A Little Something For Those Cold, Lonely Nights
From: Oni-mon <oni-mon@ix.netcom.com>
A Gold Digger/Tomb Raider Crossover
By Oni
Part 1
As a cat, it was only natural for Brittany Diggers to love to climb. While cheetahs were better known for their speed, the big, hard bodied lycanthrobe nevertheless enjoyed the activity. A good rocky mountain side to sink her claws into and surmount. But more than the climb, the shapely werecat loved the post-recovery rubdown by her hunky boyfriend when she could get it.
But not only on this particular exercise was he half a world away, the weather was far removed from the warmth of her preferred mountain type. And this climb was an actual trail. One really worth a message from Stripe but she wouldn't be able to use it as an excuse by the time she got back.
And then there was the problem with her cargo...
"Gina, dear heart," the werecheetah swathed in arctic gear save feet and hands asked sweetly of her likewise fully attired human sister, "could you please...let go of my tail?"
The intrepid explorer in question was harnessed to her sizable younger sibling like a papoose...and reacting as a domestic kitten stuck up a tree. Use to her teleporting lightgate and fleet of Gina-mobiles, to say that she found the idea of being up the sheer cliff of a Himalayan mountain thousands of feet from the ground with only the grip of her sister keeping them both alive an unsavory one, was to say nothing.
Arms and legs free in the rig, the young comely blonde had her lush long, and currently hidden under thick thermal nylon, legs folded in as she trembled. Her mittened hands not only had a tight grip on Brittany's long orange and spotted black tipped tail, but the recently discovered acrophobic was wringing it for all it was worth. Brittany gave a tired sign that turned to an icy breath in the cold air.
"Sis, you really have no idea how annoying that is..." Brittany pleaded on as she only heard Gina's fearful mumble. A cruel thought came to her that she was only too reluctant not to use.
"You know, if you keep that up, there's a good chance I could lose my balance. I mean, sure that great, big *looong* drop would hurt like hell for me, but I'd recover in no time. <sigh> Boy...for you it would be jam cit--"
Brittany's tail was freed. Gina gave a shivering groan.
"Gina, I'm sorry about that. Just say the word, and we'll go back down nice and slow. We aren't that far up...really."
"N-n-no, I'm...I'm alright. Just keep...keep going." the young woman asked with a chill not from the cold. Brittany gave yet another sigh.
It was *Her* the werecheetah thought as she started to move again. Gina always went a little crazy at the mention of *That* woman's name. Could be goaded into the dumbest of stunts because of her inane, pointless and one-sided fued. And this time it was far more than just being one-upped for some stupid award or some recognition by their peers. This time they were direct rivals.
Somewhere above them on a craggy gap if the maps were right, were the remains of an ancient Tibetan library. Lost untolded ages as they often are, this one supposedly held records of bygone civilizations. Was a literal travel bureau from everything from Atlantis to Zanadu. The archeologist who found it would be more than a name or a legend...the whole field of study would be renamed after them!
No one had had the slightest idea of where the place was until a mountain hermit came down into the modern world and fell in love with it's wonders. Supposedly centuries old, he met his end at an all you can eat Taco stand but not before putting up a web page containing all his wisdom. In the insuing hacker battle, much of the information was deleted or altered save for a few key items. Some pimply faced scrub in New Jersey had altered the secret of life. It now had something to do with getting Tyra Banks top off.
What puzzle pieces that did remain, which weren't now link's to prono sites, gave those like Brittany's brilliant sister the lead they needed to find the rest of the trail. Amateurs and grave robbers had fallen over themselves as well as got in the way of the pros till into the homestretch, only the best remained. One time rival Penny Pincher had never started, was backing up and protecting her current finds in the event that once the intellectual bomb was found and dropped, her current based and published findings did not become so much birdcage lining for her somewhat naive harpy bodygard Charlotte.
It was rumored that pain in the side Pee Wee and his reengineered thugs were grounded...looks like mommy found the boy wonder checking something out on the net he shouldn't have been...
That only left the Britain.
