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CLiT #8: Billy the Biznatch
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? ?
? ...episode 8... ?
? _____ __ ______ ?
? | | |XXX|// | X the pleasure zine X ?
? | __| |XXX__|_ _| X made downunder X ?
? | | | |X| |X X http://thepleasurezine.cjb.net X ?
? |_____|_____|__|X|__|X X clit@hobbiton.org X ?
? ?
? _Billy The Biznatch_ ?
? ?
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AE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
This issue of CLiT is dedicated to my friend, Billy the Biznatch. His full
name is Billy B. Bob the Bloody Brainless Boring Biznatch, but that's too
long a title for this issue.
So, Billy the Biznatch. What can I say? Is there a lazier, more misogynistic
sonofabitch out there? If so, I haven't met him. Otherwise this issue would
be dedicated to _him_, instead of my friend, namely Billy the Biznatch.
When we were 15, I caught a cold from Billy the Biznatch which I still have
to this day. The dirty, germy bastard.
Why am I dedicating this to Billy the Biznatch? Cos it'll piss him off,
that's why! He'll whinge and whine about it for days, maybe even years! And
that's always fun.
Billy the Biznatch, this is for you.
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^We're Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band^
^We hope you will enjoy the show^
^Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band^
^Sit back and let the evening go^
-The Beatles-
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? "Choice Is But Illusion" ?
? [ AlkalineAngel ] ?
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They're returning
Any minute, any second now
They could exit some strange car
And the doorbell would echo in the hall
My only choice would be to invite them in
Though it's not really a choice, is it?
The loss of freedom
The individuality
So many parts of myself at stake
It's like going for a job interview
Though the jobs already mine
It's a free country, yeah
And the choice is all mine
But they own the damn place
What happens if they don't like me no more?
Should I clean?
Should I straighten my hair?
Should I make them a light snack?
Should I put on some make-up?
Look presentable?
Maybe it's all too tidy
Too planned in its illusion of spontaneity
And they'll see right through it
The time for judgement is fast approaching
EEEEEEKKKKK
My parents are coming home
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^I'm coming home^
^on a silver plane^
^I'll see^
^that everything's the same^
^you will never change^
-The Mavis's-
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? "A Little Bit of Joviality" ?
? [ AlterEcho ] ?
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It's come to my attention that the past few issues of CLiT have been kinda
cynical and depressed, rather than light-hearted fun. So without further ado,
I'd just like to say:
TEEHEEHEE HAHAHAHA
and
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
and
Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A: Someone threw a fridge at him. hehe!!
Boy, does it feel good to get THAT outta my system.
Heh.
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^And girl it's true^
^The whole wide world is smiling with you^
^Push the little daisies and make them come up^
-Ween-
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? "FUCK" ?
? [ Aerialisticish ] ?
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I'm actually angry today. Not just irked, bothered or unhappy, this is actual
ANGER. The kind of anger that shoots your parents and buries them in the
backyard. The kind of anger that throbs away in your brain as you chew your
undercooked broccoli. I wish I knew exactly what's causing it 'cos then I
could go give it its fucking prize. FUCK I'm still angry. I've been hiding it
all day and I thought this might help but it hasn't yet. What the FUCK do I
do now? Guess I'll put on some FUCKING angry music, FUCKING loud and sit
there and be FUCKING ANGRY. FUCK.
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^You don't really know why^
^But you want to justify^
^Ripping someone's head off^
-Limp Bizkit-
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? "something for c8" ?
? [ AlterEcho ] ?
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jess was my d8
she was a good m8
she had a strange g8
which i did contempl8
i remember we 8
mouldy fish b8
for which we had to w8
and didn't quite s8
jess i had to plac8
with something for k8
before me she'd ber8
or (eek!) elimin8
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^i thought that time would change things^
^i thought that things would change^
^i thought you thought i think you thought^
^but everything is the same^
-Something for Kate-
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? "Better Living Through Panadeine Forte" ?
? [ AlterEcho ] ?
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I got my wisdom teeth extracted last week. All four of them. It all went
pretty smoothly - the needle wasn't too bad, and I was asleep during the
actual operation. Ergo, no pain, and I didn't have to put up with that smug,
obnoxious git of a surgeon sticking his hands down my gob (and enjoying it,
too, the pansy bastard). When I finally came to, the nurse handed me a mug
and a little white pill.
"Here," she said. "Take this."
