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LiberTORian Issue 12 rev1
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| / \ | | (__) | | / \ | ____________ ____________
| | | | \______/ | | | | / ________ \ / ________ \
| | | | ______ | | | \_____ | / __ \ | | | _____) |
| | | | / __ \ | | \_____ \ | | (__) | | | | / _____/__
| | | | | / \ | | | __ \ | | | _____/ | | | | / / ___ \
| | | \_____ | | | | | | / \ | | | | / _____/ | | | | \_____/
| | \_____ \ | | | | | | \__/ | | | | \_____ \ | | | |
| \________) | | \__/ | | \________/ | | \________) | | \__/ |
\____________/ \______/ \____________/ \____________/ \______/
____________ \\ __________ ______
/ ________ \ \\\ / ______ \/ __ \ M A G A Z I N E
| / \ | ____)| |____ | / ___) || (__) | ____________ ____________
| \__ __/ |/ ______\ \| | / ___/\______// ________ \/ ________ \
\__ \ / __/| / __ | \ || | | / ______ | (_____ \ || / __ \ |
\ | | / | | / \| | || | | | / __ \\_____ \ | || | / \ | |
| | | | | | | || | || | | | | / \ |/ _____/ | || | | | | |
| | | | | | | || | || | | | | | | || / __ | || | | | | |
| | | | | | \__/| | || | | | | | | || | (__) | || | | | | |
| \__/ | | \______| / || \__/ | | \__/ || \________/ || \__/ \__/ |
\______/ \________/___/\______/ \______/\____________/\_____/\_____/
Volume 1 ~oo~ Issue 12 rev1 ~oo~ Christmas 2015
..
G I A N T .. ...
4 0 - p a g e . ''. .','
S p e c t a c u l a r ...''..,,.
! ! ! ! ! ! .'',,',,'. MERRY
.,,,,,,'. CHRISTMAS
',,,,,. FROM
. .,,,,'. LIBERtorIAN
xx'.',,,. MAGAZINE !!!
o...';c:,
lo ..,0X. AN ONION
ox .,;kW, FOR
;0, .:d;0K' YOUR
.:d0x. ...ol,dKkc. STOCKING
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.XO :: .'.. . :' 'c.Xd;;;;;;;;;;xMo CHRISTMAS EDITION
,Mo :: ,,. . :' l'Xk;;;;;;;;;;lWk
,Mo .o .l. .,. .l l:XO;;;;;;;;;;lWO THE TRUE STORY
.Nx l. .l. ',..: :,ooWO;;;;;;;;;;dMx OF KWANZAA
xN; 'l ;c ,, .l, ;lddMx;;;;;;;;;;KW,
.0X. ;c 'o , .:l :ddkWl;;;;;;;;;dWl LIBERtorIAN
.O0. ,; dc ; .:d oxoNK;;;;;;;;;oNc GIFT GUIDE
oXo. ':'x: : .lc.dcxWo;;;;;;;lOX:
'kXd..c:oo. 'o .k,lOkWx;;;;;;lKXd. CHRISTMAS CHEER
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.:dkKKOO0xx0XXWMKdoxO0Oo;. AND MORE!
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-Page 2-
___________________________ __________________________________
/ /| ,' ',
/ TABLE OF CONTENTS /|| | ~~ L i B e R t O r I a N ~~ |
/__________________________/||/ { -- Volume 1 - Issue 12 rev1 -- }
||| ||| { Christmas, 2015 }
||/ It's a table! Get it? ||/ { }
{ A Publication of Synonymous 1. }
ACQUIRING RELAY..........3 YET AGAIN { Published December, 2015. }
{ }
DEP WEB SITE OF THE DAY............4 { -- }
Question Everything { }
{ LiberTORian is published on an }
BLURB..............................4 { irregular basis. }
{ }
SPECIAL FEATURE....................5 { N(c), 2015. Readers are welcome, }
THE FIRST ANNUAL TOTALLY AWESOME { actually encouraged, to copy and }
LIBERTORIAN GIFT GIVING AND GETTING { distribute this text by any means }
GUIDE { possible, preferably by photocopy- }
{ ing. }
LiberTORian's Excellent Christmas.19 { }
Movie Night Viewing Schedule { }
{ LIBERTORIAN HAS A DEEP WEB SITE: }
FEATURE...........................22 { http://xsold3pvbxt4xblv.onion }
The True History of Kwanzaa { }
{ Thanks to an Onionland user. }
ARTICLE: The Lego Movie...........26 { The views expressed are not nece- }
A Family-Friendly Movie with a { ssarily those of the webmaster. }
Libertarian Message { That's fine with us libertarians. }
{ }
ARTICLE...........................29 { }
Hannukah Traditions { CORRESPONDENCE: }
{ synonymous1@ruggedinbox.com or }
ARTICLE...........................32 { libertorian@sigaint.org }
Awesome Christmas Music, Parts 1 & 2 { }
{ Send submissions & letters to }
CLASSIC .TXT FILE OF THE DAY......35 { LiberTORian at the above address }
nitexmas.txt { }
px-xmas.txt { }
{ DONATE TO LIBERTORIAN: }
BLURB.............................38 { 12yfpaKCHL7XCdWGiM8x9nuaBw1TbW1q2s }
{ Even a millibitcoin! }
MYTHS THAT LIBERALS BELIEVE #12...38 { (.001 BTC) }
Muslims in NJ didn't cheer on 9/11 { }
{ }
FEATURE: HARD COPY................39 { DON'T HURT PEOPLE }
The War on Christmas { AND DON'T TAKE THEIR STUFF. }
The Christmas Sweater '-________________________________-'
The Christmas Sweater (illustrated)
The Immortal Nicholas D.N.S. Lookup Failed..................40
Ascii art by Synonymous Xi:
HO, HO, HO! A OOO
\/` -\/` \/` -\/` \/` -\/` \/` -\/` \/` -O OOOOO
o<')__, <')__, <')__, <')__, <')__, <')__, <')__, <')__, <')__,~~~~OO/_\,~~~.~
(,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) (,_ ) )_______(
// \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ (__||___||__)
. . . . .. . . . .. .. . ... . ... . . . . .. . . .. .
-Page 3-
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A C Q U I R I N G R E L A Y }} - by Synonymous 1 - {{
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& /\
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! When LiberTORian returns with Issue
13, there will be a lot to cover, as
Who doesn't absolutely love Christ- everything is moving so quickly. It
mas, besides the ACLU? It's that is the kind of thing that the Fabian
time of year when everything becomes Society, inspiration for George Or-
totally awesome! Everyone has their well's *1984* aspired to: heat the
own personal traditions associated Earth up and re-mold it into the
with it, and the Baby Jesus is born, shape they desire. For your Christ-
and all the gifts and charitibility, mas homework, I want you to do some
and the Christmas cheer and egg nog research and discover on your own
and Santa Claus and Charlie Brown TV why Orwell chose the year 1984 for
specials and a list that never ends his novel. First to know can email
of great tidings. me.
2015 hasn't been such a great year, Back on topic: ISIS attacked Paris,
so we owe it to ourselves to stop a A confrontation at a Colorado Chase
moment, enjoy the goodness of life, Bank ended at a Planned Parenthood,
and enjoy the greatest gift of all: and colleges are becoming victims of
God's love for us such that we are their own PC nonsense. To quote
animated with life itself. What a Billy Joel, "We didn't start the
blessing to share in the perception fire." Maybe not, but there's been
of this universe! So on with the a lot of fanning the flames!
festivities!
You can't have Christmas without the
It's been a long wait, but Liber- Grinch. The current occupant of the
TORian 12 will explore the true White House pulled another first in
history of the evil twin of Christ- American history: he ordered the
mas, the anti-Christmas: Kwanzaa. Pentagon to ban all Christmas cards
I don't care if you prefer to miss to our soldiers overseas. And the
out on Christmas and instead cele- reason: because it might offend Mus-
brate this racist holiday. It's lims. My answer: WHO CARES IF THEY
your loss. But I do wish to rain GET OFFENDED? That's their problem!
on your parade with the truth be- Because of your catering to Muslims,
hind Kwanzaa. It's actually on my which you say you're not, you always
Christmas list. No, really! oppress Christians, which you claim
you are! I don't know what you are,
Imagine that this issue is a sleigh other than a liar! Those cards are
as we're filling it with GIFT ideas often the one bit of Christmas cheer
for you who wait until the last those who already sacrifice to de-
minute to shop. I'd rather get it fend our freedom receive. Now you
all done early and not rush around take that away from them. Icing on
missing the Christmas anticipation. the cake after all you've done to
But I'm a libertarian, so you do it them. You suck!
the way you want. Our staff picked
what we consider the coolest stuff. It's not even free speech or freedom
of religion. It's just basic "keep
So, what do you want for Christmas? the grubby government off of us and
Let us know! Send emails to: let us live. And when it comes to
government, Obama's is the grubbiest
synonymous1@ruggedinbox.com ever! Merry Christmas!" ((L))
-Page 4-
_####__
\ oo/ ,^,
u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u^u( ,\^u^ http://3uxit3zzi4pu3iag.onion/
* DEEP WEB SITE OF THE DAY * )_/
}}}} QUESTION EVERYTHING {{{{ *Question Everything* collects reve-
nue and even gives back to the com-
*Question Everything* reminds me of munity. Also, a person may tag
a quote from Thomas Jefferson, the their question with keywords so if
third U.S. President. He once said, you had a similar question but don't
"Question with boldness even the know if it was asked already, you
existence of [a] God; because, if can conduct a tag search and find a
there be one, he must more approve complete list of questions in that
of the homage of reason, than that category.
of blind-folded fear."
*Question Everything* is a friendly
QUESTION EVERYTHING is like Yahoo! hidden site in onionland, and it's
Answers for the deep web, except a place where newcomers to the deep
without the yahoos. The deep web web can feel welcome and not intimi-
community are a bunch of people who dated. Since there are no stupid
try to support each other, even if questions, you won't be shamed if
we really don't know each others' you ask something that seems obvious
identities. to everyone else. They'll help you
get up to speed without criticism.
You are able to ask a question about Isn't it nice to have such a place?
ANYTHING. *Question Everything* is
a free-speech zone, as if we need The site is similar in layout like
"zones" for free speech. The only *Hidden Answers*, but the reduced
thing not welcome is posting p0rn0- traffic means that you're not a lost
graphic links involving minors. Any voice in the crowd. Sometimes it's
other topic is open for discussion. nicer to be part of a tight-knit
community rather than a sea of users
Visitors are able to vote on their you must wade through. Hopefully,
opinion on the best questions and LiberTORian readers will increase
answers, to guide others who may the traffic just enough without
have the same questions. A point congesting it.
system is awarded for input, and by
performing certain tasks to benefit So drop on in to *Question Every-
the group, you earn badges. thing*, and bring your questions!
