Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo: Stille Nacht
From: "Paul Richard Corrigan" <corrig11@pilot.msu.edu>
This was written as a Christmas fic for Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo fans and fanfic lovers generally, but it might be of general interest. It's been argued that the Karekano anime in particular is so complete in itself that any attempt at fan fiction is pointless. This, however, refused to let me go. That is a good thing, because that meant it actually got written.
This one, like all my others, is probably too long. That, and Aya Sawada makes a very poor Linus Van Pelt. In all fairness, though, she's not Linus. For the record, she cites the New International Version.
Something else. This is set after the TV series, and it's full of spoilers if you haven't seen the whole series, so use your own discretion. If you haven't seen to at least episode 10, too, you might want to remind yourself who Yukino's friends are. A good site for Karekano information is http://karekano.isgreat.net.
Comments welcome.
Paul Corrigan corrig11@pilot.msu.edu --- In the year 2000 AD the Japanese Empire lay in ruins. The bursting of the bubble economy had resulted in record unemployment, in turn leading to an increase in juvenile delinquency and petty crime. Foreigners roamed the streets, many of them from East Lansing, Michigan. In short, it was an era of chaos.
Meanwhile, at Hokuei Prefectural High School, located in the city of Kawasaki, Kanagawa prefecture, not far from Tokyo, 15-year-old Yukino Miyazawa, a young woman of humble origins, was the uundisputed queen of the first-year class, impressing all who met her with her excellent scholastic performance, her beauty and her grace. However, Miyazawa's public image was a mere facade covering up a vain, lazy, self-centered interior, specifically designed to earn the public acclaim she so desperately craved.
However, much to her chagrin, Miyazawa's "debut" at Hokuei High was overshadowed by the enrollment of one Soichiro Arima, a young man from a wealthy family of doctors tracing itself back to the Tokugawa Shogunate, whose intellect, handsome appearance and breeding, not to mention his athletic abilities, easily made him Miyazawa's peer. It was perhaps because Miyazawa was in fact his only peer at Hokuei High that Miyazawa became the first woman he had ever found truly desirable.
However, in an incident that need not concern us here, Arima saw Miyazawa's public image, among other things, shattered before his eyes. The consequence of this was that Arima became the first to know the true personality of Miyazawa. For her part Miyazawa was the first that Arima trusted with the knowledge of his struggle to rise above the shameful circumstances of his birth, and the contempt in which his extended family held him as a result, for it was this that had made him feel obliged to become a man without flaw.
The two made a pledge to abandon their public images and express their true natures to the world at large. In the process of making this change in their lives, they became close friends, then somewhat more than close friends, to being kareshi to kanojo ("boyfriend and girlfriend"). What commonly follows this was perhaps only a matter of time.
The process was not without incident, with opposition from authority figures and other students. Luckily, these incidents generally ended well, with Arima and Miyazawa, occasionally with the help of Miyazawa's and Arima's highly supportive parents, earning the respect and often friendship of their former opponents.
One source of potential conflict, however, soon arose. After abandoning her public facade, Yukino Miyazawa, with a little effort, found it easy to win her first real friends and sources of support from outside her family. This enabled her to begin to overcome the worst of her character defects.
Soichiro Arima made no such attempt, and as his relationship to Miyazawa grew, and arguably because of that relationship, what few genuine friends he had began to drift away from him, a Hideaki Asaba and a Tsubasa Shibahime among them. As a result, his sources of support, besides his parents who had defended him from the rest of his family, became increasingly restricted to Miyazawa and Miyazawa alone; this in turn twisted his soul more torturously than before.
This is how matters stood in December of 2000. In Japan, Christmas is a festival of romance, and it fell to Arima to ask Miyazawa for their first Christmas date. For obvious reasons, and not so obvious reasons, she happily accepted.
Which was all very well, except...
STILLE NACHT
A Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo ("Karekano") fanfic by Paul Corrigan --- Karekano concept devised by Masami Tsuda ---
Christmas Eve was never that big a deal, at least not in the Miyazawa house. What I remember of the ones when I was younger was Mom and Dad'd take us to Grandpa's to spend the night waiting for Santa, and then disappear for the rest of the night--to a love hotel, I know now, though of course they never let on then. Grandpa grumped about it while Mom and Dad were still there--that's probably why they stopped when we got a bit older and we could look after ourselves, because he wasn't going to do a favor for the likes of Dad if there really was a choice. Once they were gone though it was great though. He used to tell us that he went to school with Santa and they were like this, which is why we got such sweet presents. Even if we'd not been so nice, we'd get bumped from the naughty to the nice list, 'cause you see he had connections. When I was really little I believed it too. I mean come on, he was old enough, right?
Anyway, I think it was on Christmas Eve when I was six that Grandpa taught me shogi. I practiced all the following year and whupped him the next Christmas.
These days, now we're a bit older and we've outgrown Santa, Mom and Dad just take off, and I've gotten left to look after Tsukino and Kano all night. Not that I mind, but it is kind of boring. Problem is before I met Arima I had nowhere better to be that night either.
Next morning we still get small gifts, though, which is nice. In our house though New Year's is the big family bash. We'll all dress up in our kimonos (Dad gets way too into that--damn, he's creepy sometimes), and we'll play Uno and sing karaoke and watch them ring the temple bells on TV at midnight. Nowadays Mom and Dad let me have a little sweet sake, too, if I ask them nicely enough and they've had plenty themselves.
New Year money is nice too. Bite me, I'm materialistic.
Grandpa never comes though. He even sends us our New Year cash in the mail because he doesn't want to see Dad. Mom invites him every year but...oh well. That's Grandpa for you.
Arima's asked me on dates dozens of times--I lost count well into the "Springtime Date Marathon," never again--so it was a bit of a surprise to see him real flustered about asking me out Christmas Eve. Guess it shouldn't have been, seeing he gets worried about us getting "carried away" when we're alone, as if we hadn't done it lots of times already. It might have been the whole bit about it being a Christmas date, and so having to "cross the threshold" again, but I don't think it's on the same order of magnitude.
It's kind of cute though.
That, and it's evidence that he's in awe of me sometimes. Heck, who needs sex when you can get that, huh?
Just kidding. I'm a recovering glutton for praise and I plan to stay on the wagon.
But he is cute when he's flustered.
So we're sitting in the classroom school eating lunch on the 18th and he's like "Um...Miyazawa..." hand behind his head and everything.
And I'm all smiles and I'm like, "Yes, what?"
"W...Well...I was just hoping you weren't busy Christmas Eve...I thought we could go see a movie, or something like that, nothing perverse mind..."
I thought he'd never ask. So naturally I responded:
"Yes! YES! I'm free! I'm free! No more sitting home babysitting Tsukino and Kano while the crumblies run off to relive the early years of their marriage while poor little me sits all lost and alone on Christmas Eve!" And I start laughing like a maniac and doing a victory dance until Arima tells me people are staring and I really should stop. So I did.
"Nobody ever asked you on a Christmas date before, Miyazawa?" he asked me then.
"Oh. Well..." I'm sure I was blushing myself. "Well, kind of, yeah. Of course, I never said yes. Nobody asked me I really wanted to go with." So I turn the tables, and I'm like, "Your turn now! What about you? You ever ask anyone?"
"Well, no. I didn't date in those days, you know..."
"I asked him last Christmas, but he turned me down. I went about in a state of utter heartbreak for months after that." Amazing how Asaba can sneak up to you like that. He was hugging Arima from behind and looking even creepier than usual.
Arima just sighed. "No you didn't, you lying perv."
Asaba let him go. "Just kidding. You're so fun to tease. Isn't he, Miyazawa?"
I had a big show of thinking about that for a moment and then said, "Yup." Arima scowled.
"Ah, yes, Miyazawa, your first Christmas date with Soichiro! Congratulations! For your present, you should make him do this really fabulous technique he does with his tongue. You see..."
"Will you STOP!?" Arima growled.
Even I was getting a bit nervous, so I was like, "So, Asapin, you got any particular Christmas plans?"
That stopped Asaba in his tracks. Not that I'd intended that specifically, mind you. He sat down with us, and in a serious voice he said, "Unless you count a work shift that there's no way in hell I can get out of, no."
