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CLiT #21: Do You Use High Heat?
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> f' /\ \ % ...Episode XXI... <
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> ,% \ --_ --_ '% _Do You Use High Heat?_ <
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> - %l .%%~ -=============[ The Pleasure 'Zine ]==========- <
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~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"EDITORIAL I" - by AlterEcho
This is the first alcohol induced editorial I've ever written, I swear. This
is probably not a good idea, but I _feel_ like working on CLiT. It is my
baby, and my reason for living.
I used to have another reason for living. That reason was Kraft Cheddar
Cheese Sticks, but now that has all gone away, and there is just me and this
little e'zine.
P.S. Even if she does score with HIM tonight, I promise she will never see
how much that hurt me. I fucking promise.
(P.P.S. Why couldn't it be me again?)
P.P.P.S. HEHEHEHEHEHHE!!@
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"EDITORIAL II" - by AlterEcho
Here's something scary -- I don't even remember writing that drivel. God, but
I'm BORING! Somebody slap me if I ever write anything like that again. Slap
me good and proper.
Okay. Yes, okay. Here is a real editorial.
This issue is brilliant. Aren't they all? Well, yes. But this one is
beautifully brilliant, and will one day be nominated for a Nobel Prize. The
feature attraction is of course a gift from the Gods. By this, I mean the
contents of a one particular 1.44'' diskette sent to me all the way from
chilly Canada by BMC. That's right, BMC of Neo-Comintern
<www.neo-comintern.com> fame! Yes, OMG, BMC!@
!!@#$%^&*()
Anyway, he sent me a file called "the joy of meeting.bmc" (that's fairly
arrogant -- shouldn't he let other people decide how joyous meeting him is?),
and this chilling message...
If you put this poem
in two to twelve
issues of your zine,
you will be blessed
with good fortune from
the angel of happiness.
I don't believe in happiness, but I liked the poem, so it got the nod.
Also, in recent times, I received this message from the slackest of the slack
Cr00, one Abyss by name:
Dear Boss,
I'm stacks and stacks sorry that I was such a slackarse last year.
Incidentally, last year was also my first year. So. I'll try to consider
writing more for you this year. :)
In the mean time, please stop setting my new baby kitties on fire, you
perverted phr33k.
Cheerio!
Adagio.
P.S. I've changed my name. Can j00 handle it??
Yes, my dear, I can handle it.
Just another issue of the Pleasure 'Zine really. Another brilliant issue.
Beautifully brilliant in fact.
Amen.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"C'EST LE TABLE DE CONTENTS"
{x} -=- "EDITORIAL I" -=- ......................................... AlterEcho
{x} -=- "EDITORIAL II" -=- ........................................ AlterEcho
{x} -=- "C'EST LE TABLE DE CONTENTS" -=- ....................................
{x} -=- "THE JOY OF MEETING" -=- ........................................ BMC
{x} -=- "HIJINX" -=- ..................................... Arianrhod / Adagio
{x} -=- "SOMETHING, SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE..." -=- ................ AlkalineAngel
{x} -=- "IN OTHER NEWS TODAY..." -=-.................................... Anon
{x} -=- "CHROMATIC" -=- ......................................... Arcane Frog
{x} -=- "PRAT" -=- ........................................... Aerialisticish
{x} -=- "WINTER YAMS" -=- ......................................... AlterEcho
{x} -=- "WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, ANYWAY?" -=- ........................ AlterEcho
{x} -=- "INDIGESTION (ARCANE FROG `WINTER YAMS' REMIX)" ......... Arcane Frog
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"THE JOY OF MEETING" - by BMC
-Stop- thoughts freeze - half spoken words fall to the ground,
splintering like shards of riverbed ice, sticking out of the concrete -
jagged - cutting through soles of my shoes - a hospital alarm sounds in
my flesh, vibrating up my bones and pulling the sense from my head, the
blood from my face - I look down at my watch, heart beating three times
before the second hand ticks again . . . she walks away,
taking my stream of consciousness with her and I resign
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"HIJINX" - by Arianrhod and Adagio
Why Abyss Changed Her Name
==========================
Because while she was in L.A. auditioning for Lord of the Rings: The
Fellowship of the Ring, she was staring into an abyss. Then, a willy-willy
came along and blew a shitload of layered jelly into this abyss, filling it
up. So she decided to change her name because the abyss was gone.