Well known outside the field for her guns as well as use with pistols, She had managed to steal Gina's thunder at every turn. Even when she was recuperating from her latest jaunt, the release by a software company of a translation of the adventure had left Gina alone in an auditorium with a discovery while her colleges were lining around the block for the new game. The girl was so mental now over the whole thing, sometimes she could tell when you were just thinking about the other's name.
Currently Gina was humming the theme to MST3K in discord on Brittany's back as she climbed. Ever since TV's Frank and Dr. F left the show, the girl only sang it when she was seriously bugging her sister thought. This was not a good sign.
Able to fit the Grand Canyon three times over, this valley crevasse was as close to Everest as it could get and still be in the atmosphere. Not even Ace could pilot through the high winds or navigate it's narrow length. Only Brittany's speed and nimbleness had given her sister the edge she needed to at last get the better of her academic nemesis. Now she was letting something like a little mile-long drop get to her. She'd be useless at this rate.
"Gina," Brittany huffed as she made a handhold with a bare clawed hand. Worried a bit about her ruined nails. "You wanna talk? How are you and Ryan doing?"
"O-Okay. Okay I guess...Brittany...I really don't want to distract you..."
"Hey. If my sis is stressin', then so am I. I know how important this is to you."
"Not-Not just to me, but Stripe and his people...Atlantis as well."
"Uh?"
"B-Brit, think about it. If-If the known world gets a road map to all the old civilizations. Finds out about a couple of alien races living in it's backyard. It's either going to corral the lot, fight over them or turn their cities into tourist spots. You wanna see an Epcot El Delarado?"
Brittany stopped. Spared a glance over her shoulder. "I really didn't think about that." And not griping that she was little more than a pack mule in her sister's dumb feud she thought to herself. "My mind was on my share of the talkshow and book deals...(not to mention the Playboy and muscle mag shot offers that would come rolling in). But what were you gonna do about it?"
"The records are very old... Chances are they're not intact much less whole." Gina insinuated.
"Whoa! You mean you'd lose parts of a major find! You?!"
"I wasn't thinking of filing any of this. We can't."
"But-But Gina...I thought you were doing all this to get back at...you know...*Her*..."
"Brittany, this is for our friends. This may be my one chance to outshine Croft...but the price to do it is just too great."
"Gina...you said her name..."
"Yeah...I guess I did. Suppose all that really matters is that I prove it to myself that I'm better than her ..."
Brittany climbed a bit more. Paused long enough to say, "Sis...I'm proud of you."
"Thanks...that means a lot too..."
After a few minutes of silent climbing, Brittany heard, "BeMmm...mM...mMm-la-la ...Try...to...mMMm his san-i-ty...with...help...of...ro-bot...friENnds...
"RoBoT RoLl-calL!?!"
"Here..." the werecheetah offered raising her tail to her passenger.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Just remember--I'd like it back!"
Brittany gained a few more feet then sang aloud, "--Cambot!!"
"Gypsy!!" her sister shot back.
"Tom Servo!!"
Both as one, "Crrrooooww!!"
As the climb progressed with controlled fear from one of their number, the two unrelated by blood siblings sang ballads of castaways, a certain sex-changing martial artists and a revamped gunslinger's tale that echoed happily about the mountain...
******
"ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU...*I LOVE YOU*!!!!!" Gina Diggers told the flat snow covered ground of the plateau well away from it's edge. The girl hugged a small boulder for further comfort as her sister hauled up their equipment that had been tethered to her by a nylon cord at her waist. The ruin of a temple was about twenty meters or so before them set into the mountainside and Brittany couldn't help but smile as Gina. They had done it. They were the first ones up.
"Oh what a wonderful duet chaps," said an eloquent, refined feminine voice.
Both Brittany and Gina froze. Defeat showed on their faces as the other continued to speak.
"Have you two though about going professional? I hear the Spice Girls have a few spots open?" a figure strode over a snow bank with the mouth of a small cave in the background.
It walked like a young Clint Eastwood would...If Clint Eastwood had been brought up in a high-priced English girl's finishing school that spliced grace and femininity into ones DNA. Fit said school's first two basic requirements and had gotten high marks for doing so.
Laura Croft walked up coiling climbing rope unaware of her sensual stride wearing a chest bloated parka jacket and near painted on snow pants over her never-ending legs. A smile on rich, full deep crimson lips, she slung the cord over a shoulder while her free hand came to rest almost causally by one of her legendary automatics that rode her sexy curvy side.