"You work?" I asked, and I thought, No wonder his grades suck; he probably never has time to study. I mean, if he could afford a bodyboard he probably didn't sleep.
"Yeah. The money my asshole dad sends me pays my tuition and maybe half my rent. Can't live on that. Didn't Soichiro tell you?"
"Oh right," said Arima ironically, "we spend our moments alone talking about you." He bit into a shrimp with a look of disgust on his face.
"No. Where do you work at?"
"One of the love hotels on the outskirts of town."
I about fell out of my chair. "You work where!?"
"One of the love..."
"No! I mean, is that legal for you to work there?"
"I lied about my age. Anyway, all I do is take people's money, tell them to lie about what their names are in the guestbook and give them keys. I don't have laundry duty or anything, thank God. Easy work. End up doing homework mostly. Nothing else to do the rest of the time."
And I think, Okay, he just sucks at school then.
"Of course the person who does do laundry insists on telling me about what she found in the rooms this time whenever she's on break, but I can handle that."
And I'm like, "Ew."
And he's like, "It's not like anybody even wants my job, though, so it was easy getting hired. Decent dough, too. Point is, Christmas Eve's a big night for us, so I couldn't take off to take someone out even if I wanted to. Say, Soichiro, you going to finish your rice?"
"Maybe. You mind if I start it first? Why don't you spend your money on decent food rather than on your appearance?"
As for me I was amazed Arima could still eat. I had the image stuck in my head of Asaba helping Mom and Dad check into their hotel. Thank you sir, thank you ma'am, room 69, second floor! Hey, Hideaki, check out what the Miyazawas left behind!
Anyway, I really didn't want to think about Mom and Dad having sex any more, so I asked Asaba--maybe I shouldn't have, but I did--"Was there anyone you wanted to take out, though?"
"Seriously?" I don't think I'd ever seen Asaba blush like that. His face fell. Finally he said, "I didn't have any particular girl in mind, no."
And I just kind of grinned and said, "What, Hideaki Asaba, late of the Hideaki Asaba Dinner Show, embarrassed to talk about loooove?" Call me insensitive if you like. That or just dense.
"How long have you known Asaba?" said Arima, finally starting on his rice. "He's all talk and no action."
And I'm like, "Seriously, though, there's really nobody? I mean come on, half the first year girls'd kill to go on a date with you. There's really none of them you like?"
"None of them really interest me, no. Not enough I'd take them out Christmas, anyway."
"What I want to know," said Arima, not even bothering to look up from his rice, "is why you string them along like that."
Asaba perked up and beamed at Arima from ear to ear. "Because I can, silly."
"I know!" I said. "I don't think Aya Sawada's seeing anyone, and you're both sort of artsy types. You want me to set you two guys up? Not Christmas Eve, maybe January..."
Asaba's beam disappeared in record time. "No, that's all right. Thanks though."
"Okay, fine." I mean, honestly, I really had no idea what I'd said. Seeing him after he figured out about me and Arima doing that was bad enough, but there were enough theatrics that I figured most of it was an act. Now, he just seemed darned low. I suddenly felt really sorry for him. "Asapin, did I say something wrong?"
He got up. "Look, Miyazawa, let me put it this way." I'm quite sure he was looking at Arima when he said it, but I didn't make anything of it, at least not then. "There's only one person I ever liked, and by the time I knew them well enough to do anything about it I knew it'd never work out."
And I'm like, "Oh. Okay. Anybody I know?"
And just then he looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Um..."
I'm guessing "saved by the bell" was never more appropriate. Arima finished his rice and said: "You're late for class."
And Asaba acts all shocked and stuff and he's like "Ack! 'k, gotta go. You too have fun on your Christmas date now. Byeeee!" and dashes for the door. Then he dashes back and he makes a show of whispering in my ear (loud enough for Arima to hear of course), "You wanna know which hotel? I'll get you a discount rate...!"
"JUST BEAT IT BEFORE KAWASHIMA GETS HERE, WILL YA!" Arima yelled. And Asaba did. Instantly.
---
So later in the week--I'm sure the midterms were done and we had been let go for the winter holiday, so I'm guessing it was Saturday the 23rd--I'm telling Maho Isawa and Team Tsubasa--Tsubasa, Aya, Rika Sena and Tsubaki Sakura--about all that at one of the few cafés in town we're still allowed into with Tsubasa around. Fortunately Tsubasa was in a good mood that day, so nothing got damaged.
"Don't worry about it," Aya said. "I wouldn't have gone with him anyway. The guy gives me the shivers."
And Rika was like, "Your first Christmas date? How romantic!" You could almost see the stars in her eyes as she said it.
And Maho just sips her coffee and says, "Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you?"
So I ask her, "You don't like Christmas?"
"Oh, I like Christmas fine, I just don't do mushy stuff."
"So what do you and Yusuke do anyway? You don't go out or anything?" Yusuke's her boyfriend, the 28-year-old dentist guy. I never know whether to be envious or worried over Maho and him.
Maho put down her coffee, flipped her hair a little and looked me right in the eye. "Listen, girl. You and I both know there are far more interesting things to do with a guy on a cold night than go see a dumb movie or eat overpriced food."
"Like what?" Tsubasa piped up. Actually honked up. She always sounds like she has a cold when she talks, which isn't all that often.
"Eat your pie."
Tsubasa did just that. Maho picked her coffee back up and took a sip. "Girl still believes in Santa, I bet."
Tsubaki snickered. "Heh. You don't know the half of it, beautiful. She still did 'til she was thirteen."
Good thing Maho'd swallowed her coffee. That could have gotten messy. She was like, "WHAT!?"
And I'm like, "You're joking, right?"
And Tsubaki's like, "Nope. We're sitting in--well, it doesn't matter where, they've been closed since forever anyway--one day and she's like, 'so what's Santa bringing y'all?' and I'm like, 'a lumpa coal like every year,' and she's like, 'no, really. Dad says Santa's getting me a really cool dress,' and we all just stare at her like she's from Mars or somethin', and finally Aya's like, 'uh, Tsubasa, your Dad's getting you that dress himself, he's, like, a designer and shit?' and Tsubasa's like, 'no, he said...' and Aya's like, 'Tsubasa, there isn't a Santa Claus, a'right, your old man's been buying you all those gifts all those years.'"
Aya took it from there. "Big mistake. The only way we could stop her from trashing the place singlehandedly was to promise to buy her all the cake and pie and candy and stuff she could possibly eat in one sitting."
So I asked, "Did it work?"
"Yeah. Thing was me and Tsubaki realized by the seventh helping of cheesecake that we weren't going to be able to pay for it all."
And Maho asked, "So what did you guys do?"
"Us?" said Aya. "Me and Tsubaki pretended to go to the bathroom and escaped through the window and left Rika behind to pay the bill. The café called the cops, 'course. Hoo boy, were Rika's folks pissed or what?"
Tsubaki laughed. "Yeah, no shit!"
Rika looked upset. "I didn't get any New Year money that year. And even if I had, it still would have been mean. For Tsubasa and me."
Tsubaki's like, "C'mon, Rika, not like Tsubasa's old man was in a big rush to tell her or nothing, someone had to, right?"
That was the darndest thing I'd heard in ages. "He really hadn't..." Not a question, just disbelief.
"He said later he was actually kind of grateful, because he hadn't the heart to do it himself," Aya said. "Now you know more about why Tsubasa's the way she is."
"Waitress, some more pumpkin pie, please," said Tsubasa. "With extra whipped cream. Make it snappy, I'm still hungry."
If that'd been Kano or someone I'd have slapped them upside of the head. Tsubasa...well...I sometimes think the nice thing about Tsubasa is you always know exactly where you stand with her. Tsubaki said one time that Tonami had told her that "Tsubasa is a wild animal," and he might have hit the nail right on the head. I mean, aside from the fighting with cats and stuff--that's just plain weird--she seems to know like that who's a friend, who's a threat, and all that. Actually, she's better at it than Peropero, come to think of it. She's cute, sure, but I'm not sure she can actually help that. Her being really short does it, I guess.
That, and she doesn't talk much more than Peropero, except when she has something to say, or she wants food. Aside from that the hissing and scratching bit's usually good enough for her.
Of course, I may only be envying her because I'm a recovering poser and I don't think she's even capable of posing. I can see how she'd get annoying real fast, though.