I was still a tad woozy from the sedative (apparently I kept asking the same
question over and over again, repeatedly forgetting the answer), but after
missing my mouth a few times, I finally downed the pill. And soon after, I
felt fan-freakin'-tastic! I was smiling a lot and talking really quickly to
my brother, who had his teeth removed just after me. I jumped out of the seat
I had been led to, and was instantly reprimanded by the watchful nurse.
"Bad boy!" she scolded, smacking my firm, rounded buttocks...
Then the police burst in with sub-machine guns and arrested her for giving
speed to little kids. Teehee.
I don't really remember much about getting home, but when we did, I went
straight to sleep. I woke up a few hours later in a bit of pain, so what do
you think I did? That's right! I went and helped myself to another little
white tablet, containing 500mg of Paracetemol, and 30mg of Codeine Phosphate.
Mmmm, Panadeine Forte! I was in love!!
I started buzzing again, and since I had just woken up, I didn't feel tired
at all! I came online and chatted to AlkalineAngel, who has been known to
take 10 to 12 Panadols at one time. We were kindred spirits, born to live
roaming from town to town, buying and trying different medications...
But then her boyfriend rang and she had to go.
So I wrote the editorial for CLiT #7. Could you notice the effects of the
tablets, could you, huh, huh?!? (NB. I was actually kinda scared when I
reread it later. Did I actually write that? Nah, couldn't've been.)
So, yeah!! Panadeine Forte is tres, tres good. J'aime beaucoup. Parlez-vous
francais? Je ne suis pas un baguette.
So, as I was saying a long, long time ago, everything went A-OK. Not that I
was particularly bothered by it all. At least, I don't think I was that
worried. The night before, though, I had a scary dream. Let me take you back,
to that past Sunday, when I slept, perchance to dream...
And dream I did. I dreamt I was going to die. I was terminally ill, and the
doctor's suggestion was for me to go to a clinic and take sleeping pills,
putting me into a slumber from which I would never wake. Scary shit! Thinking
back, it was almost like I was going to be put down... And that's not pretty.
I took it OK at first, I think. I didn't tell any of my friends, and I held
it all together. Much like RL, when I think about it. When I got to my final
resting place, however, I think it all hit me. I was scared, and I started
crying. There was so much I still hadn't done yet!
I'm pretty sure I woke up before I took any pills, but it was one of those
really vivid dreams after which you wake up and can't tell it's a dream.
/me shivers
What did it all mean? My mum says that I was just scared about getting my
wisdom teeth out. But what would she know? I mean, she's only my
birth-mother, it's not like she actually knows anything about me! (NB. This
was, in fact, sarcasm. Yes, that's right.)
Maybe. I don't really like injections. And I'm not quite so masochistic as to
enjoy physical pain. But maybe, just maybe, it had nothing to do with teeth
at all! It might've just been my sub-conscious reminding me of my fear of
death. Or telling me I might die soon, so go and do something to make a
difference. Or maybe it was a Divine Dream, sent by God, telling me to
renounce my wicked ways, and follow Him, otherwise I would REALLY be scared
when I breathed my last breath, heaved my last sigh, typed up my last file
and ate my last Red Rooster Strip Sub. I don't really know.
On the other hand, who really cares? I think I should take another Padaneine
Forte and go to sleep. Yes. That's what I'll do.
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^He's into that, that spiritual stuff^
-Gomez-
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? "FUCK, An Aftermath" ?
? [ Aerialisticish ] ?
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Well, whatever the FUCK was wrong before has subsided. Lucky me, and lucky
you.
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^Cause I'm singing^
^To set the record straight^
-Reef-
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? "Billy's Mr. Whippy" ?
? [ AlterEcho ] ?
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The significance? Yes. Uhm. Billy the Biznatch would understand. And that's
all you need to know!
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^It's Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Pooh^
^He Loves me, I Love You^
-South Park-
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A great issue, for a great friend. Hang tough, Billy the Biznatch.
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????AE
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? ?(C) ?
? CLiT #8: Billy The Biznatch ? o ?
? was created on 15.02.01 ? p ?
? ? y b ?
? The people responsible for that aforementioned literary offal were: ? r y ?
? Aerialisticish ? i ?
? AlkalineAngel ? g C ?
? AlterEcho ? h L ?
? ? t i ?
? Some of whom performed under the influence of: ? T ?
? Panadeine Forte ? 2 ?
? ? 0 ?
? We did it for you, Big Guy. ? 0 ?
? ? 1 ?
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