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Inklings Issue 3.14
================================================================
i n k l i n g s
Inkspot's newsletter for Writers on the Net
Issue 3.14 July 9, 1997
================================================================
<http://www.inkspot.com/inklings/issues/ink0314.html>
* Over 14,000 subscribers! *
In this issue, Jim Luce tells you how to turn your personal
letters into sales in FROM PENS TO FRIENDS. Dorothea Helms
focuses on humor writing in HOW TO BE FUNNY ON DEMAND, and
Charles Deemer recommends screenwriting software in his ASK THE
SCREENWRITER column.
This issue sponsored in part by:
================================================================
ON SPEC Magazine - Premiere Canadian Quarterly of Speculative
Writing...the best in Canadian SF, Fantasy, Horror and Magic
Realism. $2 off your subscription if you mention Inklings.
Email: onspec@earthling.net
================================================================
THE WRITER'S SOFTWARE COMPANION: multimedia software by Writer's
Digest's Nancy Kress. Uses advanced learning tech. and total
immersion to bypass years of trial-and-error, dramatically
accelerating a writer's progress. http://www.novalearn.com
================================================================
MARKETS ABROAD - Thousands of publications overseas buy English-
language articles. This quarterly newsletter, delivered by email,
provides editor names, addresses, needs, rates, etc. $27/year.
Sample: sedgesample@inkspot.com. Inquiries: pp10013@cybernet.it.
================================================================
WRITERS WRITE (TM) http://writerswrite.com. Searchable database
of online publications with submission guidelines, daily news,
job board, chat, message boards, research links, writer's groups,
contest info, submission tracking and writer's homepages.
================================================================
* Samurai Consulting * http://www.samurai.com
Services include internet consulting, WWW page design, electro-
nic newsletters, mailing lists, FTP sites, system maintenance,
training. Email: Bryan Fullerton <bryanf@samurai.com>
================================================================
ISSN 1205-6413. Copyright 1995-1997 Debbie Ridpath Ohi. For more
info about Inklings (how to subscribe/unsubscribe, change your
address, submit material, copyright, etc.) send any email message
to infoinklings@inkspot.com. For info on how you can become an
Inklings sponsor, send any email to ratecard@inkspot.com. No
attachments, please. Send comments to editor@inkspot.com (please
use a meaningful subject header!).
================================================================
| CONTENTS THIS ISSUE: |
| From The Editor's Desk |
| Fresh Ink and Market Information |
| Ask The Screenwriter |
| From Pens To Friends |
| How To Be Funny On Demand |
| Writers' Conferences and Events |
================================================================
FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK:
=======================
Inklings is pleased to introduce a new sponsor, WRITERS WRITE, an
online website for writers (http://writerswrite.com). The site
includes searchable and categorized market and job listings, a
chat room, listings of writers' groups, contests, graphics for
use on webpages, resources, info on tracking submissions,
writers' home pages, and a daily news service. WRITERS WRITE will
be launching a free online publication for writers called The
Internet Writing Journal (TM) starting August. Be sure to check
out this excellent resource at http://writerswrite.com.
Inklings subscriber rate seems to be picking up...nearly 2,000
new subscribers sign on each month. Thanks for your support and
encouragement, everyone! If you have any suggestions on how
Inklings and Inkspot can be improved, please send them to
suggestions@inkspot.com...I always welcome feedback.
As the number of subscribers grows, however, so does the amount
of amount of administrative work involved. As a result, I've
decided it's about time I hire some help. The admin position
involves approximately 2 hours a week at present, but this will
likely go up. Applicants should be net-savvy and be experienced
with email. I'm also looking for someone to help with maintenance
of my website, Inkspot (www.inkspot.com). If you or someone you
know is interested in either or both positions (ideally, I'm
looking for one individual who can do both), please contact me at
admin@inkspot.com with your internet experience and expected
hourly rates. Both positions are telecommuting; you can work from
home.
Thanks to Jean Armour Polly for mentioning my website in her new
book, "Internet Kids and Family Yellow Pages, Second Edition"
(Osborne/McGraw-Hill; Jun97). More info at:
http://www.smartbooks.com/bw706kidsyp.htm.
Congratulations to Sandy England <sengland@essential.org>,
who
wins a copy of THE WRITER'S GUIDE TO HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS,
DIRECTORS, AND SCREENWRITER'S AGENTS by Skip Press. Her name was
randomly picked from those who entered the contest.