"Doctor Diggers and her folicly challenged sister Cheetah, how nice to at last meet face to face to face." She beamed from under circular smoke colored shades as her trademark auburn ponytail whipped about the other shoulder from a sudden gust, "I do ever so hope that we are going to be friends."
"How..." Brittany stammered open mouthed. Gina seemed as still as her rock. "How did you get up here? ...I...I ran ..."
Croft, taking a full measuring glance of the taller, far more sizable, of the two, put more of a grip on her weapon. "Ran across some notes of an underwater passageway that lead to a shaft system. Had me up in no time, but it was still a--`
A bang and the crack of a stone by the woman's feet ended her obvious beratement. Rope dropped, she was dashing, then diving, for an outcropping of rock for protection before even a stunned Brittany Diggers thought to react. At a second gunshot however, the werecat had scooped up her dazed sister and joined the other adventress before the bullet took a piece off Gina's comfort rock.
"Ach, Mz Croft..." a male voice stolen from a WWII movie made in Minnesota on a teenager's allowance announced, "Ach-gain I prove that vhat ever zou pozzes, I cannot attain? Jea?"
"Ah Murray," Laura retorted laying against her cover in a crouch, a gun in both hands, "someone's been at their Raider's of the Lost Ark video I see. Sorry to tell you this, but you have it all wrong: Belloch was French, not German. Please do try and get it right!"
A bullet ricocheted off their protection.
"Sensitive old sod." the ponytailed gunwoman commented with a mock pout.
"Who is he?" Brittany asked as she held her sister absently in the crook of her arm like a top-heavy teddy bear. Gina was still in a coma from being met by her rival.
"Major Otto von Slegenhimer," Croft sighed risking a look over the rocks, "But he was born Murray Johnston. Considers himself a bit of a treasure hunter. Pathetic fellow couldn't find a gold ingot in his bum."
At the scent and wine of dogs, the werecat chanced a look over as well. One man held two Dobermans by a leash as two more with Ak-47s flanked him. Everything about him from the scar on his cheek to the aviator pants he wore and leaguer on his hip said out of uniform SS officer just escaped from the set of Hogan's Heroes. A black fur collared heavy coat rode his shoulders--what there was of them anyway--and was opened to a thin and lose fitting white shirt that showed on an even whiter hollow chest. Gave hint to a pot belly. The unappetizing sight was made even more so by the pectoral implants he had put in. The morn was obviously freezing what little chest hairs he had off, but whatever good sense he possessed--zip being the most likely--had been sacrificed to let him hold a dramatic pose. Even without the dogs tugging at their leashes and nearly tipping him over, he looked about as threatening as Gina's rock.
A gust of wind roguishly went through his thin brown hair. Almost took off his black toupee and he fought for it back. Brittany sat down opened mouthed.
"*That* followed you up here?! How?!?"
"Murray may not be that rugged, but he knows how to hire." Laura remarked looking about the other rock outcroppings. "Still, I figure his thugs only follow him for the paycheck. And there should be more of them somewhere."
Brittany gave another look as one of the visible henchmen took aim for her head. The werecat spotted a shadow here and there moving in the rocks surrounding them. Gave a yawn. Had her head down long before a projectile flew by.
"I can smell--REALLY smell--at least three, four more guys. But that still doesn't answer my question: how does a loser like that not only get up here, but has time to set up an ambush?"
"I found out about the passage from a local guide." Croft answered taking another peek. "Asked him as politely as a lowly woman could, but I guess he didn't go for broken teeth. He and some of his chums held me up in town and in the tunnels. Must have fallen over themselves to help Murray. You'd be surprised how often this sort of thing happens to me--is your sister alright? She seems to be in shock."
During all this, Gina's face was an odd mask. Eyes wide open yet lazy, a brow ticked in irritation while her lips were a quivering wave. The sound of the wind obscured her mumble of, "she beat me again...she beat me again...she beat me again..." that Brittany hoped allowed only her sharper than normal hearing to pick up.
"Shock from the climb?" the girl offered. If a response was forthcoming from Laura, their party crasher interjected with a question of his own. An offer.