................................................................................
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& This issue will probably be there,
but that can't happen until this is
BONUS: CLEARNET SITE OF THE DAY! published, and when that happens, I
can't let it be known here because
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& it's already published.
http://pastebin.com/user/ripper_22 Thank you for sharing LiberTORian.
If you can share it too Dear Reader,
What's so great about this page? It please do so. And if you share, or
is someone's personal Pastebin page, find someone who did, contact Liber-
but he or she acquired copies of TORian and we'll post the link here
LiberTORian magazine and posted a in these pages. The email address
mirror of all the .txt editions on is
the page, among other things. The
best site on clearnet! synonymous1@ruggedinbox.com ((L))
-Page 5-
O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O
S _ _ _ _______ _ S
S THE ( ) (_)( ) (__ __) (_) S
S FIRST ( ) _ ( )___ _____ ____ ( ) _____ ____ _ _____ _____ S
S ANNUAL ( ) ( )( _ )( _ )( __) ( ) ( _ )( __)( )(___ )( _ ) S
S TOTALLY ( )___ ( )( (_) )( ___)( ) ( ) ( (_) )( ) ( )( _ )( ) ( ) S
S AWESOME (_____)(_)(_____)(_____)(_) (_) (_____)(_) (_)(_____)(_) (_) S
S S
S CHRISTMAS GIFT GIVING AND GETTING GUIDE !!!!!!!! S
O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O
/\
* E N T E R T A I N M E N T : The Notebook
/ \ M O V I E S
o o\ One of the greatest romantic movies
//.\\ There's an almost unlimited of all-time!
//|\\ selection of Blu-Ray & DVDs
////\O\ you can give to you loved
o | |o one. There's something Captain America: The Winter Soldier
/_\ about a real tangible med- (2014)
ium that's missing from a
subscription to NetFlix or Amazon This movie must be the topic of a
Prime. When you hold the DVD case future issue of LiberTORian. Cap-
in your hands, you know you actually tain America 2 addresses issues of
*own* the media inscribed on it. If 4th Amendment rights, and allegoric-
there's a problem with the internet, ally examines real-life current iss-
you can still watch it. When you ues such as NSA spying, sacrificing
insert a DVD into your player, your of liberty for security, and govern-
ISP or streaming service is not tak- ment denying freedom and the right
ing notes. You don't have to worry to life in the name of utopian dream
about multiple streaming subscrip- gone awry. It champions American
tions because the one you use does values of freedom and equal justice
not carry your favorite TV series. without being jingoistic. Buy it as
a gift, open it up, enjoy it your-
Here's a list of our favorite DVD self first, then re-wrap it and give
ideas. Feel free to be inspired or it to a loved one.
disregard any of them:
MORE MOVIES THAT MAKE GREAT GIFTS
MOVIES: - The Wedding Singer
- Men In Black
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - Casablanca
- The Wizard of Oz
A thought-provoking trip into man- - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
kind's future. Many movie goers (but it doesn't beat the movie
actually took LSD to view the final theater experience)
scene. This counterculture appeal - The Naked Gun Trilogy
led to the slogan, "Take the Ulti- - Must Love Dogs
mate Trip" to be used on MGM's - The Blind Side
later movie posters. - The Shawshank Redemption
- Pursuit of Happyness
- Forrest Gump
Mad Max (2015) - Blade Runner
- Wreck-It Ralph
A worthy remake of the Mel Gibson - Godzilla (2014)
classic. No better way to cele- - Big / 13 Going On 30
brate Jesus' birth than with post- - Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
apocalyptic warfare. - The Goonies
-Page 6-
* E N T E R T A I N M E N T : o Mr. Howell: Greed
/ \ T E L E V I S I O N o Mrs. Howell: Anger
o o\ o Ginger: Lust
//.\\ You're watching these great o Professor: Pride
//|\\ movies on the small screen, o Mary Ann: Jealousy
////\O\ so now, let's watch some-
o | |o thing actually made for it. If you have no idea who any of the
/_\ There are so many great TV above people are, put this DVD set
series. And so many terri- on your Christmas list!
ble ones, too. We'll name a bunch of
good ones. 6) The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Such a funny show. i could watch
TELEVISION SIT COMS: Jazzy get kicked out of the house
over and over again! Such a talent
1) Seinfeld Will Smith is in his first foray
from music to acting, other than in
In retrospect, the show's not as his music videos, of course.
funny as it was back then, because
there's been so much humor built on 7) M*A*S*H
it that the novelty's over. But for
those who grew up with it, it's just One of our Dear Readers suggested
as memorable, as we've come to i- this and #8 to us, and I'm ashamed
dentify with the characters and to overlook these. M*A*S*H seems
situations we've come to love. Nine like a sitcom, but it's touching,
seasons are available. dramatic, horrifying and heartwarm-
ing as much as it's funny. M*A*S*H
2) The Honeymooners puts a face on soldiers and lets
the viewers of this popular show
Still Arguably the best situation understand the reality and cost of
comedy of all time. The only possi- war.
ble exception is:
8) All In The Family
3) I Love Lucy
This show had a liberal, sometimes
The humor in these two shows are statist slant, but it always taught
timeless. lessons without telling us *how* to
think. It encouraged discussion of
4) Leave It To Beaver relevant topics, and helped us to
laugh at the ridiculousness of
A stark contrast from today's social stereotyping. Like M*A*S*H, this
conventions, but the lessons learned popular series was hysterically
seem to apply to all generations. I funny and dramatically serious all
love the episode where Beaver gets at once, a hard line to balance.
his head stuck in the fence.
OTHER COMEDIES readers suggest:
5) Gilligan's Island
o The King of Queens
Nonsensical fun! The cast knew how o My Favorite Martian
absurd their series was when they o The Odd Couple (2014)
read Sherwood Schwartz's scripts. o The Goldbergs (2012)
Actually, as an allegory, each of o Night Court
the seven castaways represents one o Cheers
of each of the seven deadly sins: o Bob Newhart Show
o The Cosby Show
o Gilligan: Sloth o The Simpsons
o Skipper: Greed o Chuck
-Page 7-
* E N T E R T A I N M E N T : o Nintendo NES: NEStopia
/ \ R E T R O G A M I N G o Sega Genesis, Game Gear, Master
o o\ System, Sega CD: Fusion
//.\\ Who needs all the bells and o Arcade: MAME
//|\\ whistles? Actually, retro o Super Nintendo: SNES9X
////\O\ video games HAVE those, but o TurboGraf-X 16: DPCE
o | |o they are like the Tor of the
/_\ video game world: just str8 Once you have your desired emulator
up simplistic fun! Who did program, you can now search for ROM
not like blasting Space Invaders, files for your favorite games. To
being a *Defender* against invading give a gift to a fan of the classic
landers turning our human into mu- games, fill a CD with an emulator
tants, blow apart a Centipede or eat and all kinds of ROMs and surprise
monsters with your Pac-Man? There her on Christmas or Hannukah!
are several ways to play classic
video games: 3) Retro Games of Retro Games. A
few such titles are on consoles.
1) Plug & Play systems. Pharmacies, Playstation 1 has a title called
department stores and electronics ATARI 80 CLASSICS. The program is
boutiques carry retro video game an Atari emulator and 80 ROMs. It
console emulators pre-loaded with is also available for Windows PC.
tons of classic titles. Some that You can play these on the platform
we recommend are: you prefer. In fact, if you are a
Windows user, there is a PlaySta-
o Atari Flashback 6 tion emulator called ePSXe. If you
o Sega Genesis 2 acquire the Playstation disc, you
o ColectoVision can play it on a PC with Windows.
o Intellivision not only that, what is more amazing
o Game Gear hand-held is since each game is included on
the CD as an exact copy of an orig-
The Game Gear title is notable be- inal cartridge, those files can be
cause it has an SD slot. A person copied and played on the Stella 3
can actually download Sega Genesis emulator!
ROMS from the internet, transfer the
ROMs to SD card media, and play the There is a nice Activision collec-
games directly. Theoretically, you tion on Game Boy Advance. And if
can have hundreds of games on a card all those systems are just too new
and play all the titles you enjoyed fangled for you, thre's one other
as a tot. option:
2)Emulators. The aforementioned ROM 4) Buy a classic system!
files are exact copies of classic
video game cartridges. To play the eBay and Amazon are good starting
classic games, you need two com- points, but there are sites like
ponents: the ROM and an emulator. A http://tradengames.com that sell
ROM is the game, the emulator is a retro systems and games. Social
program that behaves like a system, media has game commerce threads
and can interpret the ROM. with some really rare finds. Why
not re-introduce that hardcore game
You can find emulators throughout player with an original NES or an
the clearnet. Here are the names of Atari 7800? Even if you can't get
some systems and the emulator that the manuals, http://digitpress.org
best mimicks each: and http://atariage.com are havens
for resources and supplements. If
o Atari: Stella 3 you're in the market for some of
o Intellivision: Bliss these classic games, below is a
o ColecoVision Blue MSX list to reignite your memory:
-Page 8-
Atari 2600 Nintendo NES
o Adventure o 1942
o Atlantis (Imagic) o Anticipation (fun family game)
o Barnstorming (Activision) o BattleToads
o Berzerk o Bionic Commando (I was shocked at
o Centipede the final boss!)
o Cosmic Ark (Imagic) o Bomb Jack
o Crazy Climber (hard to find) o CastleVania 1 & 3
o Demon Attack (Imagic) o Commando
o Empire Strikes Back (Parker Bros) o Contra 1 & 2 and Super Contra
o Enduro (Activision) o Double Dragon 1 & 2
o E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial o Double Dribble
(actually fun if you have manual) o Dragon Warrior (I never won it)
o Frogger (Parker Bros) o Duck Hunt (usually packaged with
o G.I. Joe * Super Mario Bros 1) *
o Haunted House o Elevator Action
o Jr. Pac-Man o Excite Bike
o KaBoom! (Activision) * o Faxanadu (but I may be the only
o Krull one who knows the game)
o Mario Bros. o Fester's Quest
o Midnight Magic o Gauntlet
o Moon Patrol o Goonies 2 (Goonies 1 can be
o Ms Pac-Man played on an emulator; don't know
o Night Driver * its origin)
o Phoenix o Gradius
o Pitfall (Activision) o Gremlins 2: The New Batch
o Pitfall II: Lost Caverns o Gyruss
(Activision) o Hogan's Alley *
o Raiders of the Lost Ark o Ice Hockey
o Snoopy & The Red Baron (really o Ikari Warriors
hard to find) o Jaws
o Solaris o Kid Icarus
o Space Invaders o Kid Niki: Radical Ninja
o Super Breakout * o Kung Fu Master
o Turmoil (20th Century Fox) o Legend of Zelda
o Vanguard o Metroid
o Venture (Coleco) o Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (I love
o Video Pinball Bald Bull)
o Warlords * (great for 3 or 4 o Ninja Gaiden
players) o RC Pro Am
o Yar's Revenge o Romance of the Three Kingdoms (it
wasn't an average Nintendo game
* Paddle Controller Required but I got highly addicted)
o Skate or Die
Atari 7800 (plays 2600 games too) o Spy vs Spy
o Super Mario Brothers 1-3
o Asteroids o T&C Surf Design (another I was
o Crossbow (must play!) hooked on)
o Desert Falcon o Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
o Dig Dug o Tetris (there were 2 Tetrises!
o Ninja Golf (!) Tengen's was unauthorized.)
o Pole Position II o Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
o Robotron o Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link
o Summer Games (Epyx)
o Xenophobe * Light Gun Controller Required
o Xevious
-Page 9-
* T O Y S : HELLO KITTY LIQUID MOTION GLOW
/ \ F O R T H E G I R L S HELLO KITTY GLITTER GLOW
o o\ Sanrio
//.\\ These gifts are perfect for
//|\\ under a girl's Christmas For the hippie who never grew up,
////\O\ tree or Hannukah bush. Just these are official Hello Kitty lava
o | |o watch the look of joy when lamps. The Glitter Glow lamp is a
/_\ they unwrap these goodies! gold glitter lava lamp.
