Tripe #11 The world is at war
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- Military forecast on the zine war - Johnny Bladez
- impulse reality sucks and so do some other zines- Slick stephen
- to linear from trilobyte
- LINEAR AND IR ARE FUCKS! By Verticle Plunder
The world is at war. So is TRIPE.
YOU ARE SO WRONG YOU ARE SO WRONG YOU CANNOT CHALLENGE!
Enjoy your magazine.
Military forecast on the zine war
Johnny Bladez
War is always good for the economy and it is no different for the ezine scene either. For by the end of this war the weak will have fallen and the strong shall be crowned with crowny goodness. Hello, I'm Johnny Bladez, military forecasting analyst for TriPE. After gathering all available data through both legitimate means and via subterfuge, I have assembled this report on how each side is faring on all fronts and my predictions for the likely outcome.
The instigators of the war, Anada and impulse reality, managed to keep this epic struggle contained to just the two nations for the first ten months or so and the rest of the zine world was content is letting them battle it out. Then gir from angstmonster made a call for peace in what was the most moving and dramatic speech ever made within zine history. There were fireworks and carnival rides and shit and jesus.. it was unbelievable. Three days later, gir declared war on impulse reality with a little help from his friends Cheese N' Crackers and the horrendous masters of misinformation, TURD. TURD was swiftly and soundly wiped off the face of the planet by the glorious EFIL4SEIBMOZ organization for their hate crimes. Angstmonster released impulse lameality, a very clever play on impulse reality for those who couldn't pick up on it. The war had been kicked up a step with this bold maneuver. Impulse reality responded with a declaration of victory over Anada and are now focusing their weapons of mass destruction on angstmonster. This brings us up to the present. The following is the result of many minutes of intense looking at of and around of reports, documents, graphs, and other pieces of paper.
As the war continues to take its toll on the current participants, all nations involved will resort to looking for more and more outside help. Civilians on both sides will be subjected to more and more horrific pieces of literature as the warring zines experiment with new literary methodologies. Excessive yawning and dozing will be the common result of these inhumane techniques. Yes, even more so than now, which I know is hard to believe, but desperate times make for desperate rhymes, I mean people. Just when it seems like the ezines have almost exhausted all their supplies and munitions, a major card will be played. The superpower zine TriPE will come in with their usual arsenal of upper-class, bass-filled, creamy centered, flaming hot, big breasted, turbo charged, alcohol ladened, funke funke wisdom and completely destroy the weakened participants. This will result in a new era of a world under one zine, one that people actually want to read. Ha ha.
Impulse reality sucks and so do some other zines
Slick stephen
impulse reality, you are so bad! BAD! bad people completely altoghuther.
You were so bad and stupid you attacked anada but how can you attack anada? How? That is so wimpy like attacking the moon! The moon will never fight back so even just by declaring war on it you win the war! So you beat ANdad you beat them up to death byut LISTEN to me you can never beat a real zine!
Even if you beat impulse lameality it's not a real zine anyway it's just some people pretending to be your zine!!!! So you are fighting against youserl!
I think that gir likes to fight with you but that he is too afarid to put his own zine onto the line, well yo likstn because TRIPE is going to blow you away, impulse reality!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
right?
Other zines that are stupid:
DESTRUCTION oF CIOVILIZATION is written by a stupid baby and should eb called DESTRUCTION ON LAMEIZATION!!!
CaPILOL OF NASTY if from toront and all of the writers are dumb idiots wirth SARS!@ They should be called CALITAL OD LAMESTY!
GrEWNY WORLd DOminATION STUPID BUDDY HOLLY lubbock loser zine stupid should be called GREENY WORLD LAMEATION!!!!!!
So there you have a comprahensive list of all of ther zines that are stupid and lame with lamers as editors and writers and readers. They should all give up on writing because of TRIPE and TRIPE if the BEST
TRIPE MAGAZINE RUEL!!
TO LINEAR
FROM TRILOBYTE
Linear, You May Think you are Something Special
But, in fact, youARe a Lame SONNUVABITCH
I Am Going to DOS TTACK yOU SomeDAY and Your
PoRNO Files Are Goign to Shw through Your FireWALLj
I will Look at Them Pictures and KNOWW
KNOWW
THaT You WanK FOF to PictRUes of LittEL BoYS Who
LoOKS LIke You with glue in their Hare and pasty
KnuCkles From Too Mych Crawling
YouR A BroWN NoSing Bugg Futter
Your Stench Razes Forests
YoUR Zine IS a Pathetic Example of WASTE and DECAY
GeT off your HORSE and start RUNNING
Cos I fed it OATS with FECEs
The Poisonous kIND!
Over and OUt
Peace.
Wait, no, WAR
OVer and OUt
WAR
LINEAR AND IR ARE FUCKS!
By Verticle Plunder
OH SHIT YOU FUCKERRS!
Its the BIG VP all da ways back from the issue NUMBER FUCKING ONE!
Remember me you hoezz? Yeah i know i know i know you do, because i am the best thing to happen to text since the computer, or something. No fuck that, i was cool before computers. I was cool before tehre was even a text to text in, you FUCVKS!!
I DON'T USE SPELL CHECK, YOU ASSES>
OKAY THIS IS HOW iT IS: i am writng this texct for the best zine ever (its only the best zine ever because I WRITE FOR IT YUO LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!) because i wanted to let everyione know how much IMPULSE REALITY is really RETARDED!!! THEY ARE RETARDED BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKIHG WRITE FOR THEM! I ONLY WRITE FOR THE COOL ZINES LIKE TRIPE!
THIS WAR IS SO COOL because TRIPE is going to KICK SOME GODDAM ASS!
WHOSE ASS? IMPULSE ASS!
YEAH MOTHER SHIT FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LINEAR YOU ARE A STUPID!
If i was the fucking president, i'd totally execute Linear for crimes against coolness. then i'd give me a medal for having the LARGEST PENIS! Then i'd totally get my sex on, because guys with medals for the penis get sex all the damn time, probably.
So do i, because i'm the BIG VP!
BBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYE YOU FUCKS!
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|T|R|I|P|E| Issue Eleven - May 20th, 2003
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website = http://www.textscene.com/archive/TRIPE/