"Mz. Croft, pleeze zee reazon jea? If zou zzurrender now, I und my men vill make it mozt enjoyabble for zou und your azz-iztantz..." Murray's voice leered.
"Ve urnt not her azz--assistants you Col. Klink wanna-be!!" Gina announced suddenly freeing herself from her sisters grip. Looked brazenly over their cover. "And I've heard better German from a New York cabby from New Deli!!" she added in a huff.
One furred, clawed hand clamped on one of her shoulders. A sports gloved, naked fingered one with clear hardening gloss on it's fingernails the other. Both yanked her down on her rump as a volley of bullets occupied the space her head had been. Others bounced off the rock cover of the three.
"Glad to have you back in the world of the living doctor Diggers," Croft said with a coy grin as the other rubbed her bruised pride, "do try to stay here." The auburn adventuress turned to regard their opponents as Gina made to stand and comment.
"Why you B--MMMPH!!!" She began as her sister clamped a hand over her mouth and pulled her close. Restrained her.
"Will you chill out!!" Brittany hissed into her sibling's ear, "We're all in trouble right now and you're loosing it for no reason!"
"Mm--mmm!!"
"Yeah, yeah. I know it's her but--"
"MMMPH!!!" Gina's arms flailed wildly.
"but as you pointed out the gang from Stalag 13 has us surrounded and don't want to share strudel with us! They'd rather shoot the lot of us as get two slices of mom's all American and one British cobbler!"
"Mmm-mm-mmm-mmmmm-mmmm-mm-mmmm?" Gina calmly offered with a level gaze. Her sister's eyes went wide at the comment.
"I do not think about food a lot!"
"Mmm..."
"Yeah! I think about That a lot but I don't think this is the time to talk about it!"
"..." Gina said as she relaxed in her sister's iron grip--then exploded into motion in the direction of the British explorer once more. Back turned, Croft waited patiently for the gun fire to die down. Failed totally to notice the one-side struggle behind her.
"Murray...ah...Major! Oh Major Otto love?" Croft purred in a sing-song shout above the din as she checked her clips. Made a sour face. "Could you at least do the gentlemenly thing and wait for our reply before accepting our surrender and shooting us? Some of us just might like a shag with an Uberminch."
The guns went silent. "A what?" the man who liked to be called von Slegenhimer asked. Under her shades, Croft rolled her eyes.
"A big, strapping, member of the master race such as yourself. To become your scantly clad servants might just be a girl's dream." She said with an expression that spoke of holding back one's lunch. Murray forgot his role for a second.
"W-what? Really? You? Me?!" A reminding cough and he said, "Very well, my zoon to be butterscotch-covered lepchin...Vhat iz your anzwer!"
Reeling at the mental imagery, Croft collected herself with a loathing moan, then sprang up from cover. With fluid motion, her arm swung up overhand as she aimed a gun. It spoke once, but loudly, and she was back down. Brittany and Gina made to look, but the sight of a smoking black patch of carpet sailing over the edge caught their eye as a, "FRIGGIN' A!!", came from Murray. Sitting down once more, with normal sized sister in arm like a big doll, both Diggers looked questioningly to the Britain. Croft gave a pleased sigh as she slumped.
"Mother always said you could get farther with a pretty face, good teeth, sweet voice and 45 automatics than with just a pretty face, good teeth and sweet voice." She regarded the Americans with a happy grin as she dropped her guns uselessly to the ground. "I'm out! You chaps wouldn't have any bright ideas?"
Gunfire erupted anew.
Gina managed to at least free her mouth. "That was a stupid thing to do! What about your other weapons?! Your M-16 and Uzies with the three kinds of ammo?! That shotgun on your back?!?" In a pout, Laura unslung the last item in her supposed arsenal and held it out. Seemed amazed at the discovery.
"Sorry dear, this is only good for close range and is filled with buck shot to scare away the bears and what not. And as for the other items, I'm afraid that's only in the games. You don't actually think I carry around hundreds of pounds of ammunition and guns in this thing?" she said thumbing to her small back pack, "I barely have enough room for a nutrition bar and the few clips I did have."