Next free book giveaway
-----------------------
The next draw is for YOU CAN WRITE A ROMANCE...AND GET IT
PUBLISHED! by Yvonne MacManus, an author, editor, and literary
agent. This resource includes info about the romance writing
market, manuscript preparation, good fiction techniques, agents,
query letters, editorial process, contracts, promotion and
advertising, as well as a list of useful organizations,
periodicals, and some romance publisher's guidelines. To enter,
send an email message with your name and email address to
giveaway@inkspot.com. DEADLINE: Mon. July 21st, 1997. One name
will be randomly chosen and announced in the next issue. For more
details, see http://www.inkspot.com/admin/giveaway.html.
FRESH INK
=========
Tips and Resources For Writers
------------------------------
Writing-related links, bookstore, monthly articles.
http://www.olywa.net/peregrine/index.html
Spilled Candy
-------------
Bimonthly newsletter for writers with tips on how to promote your
books.
http://members.aol.com/spillcandy/index.html
Writer's Web World
------------------
Australian SF/H/F writers' site. Directory of paying markets.
Graphic-intensive.
http://www.ozramp.net.au/~aplank/Writers.htm
Epiphany Enterprises: Workshop
------------------------------
Nicely-designed. Writers can submit their own work, critique
others, browser/search database of writing professionals.
http://www.epiphany-e.com/workshop/
Writers' Guild Of Great Britain
-------------------------------
Site includes articles, tips, Q/A, writing-related links.
http://www.writers.org.uk/guild/
The Slush Pile
--------------
"An editor's site for children's book writers who don't have
agents, who don't have connections, who aren't celebrities
and who basically have to claw their way to fame and fortune
through the slush pile."
http://www.theslushpile.com/
The Albany Poetry Workshop
--------------------------
Site includes writing exercises, tips on how to critique a
poem, listing of writers' conferences, links, interactive
poetry forums. Submit/critique poetry.
http://www.sonic.net/poetry/albany/
Ink Magazine
------------
July issue is now online. Free online zine for writers.
http://www.hellskitchen.com/ink.htm
Aaron Shepard's Kidwriter Page
------------------------------
Resources for children's writers. Tips, resources, info about
the author.
http://www.aaronshep.com/kidwriter/
Shakespeare Web Poetry Applet
-----------------------------
You need a Java-enabled browser to play this game.
http://www.shakespeare.com/Poetry/Poetry.html
Canadian Author Association (CAA)
---------------------------------
Highlights Canadian authors and writing resources.
http://www.CanAuthors.org/
New writer FAQs
---------------
By Chuck Rothman. Copyright, manuscript format, word count.
http://www.sff.net/people/rothman/nwfaq.htp
Skywriting - Internet Advertising Newsletter
--------------------------------------------
Not writing-related, but I've found it both interesting
and useful. For free subscription, send email to
calumet@mindspring.com with SUBSCRIBE SKYWRITING in the
message header (unsubscribe at anytime with UNSUBSCRIBE
SKYWRITING. Run by Tara Calishain. See archives at:
http://www.erspros.com/irc/skywrite/main.html
Inkspot/Inklings Bookstore and Recommended Reading List
-------------------------------------------------------
A compilation of recommended writing-related books by the
subscribers and staff of Inkspot/Inklings. What are YOUR
favourite books about the craft of writing and selling your
writing? Please send your suggestion to bookstore@inkspot.com.
http://www.inkspot.com/bookstore/
================================================================
NEXT INKLINGS CHAT: writing for young people
--------------------------------------------
Wed. July 16th. 8-9 pm EST. Chat host: children's author KARLEEN
BRADFORD, award-winning author of children's and young adult
novels. She has published 13 books to date, with two more due out
in September of 1997. Her books include: There Will Be Wolves,
Windward Island, Shadows On A Sword, The Nine Days Queen. Chat
room provided courtesy The Writers BBS (www.writersbbs.com).
More info at: http://www.inkspot.com/inklings/chat.html
================================================================
MARKET INFORMATION
==================
Please note: Inklings does its best to print only accurate market
info. However, it cannot be held responsible for lost postage,
time, etc. that you may incur due to inaccuracies. Do not send
submissions by email before inquiring first. You should get
current, detailed guidelines before submitting. Include SASE for
snailmail replies. More market info at:
http://www.inkspot.com/market/.
SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING MARKET SOURCES:
SCAVENGER'S NEWSLETTER
Monthly market info letter for sf/f/h/m writers & artists.
More info at: http://users.aol.com/Lemarchand/scavenger.html
THE GILA QUEEN'S GUIDE TO MARKETS
POB 97, Newton, NJ 07860-0097 Email:K.Ptacek@genie.com
http://www.pacifier.com/~alecwest/gila/index.html
CHILDREN'S WRITERS MARKET LIST (magazines only)
Available by e-mail or snailmail. Email mshauers@midusa.net.
==-----------------------------------------------------==
"FNASR" = First North American Serial Rights, "SASE" =
self-addressed, stamped envelope, "simsubs" = simultaneous
submissions, "mss" = manuscript, "RT" = response time, "GL" =
guidelines, "wds" = words, "cc" = contributor's copy.
***If you are a *paying* market and would like your guidelines
included in a future issue of Inklings, please fill out the form
at: http://www.inkspot.com/market/mktpayform.html
Herbelin Publishing - seeks short stories
-----------------------------------------
Herbelin Publishing, P.O. Box 74, Riverbank, CA 95367. Steve
Herbelin, Editor. Pays $100 for humorous and interesting stories
occurring at the workplace. Primarily interested in mini- stories
about team leadership and supervision. The stories are for input
for a series of booklets about teamwork and empowerment at the
workplace. "So far, we have accepted 50% of the submissions
received from Canada, and about 20% overall. However, criteria
for acceptance of the stories is becoming more acute as we are
beginning to receive different stories that illustrate similar
points. We will be accepting only stories that are rare gems.
(We will soon be paying $50 for amusing stories of and about the
workplace that do not fit the criteria for publication in our
leadership booklets, but are outstanding in some way.)"
(Confirmed July 3/97)
Email: herbelin@netfeed.com
URL: http://www.netfeed.com/~herbelin/homepage.htm
Complexities Magazine - seeks articles
--------------------------------------
P.O. Box 86 Coaling, AL 35449-0086. Dennis Johnson, Director of
Operations. Monthly publication. Pays on publication. One-time
rights. Email submissions okay. "Complexities magazine is geared
toward 19-35 year olds in the $25,000 - $60,000 income range. It
is mailed directly to targeted luxury apartment complexes (hence,
the name) in Birmingham, AL, Jackson, MS and Memphis, TN. Total
circulation is 45,000. More southern cities will be added in the
Spring and Fall of 1998." PAYMENT RATES:
1,000 - 1,250 words - $175, $225 with photography
1,500 - 1,750 words - $200, $250 with photography
2,000 - 2,500 words - $250, $300 with photography
"The editorial needs appeal to the youth and to the higher income
of this market. The editorial will also focus on apartment
living and lifestyle (for example: how wild can parties be,
plants for apartments, pets for apartments, decorating with
limited space, etc.) Regular columns are as follows:
HIGH-TECH/INTERNET (high-tech gadgets, stereo systems,
electronics, computers, hot web sites, banking-buying-living
online), TRAVEL (traditional and quirky destinations, last chance
beach trips, oktoberfest, winter festivals, diving trips, ski
trips, haunted house trails, fantasy camps), SPORTS (traditional
(football, baseball, etc.), skiing, skating, boarding, rock
climbing, hang-gliding, sky-diving), LIFESTYLE (new cars,
autograph collecting, pets in apartments, health, fitness,
decorating entertaining, wines, bartending, practical tips
(stains, cleaning, etc.), finance), COOKING (gourmet recipes,
ethnic and exotic meals, basic nutrition, grilling, food facts,
cooking for groups, cooking for two, elegant meals, quick meals).
Topics for Features scheduled in the next few issues are: Folk
Art
in the South, A 48-hour endurance run through the casinos and
backwaters of Mississippi, Flying WWII fighter planes in Memphis,
A beginner's guide to investing, Getting started with collecting
memorabilia Collecting antiques cheap, Hottest new bands
Traveling the haunted South." (Info rec'd Jun 26/97).
Email: trilliumdj@earthlink.net
Immortal Wine - seeks vampire stories
--------------------------------------
Jule Ghoul, c/o Vampire Archives & Ghoul's Gallery, 2926 W
Leland Ave, Chicago, IL USA 60625-3716. Vampire stories from
writers who have been published in small or big press. Send tear
sheets of where your work has appeared. PAYS: 1c/wd + cc.