SHOPKINS HELLO KITTY RESCUE SET
By Moose Toys Sanrio
Every girl in the universe has it on This deluxe set includes five Hello
their list. I don't get them but Kitty figures, an emergency heli-
they are HOT! You can find them in coptor, an emergency Ambulance, and
2-pack baskets, 5-pack cards and 12- many accessories. Hello Kitty to
pack cards. There are 3 seasons of the rescue!
Shopkins so far and no doubt more
are coming! If you want to surprise LEGO FRIENDS HEARTLAKE AIRPORT
your special girl, go on eBay and Lego Group
get season 1 or 2 figures! Or pay
with bitcoin on Silk Road 3! Lego Friends' Heartlake City is a
pastel counterpart to Lego City.
DISNEY LITTLE MERMAID The Heartlake Airport includes the
MERMAID SISTERS GIFT SET airport, and giant white and laven-
By Mattel der commerical jet. Set includes
three mini-doll figures: Stephanie,
Young girls love these Polly Pocket Sandra, and David.
sized Disney Princess dolls. For
the first time, *ALL* of Ariel's LITTLEST PET SHOP PET FEST
sisters are available in one gift HASBRO
set! Includes Ariel, Andrina,
Aquata, Atina, Alana, Adella, and Girls cherish these super-cute tiny
Arista. Aerial would have extra bobble-headed animals. The Pet
sisters, but they ran out of names Fest deluxe set includes 16 litt-
that begin and end in A. All 7 lest pets for her to love and care
feature shell bikinis that change for. Instant collection.
color in warm water.
BARBIE SISTERS FUN DAY
NERF REBELLE DUET Mattel
NERF REBELLE TRUE LEGACY BOW
By Hasbro Barbie and her sister Skipper look
like they're dressed for an 80s mu-
For all those young women who can't sic fest. Barbie dons a black and
wait to join the NRA, the Rebelle white striped miniskirt, black top
series are firearms and other pro- and pink vest jacket. Skipper is
jectile weapons just for her. The in leopard skin legings and a T-
Duet is a 2 barrel pistol & True shirt emblazoned with the phrase,
Legacy Bow is a compound bow. If "#I Love Music" in Frankie Goes to
your girl wants to grow up to be Hollywood font.
Katniss, this is for her. Each
weapon includes jewelery and gems 2015 HOLIDAY BARBIE
to glam up your Nerf Rebelle guns Mattel
and bows and make your own.
This is a Mattel tradition. this
year, Barbie is in a red strapless
gown and pendulous silver earrings.
-Page 10-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Annual Totally Awesome LIBERTORIAN Gift Giving And Getting Guide
2015
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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HASBRO
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-Page 11-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Annual Totally Awesome LIBERTORIAN Gift Giving And Getting Guide
2015
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2015 HOLIDAY BARBIE (AFRICAN AMERICAN) (ALSO AVAILABLE IN CAUCASSIAN)
MATTEL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Page 12-
MONSTER HIGH SLOMAN "SLO-MOE" MORTA- * T O Y S :
VICH AND GHOULIA YELPS 2 PACK / \ F O R T H E B O Y S
o o\
Nothing is as romantic as zombie //.\\ Here are some of 2015's cool
love! Slo-Moe is in Monster High's //|\\ toys for boys and boys at
chess club and Ghoulia is well-es- ////\O\ heart. The major problem is
tablished in the series. Fans of o | |o prying them out of Dad's
Monster High have known Slo-Moe from /_\ hands so the kids can use
the series' early days in 2010, and them!
he was never released as a toy until
now, although a plan to rotate him STAR WARS EPIC BATTLES MICRO MACHINES
in a "Ghoul Spirit" wave was canned. Hasbro
If you know a Monster High fan but
are confused by it all, just get her This Toys R Us Exclusive features 48
this. She'll be inexplicably happy! Micro Machines vehicles and figures.
Also included is a play mat so kids
MONSTER HIGH DEADLUXE HIGH SCHOOL can engage in their own galactic dog-
Mattel fights and battles!
For the Monster High fan that has #STICKBOT STUDIO
everything, but where to put it? Zing Toys
ALEX SPA SKETCH & SPARKLE TATTOO #StickBot Studio is a pair of laid
PENS back translucent stick figures with
Alex sucker pad limbs, and a tripod for
your cell phone camera. Kids cre-
Girls can freestyle their own tattoo ate their own animations and upload
designs on their body with the spec- to YouTube where they are tracked.
ial set of non-toxic, skin-safe body You Create! You Animate! You SHARE!
pens. Stencils and gems to glam up
the look are included. PLAMOBIL CITY ACTION POLICE STATION
Plamobil
THE LEGO MOVIE WYLDSTYLE CLOCK
PlaSMmart The Plymobil Police Station is a 2-
story headquarters that comes with a
now children can wake up to The Lego crook, 3 cops, and over 250 pieces.
Movie's sassy and daring Master Plamobil always were famous for over-
Builder. The clock is a large 8'' loading their packages with goodies!
Wyldstyle minifigure with a digital Kids can pretend that the perp is a
display and alarm. A LiberTORian wrongly accused Edward Snowden and
article on the Lego Movie is in this help him escape from the well-meaning
issue; be sure to read it. but misguided police, only knowing
what the feds told them.
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE BERRY BEST
ADVENTURE COLLECTION THE LEGO MOVIE EMMET LED LIGHT
Hasbro PlaSmart
Originally by the American Greetings This oversized Lego Minifigure is the
Company, Strawberry Shortcake is perfect size for a child's hands, and
back for a new generation of girls when you press his chest, the LED
to love! This deluxe 5-pack comes lights in his legs light up. Be ad-
with Strawberry Shortcake and some vised: these lights are bright! It's
of her best-loved friends from the a great gift for preppers, although
1980s: Orange Blossom, Raspberry his fellow preppers may laugh him off
tart, Lemon Merange, and Cherry Jam when he's using one under Marshall
(a newer addition). And they are law and everyone else has regular
scented, like the originals! lights!
-Page 13-
LEGO STAR WARS MTT MINECRAFT PERIODIC TABLE
Lego Group Mattel
This huge model is built from over Not since the Pet Rock has something
900 Lego pieces! It is one of the so useless been so in demand (well,
Trade Federation's most rugged land except anything Cards Against Hu-
vehicles, and it comes with 7 Battle manity). It's a bunch of Minecraft
Droids, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, a Naboo blocks; one for each mineral in the
Guard, a Droid, a STAP, and lots of game. But give the kids some Mine-
hidden surprises! This one will be craft figurines, also by Mattel, and
out of production very shortly, so they'll be lost for hours in their
act quickly or you'll pay triple the world.
price on eBay in a few months!
WWE RAW EDITION AUTHENTIC SCALE RING
PERPLEXUS EPIC Mattel
Spin Master
Recreate epic matches with this 40+
This 12'' clear globe is actually a piece set, designed for 6 inch fig-
giant 360° marble maze. By working ures. This 22 inch square ring in-
both with and against gravity, you cludes rubber turnbuckles and a real
must navigate the ball through 125 fabric skirt. It also stores 50 of
obstacles of increasing difficulty. your wrestling figures.
Can you complete the Perplexus?
HEXBUG BATTLE SPIDER
POWER RANGERS DINO CHARGE: DINO ZORD Innovations First
MEGA PACK This 2-Hexbug Spider set is perfect
Bandai for father-and-son play. Build your
fortress. Activate your remote con-
This Toys R Us Exclusive features trol Hexbug Spider. Battle with
six multi-colored Dino Zords who lasers and strike down the opposing
combine into a Mega Zord. This set spider!
is special because it has gold
chrome parts and glow in the dark LEGO CITY POLICE STATION
chargers. Lego Group
GIANT SIZE GODZILLA Lego City is mostly now just cops
Jakks Pacific and robbers. There always has to be
a villain nowadays... but Lego sure
He's the king of the monsters. And has evolved! If you miss this, do
he's over 3 feet tall! The ultimate not fret. Lego releases a new one
Godzilla is fully articulated and every few years.
features a swinging tail. Bandai
released one in the 1970s. If your CLASSIC ARMY MEN
guy is all grown up, go find it on Various companies including ToySmith
eBay and he'll be yours for life!
If he's just a kid, this one will Simply a timeless toy. No further
make his year! explanation is needed.
TRANSFORMERS GENERATIONS COMBINER Boys are easily pleased. Give them
WARS OPTIMUS PRIME Star Wars figures, Transformers,
Hasbro G.I. Joe, Marvel figures, real hero
figures (actual military men that
Reminiscent of 1986 Ultra Magnus. are G.I. Joe sized), and they'll be
Theres nothing else to say; Prime is happy.
a libertarian role model for 30+
years. "Freedom is the right of all There's more to come. Read on,
all sentient beings", is his motto. spirit. Read on.
-Page 14-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Annual Totally Awesome LIBERTORIAN Gift Giving And Getting Guide
2015
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GIANT SIZE GODZILLA
JAKKS PACIFIC
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Page 15-
* G A M E S : MUNCHKIN
/ \ F O R A D U L T S Steve Jackson Games
o o\
//.\\ Christmas is for grown-ups, Steve Jackson was mentioned in issue
//|\\ too! Enhance the festive 9 of LiberTORian. He's best known
////\O\ spirit of Christmas time for this game, a spoof of RPG gaming
o | |o with some great, well de- itself. Knock down the door, fight
/_\ signed games. monsters, get to level 10 first! It
is all about advancing levels above
JOE NAME IT all else. Whimsical and fun, for 3
Gamewright to 6 players.