"Yeah, I can see you have other weight problems to consider--Mmmhp!!!" Gina comment looking levelingly at the other's chest before Brittany again covered her sister's mouth. Taking no heed of any possible insult, Laura rested her chin on the palm of a hand as she sat with knees up. Sighed
"I wouldn't worry chaps. I got Murray so riled with that one shot, they aren't even moving. Just blasting. Given my reputation--(nice to have it come in handy for once)--none of them will dare charge us. All we have to do is wait them out till...how do Americans so crassly put it...'they've all shot their loads?'"
Gina's growl at the national insult was lost in a fizzling roar that ended with a deafening bang which churned up a cloud of dust and caused a rain of rocks to fall down upon them. An ominous echoing rumble about the mountain seemed to turn all else quite long after it settled and past.
Uncovering her ears and uncurling her body, coughing dirt from her mouth as did Gina and Brittany, Laura spat as she brushed pebbles from her hair, "I knew I should have aimed lower at that wanker!!"
"Ah boss..." one of Murray's goons could be heard commenting from his cover, "I don't think that was such a good idea..."
"Friggin' A Surelock!!" Murray replied, "Ya' think!! Gimme that!!"
"But you said..."
"SHUT UP!!! Dumpfcoff!!!"
Another, with a real German accent, added, "He's right, you said to fire that thing (and as a German, I have to say that I am offended by your portrayal-)"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!!! WILL ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!!!" Murray bellowed as a New Yorker stuck in a traffic jam.
A second more distant rumble got the attention of all. On a close yet distant mountain, a cloudy sheet of white moved down it's slope. The mountain all stood on seemed to answer back as things went quite.
"Mountain now unstable and gunmen have rockets. Right!" Laura whispered after a time, "I'm all out of tricks (not that I had that many to begin with), how about one of your wonderful gadgets Diggers? That marvelous force shield?"
Brittany raised an eyebrow at this question. Gina's personal force shield was far better than what was left of these rocks. And while her lightgate teleporter couldn't get them here, it could surely get them out of this mess and take them home. Hugging her sister to her own chest with one hand, covering her mouth with the other, Brittany looked down at Gina and repeated the Britain's question.
"Yeah, what about your wonderful gadgets?! That marvelous force shield!?" In answer, the inventor/explorer only pointed to their pack...or rather...what remained of it.
Stray bullets had caught their equipment pack turning it into a bundle of torn rags. A perforated canteen leaked and stained the ripped nylon. Electric sparks leapt from a smoking section. The blast had thrown it well back to the edge and a number of rocks were now embedded in it leaving fist sized holes. Then luck, adding insult to injury, sent a gust of wind that pushed it over the side as the three looked. All gave a painful groan--thought one was a bit muffled.
A testing bullet rang out on their rocks. Even it's echo sounded cautious. With a growl, Brittany released her sister and stood in a crouch. Wrung her knuckles.
"Enough with this Doctor Who, useless companion in distressed crap! I'm gonna stroll up to those Jabronies! Take their rudey-poo guns out of their hands! Shine them son's o bitches up real nice! Turn'em-!"
"Ah-ah-ah!" Laura warned with a wagging finger. "No matter the circumstance, a Lady must never forget herself. But you are right. Before those ruffians get their nerve back, we girls should get out there and do some up close and personal rectal insertion of elongated objects into their sugar-coated posteriors... In a horizontally planar manner of course."
"Of course." Brittany replied striking a refined pose. Then relaxing and giving her sister an apologetic glance, the werecat added with a smile, "I like you! On three?"
"Wait. Is that 1-2-3, 3-2-1, or as you Yank's like to do now, just shout `3' and leap into the mess?"
"Yes."
"Good!"
"Gina, stay put!"
"THREE!!!" The two young women roared vaulting their cover. Laura's shotgun barked more as a noise maker rather than a true weapon making startled heads duck, guns hesitate as Brittany took twenty running steps for each of Laura's spiriting one. A cluster of three thugs realized the pointlessness of the Britain's attack, but failed to note it's distractive aim as they turned guns on her. The werecheetah flew at them like a missile.
