Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
CLiT #19: That's a Beautiful Story
> <
> ___ <
> -===- / \ -===================================[ CLiT ]=============- <
> | |%. <
> df\___/ ~% <
> %` |__ '& <
> f' /\ \ % ...Episode XIX... <
> %| | \ \ '%&aq. <
> % | \_______ '%& <
> ,% \ --_ --_ '% _That's a Beautiful Story_ <
> $% \ \ '% <
> q% | \ % <
> %l | .%~ <
> - %l .%%~ -=============[ The Pleasure 'Zine ]==========- <
> ~%eeeeeeeeeeeee%~ <
> <
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"EDITORIAL" - by Aerialisticish
There's something strange going on. Can you see it? The more observant of you
will have noticed that this is NOT by AlterEcho. I'm filling in 'cos the poor
d00d doesn't feel up to it (see below). CLiT is a team thing, and since there
is an 'A' in Team we all should be fine as long as we aren't PipeScream.
Hooray for that.
So without further waffle, I present to you more of the same old grit you
know and love.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"BOO FUCKING HOO (AS IF ANYONE CARES)" - by AlterEcho
Right now, this is all I've got. Hell, I know it's not much, but you gotta be
thankful for small mercies. And this is a fairly small mercy.
They say bad things come in threes, and wow did I get my three. Fuck you,
fate. Rot in hell, coincidence.
Enjoy this fucking issue or die, gobshyte.
(P.S. It's my birthday again. Happy fucking birthday, Mister AlterEcho, you
worthless piece of shit.)
(P.P.S. I know I'm pathetic. And I don't care.)
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"TABLE OF CONTENTS"
{x} -=- "EDITORIAL" .......................................... Aerialisticish
{x} -=- "BOO FUCKING HOO (AS IF ANYONE CARES)" .................... AlterEcho
{x} -=- "TABLE OF CONTENTS" .................................................
{x} -=- "VINDICATION" ........................................... Arcane Frog
{x} -=- "WHY DENTAL WORK SCARES ME" ............................... Arianrhod
{x} -=- "YOU CAN CHEAT IN CS??" .............................. Conjugate Acid
{x} -=- "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS" ....... Aerialisticish
{x} -=- "TITLE STORY" ............................................. AlterEcho
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"VINDICATION" - by Arcane Frog
For every lie, I take a finger.
For every tear you've made me shed, I make a cut.
For every time you've abused me, I take a sense.
Sight...... a fork will do.
Hearing...... a bread knife?
Taste...... my teeth :o)
Touch...... a rusty nail file
Smell...... how about a corkscrew?
This pysical pain sounds horrific,
But I'd rather live with a thousands scars,
Than to live eternally with this beaten bloody mess in my chest.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"WHY DENTAL WORK SCARES ME" - by Arianrhod
Dental work scares me. It never used to, but all of a sudden I've developed
this unhealthy phobia of dental work. Because it hurts.
I had to go to the dentist yesterday, because I'm teething. Since I am now
legally old enough to do the things I was doing before I was legally old
enough to do them, my loving, caring father decided that it was time for me
to have my own billing account, to be paid by me. My father forgets, of
course, that I do not work, and that the Youth Allowance being paid to me by
the generous and considerate Australian government is barely enough to buy
me a CD a month, let alone pay dentist bills, and pay my way through
University, which it supposedly will. But this is not a contention worth
being argued with my Fuehrer Father. So Dear Ol' Dad gets the receptionist to
arrange me my own account while I sit in the waiting room, and read about who
"Who Weekly" considers to be 2001's Sexiest People (Penelope Cruz and Heath
Ledger, if you're wondering).
Soon enough, the dental nurse calls my name, and I am led into the
examination room. The dentist sits me in the chair, puts the bib on and hands
me the haute couture sunglasses, before flipping on the light and tilting the
chair back.
"Where's the pain, Arianrhod?"
"Um, just over here, Dr. C." I pointed to the back of my mouth, where a tooth
is trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to grow.
He sticks his mirror in and has a look.
"Right, Arianrhod, we need to take an x-ray. Follow me."
The three of us (that's me, him, and the nurse) walk out to the x-ray room.
He stands me in front of the machine, makes me bite down on something,
adjusts a few bars, presses a button and walks away. Far away. The machine
buzzes and whirrs around my head, and then stops. The dentist and the nurse
come back from their long trek across town and country to get away from the
danger of the x-rays, and undo all the nuts and bolts holding me into this
thing and sends me back into the waiting room.
The diagnosis was wisdom teeth (which I already knew), to be taken out as
soon as possible (which is fairly logical deduction, given the previous
knowledge). He gave me a referral to an oral surgeon, a bottle of anti-septic
mouthwash, the x-ray photograph and a bill, made out in my name.
