The Intelligent Robeast
This spamfic was initially written as a sort of 'Hello- let me introduce myself' fic for the KAEX Mailing list, which is devoted to Voltron fanfiction that is a pro Kieth\Allura romantic matchup... ya know, there's a surprising amount of Voltron fanfiction out there. I just stumbled into it...
The Intelligent Robeast
A Voltron Spamfic by David A. Tatum
Disclaimer: Voltron, its characters, and its setting do not belong to me. They belong (last I heard) to World Events Productions. This spamfic is only in either parody or tribute (or both) to this series...
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Lotor growled. Yet again, another robeast had been defeated. It had acted incredibly stupidly, like all the other robeasts had, and just stood there while that damned Voltron cleaved it in half with the blazing sword. There was, of course, only one person to blame for this event.
"Haggar!" Lotor cried. "Why are the robeasts you create always so stupid? Is your magic incapable of giving them anything even RESEMBLING a brain?"
Haggar sighed. She knew this would come up some day. "Of course it can, but there are serious problems with making a robeast TOO intelligent. It might even-"
"I don't care what the problems are!" Lotor interrupted. "From now on, I want you to only make INTELLIGENT robeasts, do you understand?!"
Haggar opened her mouth and closed it a few times. She realized it was probably not going to be easy arguing the point with him, so perhaps a demonstration would be best. "I will do as you say for now... but you will probably want to rescind that order soon."
Lotor snorted. "I doubt that, old witch- ANYTHING would be an improvement."
Haggar coughed, trying to hide her smile. He'd see...
*****
"You don't stand a chance!" Lotor announced, in the midst of his next strike against Arus. The robot lions had already formed the giant robot, and it stood before the Doom flagship as it made the robeast grow. "Behold, Voltron- my newest weapon in a long line of things certain to destroy you- the INTELLIGENT ROBEAST!" Voltron took a brief step back in hesitation as the fierce robeast stood up and roared. "Go, robeast, and destroy Voltron!" Lotor ordered.
The robeast, now awakened, started to evaluate the situation. Its memory banks evaluated the situation- Voltron was known for the use of the Blazing Sword, which was easily capable of cutting anything in half. Most of Voltron's other weapons would be ineffective against it, but that one sword might be a serious problem. So, it had to stop the Blazing Sword from forming at all costs. The best way to do that would be to grab Voltron's arms and keep them apart- if they ever connected, they could begin the process which would generate the Blazing Sword and end the robeasts life. But there was only one position the robeast could grab Voltron to do that, and that would leave it vulnerable to the Electroforce Cross. True, the EC wouldn't be able to DAMAGE it, but it would be able to push the robeast away, forcing it to relinquish its grip on Voltron's arms, thereby allowing the mighty robot to form the Blazing Sword and end its life. Okay, time to come up with plan B. It could circle around behind and pin Voltron with a sleeper hold, but...
*****
"Wierd," Lance said. "It's just standing there."
"Let's take it out before it does anything!" Pidge suggested.
"Stay on your toes, everyone," Kieth ordered. "It may be trying to lull us to sleep, or it may be trying to get us to attack first. No, we'll wait and see what it does..."
The seconds ticked away, and nothing happened. And still nothing happened. And STILL nothing happened. Finally...
"*whimper, whimper, whimper*" the Robeast emitted, sounding like a scared puppy, before it turned and bolted away as fast as it could.
"It... ran away?" Allura said, disbelieving.
*****
Lotor had a similar reaction to Allura's as he watched from his command ship. "What happened, old witch? Did making the robeast intelligent somehow ruin its fighting spirit?"
"Not exactly, my prince," Haggar said. "However, being intelligent made the robeast realize something."
Lotor growled. "And what is that?"
"The robeast knew when the risks outweighed the rewards, and there was no plan it could make that could give it the reward of destroying Voltron without risking its own destruction too much."
Lotor paused. That made a lot of sense- the best a robeast could really be was a match for Voltron, not better than him. And if a robeast had any intelligence at all, it would likely have an instinct for self-preservation. "Haggar?" he said.
"Yes, my prince?"
"From now on, make only stupidest robeasts you can."
"Of course, my prince."
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Hope you all enjoyed it...
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desaix@sysnet.net
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