite thing to cook. My advice is to measure out, chop and otherwise prepare absolutely everything before you start cooking, because things move along pretty quickly once you start.

CHICKEN JALAPENO GRATINADA

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 fresh/frozen skinless,boneless chicken breast halves (5 to 6 ounces each), pounded thin
1 teaspoon butter
1 fresh or pickled jalapeno chili, minced
1 large garlic clove, minced
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano, crumbled
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 cup fress or canned peeled, seeded and chopped tomatoes
1/4 cup mexican beer or dry white wine
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
4 whole scallions, thinly sliced
4 ounces jalapeno jack cheese, coarsely shredded (about 1 heaping cup)

WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT STUFF:

Preheat a LARGE heavy skillet. Put flour in a shallow dish. Once the skillet is hot, spoon in 1 1/2 tablespoons of oil and reduce heat. Dredge (cooking term for "drag until covered") 2 cutlets in flour. Transfer to hot oil and brown on one side until golden (~3 minutes). Turn them over and cook for one minute. Transfer cutletts to a platter. Add remaining 1/2 tablespoon of oil and repeat with the other two cutlets.
Add the butter to the skillet with the jalepeno, garlic, oregano and cumin. Saute (cooking term for "stir around with wooden spoon or spatula") for 1 minute over moderate heat. Add the tomatoes, beer (or wine), salt and pepper. Bring this mixture to a boil. Cook for two minutes. Spoon half of this sauce into a small bowl.
Return cutlets to the skillet in a single layer (golden side up). Top with the scallions and cheese. Spoon the reserved sauce over the cheese. Cover tightly, cook over low heat until cheese melts (about three minutes). Serve hot!

Goes well with corn bread or biscuits. Server over rice or angel hair pasta.

If you try it, let me know how it comes out!

On The Web

There is a ton of stuff going on at Be's home page with them being at COMDEX in Las Vegas this week. Stop by www.be.com for a bunch of press releases, info about R4, links to Be in the news and a new "Intro to Be" section that even your mom will understand.

Be News (http://www.benews.com/) is reporting live from COMDEX and is promising pictures, visitor reactions and an interview with JLG himself.

The winners of the Masters Awards have been announced! Once again, visit be.com: http://www.be.com/developers/nov98/

Call to Action

Print out news stories about the BeOS and hang them all over your office, cube, home and/or pets!

This Week In Be Dope

Be employees disarm an NSA plot, the Virgin Mary is sighted in the BeOS, Intel invests in Be, Hitachi expands their BeOS plans and the Las Vegas oddsmakers lay out the numbers on the BeOS.

Credits!

Editor, Writer, Ratwatcher: Mike Popovic
Copyeditor: None, obviously

Yak Facts is published more-or-less on a weekly basis.

Be Dope is conveniently located at http://www.bedope.com/ and on page 37 of your programme.

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All content Copyright 1998 Mike Popovic except where noted otherwise. You may not reuse, reprint, repost or otherwise fondle said content without my permission. This especially includes you Be news site folks. If someone wants to know what's going on here, they have to subscribe. Feel free to say something like "The Be Dope newsletter went out today and it was fantastic! So go subscribe at http://www.bedope.com/newsletter/"

That said, you are free to forward this newsletter, IN ITS ENTIRETY, to someone as an encouragement for them to subscribe.

Try not.