Submission GL: single spaced: low key on sex; swear words turned
to symbols. Issues are 8.5 x 12; perfect bound; glossy 2 color
cover. 100 pgs of fiction, poetry, art. (Source: Scavenger's
Newsletter).
Capper's - seeks poetry
-----------------------
Capper's, 1503 SW 42nd St., Topeka, KS 66609-1265. Biweekly.
Circ. 300,000. "Capper's, a nationally distributed tabloid
publication emphasizes home and family to readers who live mainly
in the rural Midwest. Free verse, light verse, traditional,
nature and inspirational poems are purchased. Those selected are
easy to read, with down-to-earth themes. 5 or 6 poems are used in
each issue. Limit subs to batches of 5-6. (Good, very short poems
are always needed)." LENGTH: 4-6 lines. PAYS: $10-15, on
acceptance. Sample $1.50; sub $26.50/yr. RT: 2-3 months. (Source:
The Gila Queen's Guide To Markets #86).
au Juice - seeks articles, interviews, reviews
----------------------------------------------
au Juice, Box 9068, Berkeley, CA 94709. Fred Dodsworth, Editor.
100% freelance. "Aimed at an adventurous "more fun than bucks"
audience. They happily cover beer, booze, coffee, teas, peppers,
chocolate and cheese. Circ. 50K. Quarterly. Pays 30 days after
publication. Buys first print and electronic rights. No
reprints. Reports "slow". Sample copy for $5. Subscription $25.
Guidelines available by mail with SASE or by email. NEEDS:
Thoroughly researched, well-written stories on historic, exotic,
unusual or ethnic foods: brews, booze, wines, cordials and
flavored liqueurs; coffee, tea, hot peppers and trend foods;
pipes, cigars and exotic potions; interviews with noteworthy
folks about eating and drinking; interviews with noteworthy
chefs, brewers, distillers, etc.; overviews of new eating and
drinking trends; exotic lives and locales; book reviews of
food and beverage and; music reviews of any kind." PAYS: 10c/wd.
Query first. HINTS: Read back issues. Avoid using first person
outside of quote marks. Avoid humorous stories. (Source: The
Write Markets Report, subscrip. info from dvrg19d@prodigy.com)
Email: GetJuice@aol.com
Trails: Intriguing Stories of the Old West - seeks stories
----------------------------------------------------------
TRAILS, David B. Riley, Editor, Stray Dog Press, 516 Shalimar
Dr., Prescott, AZ 86303-3424. Stories set in the Old West.
Annual, fiction: 2,000-8,000 wds firm. PAYMENT: $5 + cc. Annual
magazine featuring stories set in the Old West, as opposed to
traditional westerns. Stories must take place somewhere between
the Pacific Ocean and the Rocky Mountains, 1850-1900 AD. "Above
all else, stories must have a genuine flavor of the Old West.
Please strive for accuracy. History and science should be
consistent with what is known, unless you provide a reason for it
to be otherwise...We love cowboys and Indians and sheriffs and
outlaws. However, there were other folks out there like:
merchants, miners, railroad laborers, photographers, prostitutes
and lumberjacks, and we'd prefer to see a few stories about them.
Please understand, we do print gunfights, but your chances are
better if you send us something that isn't about the U.S.
Calvalry and doesn't have a gunfighter in it. You can mix genres
here (We'd love to see a murder mystery or a ghost story set in
this environment). SF elements also welcome, like the short-lived
Legend TV show or aliens, but be original." Include word count
and a brief CL. Query by email for submission format. "Also, we
will consider nonfiction trivia pieces relevant to our theme."
Will not read outside reading period (July 1-Aug.30/97 for #5).
Email: straydog@aztec.asu.edu
Written By - seeks articles and interviews
------------------------------------------
Written By, 7000 W. 3rd St., Los Angeles, CA 90048-4329. Lisa
Chambers, Editor. Phone: (213)782-4630. Fax: (213)782-4802. 25%
freelance. The premier magazine written by and for America's
screen and television writers. Focuses on the craft of
screenwriting and offers a unique window into the creative
processes of Hollywood. Circ. 12,500. Published 11 times/year.
Pays on acceptance. Busy first world and electronic rights.