I never really intended to tell the girls that me and Arima had gone all the way. It was our business, and besides, I was afraid I'd hurt Tsubasa, which I really didn't want to do. One of the worst sights in this world is seeing Tsubasa Shibahime cry. I don't mean whine like a fire engine, I mean really cry.
When it finally came out though the amazing thing was not that she flipped out--she didn't flip out at all--but that she actually spoke. It was sometime in November, and I was with Team Tsubasa and Maho hanging out at the mall or something, and for some reason Rika'd asked Maho why the heck she was dating a 28-year-old guy anyway. "Are you sure you should be dating a man that old?"
When I'd asked her, she'd been a bit more forthcoming. Just then, though, she'd taken it as a joke. I don't know why. "Listen, goody-two-shoes," Maho said, "if you actually had a man you'd know that the two really most desirable things about a guy are, one, lots of cash, and two, enough experience to be able to last more than sixty seconds at a time. Now if our Yukino Miyazawa had more than one out of two, there'd be no stopping her, but no, she has to date teenage boys..."
She was laughing as she said it of course, but for some reason I got insulted and I blurted out, "How would you know how long my boyfriend lasts? He's never had any trouble...oops." I covered my mouth, but of course, I couldn't stuff it back inside.
Maho just stared at me, then she pointed in the general direction of Tsubasa and said, "Miyazawa, I was just kidding about Arima. Really. I mean, come on, I wouldn't know how good your guy is in bed..."
Tsubaki went white and said, "I'd say you've got about ten seconds to say you were shitting us about Arima 'never having trouble,' that, or get at least a mile away from here."
Tsubasa just stared at me, expressionless. Rika studied her shoes.
Aya started to count down. "Six...five...four..."
I wanted to say that it wasn't true, but I knew it wouldn't work, so all I actually did was just stand there, feeling very, very naked, and muttering, "Yeah, guess not. Tsubasa, I..."
"Three...two...one..."
Tsubasa just kept staring at me, expressionless. "Took you long enough to spill it."
Aya's like, "Well, I'll be. It's a dud. We're gonna live."
And I'm like, "Huh?"
"Figured it out long ago. I'm over it. Really."
"Um...okay, but...how did you know?"
"He acts different now. Like a man." Pause. "Harsher. It's in his eyes." Another pause. "Like he'd kill for you."
Rika looked pretty shocked. I don't think any of the rest of us quite knew how to react either. Least of all me. I believed she believed what she was saying, but I hadn't seen half of it myself. Maybe I am dense.
Something caught Tsubasa's eye. "Beaner's have half off on fudge cheesecake. I'm there."
We all breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone except Maho started bombarding me with questions, but I'd opened my big mouth enough for that day. Maho was just like, "Well, welcome to the club, I guess."
I've wondered ever since just why Tsubasa took it as well as she did. Tsubaki says she's actually much better at home now she's got her step-mom and Kazuma. There is that, but I notice too Tsubasa hangs out with me far more nowadays than with Arima.
Now I think of it, I don't like the idea of his killing anyone on my account, that's for sure. I mean, wanting to is one thing, but would he do it? I don't know.
I don't want to think about that.
Where was I? Christmas. So anyway, Maho's like, "So, anyway, all we did last year was I spent the night at his place, and that's fine by me this year."
This time I raised an eyebrow. "Your family don't mind?"
Maho pulled a face. "Listen, little miss brainiac, figure it out yourself. If If they don't care about me doing it with a 28-year-old guy to begin with, then they sure as shit ain't gonna care about me spending the night with him." She tried to take another swig of coffee, then realized there wasn't any in her cup. "Damn. Waitress, another cup of coffee over here!"
Tsubaki was like, "Man, you've got pretty cool parents, huh?"
Maho just shook her head. "If you want them, they're yours. Practically had to raise myself. I sometimes wonder why I'm not dead. I don't wanna talk about it any more. Tsubaki, what are you doing for Christmas, anyway? You seeing Tonami, or what?"
It's things like that make me worry about Maho. Having an onesan is fun sometimes, sure. She taught me practically everything I know about what's up with sex, for instance. (The theory anyway. The practice I had to get from Arima. Not that I minded.) Mom's a sweetheart, and she told me where babies come from, of course, but she doesn't like to go into the details, so I was really lucky in that department. I do get the feeling sometimes Maho learned a lot of stuff the hard way, mind you. It's not like I know the details, but I remember we had to study one time and my folks were supposed to have company and I thought maybe we could do it at her place, and she's like, "Trust me, you don't want to go there, not with my parents there," which sounds like a joke, but she had this look on her face when she said it.
We wound up going to Arima's. Lucky he was actually home.
I could be just being a fussbudget, mind, but I guess I really am lucky.
Tsubaki just humphed and looked away. "That asshole? You must be joking."
Maho just smiled, because we all knew Tsubaki was doing it for show. "So, what? You pick up a cute girl instead?"
"I thought of asking Rika out, but her folks'd freak."
Rika clung to Aya suddenly, and bit her lip. Unlike Tsubasa, she really is a cutie pie.
Aya just looked at her and said, "What, you want me to save you?"
Tsubaki's like, "Damn, am I that ugly? Jeez..."
So I offered helpfully, "Rika, aren't you doing anything? I thought maybe that nice guy who came to the play would have asked you out...what was his name..."
Aya supplied it. "Our Kyo? Nah. He wouldn't have the guts."
Rika began to fidget and giggle nervously. "Oh, I don't know what I'd do if he did..."
Tsubaki smirked. "I do. You'd take him home..."--Rika went quite red--"...and end up baking him cookies instead of doing him."
Rika didn't look happy about that. She folded her arms and pouted.
And Tsubaki's like, "Adds new meaning to the expression 'stealing cookies from her jar,' huh?"
Maho's coffee had arrived. She took a sip. "Like you'd know about that."
"Rika has cookies?" said Guess Who.
"No, Tsubasa," said Aya. "Leave Rika alone, okay, Tsubaki? She doesn't have to put out if she doesn't want to. I mean, can you imagine Rika seducing Kyo?"
Rika gave Aya a big bear hug and was like, "Aya, you are defending me! I'm so
happy!"
"You're welcome! Lemme go!"
"Actually," said Rika, letting Aya go, "I was going to make him cookies and bring them over Christmas morning. I thought he'd like it." She pouted again. "Now I won't be able to without thinking dirty thoughts. You're mean, Tsubaki."
"I try."
"So Aya," I said, "what are you doing?"
"Me?" she said. "Nothing romantic. Probably end up going to Mass with Mom. Don't have anywhere better to be, and it's easier to go than to fight with her about me not going. Someone has to. Dad won't, he's a Communist."
"You go to church at Christmas?" said Maho. She looked genuinely surprised. Me I'd guessed from the name that it was a Christian religious festival of some sort, but I never checked any of the details. Not like it ever came up. Aya going to church never had either.
Aya just looked at us like we were nuts and said, "Uh, yeah. It's kind of a big deal. My mom's from Nagasaki, her folks are Catholics. Nagasaki's full of them. I had a great-grandmother who was in the cathedral there at Mass the day the Americans nuked the city. Went every single morning, Grandma says. Cathedral's flattened, she gets killed along with everyone else inside."
"Oh."
"Anyway, that's beside the point. Mom's no holy roller herself, but she still goes every Sunday. I used to go too, when I was little, every Sunday I mean. I remember the church was pretty cool. All the stained glass, the ceremony. I think little kids like that that sort of thing. Christmas Eve and Easter Vigil, that was the best. When I was younger the priest there, Fr. Gesell--where was he from? Austria? Switzerland?--somewhere. He sounded German anyway, dunno what he was doing here. I'm sure he taught German at the Catholic school up town, though. I actually got in there, but Dad wouldn't let Mom enroll me. Which was fine by me, because I wouldn't have Rika to pick on so much."
Rika just smiled.
"Anyway, he played a little guitar, and after he'd ended the service, the recessional hymn--the one they'd play when folks were supposed to be leaving to go home--he'd play 'Stille Nacht' himself on the guitar with the choir, in German, all three verses--'Silent Night,' you know? Nobody understood a word, I bet, but I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever heard. At any rate, everybody would stay and applaud when he was done. When I was about thirteen though he moved on to another parish and they got a Japanese guy in, who couldn't play guitar. I don't know if there was any connection really, but I'm sure it was about then I stopped going on Sunday."
