Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
CLiT #13: Wubble Woo
MKa,,,,sZM .MMMMM. .MMMMM. MMM MM MMMM
II II II II II II II II\ II II
II II II II II II II\\ II II
II II II II II II II \\ II II
II II II II II II II \\II II
II II II II II II II \II II
MM MM `WMMMW' `WWWWW' MM MMM MMMM
,____________________________________________________,
| |
|____________________________________________________|
\__________________________________________________/
| I I I I I I I I I I I I I I |
| I I I I I I I I I I I I I I |
_|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|_
/________________________________________________\
/__________________________________________________\
[CLiT][wHAT'S iN a nAME?][CLiT]
...episode 13... :: _Wubble Woo_
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
Dear Reader(s),
I would just like to say I hope you are enjoying your respective CLiTs. I
don't remember if the most recent episodes have been orgasmic, frogshit, or
somewhere in between, but I assure you that all my being, all that I am, was,
or ever will be, was expressed in those files.
If, for any reason at all, you found the aforementioned files somewhat
lacking and/or substandard, please contact myself or any other member of the
CLiT Cr00 at your discretion and a full refund shall be given.
Once again, your little CLiT worker ants (minus AlkalineAngel, of course, who
is too flighty to be a worker ant) have toiled away, hour after hour after
hour, stringing together humble letters into words, words into sentences,
sentences into paragraphs into stories, and injecting their lifeless texts
with feeling and love and emotion.
Even now, tears of pain and joy stream down my face.
I remain, dearest reader(s), your most humble, obedient, and trusting servant
and friend,
Rupert Brown Bear
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
! !
"Lunchtime Violence Aids" ! * * * * * * * * * * * !
by Aerialisticish ! * * * * * * * * * * !
! * * * * * * * * * * * !
A little philosophy, if you will... ! !
What's louder than 'Bang'? 'BANG' of course! ! !
I'm sure you all knew that, but what's louder ! S L I M M E R !
than that? eh? EH? During my bizarre lunchtime ! !
dramatisations, (Asadersialle will know what ! A R T I C L E S !
I'm talking about, but the rest of you will ! !
have to imagine a group of weird guys standing ! . . . !
around incorporating loud, violent hand movements ! !
into their discussion) 'BANG' really doesn't cut ! S L I M M E R !
it. Those of you who can think outside the box ! !
are probably saying 'BLAM', and well done for ! C L i T s !
getting that far, but 'BLAM' isn't really much ! !
louder when you try it out, and as your imaginary ! . . . !
handguns get more and more rediculously loud, ! !
the next step up to 'BOOM' must be made. Having ! T A K E A !
reached the limit of modern verbalisation ! !
techniques, some intense thought was required... ! H I N T , !
And here is the result. PREEEE-ZENTING THE LATEST ! !
IN LOUD, VIOLENT VERBALIZATIONS.... ! Y O U F A T !
! !
*B-A-R-G* (sizzle) ! B A S T A R D !
! !
So next time you are trying to convey to some ! !
n00bs how loudly and violently you owned a ! * * * * * * * * * * * !
different set of n00bs, think of BARG, and ! * * * * * * * * * * !
don't forget the sizzle. :) ! * * * * * * * * * * * !
! !
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
"My Father is a Chauvinistic Arsehole"
by Abyss
Now.
Because of health reasons, I cannot work and am not in the government school
system, although I am learning independently (French, history, psychology,
and soon to be physics and maths). I am also a vegetarian, and b/c of this my
mother and father don't cook for me.
Keep that in mind.
Also keep in mind that the rules of our house follow as such:
1. Last person out of the room turns off the light.
2. The person who uses the last paper off the toilet roll replaces the toilet
roll.
3. (a). Put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
3. (b). Person who fills up the dishwasher turns the dishwasher on.
4. You make the mess, you clean up the mess.
5. Treat others as you would expect to be treated.
It's this fourth rule, to which I'd like to bring your attention. For I
always clean up my shit. If I cook something, I'll make sure the kitchen was
the same way as how I found it. I also don't mind cleaning up the kitchen if
my parents actually do take the time out of their busy lives to heat up a
frozen vegetable patty for me, even if I don't eat it. (Read: I don't eat
that crap, ever. Why? Because it's crap.) For part of my meal consists of
steamed vegetables left over from the "regular" meal. Yay for me. I've eaten
food that they've prepared. Oh, and I forgot to mention that "they" consists
of my mother. If I was served gourmet vegan food every night without having
to lift a finger, you can bet your buttons that I'd clean up the kitchen, and
the table, and sweep the floor, and do the laundry, and vacuum the carpets.
However, I refuse to - I'll say it again - I *refuse* to clean up anyone
else's shit but my own if I've had no previous connection to it. Does this
seem reasonable enough? I think so. It's not like I'm a horrible person who
won't pack/unpack the dishwasher. I'm not. I do that kind of stuff all the
time. It's simply the rules of our house in operation. They're rules. Rule
that we all agree with and abide by. They're something that should be
inscribed above our front door, if we had the space. So. Even if you work all
day at your home business (which I must say - is your own fucking choice and
fault), when you come home and get out 3 pots and a pan, numerous bowls and
start drinking - you are obligated to clean up your shit. *Especially* if
you're cooking for yourself. And cooking a meat dish to boot. Why the fuck
then have I just cleaned up ALL of my father's shit? *ahem* "Clean it up else
I'll take away everything you've been given for a month!" Pardon moi? If I
don't clean up his shit, I'm going to get banned from the computer, phone,
tutoring, and the musical I'm in, for a month? Huh? If you think I've lost
the plot - you may be right. But my point is that my father has broken house
rules.
