Tripe #3 Special FRINGE issue version
Tripe Issue Three - August 18th, 2002
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- ada
- 200T - by the boss to the muthafuckin c
- Wimpy Wimpy Jared - Melatonin
- Ava, Casting Director - by Heckat
- ada
- A No gas Paint Brush Story - Michael Fralic, PhD Candidate
- Saturday, August 10th, by Galadriel and Socko
- Dexter, age 7, grade one French
- Classic TRIPE article #2 - Melatonin
We've got a really awesome good issue of TRIPE this week because, as promised, it is a special FRINGE issue version of TRIPE magazine. I know you will especially like this one because it raises the bar for all writing around the world and how awesopmely good it must be. PLease read ti right now and love it with all of your heart and eyes and mind.
Or, on second thought, maybe you shouldn't read it at all because you know it's too good for you and it'll just make you confront how much of a loser you are and that you're not as cool as the people who write for TRIPE magazine and sell magazines at the Fringe and stuff and you'll realize that you'll never be a real writer like us and you'll want to die. Maybe.
Enjoy your magazine.
ada
This is being written for TRIPE magazine it's hard to say what's good about this tripe free to watch me write did you know this book's clinker grasshopper joel bums a smoke local writing lone this lun how am I going to talk about this shit this whole article is the essence of TRIPE one day i woke up, got out of bed and circled the living room with the intention of finding my own identity you are beautiful red roses and your thorns pierce my side and grasshoppers feeding off my skin they're attacking me oh did I mention this article is written for TRIPE magazine which means you gotta jump up and get down jump jump jump jump i have always found a reason to write for TRIPE magazine because the shit that comes out of my mouth is worthy of the page baby, worthy of the mothafuckin page.
_peace_
200T
by the boss to the muthafuckin c
When TRIPE magazine sets up shop for the new millinny, you KNOW there _gotz_ ta be some platinum article writing in stizzore. And this _is_ the B to the M makin TRIPE solid gold. I know that's a step belw platinum, but when you're working with TRIPE, you just do ya best and hope ya shizzit doesn't get rejected. TRIPE standards are high and you know the BMC can write that hot hot shit that can't be fussed with. Don't make a fuss, cause I got much words that I buss. Straight fa TRIPE, beleed dat hype. And you know this is tha zine that never quits, TRIPE gots that ol ill isht. So if you like it good, any zine will do, if you want the best, TRIPE's tha 1 fa you.
TRIPE!
Wimpy Wimpy Jared - Melatonin
(insert ripped-out page here)
Ava, Casting Director
by Heckat
How can I write an article for TRIPE magazine when I'm under pressure and supposed to be selling magazines outside the ice cream stand -- everybody loves ice cream better than they love literature. _BUT_ they also love tripe better than they love ice cream -- so if only they could read TRIPE magazine we could make them combine their love for tripe to form a newfound love of literature. Food and words Ahhhhhhh -- true love -- a combination of true beauty. TRIPE magazine offers what's better than the Fringe, better than a magician, better than sex, better than death -- but not better than hawking your wares while writing articles and getting Cog an acting gig on the local medical drama. We got celebrities, writing, articles in progress, TRIPE magazine is white hot, right hot, right now! TRIPE magazine folks, get ya TRIPE magazine! It's anything but trite, it'll change your life.
ada
We have to keep writing to remember who we are the scene of an accident so close to the soles of our feet we got TRIPE we got mischief local magazine we got ice cream we got pomeade we got hats: we got everything we got grasshoppers, millions and millions of bats we got water we got sunburnt skin we got pools and pools of sun swing onto our skin like burrows we like others our readers writers famous insignificant.