"It's not the church, it's still the same, except for the priest. I guess I still like it at Christmas and Easter. Not Sunday, Sunday's kind of boring. I like the ceremony still. Different reason, though. All the symbolism. You're a writer, you have to like that. The church'll be all decorated, holly and a crib for Christmas, an Easter candle for Easter..."
"A crib? Whuffor?" Tsubasa's mouth was full of pumpkin pie.
Maho acted surprised. "It talks."
"Okay," said Aya. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, so I don't have to explain the meaning of Christmas to the heathen nations or some shit like that. I really don't want to."
"'Sokay. I know."
"Yeah? What is it?"
"Cake." Tsubasa began chowing down again.
"Don't make me slug you."
"Santa?" offered Tsubaki.
"Try a little harder, 'k?"
"Love?" I thought it was worth a try. Christians seem to talk about love a lot.
"No marks. You're the group genius. Getting warmer, though." The answer seemed to have done her good.
"Sex?" That was Maho.
"NO, dammit! Contrary to the belief popular among hornballs like you there is absolutely NO SEX INVOLVED here! What part of Virgin Birth don't you people understand? For the love of..." Aya stopped tearing her hair suddenly and looked at us. "Wait. You've no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"
I guess the silence and the blank stares gave her her answer.
"Fine. We'll do this the hard way. Not like I've anything better to do."
Just how she stuffed such an enormous bible into her tiny little purse I never bothered to ask. All I know is everyone just stared.
"What?"
"You carry that around with you often?" asked Maho.
Aya got defensive. "Look, I don't believe half this stuff either, all right? I was only carrying this around because I had to write my December column and I couldn't think of anything else to write about but Christmas at my house and I needed reference material. I don't have time for writer's block these days." She picked up her own drink, a cola that had long since gone flat, and drank it in two gulps. Tsubasa applauded. "Besides, you want to write anything that doesn't suck, you have to read what writers read, not the crap they hammer out to pay the bills. That's what my editor always says. Bible's one of those things. This is training. Look, I'm not even sure this is an acceptable Catholic bible."
"The article just came out," added Rika. "She wrote all about it, everything she was talking about, about her mom and her church. It's beautiful."
"And, the bible's still in your bag because...?" Tsubaki asked.
"Rika, how many times do I have to tell you not to shower unconditional heartfelt praise on my stuff when we both know it's crap, all right?" Aya sighed. "Look, I apologize in advance for making all this sound more interesting than it is, okay?"
"Too late." Tsubaki grinned. "We're going to call you Sister Aya from now on." She clasped her hands as if in prayer. "'Ave Maria...'"
Maho joined in. "Well, have fun getting your one-way ticket into heaven courtesy of God, Sister Aya. I'll be happy with the return ticket, courtesy of my honey, thanks." She sipped her coffee.
I couldn't help getting upset. "Guys!"
"What's your problem? Oh, I forgot, it's Arima that goes to heaven and you're God, right? I can see you with Arima, you know. 'Oh, honey, tell me how cool I am!' 'You're the most beautiful girl in the school.' 'Oh yes...' 'All the men want you, all the girls want to be you...' 'Oh yeah, keep doing that!' 'Your grades are so good Harvard'll be beating down your door...' 'Oh yes! Yes! YES!'"
"MAHO! People are looking at us!"
"Yeah, so?"
Tsubaki pointed to me and Maho. "Looks like your next short story. 'Course, you might want to use a different pen-name for that one..."
"Crib," said Tsubasa.
"Maybe you should start, Aya," said Rika.
"Right," said Aya.
Once she'd gotten started, though, she really got into it. I think it means a lot more to her than she lets on. She started with the Annunciation, the archangel Gabriel telling Mary that by God's will she was going to have a son, and how her fiancé Joseph got worried when he found out and wanted to back out of the marriage, but was told in a dream not to, so he went ahead and married her anyway. Amazing how much feeling she put into it. Certainly more feeling than I managed during the play, though now she was trying to make like it didn't matter to her. "'All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel--which means, God with us.' Book of Isaiah, I think. Wait, there's a cross-reference here." She flipped back some pages. "Here we go. 'Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. He will eat curds and honey when he knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right.' I guess they had in mind a new king of Israel, which was the Promised Land. The land of milk and honey, you know? When I was little I saw pictures in some kid's book about Israel. South's a desert, but the north's all green. Real pretty..."
"CRIB!"
"All right! I'm getting there! Take a pill!" Aya flipped forward. "'When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.'" She paused and said, in an ordinary tone, "At least, that's the official line. Point is, the Virgin Birth's a really big deal, because Jesus was supposed to be God and stuff, so his mom had to be really pure. That's why people going to love hotels on Christmas pisses me off. Presents are okay. Love hotels, that's just wrong." Then she went on to tell how the Roman Emperor Augustus, who ruled Israel in those days, ordered a census and everyone had to go to their hometowns to be counted, so Mary and Joseph had to go from Nazareth in the north to Bethlehem, where Joseph's clan was from, in the south, when she was really, really pregnant. While they were there their child, Jesus--as in Jesus Christ--was born.
"'She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.' Manger's where horses and things'd eat hay out of. Basically all they could find to stay at was some guy's barn. 'And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David'--that's Bethlehem. Joseph traced himself back to King David. He was a legendary king of Israel, that's all you need to know--'a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about. So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.'"
"Anyway, that's why they have the crib."
Tsubasa was sitting at all attention. For all I knew it could have been the coolest thing she'd ever heard.
Maho peered at her coffee, trying not to seem impressed. "This coffee's cold."
"That's beautiful, Aya." I meant it, too. I stirred my tea and sipped. It was cold too. I hadn't touched it the whole time.
"You've never heard the story before? Really?"
I shook my head. "No. I never got around to reading the Bible or anything like that," I said. I hadn't either. All I'd ever read were schoolbooks, manga, books and magazines about getting ahead in business, and Ayn Rand now and again. "I got a lot out of that just now."
"Glad someone did."
"No, really. That's an experience I never had, a 'real' Christmas, I guess. You shouldn't be apologizing for it. I'm happy for you."
"Oh." I'm not sure Aya knew how to react. She blushed a bit. "Okay. Thanks. I think."
"I have a question."
"What, Tsubasa?" asked Aya.
"Where does the cake come in?"
"Check please."
When I got home Kano had Aya's magazine in her grubby little hands. She thought the article was a work of genius.
It really was nice, too. In a way I thought it was even better than the play. You could tell they were things she'd pondered in her heart.
--- She treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ---
Sunday the 24th--Christmas Eve night--Arima picked me up at eight. Mom and Dad were going to leave later, and Tsukino and Kano were charged with making sure I got home on time at midnight and calling them at the hotel in case of emergencies, "and only emergencies," said Dad with lots of emphasis. Like he does.
The girls claimed to be thrilled at the prospect at staying up that late, which is weird, because they go to bed after me most nights.
Anyhow, they had a field day helping first me, then Mom with our makeup. Which was kind of surreal, when you think about it. Not that Mom didn't have to look good; I guess she and Dad were going to go eat somewhere nice before they went and had sex. Like you do, I guess. It takes a lot out of you.
Oh, since you're just dying to ask: Miss Yukino Miyazawa was wearing a red ribbed polo shirt with 3/4 sleeves, and black slacks with horizontal slash pockets; her ensemble that evening would be complemented by her nicest black flats and a black velvet jacket her daddy got her in a moment of indulgence, which to be sure she wouldn't have worn if the weather wasn't that mild that night (topped off with her winningest smile). Her hair was held in place by a sparkly snowflake barrette.
Oh, you weren't dying to ask? Well, tough noogies.
Mom looked nice. Really pretty holly-green dress. Of course that meant it wasn't a real green dress. Dad wouldn't buy one for her, that's cruel. Mind you, Dad thought I looked better than Mom, and said so. Like he does. Mom suggested that if that was his attitude she might stay home and have a ham sandwich. Like she does. I don't think she was serious, though.
Arima. The bell rings, I answer the door, looking sufficiently radiant I hoped, and it's Arima with a rose. Really sweet of him too. He never buys me flowers.