Reprints occasionally accepted. Reports 8 weeks. Sample copy at
newsstand or call (213) 782-4522. Subscription $40. Guidelines by
mail with SASE or by email. NEEDS: Features, special reports,
interviews, The Pitch, P.O.V. and technical articles. Features
are usually assigned, but queries are accepted. Feature topics
vary from craft-oriented articles (Adaptations, Writing the
Action/Adventure, Sitcom Writers) to interviews with major screen
and/or television writers. Special Reports are business-oriented
articles focusing on such topics as Copyright, Tax Laws, Writers'
Earnings and other less craft-oriented topics. Interviews should
be with Writers' Guild members and focus on the business and
craft of screenwriting. The Pitch is a column focusing on
experiences writers have while pitching stories. P.O.V. is a more
personal column which espouses a definitive point of view and
often includes a call to action. Technical Articles are heads-up
or how-to articles that focus on new media and new technologies
available to writers. Pays $1500 for features (to 2,500 wds);
$800-1000 for Special Reports (1500-2000 wds), $100-500 for
Interviews (300-1500 wds); no payment (negotiable) for The Pitch,
P.O.V. and Technical Articles to 800 wds. Submit query by mail
with SASE or by email. Do not submit complete mss. (Note: editor
reserves the right to edit and rewrite any article in order to
make it suit the theme or space limitation. Major revisions will
be discussed with author when possible.) PHOTOS: Query first.
HINTS: "Any piece written for the magazine should always focus on
how the writer is affected by the topic, or how the writer
impacts the topic under discussion. Should you choose to write a
main feature on spec, please do not send us articles on How To
Break Into Hollywood. Our audience consists mainly of working
writers who are already in."(Source: The Write Markets Report,
subscription info from dvrg19d@prodigy.com)
Email: writtnby@wga.org (queries only)
URL: http://www.wga.org
================================================================
Ask The Experts
---------------
*** Please put "inklings question" in the subject header. ***
Judith Bowen (ROMANCE WRITER) jbowen@max-net.com
David Breeden (POET) drpoetry@ktc.com
Charles Deemer (SCREENWRITER) cdeemer@teleport.com
Mark Fowler (LAWYER) askthelawyer@inkspot.com
Susan Graham (AGENT) slgraham@mindspring.com
Paula Guran (HORROR WRITER) DarkEcho@aol.com
Carol Henson (BOOK DOCTOR) UBKX12C@Prodigy.com
Ken Jenks (ELECTRONIC PUBLISHER) MindsEye@tale.com
David Leit (LAWYER) askthelawyer@inkspot.com
Bob Sablatura (JOURNALIST) bob.sablatura@reporters.net
Michelle Sagara (SF/FANTASY WRITER) Michelle.Sagara@sff.net
Lee Wardlaw (CHILDREN'S BOOK WRITER) Katknip2@aol.com
Marcia Yudkin (FREELANCE WRITER) send to yudkin@inkspot.com
Sharon Zukowski (MYSTERY/SPY WRITER) 76372.2252@CompuServe.COM
Columnists may be unable to reply privately to every message,
but will answer selected questions in future issues of Inklings.
===============================================================
ASK THE SCREENWRITER
---------------------------------------------------------------
by Charles Deemer
<cdeemer@teleport.com>
Best screenplay software?
-------------------------
Q: What's the best software for writing screenplays? I've heard
that Scriptware is the best. Whatever the answer... where can I
purchase a copy of what you consider the best?
A: This is really a loaded question. Buying screenplay/stageplay
software is really like buying a car and many personal "taste"
matters will determine what you buy. However, there are some
clear leaders to consider. I recommend three windows software
programs: ScriptThing, Movie Master and Scriptware. You can find
links to demos of each, as well as more information about
software, in the software area of my website at
http://www.teleport.com/~cdeemer/Software.html. There also is a
link there to software reviews by Rich Wilson, so you can get a
second opinion.
Also at the site, you'll find links to vendors. Watch for sales!
Let me summarize the features I like on each program above:
ScriptThing has the best interface between the script format
program and an index card program, which means you can outline
your script on index cards first and what you write automatically
is transferred into script format (and vice-versa). Movie Master
has a superb "color highlighting" system that I use to follow
plot points and character arcs. Scriptware has a stage play
format that I particularly like.
Mac users should look at Final Draft, although I believe its
windows version does not match the three programs above. Others
disagree.
At my Software site, also check out the many other useful tools
for screenwriting and playwriting, such as StoryCraft and
ScriptREADER.
Finally, let me say that I urge serious scriptwriters to get one
of the high-powered packages above, even though they cost several
hundred dollars. They do much more than merely format a script
(giving scene breakdown reports, for example, and generating
automatic character lists), and once you start using one you'll
wonder how you ever lived without it.