*Joe Name It* is a pocket-sized fast MAGIC 8 BALL
paced party game. Roll the die, Mattel
draw a card, and fill in the blank
with the number rolled. Be the 1st You know what this is. up to 20 re-
to answer the question, like "name a sponses to your baffling questions.
music group with [blank] members". It was invented in 1950!
If you roll a 4, be the first to say
"Beatles", for instance. Everyone * T O Y S :
plays with an invisible "Joe" who / \ F O R A D U L T S
gets wrong answers and can even win o o\
the game! For 12+ //.\\ And now for the coolest, or
//|\\ just plain geekiest, gifts
SETTLERS OF CATAN ////\O\ for Christmas. These gifts
Mayfair Games o | |o amp up the awesome factor,
/_\ or the nerd factor, or BOTH
build settlements and develop so- AT ONCE!
cieties in this euro-inspired game
from Mayfair Games. This is des- LEGO BIG BANG THEORY
tined to be a classic of tomorrow. LEGO GROUP
STRATEGO ORIGINAL Recreate Leonard & Sheldon's apart-
Patch ment with much of their toys in this
Lego set. Includes Leonard, Shel-
Stratego has returned and it's just don, Penny, Amy, Howard, Raj and
like the original, with minor chan- Bernadette.
ges. The spy is now a woman, for
instance (at first I thought she was LEGO BIRDS
a new character: The telephone oper- LEGO GROUP
ator). There is a new character who
adds a twist: The infiltrator. You If that wasn't nerdy enough, Lego
can play with the infiltrator, or has a set of birds which definitely
play classic Stratego, exactly like look graceful and smooth despite the
the original from the 1960s. "brickiness" of the Lego brick.
Build three birds and place them on
PANDEMIC stands with plaques showing their
Z-Man Games scientific names. Instructions also
includes information about the spe-
Tired of scheming against each other cies.
and all the malice? Pandemic is a
cooperative game, where everyone R.E.V.: ROBOTIC ENHANCED VEHICLES
works together and wins or loses as WowWee
a team. Players are a team of med-
ical experts trying to contain out- What could be cooler than a pair of
brakes of diseases. Can you save streamlinedbluetooth sports cars
the world as a team? equipped with lasers? How about
-Page 16-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Annual Totally Awesome LIBERTORIAN Gift Giving And Getting Guide
2015
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MUNCHKIN game
STEVE JACKSON GAMES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Page 17-
pitting them in a battle against shop and pick up an orange gel pen.
each other? The R.E.V. Battle Pack
includes two smart vehicles: one SEA MONKEYS
black and one white, and you can Sea Monkeys
play two ways, person vs person, or
person vs. CPU! TOTALLY AWESOME! They're actually just brine shrimp
and they occur in nature, not made
RE-ACTION FIGURES in a lab. Their advertisements
Re-Action graced comic book pages in the 1960s
and 1970s. Still cool today. Did
These 3 1/4 inch action figures are you know they have THREE EYES? They
so retro, they are barely articu- are born with one baby eye, grow two
lated; they move their heads, legs, adult eyes and as they get older,
and arms, and that's about it. They lose their baby eye. Then they put
are so much like vintage Star Wars their eye under the pillow and the
figures, it doesn't matter! Even eye fairy gives them money while the
the packaging is retro-cool! Re- Sea Monkey sleeps. Actually, the
action figures exist for such movie last sentence was made up but the
franchises as Jaws, The Fifth Ele- eye lesson is true.
ment, Predator, Firefly, Scarface,
Taxi Driver, and many other cult HEXA DRONE
faves! Collect them all! Skeye
DISNEY STAR WARS STAR DESTROYER This $45 mini-drone has six blades
BLUETOOTH SPEAKER instead of the usual four and looks
iHome totally awesome! Available at the
Awesomer Shop:
Repel girls from your home and enjoy http://shop.theawesomer.com/sales/
the solitude by playing all your skeye-hexa-drone
favorite tunes through the speaker
of a STAR DESTROYER. Put on the CHEAP PERFUMES/COLOGNES
Imperial Theme from Star Wars, then Bod
amp it up to 11! You just ROCK!
Also available in Millennium Falcon, Bod is a line of inexpensive scents
for you rebel scum. for men or women. They're really
cheap, so just ask for a whole bunch
SUPER SPIROGRAPH 50TH ANNIVERSARY and try them all to find your favor-
EDITION ite, or rotate them around to keep
Kahootz them guessing! It's a small invest-
ment for something you may love!
Yeah, yeah. The packaging says,
"Ages 8 and up", but you know it's SILVER COINAGE
for us adults who enjoyed it our-
selves. You really learn math and Silver is so undervalued today, and
geometry doing this, just don't let the Federal Reserve is planning to
the kids know they're learning. It topple the house of cards economy
is total fun making geometric de- they created, so it's the best in-
signs. The pens are even better, as surance policy for economic ruin.
they are GEL pens instead of un- They're asthetically pleasing. 1 oz
reliable ball points. Also, the set bullion coins from the U.S. mint are
uses putty to hold the rings in nice, but the Perth Mint and Canada
place, so you don't poke holes in make theirs with more silver! It's
your paper like you did with old- the perfect gift for anyone.
fashioned Spirographs. The only
drawback is that there are only 3 That's the list for 2015. Who knows
pens; the set from the 1970s had what amazing and wonderful things
four. So go to your local craft next year holds? ((L))
-Page 18-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Annual Totally Awesome LIBERTORIAN Gift Giving And Getting Guide
2015
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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BREAKING BAD JESSE PINKMAN FIGURE
RE-ACTION
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Page 19-
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o
LIBERtorIAN's EXCELLENT CHRISTMAS / \ By the LiberTORian / \
MOVIE NIGHT VIEWING SCHEDULE | | Writers | |
===== ~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~ =====
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& b /\ d
This title's a misnomer; you really o 50 years later. The commentary on
can't watch all these in one night. / \ commercialism actually grows more
But all these movies are on Blu-ray | | relevant every time. It's actually
or DVD, and various streaming sites ===== ironic, since Charlez M. Schulz was
like Netflix, or whatever you choose d heavy into merchandizing his "Pea-
to use, if any. So turn on your nuts" characters. And who today
tube and start watching them all! would produce a special where one of
the characters stops and tells a
o Bible story for A FULL MINUTE? Edgy
1) How The Grinch Stole Christmas / \ stuff by today's standards.
| |
We at LiberTORian mean the animated ===== 5) Elf
Chuck Jones production featuring b
the voice of Boris Karloff. That Will Farrell is just so... "Happy"
sad little dog, Max, goes through a and you can't resist a smile viewing
lot in it. What adult can resist his innocent naivete. Remember, he
singing in their best bass voice, o is NOT an Elf... he's a human raised
"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!"? / \ by Elves.
Entertaining in every way, yet the | |
meaning of Christmas is sneakily in- ===== 6) A Christmas Story
serted into the story so you learn d
a lesson as well. AVOID THE JIM For nostalgia lovers especially. A
CARREY VERSION. Christmas story harkens back to the
real feel of Christmas time for a
2) A Christmas Carol o boy growing up in the 1940s. You
/ \ actually can feel the Christmas
Many classic live-action movies are | | coziness, in between laughs. It's
out there, and they're all excellent ===== a very funny film; just the scene
but our personal favorite features b where Ralph is frantically decoding
Alec Finney. The songs are memora- Little Orphan Annie's message is
ble. If you prefer another classic worth the price of admission. This
version, enjoy it instead. They're movie, actually, like Frequency and
all good! o Napoleon Dynamite, actually saw its
/ \ success AFTER its theatrical run.
3) The Polar Express | | And now it's a classic, with what is
===== probably the most classic line in a
One of the newer movies but it has d Christmas movie, "You'll shoot your
all the magic of the classics. This eye out, kid."
movie is perfect for that tween who
probably lost the magic years ago. 7) Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Good animation, touching, and a nice o
break from all that samey Pixar / \ This atomic horror B-movie may be
stuff. | | far-fetched and cheesy but it's also
===== plenty of fun and a good movie for
4) A Charlie Brown Christmas b the kids. And there's one really
clever moment in the whole film: the
This is the Christmas special that invading martians realize that the
all others are judged against. This Earth settlements are above ground
must-see special still shines strong and make easy targets.
-Page 20-
8) Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer o you should be able to find it. I
/ \ always liked the scene where George
This classic Rankin-Bass special is | | builds a rocket. Canadian cartoons
one of my personal favorites. You ===== rock!
really feel for Rudolph, especially d
in the light of the fact that Santa 14) Scrooged!
is a real JERK! He says, "Shame on
You", to Donner just for trying to Everyone likes Bill Murray (unless
let Rudolph fit in with all of the o he discusses politics or decides to
other reindeer. What? He's got to / \ make his own "serious" movies), and
be an outcast because his nose is | | this twist on Dickens' "A Christmas
different from everyone else's? So ===== Carol" is one of his all-time best
what kind of message are you teach- b performances. I love the one ghost
ing people, Santa? It makes me who keeps hitting Scrooge on the
even more sympathetic to all those head.
misfit toys, which I wanted to
adopt for my own each Christmas! o 15) The Trolls and the Christmas
/ \ Express
9) Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa | |
Claus (#1) ===== Originally a Showtime or HBO special
d (as if they're not essentially the
This one is a traditionally-ani- same channel). This one is also an
mated cartoon reminiscent of "The obscure one that you'll have to turn
Peanuts". to YouTube to watch. Trolls try to
o devise plans to foil Christmas, and
10) Yes, Virginia There Is a Santa / \ they finally do, but you never know
Claus (#2) | | why until they succeed, and then you
===== are treated to a surprise, "trick"
This one is CGI and features the b ending!
voice of Neil Patrick Harris.