- Written by Arianrhod, for Adagio
Cow Tipping
===========
Arianrhod just found out she's in possession of little baby booties.
I'd just like to say that I'm appalled and revolted that she goes out and
night to skin babies and makes booties out of them.
She didn't even ask me if I'd be her getaway driver.
Hmph.
"I did not skin any babies. How dare Adagio accuse me of such things. I
skinned a sheep, instead."
Ho! A likely story! You probably went Cow Tipping without me too. I'm hurt.
Only because I just bit my cheek instead of my chewing gum, mind you. But
still.
I'm hungry. Let's have toast. Or pancakes. Pancakes are good. WAIT! JELLY!!
Can j00 dig it?!?
"I went cow tipping with my cousin once. It's funny. you push them over and
they just keep sleeping."
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"SOMETHING, SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE..." - by AlkalineAngel
I have a bruise on my knee
gets bigger everytime you look at me
magnifies my inadequacies
'cause it was you and me in your apple tree
tried to cover up all those wounds
but I think of us
maybe how we could've been
now we're shattered
I tried to give you a kiss
you repel me
send me in crazy circles
I bite my nails to the point they bleed
can't you just be with me?
do I restrict you with my childish ideas
do I stalk you during the night in dreams
do I show you how you really are?
does that scare you?
maybe 'cause boy don't forget
I know all about you
more than you seem to show nowadays
didn't think a kiss could hurt you
I exhale against the rainy window pane of the train
drawing little hearts in the fog and crossing them out
we got here on the bare stability of uniting
now I'm alone
the shade of the pavement's a little darker or maybe I just never noticed
how dark it always was until I lost you
thought I could thank you for making me see how microscopic we really are
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"IN OTHER NEWS TODAY..." - by Anon
Lecturers suck. I wonder if having no sense of the realistic is a
pre-requisite to be one. That, and maybe a bad sense of humour. And a stupid
collection of overhead transparencies. And the inablilty to use a clip-on
microphone.
I can handle the Polish accents, idiot grins, replacement hips and oversized
pointers. And maybe even the willingness to accept impromptu piano concerts
(that one also depends on the level of proficiency of the pianist, though).
Okay, maybe not all lecturers suck, but you get my drift, don't you?
If you can count more than ten people asleep at any one time, or you hear
your learned friend being referred to as "Prof. Halitosis", then you may as
well not turn up. Get an extra hour of sleep. Read the paper. Play cards.
Hand out political propaganda leaflets. Count blades of grass. Do anything
else but go. I'm sure you can find a better, more fun way to kill your own
brain cells.
Even worse than the dodgy (to say the least) lecturer is the dodgy student.
You know, the ones who just make you mutter "pass the MP5" under your breath.
Fortunately, they're sonewhat less common than a bad lecturer. Unfortunately,
they're a thousand times worse. One of them is always late, and disrupts the
lecture by asking stupid questions and trying to find fault where there is
none, thereby forcing a long-winded explanation and postponing freedom for a
few more minutes each time. Another hard case decides to bury his nose in his
lunch and look up occasionally to discover he's got no idea of what's going
on, again requiring long-winded brain-numbing re-explanations of what was
said 30 seconds ago. Gee, I wonder what that picture of the cutlery-and-
drink-cup-with-a-cross-through-it means.
Don't even get me started on crap tutors.
Life is short. Get some ordnance.
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"CHROMATIC" - by Arcane Frog
Completely oblivious to the outside world, I wandered aimlessly towards the
station.
In my ears The Dandy Warhols tell me of the joys of sex, drugs and sleep.
As I listen the world flows past in a technicolor haze of lines and shapes.
My eyes observe them but never truly see them.