I know for a fact you don't care about this, but Arima had a white sweater and beige Dockers on under his jacket. He looked good.
"Miyazawa, hello. Merry Christmas."
"Hi." I was all smiles. Wouldn't you be? "Merry Christmas yourself." I took the rose.
"Arima!" Dad flipped out. Again. Gets annoying after a while. "I want you to take good care of my daughter! Wait! NO! Don't you dare take care of my precious daughter until it's all official or I'll do something I'll regret!"
"Hello, dear." said Mom. "Come in. Tsukino, put this rose in some water, there's a good girl."
"'k, Mom."
Arima came in and took his shoes off. Tsukino took the rose and disappeared into the kitchen to find a vase.
"Good evening, Mrs. Miyazawa. Merry Christmas. You look wonderful. You're going out yourselves?"
"I suppose." She blushed a bit. She's pretty when she does too.
"Where to? Anywhere special?"
"Oh. I'd rather not say." She giggled.
I gave Arima a good dig in the ribs. "You have to ask?" I hissed at him. "What's the matter with you?" God, I could have just died right there.
"Anyway," said Mom, "have her back by midnight. Yukino's father have ordered Tsukino and Kano to stay up 'til you do, to make sure."
"Yeah," said Kano. "And if you don't get her back on time she'll turn into a pumpkin, so do it. Dad, take a pill back there. You might as well, not like you're even driving, cheapbutt."
I thought Peropero barked in agreement, but it's hard to read his thoughts. If any.
"I think this is a bit excessive myself," Mom went on, "but I don't want Yukino's father worrying about her all night." She sighed. "I want to be able to enjoy myself tonight."
"I understand, Mrs. Miyazawa. She'll be back on time," Arima said.
So I'm like, "All righty then, we're out of here. See you tomorrow, Mom. Merry Christmas. You have fun now. 'Night," and I gave her a kiss, and I take Arima by the hand, head for the door and slip on my shoes.
"Good night, dear. Have fun," said Mom.
"Don't forget, Sis, use protection!" said Kano.
"Oh God. This can't be my house. I don't know why we're still here. Arima, shoes. We are leaving."
"YUKINO! My little princess! Don't let him..."
"Good NIGHT, Dad!"
"Come on honey, you need to start getting ready too."
Sometimes I almost think I really am a princess who was spirited away by middle-class suburbanites. Dad and Mom always did plead ignorance about how they ended up with the likes of me. Kinda suspicious.
---
Normally we'd have gone to Cinema Cinecitta, but tonight was special, so Arima took me to the Kanagawa Art Theater, where they show independent films and stuff. Aya goes all the time, dragging Rika along of course.
That Christmas they had four movies. I really wanted to see Winter and Midnight Snowfall, a romance set in the Muromachi era (I think) which Aya said was really lovely. Being an artsy type I figured she'd know. Rika said she'd cried at the end, and Aya steadfastly denied doing so herself.
Of course, my darling dear had forgotten to check the times on the darn movies, so when we got there at 8:45 we were fifteen minutes late for Winter and Midnight Snowfall, and I didn't feel like hanging around in the café next to the cinema until eleven waiting for the midnight showing, like we even had time. Yes, kids, it's 134 minutes, not counting trailers.
Still, now we had to figure out what to actually see, so we grabbed something warm to drink and sat in the café and tried to figure it out. Actually, Arima ran the movie titles past me and asked about them, figuring I knew something about them, at least from Aya.
"Shiki Jitsu ?"
"Nah. Aya liked it, but Rika fell asleep. Too artsy, I guess."
"This looks interesting. Nanami la fillette québécoise: je me souviens l'apocalypse ..."
"Foreign film. From Canada. Oh yeah, Aya says if you take me in to see it, run away."
"That bad?"
"I believe her exact words were 'sucked ass.'"
"Miyazawa! Not so loud! It can't have been that bad..."
"Sounds just plain weird, and not even good weird. Chicks making out in a car while being chased by the Olympic Stadium in Montreal, or something. Rika wanted to leave twenty minutes in and Aya only held out 'til the end by sheer force of will. Or so she says. Anyhoo, I think I can go my whole life without seeing that." I sipped my tea, rather demurely, I thought. "Of course Tsubaki thought it kicked ass. She went with Aya just to see it. She never does anything artsy. Period."
"Miyazawa, that only leaves one movie."
"Yeah, I know."
"No, Miyazawa. Not tonight. I refuse."
"Look, buster, you brought this on yourself by not checking the time."
"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"I win."
"Gah."
I like to think he let me win, though. He's dense, he ain't stupid. I mean, get real.
---
Serial Experiments Lain: The Movie started at 9:15. I guess its claim to being art was the TV series' winning some award or other from the government. All it really was was the good bits of the show cut into 90 minutes, but that was okay. Alice Mizuki rocks. So does Lain Iwakura, the badass version.
Anyway, I liked it. In the big climax scene where Lain battles the God of the Wired I started cheering her on, and I guess I got too loud, because someone yelled at us to be quiet and Arima was afraid we'd get thrown out. Mind you, I think he was glad of the distraction, because I don't think he liked what he saw, because when we went back out into the lobby at the end I was asking him what he thought, and he was like, "God, I didn't think computers could lose that much blood. I'm writing everything by hand in future." He looked a little green too.
And I was like, "It's only a movie! 'Sides, I thought guys liked senseless violence. What's the matter with you anyway?"
Then he's like, "Wait. Isn't that Maho Isawa leaving Winter and Midnight Snowfall?"
I'm like, "Don't change the..." then I saw that it was. She looked stunning too, in a long blue strapless evening gown and matching high heels. Makeup too. She never wears that. She was arm in arm with a guy dressed much more casually, in a t-shirt and a sleeveless rainproof vest (it was a mild night outside, no snow--it was a nice vest, though) who looked about twenty, though I was sure it had to be Yusuke, unless she was seeing someone else behind his back, and you know I really would expect better of her somehow.
I guess she saw us, because he whispered in her ear what was probably Friends of yours? and she pulls a face and I guess said Never seen them in my life, avoid eye contact, and started walking faster.
I'm glad she thought she could escape, because I really didn't think so. A little naïveté becomes a girl. I grabbed Arima's wrist and ran over.
"Oh, MA-ho..." Probably looked pretty evil about then. Which was nice.
Maho just cringed and was like, "God, are they all like you at home?"
"Maho, darling, just what are you doing at something like 'Winter and Midnight Snowfall' when you said and I quote, 'there are far more interesting things to do with a guy on a cold night than go see a dumb movie.' Riiight?"
She hung her head and scowled, and went really red. "Wasn't my idea."
"Yes it was," said the guy in the vest. "You begged and begged and OW!"
"Watch it." Maho extracted her heel from the poor guy's foot. Did I mention all he had on were sandals? Warm looking socks, though. "Allow me to introduce the esteemed and extremely stupid Yusuke Takashi, D.D.S.," she said, pretty curtly too.
"Howdy," he said. "Yusuke's fine."
"Hi. I'm Yukino Miyazawa. Charmed."
"Soichiro Arima. Pleased to meet you, sir." Arima bowed, real low too. I think he unnerved Yusuke, but Yusuke didn't say so.
"Oh. Yeah. The king and queen of Hokuei High themselves, huh. Maho's told me a lot about you."
"Oh." Arima and I didn't quite know how to interpret that.
"Nothing bad! Jeez. She actually likes you guys. That's quite an honor, ya know. Trust me. She hates all of my friends."
"You just need a better set of friends. Anyway," added Maho, "as you've probably figured out, I didn't think you all'd come here of all places, so that's why we came here..."
And I'm like, "Suuuuure..." sounding enough like Kano I almost freaked myself out.
And Yusuke's cheering us on and going "Catfight! Catfight!" He's weird.
And Arima's looking like he could just die and he's like, "Um, Miyazawa, can we go now? It's already 10:45 and we're on foot, and I haven't got you dinner yet, and we're kind of on a tight schedule here..."
"Yeah," said Yusuke, sobering up a little. Just a little. "We need to roll too. We gotta go wait for Santa."
"Yeah, yeah. I gotta go to the little girl's room first," said Maho. She grabbed my hand. "So do you."
"Huh?" But she was already dragging me off to the bathroom. All I heard from the guys' reaction was Yusuke saying, "Chicks."