An ice skater's spin, and one of Brittany's thick muscled yet shapely legs came up at a chest. It's foot hit with all the subtly of a cannon ball and sent it's target flying as he took the werecat's forward motion. An arm came up in a blur to catch another thug in a closeline swing that sent him flipping on his back winded and seeing stars. The hand of the same arm then clenched through the armor of a flack jacket as the lycanthrobe twisted picking him off the ground, took a close by comrade in the chest and vaulted him as well. Pinned both into a rocky wall. She grinned as she held the pose.
"Xena ain't got nothin' on me!", she said releasing the men to let them drop to the ground out cold. Behind her back, a man took aim with a rifle.
A blast to his back, and buckshot tore through his legs. Made him howl in pain and crumple to his knees. Last round spent, Laura hit him with the stubby stock of her short barreled weapon across the back of the head as another man charged her. Still in upward swing, a hand took the gun barrel and brought it down towards her would be attacker. The other hand joined turning the move into a improvised katana blow that struck the man's shoulder and shattered the oaken grip. After he crashed to the ground unmoving, Croft simply tossed the ruined weapon away.
A shadow fell over her. She turned nonchalantly to face it's owner.
In the harsh cold, the man stood bare chested. Scars and wounds from old injuries the only garment covering his big, mountainous muscled upper form. Tattered lose khaki about his lower midsection and legs. The red cloth of a bandanna wavied about the curls of his raven black locks. He smiled evilly as he loudly cracked his knuckles.
"Sorry dear fellow," Croft commented lowering her shades which now sported a hairline crack, "but Retro is the Mod sixties, not the Hollywood eighties. Last time I saw Rambo, he was an overweight cop...or was that Tavota?"
The big man only chuckled as he outstretched his arms. "Laugh it up limey bitch. I don't care how fast or strong your friend is, I can still snap that neck of yours before she even moves. Everyone knows the only thing you're good at is lookin' pretty and shootin'." Laura pushed her glasses back up. Leaned forward putting her hands behind her back. Smiled.
"Ah, another video game enthusiast I see? Should I enlighten you as well?" she asked ever so sweetly.
The image of her body flowed into a martial arts stance kick leaving a thick boot where the man's jaw had been. Head knocked back and tilted, a bruise caught up with the action as his eyes rolled back into unconsciousness.
"Legs. Not just something nice to look at, but very functional as well." Laura sighed, "Don't you agree?"
The man toppled like a dead redwood with a tooth popping from his open maw on impact with the snow covered ground.
"Hey, I live by them." Brittany remarked as she piled her K.O.ed thugs neatly. Clapped daintily at the impressive, yet only human, display of speed and skill. Croft's eyes leveled as she noted a change in the other's body language.
"If you have an urge to suddenly wave your fist in the air and whoop, `Girl Power'," she warned sternly, "here's a suggestion: Don't."
"How about, `Chun Li is in the his-ouse'?"
"As an old fashion kind of girl," Croft offered casually, "I prefer the more traditional display of comeradrae when two good friends open a big can of whoop ass." She said walking towards the other. Brittany met her half way.
"Oh," the werecat sighed chestfallen...if such a thing was possible, "if you insists..."
"YESS!!!" both chorused giving a high five. Then Croft gave a frown.
"I thought you said there were only five?"
"So a couple took baths? I wasn't counting Murray? So shoot me."
"<*BANG!!*>" went Murray's leaguer. Stunned, Brittany touched her side before stumbling. Croft fought to hold her up.
"CHEETAH!!" the woman screamed.
Brittany took heavy breath. Looked at the blood on her hand. "Nicked a rib...punctured lung...I think he even got the heart...give me a sec..." she smiled weakly, "it's only a flesh wound..."
"This is no time for a Python skit! You've been shot!!"
"Yes, by Murray the happy Nazi. Murray, the still armed happy Nazi!" Brittany made coughing, vomiting sounds.
"You vould do vell to heed your frizend'z advize ja? Underestimating me vas your virst and lazt miztake!"
Letting Brittany knell over as she started coughing up blood, Croft turned to see Murray holding not his gun, but the missile launcher over his shoulder as his dogs sat to either side. The leaguer lay at his feet in the snow. Laura snarled.
"Fine German craftsmanship at work I see. You should really take better care of your toys."