16) The Christmas Twist
11) National Lampoon's Christmas
Vacation o Here's a secret for you guys: women
/ \ *love* those Hallmark romantic theme
Oh, those crazy Griswalds! And | | Christmas movies. If you want to
their iconic camper! I live for ===== make your girl happy, take the time
the moment when the Christmas bo- d to watch one with her. "The Christ-
nus comes every year, and it's mas Twist" is an intentional parody
jars of jelly! I know someone who of these types of movies, and the
quotes every line from the movie acting is intentionally bad. It's
as it happens. Really annoying to o about a woman who opens a pretzel-
watch with him. / \ shaped cookie shop: you know, the
| | kind of sugar cookie you get along
12) White Christmas ===== with other types in the round tins
b at Christmas time- because it was
A lot of Christmas movies are mu- the dream of a dying man she ran
sicals or feature music, but how over. Find it on YouTube or a Blaze
many feature *NAZIS* and cross- search (http://theblaze.com)
dressing antics to evade them? o
And that's what Christmas is all / \ 17) Eight Crazy Nights
about, Charlie Brown. | |
===== This is a hand-drawn animation with
13) George And The Christmas Star d Adam Sandler. Actually, since his
character looks like Adam Sandler, I
A delightfully-animated Canadian wonder why it was animated in the
cartoon. This one's harder to first place. It's essentially a
locate, but go check YouTube and Hannukah-themed "Scrooge" type story
-Page 21-
of character development. The real o Another magical Rankin-Bass special.
star of the movie is "The Channukah / \
Song 3.0", which Sandler wrote. | | 23) Rudolph's Shiny New Year
=====
18) Frosty The Snowman b Another magical Rankin-Bass special.
Rankin-Bass animation rocked it all: 24) The Toy that Saved Christmas
their stop motion features were imag-
initive and just plain rocked, but o The VeggieTales is a Christian-
they also made great hand animation, / \ themed franchise which always teach-
including this hioliday special. It | | a Biblical message in an entertain-
is based on the classic Christmas ===== ing way. It's a great series for
song. And what child or adult can't d children, but so much of the humor
watch Frosty melt away without being is geared to adults, I think they
reduced to a blubbering mess? There get the real enjoyment of this ser-
is a sequel, "Frosty Returns" which ies. And don't let the religious
can't hold a candle to this one. It o theme deceive you into thinking that
is to the original as the Jim Carrey / \ the production values are low. They
Grinch is to the original animated | | are as high (and sometimes higher)
version. ===== than anything else out there. "The
b Toy That Saved Christmas" is one of
19) Santa Claus is Coming to Town at least three Veggie Tales specials
expressing the true meaning of the
Another Rankin-Bass special, this holiday.
one explains all the traditions that o
are associated with Santa, including / \ 25) Mr. Magoo's A Christmas Carol
the origin of his beard, his suit | |
(actually, in real life, Santa's ===== You can really get Scrooged to death
suit is red because it was given to d watching so many renditions of "A
him in an ad by the Coca'Cola comp- Christmas Carol". It's like listen-
any). And his arch enemy is a dic- ing to a "Peter and the Wolf" mara-
tator named Burger Meister Meister thon. But this version, featuring
Burger, who has to be German. o the beloved, nearsighted character
/ \ voiced by the late Jim Bakkus, is a
20) The Year Without a Santa Claus | | must watch. It's got some of the
===== best songs in a Christmas special,
While we're talking about the Rankin b and is unique in "A Christmas Carol"
Bass Specials, every list must in- iterations in that it has the vision
clude this one, if only for two of impairment humor idiomatic to Mr.
the greatest characters ever to take Magoo's TV series.
stage on the TV screen: Heat Meiser o
and Cold miser, and their minions, / \ I can't believe that we came up with
who are identical looking tiny ver- | | 25 so quickly! Some submissions are
sions of them. ===== from you, but I love them all. This
d equals one special for every day of
21) A Miser Brothers' Christmas December until Christmas. Here are
more titles if you can't get enough:
Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass (yes,
someone here at LiberTORian is THAT o - The Santa Clause 1 & 2
nerdy that the knows their full / \ - Elf (animated Jim Parsons special)
names) [note from Synonymous 2: it | | - The Christmas That Almost Wasn't
was Synonymous 1] knew that they HAD ===== - VeggieTales: The Star of Christmas
to give these two their own billing, b - It's a Wonderful Life (MUST WATCH)
after the unexpected but inevitable - The Snowman (animated)
success of these two mega stars! - Red Skeleton Christmas Special
- VeggieTales: Its a Meaningful life
22) The Little Drummer Boy - The Nativity Story ((L))
-Page 22-
================================================================================
AAA TTTTT RRRR U U EEEEE H H I SSSS TTTTT OOO RRRR Y Y
A A T R R U U E H H I S T O O R R Y Y
AAAAA T RRRR U U EEE HHHHH I SSS T O O RRRR Y
A A T R R U U E H H I S T O O R R Y
A A T R R UUU EEEEE H H I SSSS T OOO R R Y
~oo~ OF ~oo~
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KK KK WW W WW AA AA NNN NN ZZ AA AA AA AA
KK KK WW W WW AA AA NNNN NN ZZ AA AA AA AA
KK KK WW W WW AAAAAAAAA NN NNN NN ZZZ AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA
KK KK WW W WW AA AA NN NNNN ZZ AA AA AA AA
KK KK WW W WW AA AA NN NNN ZZ AA AA AA AA
KK KK WW WW AA AA NN NN ZZZZZZZZZ AA AA AA AA
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
=============================( BY SYNONYMOUS 1 )==============================
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kwanzaa is a made-up holiday. You some of Kwanzaa's customs have been
will probably say, "All holidays are reappropriated from various harvest
made up; they're not found in na- customs in Africa, allegedly.
ture." Okay, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I
get it. But read along this path of Actually, even the customs, as every
discovery, and you'll learn, unless aspect of this holiday, finds its
you already know, that Kwanzaa is a origin somewhere outside Africa.
holiday without any historical or The name "Kwanzaa", and the names of
religious significance, the way all its seven tenets, are not tradition-
other holidays are. In fact, it is al African words, but Swahili. The
a fake. word "kwanza" means "first fruits"
in Swahili. Its creator added an A
The majority of American people, not after the end for no particular rea-
taught the origins of Kwanzaa, are son.
led to believe that it's an African
traditional celebration that just so More on the holiday itself; Kwanzaa
happens to fall around Christmas. isn't best understood without first
Not surprising; it's an assumption getting to know its inventor: Ron
people are intentionally led to be- Everett. That's his real name. He
lieve by omission of facts. And its is known as Dr. Maulena Karenga now,
celebrants will advance the lie out- and Ron Karenga in 1966, the year he
rightly. The official Kwanzaa web invented the holiday. Confused yet?
site: http://www.officialkwanzaa Karenga is a racist and a Marxist
website.org/ statist who, like the Grinch, hated
describes the holiday as "an [al- Christmas. Except, his heart never
leged]African American and Pan-Afri- grew three sizes that day. His hate
can holiday celebrated by millions for white people hardened him to the
throughout the world African commun- point that he regarded Christmas as
ity." This is a lie. If you visit a white person's holiday.
an average traditional African town
and say, "Happy Kwanzaa", they will There's a lot to cover in the True
look at you, perplexed, and answer, History of Kwanzaa, but it's time to
"What are you talking about?" For stop a minute and reflect on some-
it is not celebrated traditionally thing: Christmas is the celebration
by the African community, although of the birth of Jesus Christ, whose
-Page 23-
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===========( DEPICTED: Maulena Karenga, the inventor of Kwanzaa )===========
-Page 24-
birth was in order to, as Christians own cult, Gail Davis and Deborah
believe, save ALL OF MANKIND. Jesus Jones. Jones was high-ranking in
didn't come to save the whites only, the cult, coronated by Karenga as an
or some of mankind. He wasn't even "African Queen". He accused them of
a Caucasian himself; He was Hebrew. of trying to poison his food and
water and demanded they hand over
Back to Professor Karenga... that's the poison. When they didn't (be-
right: he's a professor residing at cause there was none), he forced the
California State University. When two women to strip naked, whereupon
you know more about Karenga, the he beat them both with a baton and
fact that he teaches college stu- an electrical cord. They were bru-
dents is yet another example on the tally tortured in various other ways
pile of proof that college is one of including, but not limited to tight-
America's biggest rip-offs. ening the toe of one of them in a
vice, using a hot soldering iron to
Karenga is your typical 1960s racist burn their face and mouth, and force
black activist. He's a proponent feeding laundry detergent to them.
of racial segregation who not only Happy Kwanzaa!
invented a racist holiday, he formed
his own Black Panthers style racist Karenga served four or five years in
organization called United Slaves, prison for his sadistic acts which
or US. Their slogan was, "Anywhere wouldn't cause #BlackLivesMatter or
we are, US is." (I hope he's not a Planned Parenthood to bat an eye,
professor of English.) The organi- because only *some* black lives mat-
zation was cult-like. ter, and only *some* misogamy ex-
ists (and usually the only misogamy
For all Karenga's hatred for white that exists to Planned Parenthood
people and Jews, his hatred for the doesn't really exist!) This is the
rival racist group the Black Pan- kind of either violations that the
thers was just as bitter; they were statist left wouldn't have a problem
like rival gangs. Karenga was an with. Karenga would make the KKK
extremely violent and sadistic per- either proud or jealous.
son, but for all his racism, all of
the violence he inflicted was on In a Kwanzaa miracle, the court's
black people. transcripts are somehow gone! The
coverage on the trial were limited
The tensions between Black Panthers to three small LA Times blurbs deep-
and US reached its boiling point ly buried.
when each group wanted its own thug
to be the new Afro-American studies While in prison for torture, the New
center president. The rivals were York Times wrote a glowing article
brought together by the Black Stu- on his holiday, the first exposure
dent Union to resolve their differ- to Kwanzaa that real people got (if
ences. The Panthers hurled many you consider New York Times readers
verbal personal attacks on Karenga, real people). This was Christmas
and after the meeting, two of his Eve, 1971, with Karenga just recent-
followers, the Stiner Brothers, ly convicted. Not as much as a
tracked down two Panthers after the Kwanzaa miracle than the Times' typ-
meeting and shot them dead. There ical deception, no mention of this
was a wave of violence between them was found in the article. But then
that followed. 16-year-old and already a racist and
anti-Semite Al Sharpton glowingly
Karenga grew increasingly paranoid, proclaimed how Kwanzaa will right-
even imagining that his own follow- fully commence the "De-whitizing of
ers were trying to assassinate him. Christmas", sharing the folly that
In June 1970, the founder of Kwan- Christmas is somehow a "white-only"
zaa tortured two followers of his holiday.
-Page 25-
Examining the Kwanzaa traditions, an statistic that 28 million people
investigator discovers conflicts be- practice Kwanzaa, though there's as
tween Kwanzaa and the traditions it much real statistical information to
purports to reflect. For instance, his claim as there is that he was
it was intentionally placed the day being dive-bombed in his cell- one
after Christmas as a way to replace of his many delusions.