The bill is for a grand total of $130.55. The three sentences exchanged in
the examination room cost me $35.80. One minute in front of the x-ray machine
cost me $103.20. The bottle of mouthwash cost me $9.60. Plus $0.95 G.S.T., on
the mouthwash. I was given a $19.00 discount, which was nice of them.
However, it doesn't change the fact that don't have the money to pay for
these procedures, and whats even more irritating is the fact that I paid
money to be told what I already _knew_.
So next time the dentist asks me where the pain is, I'm going to show him my
wallet, because that's the honest truth.
And that's why dental work scares me.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"YOU CAN CHEAT IN CS??" - by (your friendly tech-er) Conjugate Acid
Well firstly, for all those ignorant of what CS is, its Counter Strike, the
wonderful mod/add-on for half-life. You play either as a Terrorist (yes,
those that kidnap VIPs, and do kamikaze suicide bombings) or as a Counter-
Terrorist (stupid people who waste their lives protecting unworthy but rich
people). Basically it's a war game, you buy a gun (what gun you get is
dependant on how RICH you are, just like every other aspect of life) and go
waste as many other people as you can.
Now I've always been l33t at CS, I ownz whenever I go to my friends'
household LANs and at network gaming shops. I would run around with my deagle
(if you don't know, it's a DESERT EAGLE, and if you still don't know, it's a
PISTOL) and rape whoever got in my way, teammates and opponents alike - so
I'm not much of a team player, you got a problem with that? So basically, I'm
the CS gawd, or so I thought until I decided trying my l33t skillz online.
Since I have Optus cable (refer to issue #17) I get excellent ping with those
online servers, so playing CS online is no problem. So it was Conjugate
Acid's time to show those bastards who was boss in CS.
So I logged onto an Optus server and started playing. With my back to the
wall and deagle in hand, I waited patiently, like a cat waiting to pounce on
its prey, for my chance to strike. I would show them what the word OWNAGE
meant. Then I heard footsteps behind me, someone was walking near me, the
slaughter was about to begin. I decided it was time to attack, I would jump
out and shoot the living daylights outta whoever was there. Just as I pressed
my middle finger down on the move button, my screen started flashing red (red
is never a good sign), although dazed by the sudden outburst of colours, I
quickly recovered and continued my jump/attack routine which has served me
well over the years. I pressed the jump button, WTF?? Where was I?? WTF
WTF??? I DIED??? WTF??? My character lay sprawled over the floor, there was
no way he could have shot me, unless his bullets (yes it was a him)
teleported through the wall and smacked me head on. But i gave this little
thought, as a l33t player, I know shit happens and so I waited for the round
to end and then take revenge on the lucky bastard who managed to kill me, the
CS gawd.
Next round, I finally brought myself a good gun, the AWP (sniper rifle) and
climbed up to the roof waiting for people to come up so I could snipe them
down. I was hoping that guy who killed me would jump up so I could extract a
horrible bloody revenge. My patience paid off as he finally jumped out, Lady
Luck was smiling on me, or so it seemed. The very moment he jumped out, my
character died of an unknown cause and lay sprawling all over the floor,
blood everywhere. The screen showed that I had been headshot by the guy that
jumped out. HEAD SHOT WTF? From 2 billion miles away and with an AK47?? The
AK47 has the worst bloody aim in the entire history of games that incorporate
guns. I was pissed and that was an understatement. This guy had just made
two of the flukiest kills on me EVER and I wasn't happy. I started calling
this guy a cheat in the chat area. To my amazement, many people replied to my
angry outcry.
Guy 1: WHAT?? You didn't know he cheated? OMFG!
Guy 2: LOL, look at his friggin' score, 41 kills and 2 deaths, if he doesn't
cheat then I will cut my ballz off and feed them to my dog.
Girl 1: I'm willing to bet my 36F sized boobies that he cheats.
Girl 2: I'm pretty sure he is using a OGC script, or it would be an aimbot,
or a headshot script, and possibly a wallhack too.
Note: I assume that all the people playing CS online are guys, but it's been
my lifetime wish that girls will start playing too so I can say dirty things
to them when I kill them! =) You got a problem with that??
I was astounded. I've never heard of what OGC is? And wtf is a aimbot? So I
quit the game (yeah so what, I'm a quitter) and did a search on those
keywords with Google search engine. The very first webpage that came up from
the search was titled "CHEATS GALORE FOR CS!" So that's what it fucking was?