"I'st doez not matter, I uave von! The day iz mine!! Soon ze untire volrd will know ze name of Otto von Slegenhimer!!!"
"No, this far up the world will hear the girly man screams of Murray Johnston when I do somehting most un-Lady like to him for hurting my friend!" Added taking a step forward, "If you fire that thing we all die you idiot!"
Behind her, Brittany spat. Before, Murray burned with an itchy trigger finger.
"I am Otto von Slegenhimer!! Fuhrer of the glorious Fourth Reich!!! You and your dying friend mean nothing to me!!!"
"I'm not quite dead yet." Brittany announced hawking a bloody luggie with a hard center. Stood up. "In fact I've never felt better!" the werecheetah looked to Laura with a sick grimace.
"A bullet in the stomach is worse than a hair ball!" she announced rubbing her side. Looked to the man. "And you've gone and messed my jacket! I know a naughty boy who's getting a spanking (thought you probably like that sort of thing)!"
"Don't just sit there you stupid dogs!" Murray commanded the Dobermans, "GET THEM!!! ATTACK!!! ATTACK!!!!!"
The dogs got halfway to their intended victims before they skidded to a halt. Caught full sight of the economy sized werecat as Brittany gave them a people's eyebrow. One only whined as it faltered. The other went full onto it's belly.
"GET `EM YOU STUPID MUTTS!" Murray bellowed.
Taking turns looking forward, then behind, the dogs made the right choice...and ran for the cave. Vanished from sight.
"Traitors!!" Murray called after them, "Quislings!!!"
"That's a Jewish thing Murray. Spawned from your equally loser predecessor no less." Croft reminded him. The man ground his teeth.
"Okay!! That's it!! THAT'S IT!!!! You want freakin' Murray?! You got freakin' Murray!! And Murray says ta get the F off this mountain before I blows your freakin' asses off it!!"
A long pause. Then Brittany addressed Croft.
"You know," she said rubbing her chin in thought with her unbloodied hand, "his New Yorker is worse than his German..."
"THAT'S IT!!! I'M BLOWING US ALL TA HELL!!!!!" Murray screamed. Laura unzipped her jacket. Sighed.
"I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this..."
"What?" Brittany asked calmly yet concerned as smoke rose from Murray's scalp. The Britain opened her jacket making her most reknowned sizable yet firm features bounce within the confines of a tank-top. This seemed to calm the man down quite a lot. Croft reached for the bottom of the shirt with both hands.
"I'm going to flash my breast then beat him to a pulp as he stands stunned with a nosebleed. The bad thing is, I can tell someone I'm going to do it, and it still has the same effect. I feel rather sorry that it works so well."
"Tell me about it." the protruding parka wearing werecheetah sympathized with hands on hips. Brittany gave a lame sigh as Murray waited with sudden anticipation for the unveiling.
"Hold on Brittany, I'm commin'!!!" Gina yelled as she burst from cover with a device in hand. Fired it as she ran.
A suction cup landed on a still waiting Murray's head. Croft and Brittany just stood and accepted.
"Does she do this a lot? Charge in with her eyes closed running blindly? After all the fighting's pretty much done I mean?" Laura asked looking sideways with shirt half up partly exposing a flat toned stomach.
"Before. During. After. She's really more of a thinker than a fighter." Gina's sister defended stopped dead in the beginning of a running roundhouse pose aimed at Murray. "But this is sort of a bad day for her...really."
Finding the remains of her comfort rock the hard way, Gina tripped stumbling forward. Hit the winding stud on her grappling gun and was pulled a bit more as Murray fought to stay on his feet. Failed. The tube of the launcher went up.
A spurt, then a fizzling sound filled the air as a contrail of smoke arced up the mountain. Those still standing looked up dully as the missile flew.
"You know Cheetah--" Croft began calmly.
"Brittany." Brittany cut in with the same mellow tone. "Close friends call me Brit or Cheets."
"Brit--thank you, I rarely get called Laura but you're welcomed to use it."
The rocket's fuel gave out but it still flew higher. Almost out of sight. Still going into the side of their snow covered mountain.
"You were saying Laura?"
"Oh yes...sorry about that--Brittany, hopefully I'll work up to the others. Get a chance to anyway. Brittany...I could see this coming."