Christmas as an alternative. But
when challenged, he said that it is None of the history of Kwanzaa is
all coincidence; it just happens to authentic. Even the corn exchange
fall on the African "first fruits" on the first day is supposed to be
harvest. The problem with this a Mexican maize corn that didn't
explanation is that in Africa this exist in Africa until Europeans im-
occurs in the fall, a few months be- ported it from the Americas.
fore Kwanzaa. Even Better Homes and
Gardens helpfully omits anything re- So there is the history of Kwanzaa.
lated to the true nature of Kwanzaa; It would make a pretty disturbing
the web site actually asks in its Charlie Brown special. To summarize
article on Kwanzaa History & Tra- for those just skimming or who like
dition, "Does it replace Christmas?" organized summations:
If you read the article, the ques-
tion is left unanswered. Maybe the 1) Kwanzaa has no African historical
"yes" answer was too inconvenient? or religious significance.
2) It was invented in America in the
The seven days of Kwanzaa (the last year 1966 by a racist, to cele-
day is New Years' Day) each has a brate the black race.
Swahili name. By the way, Swahili 3) Kwanzaa was invented for racist
wasn't a traditional spoken language reasons to achieve a racist end.
in Africa until imperialist times. 4) All of Kwanzaa's traditions were
Some of the days have Marxist or ra- stolen from somewhere else.
cist undertones, including "Umoja": 5) Kwanzaa is a protest of Christmas
(racial) unity, "Ujima": collective although it stole traditions from
work and responsibility, and also Christmas and Channukah.
"Ujamma": co-operative economics. 6) Its founder is not only a racist,
he is anti-Semitic, violent, de-
The Kwanzaa "Menorah", like every- lusional and Marxist.
thing in the holiday, is also stolen 7) Karenga, Kwanzaa's inventor, was
from non-African traditions. The convicted of torturing women. As
real Menorah, of course, is based on a form of justice, he now has a
Hannukah, a Holy day of historical, High-ranking position at Cali-
cultural and religious significance. fornia State University. The
In Kwanzaa, however, it is just a university officially refused to
stolen tradition that means nothing answer statements as to why it
other than counting Kwanzaa's seven thinks its students should feel
days. And, naturally, there is the safe in his presence.
gift-giving, which is based on the
three gifts of the Magi to Christ. LiberTORian and other libertarians
Again, any historical or religious don't care if you celebrate a made
context is not existent in Kwanzaa; up racist holiday like Kwanzaa...
it's just another thing stolen from we just want you to know its actual
a holiday it was created to replace. story. Since the truth about Kwan-
zaa is intentionally overlooked by
It was designed to replace Christmas most media, and web sites that pub-
but it's celebrated by few. Only 2 lish the facts are disappearing, it
million Americans celebrated it at is important that history be pre-
its peak, and Americans are the ma- served. I'll speak truth to power
jority of its practitioners. Pro- wherever people try giving it equal
fessor Karenga claims an unverified footing with real holidays. ((L))
-Page 26-
___ __________ __________ __________
[O]\ T [O_O_O|O_O]\[O_O|O_O_O]\[O|O_O_O_O]\ ____
[O] | [O]\___\___\[O]\_\_____\[O]\____[O]\| __[ _ ]__
[O] | H [O]|___ [O]| ______ [O]| [O] | / \
[O] | [O|O_O]\ [O |[O_O|O]\[O]| [O] | . ? ? .
[O] | E [O]\___\ [O]| \__[O] [O]| [O] | | |
[O] |______ [O]|_______ [O]|____[O] [O]|____[O] | ' \___/ '
[O_O_O_O_O]\[O_O_O_O_O]\[O_O_O_O_O] [O_O_O_O|O] | \__________/
\_\_______\|\_________\|\_______\_\|\_______\_\| '------'
___ ____ __________ __ __ __________ __________
A Family Film [O_O]_[O_O]\ [O_O_O_O|O]\ [O]\ [O]\ [O_O|O_O_O]\[O_O_O|O_O]\
With a [O]\[O]\[O]\|[O]\____[O] |[O]| [O] |\___[O]\___\[O]\___\___\|
Libertarian [O]|[O]|[O] |[O]| [O] |[O]|_ [O] | [O]| [O]|___
Message [O]|[O]|[O] |[O]| [O] | \_[O]\ [O] | [O]| [O|O O]\
___ [O]||\_\[O] |[O]| [O] | [O]|_[O] | [O]| [O]\___\|
[OOO] [O]|| [O] |[O]|____[O] | \_[O|O] | ___[O]|___ [O]|_______
[O_|| [O] |[O|O_O_O_O]\| \[O]\|[O|O_O_O_O]\[O|O_O_O_O]\
By G.P.S. \_\| \_\| \_\_______\| \_\| \_\_______\ \_\_______\|
Since this is our Christmas issue, least creative, least original per-
and since LiberTORian wanted to pro- son in the Lego universe. The story
vide analysis of movies and TV, this begins when he gets mixed up with
article seemed appropriate since its those trying to restore the social
content is about toys, movies, and order. The Lego multiverse is under
libertarian themes all at once. The the tyranny of President Business,
following article kills all three the President of the entire world
birds with one typewriter. and the Octan fuel corporation. At
________ first glance, one may suspect that
|()()()()| this movie is going to be an anti-
|()()()()| all businesses, anti-oil company
movie. Fox News Channel jumped on
!!!!!!!!!!! SPOILER ALERT !!!!!!!!!! this bandwagon, but it's not another
Anti-capitalist film aimed at child-
This article contains revealing de- ren. In fact, it's just the oppo-
scriptions of the plot of *THE LEGO site.
MOVIE*. If you want to see it and
not know important plot points be- President Business isn't thought of
forehand, STOP reading, put Liber- as a businessman as much as a con-
TORian away, and go see it, on DVD, trol crazed statist. According to
streaming services, and Blu-Ray. the history of the Lego Multiverse
It's readily available to the world. as told by the female Lego Master
After viewing, return and read the Builder and rebel Wyldstyle (I had
rest of this article. If you're not to look up the spelling to ensure
interested in watching or don't care accuracy), the Multiverse was once a
about learning the plot, or if you libertarian society. Everyone was
can't resist temptation, you're wel- free to build whatever they wanted.
come to read on. As a libertarian, President Business was confused by
I won't stop you. We'll still save his perception of free building as
surprises for you, like what is the disorder, so he drafted the greatest
Kragle and who is the special. Master Builders to design the world
________ for him. Everyone had to build ex-
|()()()()| actly as the instructions the Master
|()()()()| Builders created drew up.
*The Lego Movie* is about a Lego It's a model of communism: all work
minifigure named Emmet, who is the if for the good of the state. There
-Page 27-
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Emmet is The Lego Movie's unlikely hero. With no creative talent of his own,
he gets mixed up in the Lego Master Builders' struggle for freedom when he gets
a red piece stuck to his back, the piece that can foil President Business. The
Master Builders now think he's special... and maybe he is!
-Page 28-
is no room for individual creativity which restore to order anything that
at all. Entrepreneurship grinds to deviates from the instructions. The
a standstill and the soul is sucked Micromanagers also capture Master
out of humanity as one's self-worth Builders.
is tied to her value to the state. ________
|()()()()|
The Master Builders were the privil- |()()()()|
eged class, as they got to design
the world, but again, it's only done Just to let you know, this movie is
for the state. The rest of society also very hilarious. The humor is
was to mold the Lego Multiverse into clean, but written at a very adult
the image President Business saw level. If you enjoy such adult ani-
fit. mation such as *Regular Show*, you
________ will enjoy this. There is plenty of
|()()()()| pop culture humor, but done in such
|()()()()| a way that it doesn't date itself so
quickly. It's also not obnoxious
The movie's anti-authoritarian theme like in *Alladin* or other Disney or
is presented early in the movie. As Dreamworks animations. You won't
Emmet wakes up to a typical day in feel treated like a child.
Lego City, his universe in the Lego ________
Multiverse, he picks up his list of |()()()()|
instructions. These are the rules |()()()()|
that all Lego minifigures are to
live by. Some mock consumer culture A live action sequence occurs toward
such as "buy overpriced coffee". the end of the movie, and we learn
Others are general rules to achieve that the entire plot of the movie is
conformity without murmuring. the child playing out the adventure.
The child's father is played by Will
Lenin said, "The quickest and easi- Farrell. Just a bonus. Just like
est way to undermine a culture is President Business, he becomes frus-
through its music." Look at the trated when the child takes apart
Western world today and compare it his sets and rebuilds them into very
to its music of the last generation imaginative creations. The father
and you'll see how accurate he was. cannot see the originality of his
The one song that everyone listens work; mirroring the conflict Emett
to in *The Lego Movie* ALL THE TIME is playing out. The story becomes
on the "approved" radio station is, very allegorical from here on as the
"Everything Is Awesome". In 2014, viewer connects the parallels in all
you couldn't escape this song. When the events thus far. It's as re-
I heard it, my family didn't see the warding as *The Sixth Sense* with a
movie yet, but already I thought, "I lot more rewatchability, as you find
bet that, judging by these lyrics, all the connections in all the plot
this is a propaganda song in the mo- subtleties the next time around.
vie." And it was. The meaning be-
hind the chorus is apparent: There's social satire. One Universe
called Cloud CuukooLand is a color-
? Everything is awesome ? ful anarchist haven where negativity
? Everything is cool when you're is forbidden. Its curator Unikitty
part of a team ? unleashes a barrage of restrictions.
? Everything is awesome ? Wyldstyle replies, "you said, 'no',
? When you're living our dream ? like 100 times."
"Our" refers to President Business That's it, and it's not preachy! In
and his bureaucratic authority. He summary, The Lego Movie: satirical,
even has "micromanagers" working for pro-creativity, anti-statist, go and
him: Black AT-ST-looking constructs see it! You won't be let down.((L))
-Page 29-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ____
_-_- ,, ,, / / \
/, || _ || / / /\ \
|| __ < \, \\/\\ \\/\\ \\ \\ ||/\ < \, ||/\\ ______/_/ /\_\ \______
~||- - /-|| || || || || || || ||_< /-|| || || \.\ __ ______ __ /
||===||(( || || || || || || || || | (( || || || \.\ \/ / \.\ \/ /
( \_, | \/\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\/\\ \\,\ \/\\ \\ |/ \_\ / \_\ /
___ _/ /./ \ /./ \
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(' || _ \\ , || , /_/_____ ____ _____\
(( || ,._-_ < \, / \\ \\ =||= \\ /'\\ \\/\\ _-_, \.\ \/./ /
(( || || /-|| || || || || || || || || || ||_. \.\ \/ /
(( // || ( || || || || || || || || || || ~ || \_\__/
-____- \\, \/\\ \\/ \\ \\, \\ \\,/ \\ \\ ,-_-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - By Synonymous 1 - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* WHAT IS HANNUKAH? 1) Light Hannukah candles.
Hannukah (also spelled Channukah) is The Menorah now has nine candles,
"The Festival of Lights." Hannukah with a "Shammus" candle in the mid-
is actually a minor holiday in the dle. Celebrants light this candle
Jewish tradition, but prominence for then use it to light one candle for
it has grown as it's in the Christ- each night so far, beginning one the
mas shopping season and the exchange right side. A Hebrew prayer accom-
of gifts is involved. panies the lighting of each candle.