A No gas Paint Brush Story
Michael Fralic, PhD Candidate
I had a paint brush. It was a really good one. Real bristles too. But I didn't have gas or paint thinner, & this stupid pen keeps twisting down all the time. So, I was painting a big table. I built it. It was _big_. Really bi_g_: eight of us had cereal at it. So I had to prime it (one time) and paint it (cheap reject brown -- pretty like a coffee with milk) (two coats). I'm writing this for TRIPE magazine. There's a grasshopper on the armrest of my chair. Lots of grasshoppers today. Maybe lots tomorrow. So, what to do about oil paint (it was oil paint) (fuckin twisty pen) in my fine brush between coats of paint (whole day each time). I think well and thouroughly in a problem-solving mode, & I thought really hard, & I thought that if the paint (in the brush) didn't get any air it wouldn't dry out. 'Cause one time I was painting the inside of a walk-in fridge & it didn't get hardly any air & it was oil paint & the paint took forever to dry & I got a wicked bad headache too & felt really gross for maybe two or three days. So, with the paint-table-brush situation I just put the brush ehad in a bag & it got wrecked anyway & I threw it out today but it took a long time to get wrecked & only dried out real slowly & I got three coats of paint down (one primer, two reject brown but nice anyway) before it got all crusty. I built something else today (not telling) & I've got a lot of paint left & I bought a Simms Econo Grade Polyester brush for Latex & Oil paints. It was real cheap, but it's gonna get wrecked anyway 'cause I still have no solvents. Landfill, or, petroleum down the drain. I don't know what to do about this particular pressing problem. I guess I'll just go build something else. I salvaged all my wood from alleyways. The End.
Thank You.
Saturday, August 10th
by Galadriel and Socko
As we watched yet another Australian Street Performer at the Saskatoon Fringe Festival, the truth loomed over us: all street performers, especially the Aussies, are compulsively obsessed with homosexuality. We observed "Duke Dreamer," a.k.a. "Daniel," attempt to kiss a random cowboy, and "Daisy and Derrick's" antics as they insisted on dressing up an innocent man in a feather boa and calling him "Doris." We found it extremely entertaining. However, there are way, way too many sexual "jokes" for a show watched by children so young that they still look like fetuses. Well, maybe not quite, but they are much too young to be exposed to testicle jokes. Of course, there are far too many reckless parents letting their children observe these sexual jokes.
Some street performers that are not, in fact, Australian, still seem to have this strange need to make men hug each other, and even to say "I love you, man"
We are most definitely not homophobic in any way, but it just seems rather odd....
Perhaps this gay fetish is a prerequisite for becoming a street performer, or perhaps it has to do with extra-terrestrial life forms taking over the Universe..... Will we ever know?
Before we leave you for today, we have one last comment...
7R1P3 Ru13$, M4N!!!
Dexter, age 7, grade one French
(orated by Dexter; handwritten by Melatonin in BMC's notebook in the presence of BMC, Cog, Heckat, and ada; transcribed from BMC's notebook to BMC's computer by Heckat and BMC. Transportation courtesy of Dexter's father.)
Saskatoon is a very great place. There is a Fringe every year and today it's really windy. Tents are blowing up and almost everybody's putting everything away. There was lots of shows and there was a really good juggler. There people here are poor and they're trying to sell magazines and the name of this magazine is TRIPE. It's really rainy and it's wrecking lots of comics. I'm just trying to help these people here.
Classic TRIPE article #2 - Melatonin
This is being written not from the TRIPE frontline, as the TRIPE frontline has been temporarily shut down due to dark clouds and the water that's falling from them. I am in a restaurant right now, sitting across from BMC and Heckat, famed writers of TRIPE's sister magazine, the N__-C________.
BMC said he would reject this because I went back to the last paragraph and edited one word. Editing is bad; TRIPE writers do not make mistakes. A TRIPE mistake, if such a thing could exist, would not, in fact, be a mistake, but simply a decision unmade. What we are talking about here is not this, but that. It's like a lost episode in your favourite TV series, or hairdryer once the sun's gone down, a black and white sheep in a barn full of yellow hay.
Now go walk over there and think about that for a little while and come back to me when you're ready to learn the true meaning of TRIPE.
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|T|R|I|P|E| Issue Three - August 18th, 2002
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website = http://scene.textfiles.com/tripe/tripe.txt