ScriptThing: 1-800-450-9450
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/ScriptThing/
ScriptThing for Windows: $249
Movie Master: 1-201-251-7979
http://www.scriptwriting.com/index.htm
Movie Master for Windows: $249
Scriptware: 1-303-786-7899
http://scriptware.com
Scriptware for Windows: $265
Prices are from online Writers' Computer Store
(http://writerscomputer.com/) as of June 26, 1997.
==----------------------------------------------------==
Charles Deemer is the webmaster of The Screenwriters &
Playwrights Home Page. His electronic book SCREENWRIGHT: THE
CRAFT OF SCREENWRITING will be released this summer and there is
a preview at http://www.teleport.com/~cdeemer/book/index.html
Copyright (c) 1997 Charles Deemer.
================================================================
FROM PENS TO FRIENDS: Turn Your Personal Letters Into Sales
----------------------------------------------------------------
by Jim Luce
<jimluce@newnorth.net>
You've heard it in writing classes, and read it in writing
magazines, "Write as if you're writing to one person, a good
friend." I've taken that advice a step further. I sell the
letters I write.
Right now you're thinking, "Whoa, there are markets for 'Dear
Aunt Edna, I am fine, how are you?'" No. But there might be a
market for: "Dear Aunt Edna, it's so dry here this summer that
wild animals are causing problems in town. Two days ago a bull
moose wandered through the front door of Wally's Tavern.
Somebody suggested he'd come into town in search of a drink, so
we bought him a shot and a beer. Talk about problems, the
moose's tab is up to $500, and he won't leave at closing time."
Humor's just one example. I have friends and relatives with whom
I'm comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts and observations on
life. When I write to them I'm writing to someone I trust. I'm
able to express myself without reservation.
One summer, visiting the town in the midwest where I was born and
raised, I drove through my old neighborhood. The backyard swing
sets were empty, the lot where we'd played ball was vacant and
overgrown, and in every house you could see the flickering colors
of a television or a Nintendo. Where were the homemade wooden
swords? Were there mothers in those houses screeching, "You kids
be careful with those joy sticks, you could put somebody's eye
out with those things." That prompted a letter to a nephew about
how the neighborhood had changed. A year later, on a whim, I
revised the letter and sent it to Inland as an essay on The
Indooring of America. They bought it for $300.
That sale struck a chord. I went back through my computer files
and began reviewing old letters with an eye toward their
publishing potential. I revised a letter to my daughter about my
observations on how little is left of Florida's wild country, and
sold it to several regional camping magazines for over $225. I
revised a letter to a friend on how my wife and I survived living
in an 8' truck camper for months at a time and sold it to Trailer
Life, then later sold it as a reprint to a regional magazine.
That personal letter ultimately grew into $450 in checks.
Over the past six years I've published 18 personal letters in a
variety of markets, from camping magazines to general interest
magazines to fishing magazines to computer magazines. Eighteen
first-class stamps have turned into thousands of dollars in
sales.
One reason this works so well is that when we write to a friend
we're relaxed and conversational. When we write for publication
most of us have a prickly awareness of that unseen editor waiting
at the other end, waiting to examine the story's content and
style under a critical microscope. We don't feel the freedom to
express ourselves in the way we will to a friend.
To keep that freedom of expression free, I refuse to review for
publication any letter that isn't at least a year old. As long
as I know the letter I'm writing today can't be used to pay the
rent next month, I can write to my friends with the same sense of
fun or intensity I always have.
The other reason this works so well is that personal letters fit
the old adage, "Write what you know." Personal letters aren't
research and interview driven, they're essays on what we think,
what we wonder about, what makes us mad, what makes us laugh.
They're about the things that really matter to us. When the idea
well runs dry from time to time, what better source to turn to
than previous passions?
Of course you don't just print out an old letter and put it in
the mail. You revise the letter as necessary, develop your
original thoughts around a theme (most letters already have a
theme, whatever fired you up enough to spew your guts in the
first place) and adapt the letter's tone and style to fit the
target magazine. Then you send it.
Send it where? I used the Search feature in my Writer's Market
Electronic Edition, and confined the search to U.S. magazines
that accept essays, with moderate and up pay scales, and that
don't buy All Rights. I came up with well over 100 markets.
