How to fail out of college
Self-explanitory. (In our honest opinion #1)
how to fail out of college
by the ph4rcyd3
you may be thinking to yourself, "sheeeet, how hard could it be to fail out of college?"
but believe me, its a lot harder than you think.
step 1: have yourself a really laid back senior year.
i mean, get into college and everything first. make sure its really far away too. you don't wanna be stuck in your shit town forever.
then, get high before classes, skip school, sleep all day. come on! its your god given right as a senior to fuck up.
go the to prom with a hot ass chick, get her all drunk and fuck the shit out of her afterwards. then at graduation, don't wear a god damn thing under your gown, and when you get your diploma, give your entire class a fruit bowl.
step 2: have yourself an extremely crazy summer. get piss drunk every night. smoke weed all day long. go to parties and make out with girls. eat acid on a regular basis. take pills. listen to metal. light shit on fire in the woods with all your friends. then, a week before you go away to school, hook up with that beautiful girl you've had a crush on since the beginning of the year.
hang out with her every day before you leave. realize that she's even cooler of a person than you thought. really start to appreciate how great she is, and how great your life has become. then, just as things cant get any better, just when your inner peace and joy is at its peak... leave.
step 3: go to school. yep, leave your personal eutopia at home and go 300 miles away and start you new life as a college student. keep to yourself at first, but after a while, the lonliness will get to you.
so find all the stoner, drunken, crazed, frat boy motherfuckers you can find and get crazy fucked up. call your girl as much as you can at first. she'll cry and you'll cry, and you'll feel as close to her as ever.
but it wont last. as your first semester crawls by you'll slowly drift apart from her and your friends. some will forget you, some will self destruct and end up in rehab, and some will stay true to you, but it wont matter.
they're all hundreds of miles away. all you'll have left is the few kids you met at school that are cool, a bottle, pills, and weed. the only thing you'll be able to do is try to kill the pain. drift through the rest of the semester in a haze. after a while your girl will dump you, because it wont be worth it to her to go through this anymore. then you'll have nothing left. you can either kill yourself or drop out and run hume to your mommy and try to get your life together. that choice is left up to you.
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