---
It was a tastefully decorated bathroom, with a real painting, not a print, of some lilies on the wall. And it had lavender scented soap, in this artsy squeeze pump.
Maho didn't really have to go to the bathroom, but that was probably obvious. She dug into her bag and shoved something into my hand. Probably don't have to say what. "If he's anything like Yusuke, no way in hell he'll have one. Merry Christmas."
I rubbed the foil between by fingers, and now I was the one blushing. "Maho, look, I'm expected home real soon. We're not going to have time. Besides, I've told you how shy he can be, and he told me he really didn't want to tonight. And it's not like I'd want to force him to..."
"He doesn't mean that and neither do you, Miyazawa, okay? Cut the crap. Now, you don't tell anyone you saw me at an art theater and we're even. All right? Good girl. Come on, onesan's in a hurry."
We emerged from the bathroom with the guys still staring after us.
"That was fast," said Yusuke. "You have a race or what?"
"Yeah, I won," Maho said as dryly as possible. "Come on, let's go. We can't keep the kids, they have to be home by bedtime. See you later. Sleep tight." And she started dragging Yusuke away.
"All right, nice meeting you guys, merry Christmas. Maho, I can't walk that fast!" Yusuke disappeared with Maho into the parking lot.
I was still blushing, and I guess Arima saw. "What did Maho want?"
I flashed him my best smile. "Oh, nothing. She was low on lipstick. Come on, I'm hungry." I don't know if he bought it, but he let it go at that anyway.
Maybe he did buy it. He's such a child sometimes. Which can be nice, though. I'm not into harsh.
---
Dinner was simple, just above-average priced burgers at an all-night restaurant. Take out too. We actually probably did have time to sit down as well as walk home--the Kanagawa isn't that far from my neighborhood, really--but I figured it was play it safe or risk the wrath of Tsukino and Kano. Not so much Dad, he'd live if got back at 12:15, really. That, and I was still a bit jittery about Maho.
So we got the burgers and we walked down the street past the shopping district, munching quietly, drinking in all the atmosphere. All the stores still open for folks who just had to leave their shopping until the last minute. Still plenty of bustle, people shopping, walking home from bars, laughing, giggling, calling each other pet names. Plenty of couples. From every shop there was some sort of music going, or an electric Santa, incandescent, neon, or whatever. And lights, red, yellow, green, and blue, around trees in what seemed like every single window. Tinsel everywhere.
Yes, I thought it was pretty. When I'm with my honey I get sentimental. What do you want?
I can name the songs from each place. The cake shop, a big-ass cake still dying to be bought before they'd have to throw it out. Must have cost a fortune. Good thing my Christmas shopping was done, I thought. They were playing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town." Thought about Tsubasa and had to giggle. The clothes store, sweaters in holiday colors. "Silver Bells." I could just see Rika making Kyo-chan a cute sweater, to heck with the store-bought crap. The sports outlet, with hockey equipment in the window. "Winter Wonderland." Tsubaki said the Canadian film was worth it for the chicks playing hockey in the drained swimming pool. I could just see her and Tonami's Christmas date, playing fussball or something in an arcade somewhere. CD Warehouse. Advertising a CD by
some band called the Horslips, Drive the Cold Winter Away. What they were actually playing was "Jingle Bell Rock." Tried not to think about Maho and Yusuke "waiting for Santa."
Didn't quite succeed.
By the time we finished the burgers (disposed of the bags properly, yes, thanks) we were on the other side of the shopping district, getting into the housing estate, and the lights and music began to fade. Before I knew it, they were gone, and there was just me and Arima, under the clear night sky.
I knew somebody'd been left out.
"Stille nacht, heilege nacht..."
"What?" We'd hardly spoken since leaving the theater. Not often I break out in song, either. About the only time I sing is at karaoke, where nobody minds if you suck.
"Aya knows 'Silent Night' in German. Her parish priest used to sing it at church. We made her sing a few bars." I had to snicker. "She hadn't any choice. We were at Espresso Royale and she was short 250 yen, so we made her sing for her supper."
"I didn't know she was Catholic," Arima said.
"Neither did we." I thought a moment. "Probably at Mass with her mom as we speak."
"Hm."
And we walked along, listening to the silent night.
Suddenly Arima stopped in his tracks. I turned around.
"Go on."
"What?"
"Sing."
I just kind of laughed. "No!"
"You know you want to. You did a minute ago."
"You hadn't noticed yet."
"So?"
"So I can't sing if people are paying attention."
"What? You think I'll laugh? Your voice is beautiful."
"Uh, yeah. Right." I thrust my hands in my pockets, thrust my nose in the air and kept walking. "Discussion over, Mr. Arima." I turned by head back, stuck out my tongue, and resumed marching on.
"Please? You know, you haven't given me a Christmas present yet," he said, running after me. "that could be it."
I just kept on walking. "No, I ref..." It hit me. "Oh no!"
"What?" He'd stopped smiling. "What's wrong?"
I turned around. I'd completely forgotten to buy him anything. I'd never had to buy for anyone outside the house before. God, I'm so stupid! I just kind of retreated into my jacket and told him that. Looked at my shoes. "I'm sorry. You want we go back to town and..."
He just smiled. "It's all right." A slight laugh. "I forgot too."
"You took me out tonight."
"That's different."
"I'll make it up to you, really." I really believed he wasn't mad. Still. That wasn't the point.
"It's fine." He held out his left hand. Smiling. "I have to get you home."
I took his hand with my right hand, and we walked the rest of the way like that. Which was nice. Nice enough that I wasn't tempted to keep my left hand in my pocket and turn the foil packet over and over in my hand, even once.
The present thing was still bothering me.
"Say."
"Hm?"
"Arima. What are you doing for New Year's?"
"Entertaining my relations, with mother and father. Like every year." His face fell. A minute ago he'd been looking at the stars, or at me. Now he started staring at the ground.
"You don't want to do that?"
He just laughed, not very nicely either. Harshly. "Of course not."
As he said it he tightened his grip around my hand. I suddenly had an idea.
"Arima." Softly as I could. "Do you want to spend New Year's with us instead?"
He looked at me suddenly like he couldn't believe what he'd heard. Maybe he didn't. "What?"
"With us. With the Miyazawas."
"You sure?"
"Come on! It'll be fun! That's how I'll make up to you for the present, and we'll all be happy." Winningest smile. "You know you want to." Not that that was exactly a joke, either.
"Wouldn't your family mind?"
"Them? Nah. If we can handle Tsubasa we can handle you, right? 'Sides, I haven't taught you Uno yet, have I? You're not one of us 'til you've learned Uno. Might as well be New Year's Eve."
"One of you," Arima said. He seemed to be turning the concept over in his head. For a moment he looked tempted. Then, just sad.
"Yeah. Arima, did I say something wrong just now?"
"I can't. Maybe another time."
Of course I was disappointed. Why do you ask? I pouted (hopefully) as cutely I could muster. "You don't want to? You suck."
"That's not it."
I tried again, a more serious expression on my face. "I just thought, well, I mean, if you really aren't looking forward to New Year's with your relations..."
"No, no...look, you don't understand..."
"Try me."
He left out a deep sigh. "Two years ago Hideaki asked me over to his place New Year's Eve. He never goes home to his family, not even then. When everyone had shown up at the house to go to the shrine to see the bell being rung, I announced to the relations, loudly, that I had other plans with a fellow called Asaba, and please go on without me. To spite them."
"What did they do?"
"My aunt, my father's sister, just said, 'How nice. Do us all a favor and stay away, boy.' One of my cousins, her son, said, quote, 'Nighty-night, fag-boy. Don't let the door hit your sweet ass on the way out. Happy New Year.' Of course then I couldn't back out of it, so I left."
"Oh God ..."
"I came back the next afternoon, when I was sure they were gone." He paused for breath. "Even mother and father were upset about it."
That had to be about the most horrible thing I'd ever heard. "About what they'd said?"
"That was part of it. But they're used to that. My aunt's the worst of them anyway. That was actually the first time she'd ever spoken to me, unless she absolutely had to." A pause. "It was my leaving them with the relations without telling them. That's why my parents were really unhappy. They don't like the rest of the family either. I promised them to never do that again." A sigh. "Look. My point is, it won't help. I sometimes think that's just what they want. Let me handle my relations. You don't know what they're like, I do." He was right. I had no idea anyone would do that. "It's usually not that bad. Most years they just ignore me, and I hide out in my room. They're usually gone the next afternoon anyway." He looked at me, and tried to smile. "I'll be fine. I'll come over right after they're gone, okay?"