My mind flatlines _________________
Why think?
When I think I feel pain. I feel loss.
I regret so many actions and decisions I have made.
WHY THINK???!!!
Thoughts are filled with shadows; luring...
beckoning... calling us into their depths.
They must be right. It's always my fault.
I am obnoxious.
I am annoying.
I fall in love too easy...
Thoughtlessness on the other hand is a myriad of blues and greens,
where reds and yellows dance between and within each other.
But there is always the black.
Sitting just outside my peripheral vision.
Waiting for me to remember.
Waiting for me to weaken.
Counting down the moments until I falter.
Why is it so hard to remember?
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"PRAT" - by Aerialisticish
I want it all. I think I've played too many of those games where you can
distribute points into abilities or possesions but you have to specialise in
one trait to be any good at anything, and leave the other traits at mediocre
levels. I'd been looking at my time, or my life like that unknowingly. Bugger
that. It is my aim to become one of those prats with 18 for every stat,
except for a couple of stats on 19. Yes, even the Charisma stat, although
that MAY be difficult.
Anyways, from now on, unless something really interesting and insightful pops
into my head I'll stop writing about the real and often sane world. I'd like
to leave that alone for a bit ;) This signals a return to the crazy shit of
old!
Coming soon: Leprocy - The Board Game!
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"WINTER YAMS" - by AlterEcho
Frozen yams
In noodle soup
I wait for the thaw.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, ANYWAY?" - by AlterEcho
It doesn't mean anything, really, does it? Who gives a toss about sweet
potatoes in a bowl of 3 minute Mi Goreng noodles (YUM YUM!)? No-one, that's
who. It's almost like I have chosen 10 random words and pieced them together:
Frozen yams
In noodle soup
I wait for the thaw.
That could easily be:
For in yam soup
Frozen in noodle thaw -
I wait.
Or even:
Thaw for the frozen
I
Soup wait yams noodle in.
You know what I mean.
But hey, maybe it's more than that. Maybe I am _DEEP_ and _POETIC_ and
utilising _POWERFUL_IMAGERY_. Yeah! That's it! Frozen yams are representative
of the harsh realities of modern western society. And the noodle soup is
indicative of the tangled webs we weave about ourselves in our daily lives,
part protection, part weapon. And maybe, just maybe, one day there will be a
worldwide collective awakening, a spiritual "thaw", if you will.
Or maybe not.
And the truth is, it doesn't matter what it means. It is there. Read it. It
only takes a second. And if you care enough, you can come up with some sort
of meaning. And if you don't -- well, it's just another ten words on a
computer screen. Easy come, easy go. And it won't bother me. Promise.
Because I know what it's about. I wrote it, didn't I? It was just a fleeting
thought, racing through my head, and all I wanted to do was pluck that
thought in it's abstract form, and come up with a way of expressing it so
that I can read it, and remember what it means. I want it to make me smile; I
want it to make me wince. I want it to make me _FEEL_.
Success.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"INDIGESTION (ARCANE FROG `WINTER YAMS' REMIX)" - by Arcane Frog
Phrozen aubergine
In tika masala
I wait for the burning ring of fire.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
..--------------------------------------------------------------------------.
:| (C) 2002 by CLiT || http://clit.freeshell.org || clit@sdf.lonestar.org |
:| Australian Owned & Made || Released 20.03.02 |
:`--------------------------------------------------------------------------'
:
: THOSE WHO STAND UNDER THE CLiT FLAG (AND ONE GUEST SUPERSTAR!#) :-
:
: BMC :- We are not worthy, we are not worthy ;
: Aerialisticish :- Official judge of worthiness ;
: Arianrhod :- Utilising half a brain ;
: Adagio :- Got the other half (who FINDS these people?) ;
: AlkalineAngel :- Returns! (And still making us cry) ;
: Anon :- Wanted on three counts of homicide ;
: Arcane Frog :- Caught beneath a landslide ;
: AlterEcho :- The guest superstar! Or NOT, you know ;
: et al!
*