A small, insignificant, cotton puff with just a hint of flash. No noise.
"Yeah, me too. Once she said the Himalayas, I thought avalanche. Really thought we were safe after the first one though."
"It was a lost cause when I saw Murray with the launcher."
The sound of the explosion poured down to them like slow molasses. A growing rumble followed it.
"Laura?"
"Yes Brittany?"
"Should we save ourselves or rescue Murray and his boys too?"
"Normally, I'd leave them, but then they do work for Murray. That's punishment enough."
"How do you know his name is Murray anyway?"
A white cloud hugging the mountain above began to slide down to them.
"Driver's license. It fell out his pocket after he fell into a pit he had set up for me. We should really get going. My butler has the most awful fits when I'm late for tea."
Bursting into motion, the two went to their prospective group of beaten thugs and began ushering them to the tunnel opening. Showing ungrateful appreciation, the men struggled in Brittany's grip as she dashed to and fro with a goon slung under each arm. Laura, in the true sprit of Florence Nightingale, kneed a protesting thug in the belly before getting him on his feet and pushing him in the right direction. Hurriedly woke Rambo and had him helping the limping Stumpy as Brittany took Murray and hurled him up by his shorts--purely by accident of course--rocketing to the cave.
During all this Gina lay sprawled in the broken snow, got up slowly, and looked above as the roar of on rushing white came at her. She froze like an ant before a boot as the ground began to shake.
"Gina!!" Brittany called at the cave opening flinging Murray inside--there was a complaining, `ouch!', with the sound of impact. "Haul your ass!!!"
Stopping in her own dash, Croft turned to look to the stunned Diggers, then forward again in time to see her own three thugs block Brittany's way as the ground seemed to writhe under her feet. No sooner than the large furry woman had them out of the way, the roof of the opening began to crumble. Croft was already rushing to the dazed blonde.
"GINA!!!" Brittany screamed behind a curtain of falling rock and snow. Was gone as thunder possessed the air.
"C'MON!!!" Croft yelled just above the din as she took Gina by the wrist. Towed her into a sheepish run towards the only remaining cover left them: the temple at least ten meters away as the world went mad.
"Bloody hell Gold Digger," Croft said yanking more speed out of the other, "put some effort into it!!!"
The ultimate insult. A name so close to her own, yet one she had tired to live down ever since she became an archeologist. It took her years to even try and accept it as a badge of honor. Training bras, braces and her bookworm teasing had been easier to deal with. And to hear it now from her worst foe...
Blinking out of her trance, Gina Diggers actually slowed. Tried to wriggle out of the Britain's stone grip as she whined in complaint. Looked up.
"Damnit!! Let me--!"
The sky was a roof of white with ever shifting shades. Black splotches that only grew in size as they soared overhead. Gina could feel them in the quaking ground as they landed. She couldn't hear her own voice, much less her own scream, in the bone rocking sound. Flakes of snow were all about.
A tug from Laura. Another misplaced step on the moving ground, and Gina went flying...
Right upon the Britain's shoulders and into a fireman's carry. Feeling Croft's backpack in her belly, the girl could only note with a stunned, shocked start, that the other was only moving faster than before.
"We've just gotten to know each other!!" Laura yelled by Gina's ear as they fell into shadow. The shaking was so bad she found it hard to judge up, managed a moment of thought in her numb panic to wonder how the other was still on her feet. Much less finding an excuse to get one last shot in before they died. "I'd hate to ruin the start of a wonderful friendship!!!"
Diving into the bowels of the temple as it crumbled, the two vanished as the avalanche at last hit the plateau full force. So vast was it's weight, the rock shelf gave with the sound of creation. Tearing through the mountain range, even this chaotic sound faded and took order. Became a near soothing, yet still awe inspiring, song of nature. Further distance leached it's power and menace, till at the outskirts of a village far from the destruction, only a tethered lama rose and turned it's head at a possible sound. Went back to chew it's cud and tend a patch of snow grass amid the peaceful serenity...
To be continued...
[Author's note to those who have read this before: The story's done. It's in three parts and I'm putting it up a week at a time.]
Comments welcome oni-mon@ix.netcom.com