The candles must burn on their own
Hannukah's originates during the for at least 1/2 hour after sunset.
rule of Antiochus IV, who began to On Shabbot (Sabbath), candles may
oppress the Jewish people. Two fac- not be blown out, and so must be
tions united to overthrow Antiochus able to burn 1/2 hour on their own
and the Greeks: the Chasidim and a before they self-extinguiseh, or not
group under Judah Maccabee and his be lit at all.
father. The Jews wanted to rededi-
cate their temple by concentrating 2) There is no 2.
it with oil, but only enough oil
was required to light the menorah Although there are no other rituals
(with only one candle) for one that go with Hannukah, gift-giving,
night. Through a miracle, the one the dreidel, and music and food are
day supply lasted eight nights, also associated with the holiday.
long enough to produce a new supply
and so it was the first Hannukah. * HANNUKAH FOOD
Every year since then, the Jewish What else is oil used for? Frying
people commemorated the miracle. food! And so fried food is part of
This year, Hannukah begins on De- the Hannukah feast, to celebrate oil
cember 7th and lasts until the 14th in every way! And the ultimate of
of December. Like all Jewish holi- these fried foods: latkes, or to the
days, Hannukah begins at sundown of Gentiles, potato panackes. highly
the night before the holiday, so recommended. to eat them makes you
the festivities begin at sundown on want to be Jewish! You can find all
Sunday, the 6th, 2015. Next year, kinds of traditional latke recipes
it begins on Christmas eve and runs on clearnet.
until New Year's Day,
Dairy foods like Blintzes and cheese
* HANNUKAH TRADITIONS: cake are popular, harkening back to
the story of Judith, who used cheese
-Page 30-
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.lOMMMMMMMMMMMMl lMl lMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMl
lMMMMMMMMMMMMOl. lMl lMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMl
lMMMMMMMMMMMMl lMl 'l0MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM0l'
.lOMMMMMMMMMMMMl lMl lMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMl
.llllllllllllll. .l. 'llllllllllllllllll'
ABOVE: Gimmel ABOVE: Nun
and wine to get the Jews' enemy, And for jelly doughnut fans, they
Holoferenes, drunk (the wine made have their own jelly doughnut con-
him thirsty). After treating him to fection called sufganiyot. It's
the gifts, she chopped off his head part of the fried food category, but
and they all lived happily ever af- deserves special mention for obvious
ter, except for the aforementioned reasons. Expect the FDA to ban them
general and his Babylonian army. sometime soon.
-Page 31-
* HANNUKAH COLORS wrapped in gold foil. Children and
adults both love this traditional
The Hannukah colors are blue and gift. Naturally, children receive
white, the colors of the Israeli the same kinds of gifts that their
flag. Gentile friends receive on Christ-
mas. The gift-giving is a more
* HANNUKAH GAMES modern addition to Hannukah, and was
done so because of its proximity to
The dreidel: This beloved game of Christmas, and to let the children
chance is popular with children and anticipate the holiday in a similar
adults alike. It's fairly simple way that Children do at Christmas.
to play. A dreidel is like a die
with four sides. The fifth side is HANNUKAH MUSIC
a handle and the sixth side is a
point to spin upon. It's described It's nearly as diverse as Christmas
better as a top with four sides. music. Here are some standards:
The dreidel game is a very simple o Who Can Retell? Often very loose-
gambling game. Although it's very ly translated from its original
innocent, don't let statists know if Yiddish
you're gambling, or they'll shut the o Hannukah, Oh, Hannukah: sings
game down and put you under arrest. more about the commercial aspects
of Hannukah and the non-religious
Everyone starts a game of dreidel traditions
with about a dozen quarters each, or o Rocky Fortress: Scripturally based
in this economy, pennies, or M & Ms song.
each. After one unit is donated by
each player into the "pot", players The novelty music:
take turns spinning the dreidel and o "Hannukah Rocks" by Gefelte Joe
take an action based on whichever and the Fish. I consider it the
Hebrew letter face it lands upon: greatest Hannukah song ever!
o Hannukah Homeboy by Doc Moe She
o nun: Do nothing. o The Hannukah Song by Adam Sandler
o gimmel: Take all in the pot! o Maccabeats: A Jewish a cappella
(everyone then donates one unit to group.
the pot and play begins anew)
o hey: Take half the pot, rounded And that's that Hannukah's all about
down to the nearest integer. Charlie Brown. And how can I con-
o shin: put one of your units in the clude without the latke recipe?
pot.
o 4 potatoes
See the drawings on the previous o 1 onion
page to see the Hebrew symbols. o 2 eggs
o up to 4 oz matza flour
The company *Elf Magic* procudes a o 1 tsp. baking powder
plush series called "Hannukah help- o salt/pepper to your taste
ers" which help children celebrate o vegetable oil (of course)
the traditions. And in reaction to
"The Elf on the Shelf, is *The Shred potatoes. Dice Onion. remove
Mensch on the Bench*. excess moisture. Put in bowl. Add
eggs. Mix. Gradually add matza un-
til soft like Play-Doh. Add baking
MODERN HANNUKAH CUSTOMS powder, salt & pepper. Flatten by
hand into 12 patties. Fry in oil,
And, of course, there is the gift- flipping when underside is lightly
giving: a gift for each day! The brown. Drain on towels. Enjoy.
traditional gift is gelt, coins Makes 12. Happy Hannukah! ((L))
-Page 32-
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& o Blue Christmas
Elvis Presley
AWESOME CHRISTMAS MUSIC PARTS 1 & 2!
o The Chipmunk Song
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& David Seville/ Alvin and The Chip-
munks
What better way to evoke the Christ-
mas spirit than with music? This o The Christmas Song (Chestnuts
article will be in two parts: Part 1 Roasting On An Open Fire)
will feature all-around good Christ- Nat King Cole (either version)
mas music, and in part 2 we'll delve
into Christmas novelty tunes. o Do You Hear What I Hear?
Bing Crosby
In the early days of records, when a
popular song was written, the song, o Feliz Navidad
not the artist, became the hit. A José Feliciano
popular song would be recorded and
records pressed by different artists o Frosty The Snowman
and several versions would be avail- Gene Autry
able, often by competing labels. In
modern society, this isn't usually o Have Yourself A Merry Little
the case. A song is usually written Christmas
with a particular artist in mind, so Judy Garland
the listener associates the artist
with the hit. When someone says, o Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
"Oops! I Did It Again", immediately Nat King Cole
Britney Spears comes to mind.
o I'll Be Home For Christmas
Not so with Christmas music. They Bing Crosby
are considered "standards", and many
versions of the same song may exist, o I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
just like in the early days of vinyl Jimmy Boyd
records. So you may be Christmas
shopping, hear "Santa Baby" begin to o It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like
play, and you expect Eartha Kitt, Christmas
but to your disappointment, when the Perry Como and The Fountaine
vocals begin, you get Madonna. Singers
LiberTORian wants to begin part 1 o It's Not The Presents Under The
with a guide to the "good" versions Tree (It's Your Presence Right
of our Christmas favorites, so you Here Next To Me) (Don't know how
can seek out the best artist without they fit all that on the label)
being disappointed. These are the Eva Cassidy
versions that you WANT to hear. At
the first note, you recognize it and o It's The most Wonderful Time Of
say, "Yes!" The definitive (even if The Year
not the original) iconic version! Andy Williams
o A Holly Jolly Christmas o Jingle Bell Rock
Burl Ives Bobby Helms
o All I Want For Christmas Is You o Jingle Bells
Mariah Carey Perry Como
o Baby's First Christmas o Last Christmas
Connie Francis Wham!
-Page 33-
o The Little Drummer Boy standards are worthy renditions of
Harry Simone Chorale & Orchestra favorites; some are alternate "de-
finitive" versions in their own
o Little Saint Nick right.
Beach Boys
o The Christmas Song (Chestnuts
o Merry Christmas, Baby Roasting On An Open Fire)
Charles Brown Boots Randolph (instrumental)
o Must Be Santa o Deck The Halls
Mitch Miller & His Orchestra Mannheim Steamroller (instru-
mental)
o No More Toymakers To The King
Paul Frees o Do You Hear What I Hear?
Andy Williams
o O Tannenbaum (instrumental)
Vince Guaraldi o Frosty The Snowman
Jimmy Durante
o Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree
Brenda Lee o Joy To The World
Whitney Houston
o Run Ruldolph Run
Chuck Berry o Last Christmas
Taylor Swift
o Santa Baby
Eartha Kitt with Henri Rene and his o Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It
Orchestra Snow
Jessica Simpson
o Sleigh Ride (vocal)
Johnny Mathis o Little Drummer Boy
Mannheim Steamroller (instru-
o We Need A Little Christmas mental)
Angela Lansbury, Frankie Michaels,
Jane Cornell, Sab Shimono o Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Gene Autry
o What Christmas Means To Me
Stevie Wonder o Silent Night, Holy Night
-Dina Washington
o White Christmas -John Darnell Orchestra (instru-
Bing Crosby mental)
-Mannheim Steamroller (instru-
o You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch mental)
Boris Karloff
o Silver Bells
This isn't a complete list, natur- Earl Grant
ally, but maybe more next year! It
is a good start, and if you collect o White Christmas
this all into a single playlist, you Drifters
should have enough to last you for
an entire Christmas party. If you o Winter Wonderland
put it on repeat, by the time every- -Tony Bennett
one is drunk, you won't even notice -Aretha Frankin
you're listening to the same songs
again! o You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
Carnival Of Shame
The next list is not the definitive
list, but the versions of these (article continues...)