"Okay." We could see my house now. The lights were still on, and the kids had the TV up loud enough that I could hear it from where we were. I tried to smile back. "If you change your mind, call me, 'k?"
"Okay."
I didn't want to think about it any more. We reached the doorstep.
"Of course I could just do you on the couch right now and make it even that way. How does that grab ya?"
He let go of my hand like it was a snake or something and jumped back. "WHAT?"
I grinned as thoroughly evil a grin as I could. "Come on. You know you want to." Sultry, the sort of sultry, though, that he could tell, I hoped, that of course I didn't mean it. "We haven't done it there yet..."
He backed away, his eyes bugging out of his head. "Have you gone crazy? What about your sisters?"
"What about them? They won't mind. Maybe we can let them join the party." I licked my lips and ran my hand down my chest for good measure. "Wanna go for it?"
I think I was really starting to scare him though, because he was checking out escape routes and going "Really?"
Lucky for him I couldn't stop myself from laughing any more. "NO! Not really, you sick puppy! Had you going there, huh? I mean, in front of the kids? Get real!"
He breathed an audible sigh of relief and then he was like, "Yeah. What was I thinking?" He started laughing along with me, really loudly as well, then suddenly stopped, looking a bit pissed. "Miyazawa, don't ever do that again."
I scowled. "Hey, you bought it, how weird do you think we are?"
"Don't make me answer that, you won't like what you hear."
I humphed a good humph. "Fine."
"Fine."
Fortunately that didn't last long. Fighting about silly things isn't my style, except with the kids, of course.
"Seriously, you want to come in and have a cup of tea or something? Not like the kids'll boot you out. When are you expected home?"
"Later. About one. They don't go out, but they value their privacy, I guess. Okay, sure."
So I rung the bell, listened to the TV blare, decided they hadn't heard, rang it again, waited another minute, banged on the door demanding to be let in on pain of death, then decided this was weird. I got my key out of my purse and opened the door and headed for the living room.
"I'm home, guys! Were you just gonna let me stand out in the freezing...oh."
Tsukino and Kano were lying on the couch, dressed in their Ramen and Rice t-shirts, utterly unconscious. How they'd fallen asleep with the TV that loud I'll never know. A quick unscientific breath test revealed no signs they'd raided the liquor cabinet, which was a relief. They can be brats, but they're good as gold as far as things like that go. I guess they were just tired.
"Can I come in?" called Arima. "Is something wrong?"
"Not really," I said. I heard him take his shoes off, and he came in. "The girls fell asleep on the couch, is all."
Arima took a look. He smiled a bit. "They're cute when they're asleep."
"Yeah. Pretty angelic."
Peropero had dozed off on Dad's easy chair.
"I really shouldn't let them sleep on the couch, though."
"No."
"You wanna get Tsukino and I'll get Kano?"
"All right."
So Arima picked up Tsukino very carefully, and I got Kano, and we lugged them as quietly and gently as we could to the bedroom and put them on their futons. Kano stirred for a moment, and looked at me blearily. "It's me. I just got back. Go back to sleep." It seemed to work.
When that was done I put Peropero to bed (by the way, that was one of the few times I've seen him look grouchy) and turned the TV off, and we sat on the couch and held hands for a few minutes in silence.
For as long as I could reliably remember my house had never been so still. Perhaps that is why I love Arima. He gives me the chance to be still.
"I didn't think they'd be that light."
I looked at him. At that moment he finally seemed to me a man. Strong, but soft. Not the least bit harsh.
"I want you." I didn't intend it to be a whisper, but that's what it was.
He only flinched a very little. "What? Now? Here?" He was whispering too.
I looked into his eyes. "Yes."
A little louder. "But..."
"Don't worry." I reached for my pocket and gave him the packet. "Here."
"Did she--"
"Shhhh." And I reached for the Venetian blind drawers and shut them firmly, and I kissed him as deeply as I could. And he stopped struggling and let me give myself to him. It was heavenly.
When we were finished he got up, went to the bathroom to flush it away and came back to me, and he lay back down and held me close, closer somehow than I think he'd ever done before. We were silent for a long time.
When he finally spoke he was staring at the ceiling, looking at nothing at all. "Miyazawa?"
I looked up at him. "Yes?"
He kept looking at the ceiling. "Why did you do that just now?"
"Make love to you? Because I love you, silly. That, and you said you couldn't make it New Year's."
"Oh. I see."
"Why, didn't you like it?"
"It was different. Before I'd always taken you. You never gave yourself to me before tonight. Why not?"
"I...don't know. Tonight it just sort of happened."
"Was it Maho? Who gave it to you I mean?"
"That obvious, huh?" I had to laugh a bit. "I guess it was some sort of Christmas present. I actually didn't mean to use it, at least not tonight, but then...well. Onesan's my guardian angel, sometimes."
"You're lucky." Then: "I never felt worthy of it, until now. Does that sound strange to you?"
"Why not? Did you think I didn't want to?"
"That's not what I mean."
"Then what?"
He didn't answer; instead, he lifted his head and looked me in the eye. "Miyazawa, what do you plan to do when you leave school?"
"Me? I'm not sure. I...well, most of the time I was studying, and I never thought about what I was actually going to do with it all. Go to college, get a degree in something or other. Beyond that...I mean everyone probably thought I was headed straight for politics or law or something, and sometimes I believed it myself. I was devious enough for it, that's for sure." I thought for a moment. "After I met you I realized I really didn't have a clue. I talked to Mr. Kawashima about it a bit once. He asked me about my interests--what there were of them--and he suggested economics. He said I'd be good at it, for some reason. He said to me, 'I tried for it myself, but it was too hard for me. You might be able to do it, though.' Seems he has a friend who teaches it at Kyoto U now. I remind him a bit of him. 'You have his combination of gifts,' he said. 'In any case, it's more honorable than politics.' Long ago I'd have bought it. Now I don't know." I settled my head back down on Arima's chest and listened to his heartbeat. "Problem is I'd have to go to America to get my degree, if I wanted a good job doing it, or so Kawashima said. I don't want to do that."
"Oh. Why not?"
"Because I have you. I have my family. I have my friends. I'm happy here." Made myself real comfortable. "I'm happy right here."
"Oh." And we were silent again.
I looked up at last. "Arima. Why'd you ask me that just now?"
"One of the seniors in the kendo club applied to the University of Michigan, in America. He showed me some of their literature. It's in a city called Ann Arbor. It looked very pretty. Like Harvard, only not really." He paused. "I wonder if I should go."
"Why?" I pulled myself up on his chest. "What would you do in America?"
"I don't know. Study medicine, I suppose. Become a doctor, like father."
"I mean, why there? Can't you study medicine here? He did, right?"
"Yes. I suppose--I saw the pictures. It all looked bigger. Like life was better there. Here it's all cramped. And I could be myself there. Not worry about my blood any more. They don't care about that there. It's too far away."
"The Promised Land..."
"What?"
"Arima, do you have any idea what you're saying? Have you really thought about this? Do your parents know?"
"Not yet."
"I mean...you think they won't miss you?"
"I'll have to go sometime. Yes, I'd miss them. I can't think of anything else I'd miss, though. My cousins can have the hospital. I'd just as soon watch it burn."
"There's no one else? Tsubasa? Asapin?"
"No."
"Me?"
He was silent a moment.
"You're different. I don't want to leave you here. I want you to come with me. I was going to ask you before, but I wasn't...I didn't know if I had the right. Or if you'd want to come." He paused. "If you needed me. Or why. Otherwise, you could stay here and be happy, or leave and be happy, and it wouldn't matter where you were, or if I was there. I can't live here much longer. I can't live, period, unless I get away, to America or Canada, or hell, or wherever."
"Arima." I embraced him again. "They're doing this to you. Don't let them. Stay with us New Year's. Not for me, for you."
I looked him in the face. He was ashen.
"I want you to stay with me forever."
"Arima, you're scaring me! Stop it!"
He looked like he'd been struck.