The mutha f00ker cheated!! I felt a little better since it meant that it
wasn't my skillz0rs that failed in CS. But it was also at this moment that I
discovered the horrible truth about online multiplayer gaming, YOU CAN NEVER
WIN UNLESS YOU CHEAT!!!!! And i'm proud to say I've never WON!!! =P
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS" - by Aerialisticish
For those who hadn't heard, for the past two weeks I've been nerding it up in
the nation's capital at the 'National Mathematics Summer School' or 'NMSS' or
'NeMeSiS' if you think you're REEEELY cool. I didn't have high expectation of
the camp and so I was just stunned at how social it was. You'd get up and go
to breakfast and chat to about 15 people as they came and went, and then
you'd spend the rest of the day with all your friends and then some. So over
this two-week period I became quite used to this, and also became very good
friends with a couple of people. And then it ended.
Now that it's all over im surprised at how much I miss that lifestyle. It's
very lonely here by comparison. I'm also surprised at how much I miss all
those people! Especially the two mentioned before.
And so begins another effort to change my life to pack in EVEN MORE FUN (if
that is humanly possible HA HA). See you on the other side people!
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
"TITLE STORY" - by AlterEcho
Uhm. Wow. I gotta say, it feels like someone slogged me one in the stomach.
They say time heals all wounds, but this one sure kept me up all night. Just
tossing and turning, watching the minutes tick by. All these different
thoughts traipsing through my head; I am not emotionally equipped for stuff
like this.
Mostly, while I was lying there, I was thinking what I could say to you. To
win you back. Because I've lost you, haven't I? You weren't terribly
specific, but I could hear the words you didn't say, and the tremor in your
voice. And I wanted so much not to believe, and it all seemed so surreal, but
your downcast eyes merely reinforced what my paranoia knew you were going to
say even before you opened your mouth. And when I reached out and you drew
away... ah, shit. That hurt.
"I don't think this is working out," you said. "We're too different," you
said. I can still hear those phrases, bouncing around in my head, mixing
together with all the other things you once told me. "What did I do to
deserve you?" you whispered in my ear, once upon a time. "I told my friends
that my boyfriend is a spunk," was what you told me, a long time ago in a
galaxy far, far away.
And what am I to think? You even warned me you were going to pull away, and
you told me not to let you go. But how do I keep you, without being an
obsessive stalker? And the answer is: I don't know. And I've never known, for
the entire six weeks (and four days), have I? I didn't know how to act, what
you wanted, whether I could hold your hand or kiss you goodbye. I didn't know
how you felt, or what you were telling people, or even what I was supposed to
tell people.
And I'm sorry. God, I am sorry.
But you accused me of not trying, of not changing. And frankly, my dear,
that's just not true. You said you understood, and I thought you wouldn't
think too badly of me when I missed an opportunity or failed to take a hint.
I never could read properly the girls I liked. My bad.
Where do we go from here? I want you more than I can possibly explain to you
with mere words but at the same time, I am less willing to make a fool of
myself over you. And there's a small voice in the back of my head telling me
that this isn't even about me, it's about someone else. But you would respect
me enough to tell me to my face right? And if you liked someone else, you
would never have got together with me, right?
Right?
I don't know. Sometimes, when I'm down, I ask myself what you could possibly
see in me anyway. But I stuck to that whole positive thinking thing, just
like you told me, and figured you knew what you wanted. On the other hand,
you're so smart, and funny, and nice, and gorgeous - and not necessarily in
that order. But it's not just that, either. I love how your hair falls down
over your cheeks and I have to push it back to kiss your ears. I love how I
can hear you before I can see you. I love it when I make you laugh. I love
that look you give me and your exasperated sigh when I tease you. I love
just how ticklish you are. I love how when you take my hand it's different
from when I take your hand (I use the interlocking grip). I love how you're
such a happy person and that you put me in a better mood. I love how you're
independent and so together. I love how when you see me, you smile, and it's
all for me. I love it when you signal you want to sit on my lap by tapping me
on the knee. I love it when we're sitting opposite each other and our knees
bump together. I love how when I stroke the back of your neck you grab my
thigh. Quite frankly, dearheart, I love it when you suck on my neck.
Remember that time you thought I'd said "I love you" and you told me off? You
said it was a little bit early for that. But I have to tell you, for as much
as is possible for someone in my position...
I love you. Is that okay?
Ah, you know what? Forget it. I've already wasted enough of your time. I
guess I'll just see you around.
~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
..--------------------------------------------------------------------------.
:| (C) 2002 by CLiT || http://clit.freeshell.org || clit@sdf.lonestar.org |
:| Australian Owned & Made || Released 22.01.02 |
:`--------------------------------------------------------------------------'
:
: THOSE WHO STAND UNDER THE CLiT FLAG OF BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH :-
:
: Aerialisticish :- MISTER geek week 2002 ;
: Arianrhod :- Mistress of the art of whinging ;
: Arcane Frog :- Everyone picks on the new boy ;
: Conjugate Acid :- Really needs to get out more ;
: AlterEcho :- Managed to break the unbreakable (B'day boy) ;
: et al!
*
