Azumanga Moon
A short fanfic by Rob Kelk (robkelk -at - jksrv -dot- com), written for the first AC3 fanfic panel. No, I don't own any of these characters ...
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"Why do we have to *do* this, anyway?"
Yukari glared at her best friend. "Nyamo, I told you already - the foreign market likes these crossover stories. If you weren't a stupid P.E. teacher, you'd remember when we did 'Azumanga Fantasy X-2' and 'Azumanga Profile'. Us english teachers don't forget things like that!"
"I think that should be 'We English teachers'..." started Chiyo-chan, but she quickly fell silent when she saw Yukari's glare.
After a moment, Yukari muttered, "So, why do *we* have to do this, anyway? We've already done 'Azumanga Fantasy X-2' and 'Azumanga Profile'. Why can't the 'Kaleido Star' cast do one of these stupid crossovers for a change?"
"Never mind all that! Where's the script for this thing?" asked Tomo at the top of her lungs. "We don't even know which role each of you are getting yet. Of course, *I'm* going to be Sailor Moon -"
"What makes you think you're going to be Sailor Moon?" interrupted Kagura. "Maybe *I'll* be Sailor Moon. The role needs somebody who's attractive and athletic."
"And completely hopeless at homework or tests, so either of you could fill the role just fine."
"Yomi, that's mean!" yelled Tomo.
"But true," replied Yomi with a smile.
"Besides, Kagura can't be Sailor Moon," continued Tomo, who either didn't hear her friend's comment or chose to ignore it. "Sailor Moon has a pet cat, and Kagura hates cats."
"I forgot about that," muttered Kagura.
Just then, the door opened to reveal Sakaki-san carrying a stack of papers. "I have the scripts."
Everyone quickly crowded around Sakaki. (Everyone, that is, except Osaka, who was too busy contemplating how well Sakaki-san would do if she was cast as Motoko in "Azumanga Hina".) Each of the girls (and teachers) glanced at the first page of the script, stopping when they found their own names and looking to see who they were playing.
"I think I'm a little tall for Sailor Mercury, but I don't mind," said Yomi. "At least I'll get to wear my glasses some of the time."
Nyamo sighed as she handed a copy of the script to Osaka and opened her own copy. "I was hoping to be Sailor Mercury ..." she whispered.
"What? This can't be right! I'm not Sailor Moon!" Tomo frowned as her voice got louder. "Why do I have to be Sailor Mars?"
"Because you're a loud-mouthed know-it-all?"
Tomo glared at Yomi. "You're really pushing our friendship, girl."
Kagura frowned. "I'm not Sailor Moon either. I guess Sailor Jupiter isn't a bad role - at least I get to show off how good I am at sports."
Nyamo and Yukari looked up from their copies of the script at the same time, and looked at each other. "Well, they *are* older than the other Sailor Senshi ..." started Nyamo.
"... and they are more powerful than the others ..." continued Yukari.
"... but *we're not lesbians*!" they finished together.
"And why do you get to be Sailor Uranus?" continued Yukari.
"Maybe because she's the short-haired tomboy?" replied Nyamo. "At least Sailor Neptune gets to show off her figure."
"Oh, well, that's okay, then!" Yukari turned to the others. "You haven't said anything yet, Sakaki-san. Which role did you get?"
The ever-quiet Sakaki looked at the script. "I'm playing Sailor Pluto."
"I guess that's a good fit," commented Yukari. "So, who's got the lead role? Who's playing Sailor Moon?"
Everyone looked at Chiyo-chan.
She looked up from her copy of the script. "It says here that I'm playing Chibi-Usa. Is that a good role? I was too young to watch the 'Sailor Moon' anime when it was on television."
"She's a bratty know-it-all, so you'll be just fine!" said Tomo.
"Don't listen to her, Chiyo-chan," said Yomi. "Chibi-Usa was a brave little girl who did something that nobody else could do. I think the role suits you perfectly."
"But she's still a bratty know-it-all!" added Tomo.
Yukari and Nyamo pushed Tomo and Yomi into the hall and closed the door behind the two girls, so that their round of the eternal debate about Chibi-Usa wouldn't bother everyone else.
"Okay, who's left?" asked Yukari. "Come on, *somebody* has to play Sailor Moon ..." She then realized that a particular person hadn't yet spoken up, and frowned. "No. It couldn't be. Not you!" She pointed straight at the girl ...
... who, as usual, wasn't paying attention to her. "Oh, wow. It says here that I'm gonna play Sailor Venus. I thought Sailor Venus was from Tokyo, not Osaka. Is this gonna be all right, do you think?"
Everyone sighed in relief.
"Well, that's everybody who usually gets a role in one of these crossovers, and nobody's Sailor Moon," commented Nyamo. "That's strange."
Chiyo-chan looked up from her copy of the script, then walked to the back of the classroom. "I think maybe you should take a look at this."
"What? Me? What's the point - nobody remembers that I'm part of the class, so ..." Kaorin looked at the line that Chiyo was pointing to. "What? I'm playing Sailor Moon? Oh, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me ..."
The door slammed open to reveal Mr. Kimura, wearing a black suit, a top-hat, a cape, and a mask. "Hello, everyone! Your Tuxedo Kamen is here!"
Kaorin looked at the cast list, then went pale. "What????? I'm playing Sailor Moon ... Oh, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me ..."
--
Rob Kelk <http://robkelk.ottawa-anime.org/> robkelk -at- jksrv -dot- com
"I'm *not* a kid! Nyyyeaaah!" - Skuld (in "Oh My Goddess!" OAV #3)
"When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of
childishness and the desire to be very grown-up." - C.S. Lewis, 1947