Why did he do this?
My father is a chauvinistic arsehole. He is an elitist, sexist old man who
thinks that just because he did some moving and shaking over my mother one
night long ago, that he can treat me as though I'm here to serve him. Because
I'm female and my "place" is in the home, cleaning. For since I'm not in
"proper" school anymore, I have lost all status that I recently held in my
household. It wasn't ever much, but at least I had some, and I was happy
cleaning the bathrooms of our house to get my ten dollars pocket money every
week. Joy. Now that I'm being treated as the servant girl, and - yes - NOT
getting paid for doing anything anymore, I'm slightly angered by the asshole
I have to live with. Hmm... I should bring in some proof...
My sister, who doesn't get yelled at to clean up other people's shit, goes to
school. She also breaks the house rules, often all of them within a day. But
she isn't punished, or persecuted b/c she's trumps off in a uniform every
morning. What's the big fucking deal? More than half the idiots who go to
school wouldn't continue their studies if they weren't made to, so I don't
see why slacking off in a room filled with your friends should exclude you
from doing housework. Or, why not being able to go to school should exclude
you from being treated like a human being.
So... what am I going to do about this?... If you don't hear from me for say,
oh, a month, then you'll know why. Fuck this shit.
Up The Rebellion!
*AlterEcho stares*
What? :) You wanted me here, you got me here, boss. I promise I'll try to be
less angry in my next uh... "piece", I guess. Cool beans? Cool beans.
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
"Freedom of Political Communication or Wubble Woo: It's All About Priorities"
by AlterEcho
Well, Aerialisticish came up with the title for this one. I don't know if
it's a good title or not, but Aerial is a good kid, and I made it take up
exactly one line, and that makes me happy. Content, at least.
But what does it mean? Sit back and relax, and I will tell you a little,
a tragic tale of love and love, interspersed with liberal lashings of humour,
sex, ethics, and friendship.
Okay, so once there was this boy. More of a man really, or maybe somewhere in
the middle. This man-boy had a reputation of being smart, of having brains
and performing well academically. Boy oh boy, was this a tough reputation to
live with.
Let's give him a name. Let's call our protaginist Samuel.
Then one day Samuel did some exams and because he had a reputation he knew he
had to do well. So, well he did, and then he fell asleep for exactly eight
days.
He awoke to the sound of someone calling his name: "Samuel, Samuel." Samuel
jumped up and pulled on his tan coloured overalls, and ran to God's side, but
it was only Law calling from the local University.
"Sammy," God said, because he and Samuel were very close. "I think you should
go to University and speak with Law."
And as Samuel was an obedient child, he did as God had asked me. I mean, him.
Samuel went and saw Law, and although he was not sure that they had much in
common, they became friends and saw each other almost every single day.
Samuel was generous and good to his friends, he always let Law be Robin when
they played Robin Hood, and Darth Vader when they played Star Wars. Law was
bigger then Samuel and sometimes ordered him around, but Samuel was quiet and
easy-going, and didn't really mind doing what others told him to do.
But then, after their friendship had developed and matured, Law did the
unthinkable. He ordered Samuel to write a 3000 word research essay,
discussing the freedom of political communication implied by the Commonwealth
Constitution and relating it to the prohibition for officers of the State to
'publicly comment upon the administration of any department of the State'.
(Constitution Act 1975 (Vic) s95(1)(A))
Samuel thought that kinda sucked, and instead went and played Quake 3 on his
new computer and wrote crappy textfiles for an electronic zine he had
contentiously called VAGiNA.
NB: This in between man-boy is not me, nor anyone related to me, nor anyone I
know. It's just a story, you twerp.
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
Dear Reader(s),
Umm, I was kinda worried that you didn't know it was me, AlterEcho! I hope
that whole Rupert Brown Bear thing didn't throw you. I wasn't trying to be
deceitful - you know I would never do that to you. I was just, you know,
feeling a bit down and suffering from a bit of a personality disorder. But
you will be glad to here I have been pronounced 100% by the family doctor and
am now back to normal!
I really hope you enjoyed that episode, I don't need to tell you how hard we
all worked on it (excluding, again, AlkalineAngel). If for any reason you
found something you didn't like, please be forthcoming to suggestions and
advice.
Why don't you call me? We'll do lunch.
Give my love to your family,
Captain Malcolm Durran
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
yOUR cLIT hEROES aND hEROINES, iN oRDER oF sUBMISSIONS...
aERIALISTICISH * aLTEReCHO * aBYSS * (aLKALINEaNGEL)
wEBpAGE :: hTTP://tHEpLEASUREzINE.cJB.nET
eMAIL :: cLIT@hOBBITON.oRG
(c)OPYRIGHT cLIT 2001 * aLL rIGHTS rESERVED * mADE iN aUSTRALIA * 16.6.01
!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