I tried again, more softly. "Look...Mom and Dad got married really young, okay? Before they really knew what they were doing. Grandpa never forgave Dad for that. I don't want that, do you?"
"I'm sorry." He relaxed in my arms. "Miyazawa. I don't know what I'd do without you. I have nothing else."
"Arima. That's not true. You have your parents, you have lots of..."
"Friends? Miyazawa. I tried to make myself a perfect man. There have been three kinds of people in my world. People who barely tolerated my existence, people who wanted me, and people who wanted to be me. I couldn't always tell the difference. Then I met you. I think...I think Tsubasa and Hideaki got so close to you, because they found in you what they were looking for in me."
"When I first met you I thought the same thing."
"What?"
"That you were everything I wanted to be, that I was pretending to be. After a while, I learned you weren't. Then I stopped pretending. Then I realized that wasn't what I wanted to be, then that I didn't know what I wanted to be. Does that sound strange to you?"
"A little."
I moved so I could look him in the eye.
"Arima. It's okay. You have lots of people. Or you could have if you wanted them. I don't think you know it. I'm not even sure you've tried very hard. It's not hard. I know that's easy to say, but it's true."
"It did seem very easy for you."
"Once I stopped making myself unapproachable with the Queen of the School shit, it just sort of happened, really. I was never jealous of your friends. Not even Tsubasa. Especially not her." My winningest smile. "I really don't mind, you know. You have my permission."
He thought about that a bit too long. "Yes. I suppose I thought I should."
"You thought I'd get mad if you had friends?"
"No, it's...back during the cultural festival, when you were doing the play, you spent a lot of time with your friends. More with even Hideaki than with me."
"Well, it was a lot of work, sure. Were you jealous?"
"Of Hideaki? No. He wouldn't touch you, I know that."
"How?"
He paused. Embarrassed. "Don't ask me that. You won't like the answer."
And everything fit. "People who wanted me, and people who wanted to be me."
"Then he's..."
"Yes."
"How do you know?"
"I don't want to talk about it any more. Please, say nothing to him or anyone else. If you do he'll know who it was, and he'll never speak to either of us again. In spite of everything I don't want that."
"See, there are other people you care about, right?"
He thought for a moment. "Yes. I suppose that could be true."
And we were both silent.
"It was...you seemed higher than me. Like I had no further use. Not because you had tired of me, I never got that impression. But that you had outgrown me, somehow, and that now I was no longer worthy of you. That you were meant for much greater things than I was."
"'But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife...'"
Arima looked at me, puzzled. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Something Aya said the other day. Listen. Don't think that any more. I'll be the one to judge if you're good enough for me or not. God knows you could have picked someone more normal." I held him a little closer. "I'm not going to abandon you. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
He embraced me back.
"Miyazawa? Suppose I did go. Would you come?"
"Actually get into that university and we'll talk. Okay?"
That seemed to satisfy him for now. "Okay." And we held each other for a long time.
Suddenly he asked something completely different. "What time is it?"
"Should say on the VC--hohboy."
He jumped off the couch faster than greased lightning. Unfortunately he didn't give me time to get off him, so I came with him and he fell on the floor.
"Ouch! That hurt!"
"Sorry. You all right?"
I sat up, rubbing my butt. "Yeah, no thanks to you. No tea for you." I stuck out my tongue at him.
"You're still thinking about that? Half past two! Oh God, mother'll kill me!"
"No she won't, Arima. Don't be silly."
He grabbed his pants. "Look, I really have to go. Listen," he said, putting them back on, "I'll call you, okay?"
"Okay." I got up and pulled my own slacks and shirt back on, so I wasn't completely indecent. "Um..."
He pulled on his sweater. "Yes?"
I kind of fidgeted. "Nothing I can say to change your mind?"
"About going home?"
"No! About New Year's."
He sighed. "I don't think so. Thanks though, really." He smiled, a bit sadly. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. Can't depend on Miyazawa for everything."
"Guess not." I thought a moment. "I'll see you out." I saw him to the door and he grabbed his jacket and shoes. Once he had it on I gave him a kiss on the cheek, like--I dunno--we'd been married five years and he was off to the office, or some darn thing, or so I thought. I didn't want it to seem like that, so I said, "I never thanked you for tonight. I had a lovely time."
"Me too." Then: "Sorry about all that. I'm not fond of New Year's."
"Don't be. I'm here for you. I plan to stay that way. Okay?"
"Okay." He opened the door. "Gotta go. Love you. Merry Christmas. Good night."
"Love you too. Bye."
Then he kissed me, on the cheek this time, and made his way down the path, with me watching him all the while.
"Arima?"
He turned back. "Yes?"
"Smile. It's Christmas Day, for heaven's sake."
"All right." He did too. A bit awkwardly, but it can't have been much worse than mine.
And with that he set off down the road. I went to the bedroom, took my clothes back off, put my nightshirt on and crawled into bed.
When Arima's there afterwards I can fall asleep, contented as a baby. As it was I lay awake and listened to the still night.
---
I don't think I got to sleep until around 4 a.m. Which sucked, because I really had wanted to get some studying done Christmas Day. School was closed 'til after New Year's, but that was beside the point. Gotta study, dammit, otherwise I can just pack it in and marry Arima and live under his shadow for the rest of time.
I guess checkout time at the hotel was 11 a.m., because the crumblies were back around noon, and of course then I really did have to get up.
I was actually woken up by Dad raising his voice over me. He wasn't happy, which was weird, because they got back from the hotel all giggly most Christmases. "Are you quite sure Arima brought Yukino back at midnight?"
"Yes Dad. We've already told you three times. You can check, she isn't a pumpkin." I was still half asleep, so I tried to figure out how Kano could know that.
"And she's still in bed because..."
"She's tired." I decided to get up.
"I don't know, maybe she couldn't sleep, Dad," I heard Tsukino say. "She was tossing and turning a lot. Maybe something happened with her and Arima."
"WHAT!? Dear God, if he dared do anything dishonorable to my little girl I'll..."
I opened the bedroom door. "'Morning Dad. Merry Christmas."
He practically threw himself at me. "Yukino, my little princess! You're alive!"
"Uh, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Did he hurt you?"
"No, I just couldn't sleep for some reason. The date was great. You wanna let me go now?"
"How was the movie, dear?"
"Okay, I guess. How was your date?...Actually, don't answer that 'til I get some breakfast. Wait! I got you all stuff!"
And I passed the presents out. (Got those on the 23rd, when I was out with the girls. Never got around to wrapping them...oh well.) Tsukino and Kano and Mom got little bracelets, one with a moon, one with a flower, and one with the character for "shrine." Tsukino got tsuki, Kano got hana (the same character in her name you read ka--don't ask why), and Mom got miya for Miyako. Get it?
Dad got a Hello Kitty doll. Hey, I don't know what guys like. Well, I know what Arima likes, but he's in another league entirely.
"You really shouldn't have, dear," said Mom.
Dad wasn't impressed. "Are you sure you got in at midnight? This is the first time you've ever slept in on a weekday, even during vacation..."
"Of course. Have I ever been late home before?"
"Yeah," said Tsukino. "Sis is too anal for that."
"HEY!"
"All right," said Dad. "They said they stayed up 'til you got in, like I told them to, but I just wanted to make sure..."
I started to say, "Well, actually..." but then I felt myself being nudged, and I looked to see the two girls staring at me intently. I got the message. "Rat on us and die." Did they hear me and Arima? I didn't know how much they knew.
"Well, actually I didn't think they would either, but they did. They were good."
Kano beamed. "Yup. You raised very good children, father dear."
And then, all three of us girls in unison. "Yeah!"
Dad frowned. "Very well. I'll let Arima live."
And I'm like, "Kick. Can I get dressed now?"
He didn't say no, so I went in and got dressed.
When I was dressing I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that Kano came in, went over to me so she could whisper in my ear and say, "Sis? If you guys ever want to make out on the couch again, keep the noise down, okay? I couldn't sleep the whole night after that."
"Um."
"Thanks for moving us to the bed, though. Thanks for the bracelet too, you rock. Me 'n Tsukino won't tell. Merry Christmas."
Because of that, and in the true spirit of Christmas (courtesy of Aya), I decided to let Kano live for that day.
TSUZUKU