-Page 34-
And a late entry... o A Terrorist Christmas
James & King
o Baby, It's Cold Outside
Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett o Porky Pig singe Blue Christmas
John-Boy and Billy
Then there are butcherings of the
cherished classic Christmas songs o Careless Santa
that you wish you could unhear. The Mono Puff
singers of these versions should be
put on trial for Grinchiness: o Santa Claus Is Watching You
Ray Stevens
o Jingle Bells
Barbra Streisand o Xmas At K-Mart
Root Boy Slim & The Sex Change
o Santa Baby Band
Ashley 1st
o All I want for Christmas Is My
As a libertarian, I respect your Two Front Teeth
freedom to listen, but you're ulti- o Happy New Year
mately responsible to the damage to o My Birthday Falls on Christmas
your ears. o Winter
Spike Jones & His City Slickers
???????????????????????????????????? o Christmas Dragnet
o Green Chri$tma$
A N D N O W F O R P A R T 2 o Nuttin; For Christmas
Stan Freberg
????????????????????????????????????
o Santa's Beard
There are lots of novelty Christmas They Might Be Giants
songs. Some are classics and have
risen to standard status. o A Christmas Song
Tom Lehrer
o The Twelve Gifts of Christmas
Allan Sherman o Christmas Wrapping
The Waitresses
o The Twelve Days of Christmas
Bob & Doug McKenzie (w/ Getty Lee) o Shouldn't Have Given Him a Gun For
Christmas
o The Twelve Pains of Christmas Wall of Voodoo
Bob & Tom Band
o Christmas At Ground Zero
o Can't Wish You a Merry Christmas "Weird Al" Yankovic
o (and many other songs)
Capitol Steps Finally, avoid these songs at all
costs:
o Santa Claus and His Old Lady
Cheech & Chong o Dominick The Donkey
o Simply Having A Wonderful Christ-
o Rusty Chevrolet mas Time
Da Yoopers o Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
o I Want a Hippopotamus For Christ-
o Christmas Is Coming Twice This Year mas
o Gridlock Christmas o I Still Believe in Father Christ-
The Hollytones mas
o Jingle My Bells by Strip Mind
o The Christmas Shoes ((L))
-Page 35-
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& O====================O
CLASSIC .TXT FILE OF THE DAY * nitexmas.txt *
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& O====================O
JARGON-FILLED NIGHT BEFORE bureaucrats & political correctness
CHRISTMAS policemen will love! Unsure of the
time it was written, but no later
Here's one rendition of "'Twas The than 2000. In its original text, as
Night Before Christmas" that all the as is, including misspellings!
................................................................................
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual yuletide celebration. And throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus
musclus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of
the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an eminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific
title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommo- dations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous
advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose
for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Fastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself; thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus ragifer. Piloted by a minuscule
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power traveling at what may have been more vertigiuous
velocity than patriotionalar predators, he vodiferated loudly,
exuelled breath musically through labial sounds, and addressed each of
the octet by his or her respected cognomen; Now Dasher, now Dancer, et
al. Guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode,
through which structured could readily distinguish the concatenations
of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
-Page 36-
with utmost celerity in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from
oxidations of carbonifbrous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to
the planthora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a
commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of exgaging
amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal
appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous
layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral
embelem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His
amusing sub- and super- alabials resembled nothing so much as a common
loop knot, and their amdent hirsute facial adornment appeared like
small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose gray
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it
was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
hemisphrical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than
an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom
rendered me visible frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so
being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating
his head slightly to one side he indicated that trepidation on my part
was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of
merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally
transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of his task, he
executed an abrupt aboutface, placed a singular manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to
his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
ESTATIC YULETIDE TO THE PLANETARY CONSTITUENCY, AND TO THAT
SELFSAME ASSEMBLAGE, MY SINCEREST WISHES FOR A SALUBRIOUSLY BENEFICIAL
AND GRATIFYINGLY PLEASURABLE PERIOD BETWEEN SUNSET AND DAWN.
................................................................................
Classic Text File of the Day * pc-xmas.txt *
BONUS FILE
Here's a gift for everyone, since it of the same famous story. This one
is Christmas, after all. A second doesn't have such a bad ending for a
fclassic .txt file of the day. An- politically-correct story. In its
other politicially correct retelling original 72 columns glory! Enjoy!
-Page 37-
A POLITICALLY CORRECT CHRISTMAS
--------------------------------------------------------
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
-Page 38-
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
................................................................................
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
B L U R B Myths that liberals believe, #12
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
During his campaign, Donald Trump MYTH #12: There were no Muslims
suggested that all Muslims register cheering in the streets of New Jer-
on a federal government database so sey on 9/11.
they could be tracked and monitored
during a terrorist attack or active FALSE. Donald Trump made the claim
terrorist threat. that on 9/11, he saw tens of thou-
sands of Muslims cheering in the
What the #$%^& is this?!! Have you streets. This is not true. That's
ever heard of the First Amendment? only because he exaggerated the num-
People have freedom of religion, and ber. But there WAS a cheering group
the government has no right to track of Muslims in NJ.
or in any way intimidate everybody
of a certain faith. The media itself exaggerates numbers
like a 1990 pro-life rally in DC. It
Freedom of religion is supposed to drew half a million but CNN reported
defend *ALL* religions, not just the 60000. CNN never faces consequences.
popular ones, unless the entire re-
ligion is dedicated to harming The media, whose motto is, "If we
others. Every Muslim isn't a member didn't print it, it never happened",
of ISIS. Islam is a religion, but didn't find the event after review-
Islamic terrorism is religious AND ing their archives. However, an en-
political in nature. emy of the mainstream media, *The
Wshington Times*, did report it, and
We must combat terrorism, but let's and video was discovered to exist.
not repeat statist measures that MSM backtracked, saying, "sure, it
lead to a FDR's concentration camps wasn't tens of thousands, but Trump
for all Japanese.((L)) was half-wrong too!" ((L))
-Page 39-
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
HARD COPY: CHRISTMAS EDITION - By Synonymous 1 -
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS THE CHRISTMAS SWEATER
by JOHN GIBSON THE CHRISTMAS SWEATER (illustrated
children's book)
John Gibson was a Fox News reporter. THE IMMORTAL NICHOLAS
Ten years ago he wrote this book. by GLENN BECK
2005 was the year when the War on
Christmas really took off. The ACLU People have been taught to hate
and Freedom From Religion Foundation Glenn Beck. Most of those who do
(what a twisted corruption of the never listened to the program. You
First Amendment) have been fighting may be surprised to find that he is
public displays of Christmas. The a decent human being. Doing my home
public school system is busy banning work, I found that most of the awful
free Christmas speech. But in 2005, things I heard about him were lies
it really started taking off in the from statists. As it turned out, to
private sector. The word *Christ- my surprise, he is very libertarian,
mas* was being sanitized from adver- not at all the angry conservative
tising. Wal*Mart began it, faced he's made out to be by people who
backlash, and the next year restored also probably never actually listen
the name of the holiday that made to him.
all their money.
Glenn also is an active reader and
As a libertarian, I don't care what writer, including Christmas books.
a business does, but people have the *The Christmas Sweater* is based on
right to exercise free speech and a true story in his own childhood.
call them out if they want to. It's filled with tragedy and emotion
but ultimately is a story of true
John Gibson's book is more relevant love. *The Christmas Sweater* was
than ever this year. For the first rewritten as a picture book for
time ever, a President (Obama) and children the next year.
his State Department have stomped
on free speech by BANNING CHRIST- Re-tellings of classic stories are
MAS CARDS TO OUR SOLDIERS FIGHTING all the rage. Think of the Broadway
OVERSEAS. Our soldiers sacrificing musical "Wicked", which offers the
enough already to keep everyone else backstory of the Wicked Witch of the
free. And the reason they must all West, and all of this type of story
suffer: so Muslims don't get of- it inspired. Glenn Beck's "The Im-
fended! mortal Nicholas" does the same to
Santa Claus.
I'm offended at this criminal in-
trusion on two First Amendment *The Immortal Nicholas* explains his
rights: freedom of religion and longevity, but completely reinvents
freedom of speech! Obama's a bigot. the character. Who knew the Jolly
The War on Christmas is real and it Red One was such a rugged no-non-
can be fought. John Gibson's book sense fighting machine? You also
tells you how. And why shouldn't learn historical knowledge along the
you fight for Christmas? Who knows way, like why frankincense is so
what will be the next decent beloved rare! This story is raw, edgy, and
American thing the looney statists yet touching all at once! So enjoy
will try to eradicate? these titles; they make for great
Christmas reading! ((L))
-Page 40-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
D.N.S. L O O K U P F A I L E D ~~~ By Synonymous 1. ~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~oo~~~~~~~~
/\ /\
How are we doing with our logos, art I'm not saying this sarcastically.
and all the little blandishments de- __A__ Evil loses in the end, even if it
signed to make each issue of Liber- \ - / takes a time scale too large for our
TORian a bit more pleasant to view? /_-_\ scope. Statists think of the long
We've been constructing plenty more V run; it took them 100 years to turn
of our own logos for featured arti- America into the wreck that it now
cles. The Kwanzaa logo and The Lego __A__ finds itself in. Most of us think
Movie logo were in-house productions \ - / about one year in the future. That
as was much of the Christmas art. A /_-_\ demonstrates persistence. Most of
lot of it is noodling around, just V us don't live to be 100, but the
trying to create ASCII art to see if universe will exist 10000 years from
any of it looks decent. We'll leave __A__ now, 1 million years from now, etc.
it for you to judge. \ - / And insignificant as we may seem on
/_-_\ a three-dimensional scale, there is
d V something special about you, me, the
_I_ members of ISIS, and everyone. Each
| | __A__ individual life is unique and has a
b d b d | | d b b d \ - / purpose. It's up to you to do that.
, . . , | | , , ' . /_-_\ We each must figure out what that is
[] [] [] [] |___| [] [] [] [] V but I know one thing for sure: it's
== == == == ===== == == == == not to wear full body armor and go
|| || || ||__| |__|| || || || into an assisted living facility in
\\ \\ \\_\___ ___/_// // // San Bernardino, California, where
\\ \\_\_____ _____/_// // chartiible people help the infermed
\\_\_______ _______/_// aged, who are among the weakest
\_________ _________/ among us, except the unborn. Other
___|=|___ than evil terrorists or Planned
/_________\ Parenthood, who attacks people this
'-----------' innocent, this defenseless?
Here's our attempt at a Menorah. When you put this and each issue of
__A__ LiberTORian down, go out and serve
As I said earlier, things are moving \ - / your fellow man. Not just at Chann-
so quickly. What a time to stop to /_-_\ ukah and Christmas- all year around.
make a Christmas issue. Evil is on V
the march and doesn't take holidays. A little homework: terrorism will be
There was Paris, and now there is an __A__ a critical topic of 2016. LiberTOR-
incident in LA which you will know \ - / ian isn't enough. Until we meet
all about by the time you read this. /_-_\ again, find and listen to Walid
Within minutes of the shooting, the V Phares at GPI Policy Institute at:
bodies of 14 murdered people in L.A.
are LITERALLY STILL WARM, and Martin __A__ - http://walidphares.com
O'Malley publicly blames the NRA! \ - /
Remain vigilant, but "Keep Calm and /_-_\ Pay attention to what he says. Keep
Carry On". Evil will always be on V up with him daily. Verify his info.
us, but God triumphs in the end. If
you're an atheist, don't worry, ei- __A__ Have a Happy Hannukah, Merry Christ-
ther. The universe regulates itself \ - / mas, and happy New Year. I think
in the end. /_-_\ next year will bring great tidings.
V - - - E N D O F F I L E - - -