Do you write to a friend across the country about your mutual
interest in microbrewed beer? Check out All About Beer. Love
gardening, hobby farming, or rural living? Almanac For Farmers &
City Folk takes folksy essays. Are you a brand new dad? Baby
magazine wants to hear from you. The Equine Image takes essays
related to horses and the horsey life. Troika, a more general
interest magazine, is open to essays related to achievement,
commitment and involvement. Do you live in front of your
computer? You can probably write for Wired.
That's only a half-a-dozen consumer magazines out of hundreds of
possible markets. Got any old letters? C'mon, what about those
in the shoe box you stuffed way back under your bed? "Dear,
Greg, I miss you. I'm writing this letter in bed. Would you like
to know what I'm wearing?"
Hm. Cosmopolitan?
==---------------------------------------------==
Jim Luce is a full-time freelance writer. He specializes in
outdoor writing and humor, has several regular columns, and has
published hundreds of articles in national and regional
magazines.
Copyright (c) 1997 Jim Luce.
================================================================
HOW TO BE FUNNY ON DEMAND: Comedy Writing Tips
----------------------------------------------------------------
by Dorothea Helms
<dhelms@ican.net>
Anyone for bungee-shopping?
What's the plural of "Johnny-on-the-spot"?
I'm amazed at people who buy accordion files; imagine knowing
that many people who play the accordion, that you'd need an
entire file for them!
COMEDY: It's all around us every day - IF you just look & listen
----------------------------------------------------------------
As sophisticated as entertainment, education and advertising have
become, one basic fact remains true: HUMOR SELLS! In this day of
economic stress, political unrest, increasing crime and Kathy Lee
and Regis, people NEED and WANT more humor in their lives.
If you are or aspire to become a humor writer, you're plunging
into a world that's madcap, zany and can actually make you a few
bucks.
TIP 1:
WRITE DOWN everything you find funny every day. Really. Do it.
Get those little pads of colorful self-adhesive notes and keep
one with you at all times. Yes, even in the bathroom (bathroom
humor is big with kids). Just jot down anything funny that might
come to mind in the course of your boring, useless existence; it
may come in handy someday when you're wrestling with a line in a
sitcom or trying to come up with a funny premise for a skit. If
you think of something when you're driving, pull over and WRITE
IT DOWN - it's that important.
TIP 2:
KEEP A HUMOR FILE. This is so you have somewhere to put those
dozens of little pieces of pink and yellow paper. Don't worry
about sorting them out or trying to make sense of them right
away. If they make too much sense, they're not funny. Just keep
shoving them in, and when you need inspiration or hit a writing
snag, pull out the file and start laughing!
TIP 3:
REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE LAUGH WHEN THEY'RE SURPRISED. Whether humor
is spoken, written or physically acted out, people laugh when
they know they've been tricked into thinking one thing will
happen, when another does instead. Lead them down the garden
path, then open the trap door and let them fall in.
TIP 4:
DON'T TRY TOO HARD. When humor in a piece is too contrived or
unnatural, it simply isn't funny.
TIP 5:
PLAY WITH WORDS. Ad writers get paid thousands of dollars for
coming up with headlines and concepts that are based on unusual
or unorthodox uses of everyday words and phrases. This is
especially useful when writing humorous titles; for a comedic
look at hockey, The buck stops here becomes The puck stops here!
Experiment on paper - free associate and have fun with cliches.
TIP 6:
EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. Last year, I was discouraged by the number of
rejections I'd received for two particularly funny articles I'd
written. I tried an experiment; using the editing tips I outline
on my editing page, I cut each article's length in half. I sent
them off and sold them both within a few weeks. If something is
too long, it isn't funny; shorter pieces pack more punch. (This
rule applies to most writing, not just humor, but it's
particularly critical where comedy is concerned).
TIP 7:
IF YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, CHANCES ARE OTHERS WILL, TOO!
And remember - light yogurt is great - throw in a little
chocolate syrup, you'd never know it was calorie-reduced!
==------------------------------------------==
Dorothea Helms is a freelance humor writer who has had articles
published in magazines such as Big Buck, Popular Woodworking,
Woodworker, The Business and Professional Woman, Real Estate
Magazine, and Homes & Lifestyles. She also teaches creative
writing and has a writing/editing service. You can contact her at
dhelms@ican.net, or check out her website below:
Write Stuff Writing Services
http://home.ican.net/~dhelms/
(c) 1997 Dorothea Helms.
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