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Chaosium Digest Volume 26 Number 10
Chaosium Digest Volume 26, Number 10
Date: Sunday, November 1, 1998
Number: 1 of 1
Contents:
Bast and the Children of the Sphinx (Andrew Clements) CALL OF CTHULHU
The Maniacal Shannon Appel NPC (Cry.Sys) CALL OF CTHULHU
Editor's Note:
Greetings and a happy Day of the Dead to all and sundry (or All
Saint's Day or Celtic New Year if you prefer). Here's hoping that
Santa Claws brought you everything you wanted on Halowe'en.
First, let me say thanks to everyone who was kind enough to respond to
my call for a new Chaosium Digest editor last time around. I got
around a dozen offers all said and done, and I'm sure that everyone of
those people would have done a terrific job. I've selected John
Thompson for the position. He'll be working with some assistant
editors, and hopefully that will allow the Digest to be even better.
A big cheer for John, and thanks for his being willing to carry on the
flame. He'll be beginning the task on January 1, 1999.
In the meantime, I'll be here for two more months, and I hope that
you'll all be kind enough to send in lots of good articles for all of
Chaosium's games, so I can end my almost five-year tenure in style.
With that said, two articles for Call of Cthlulhu this week, perhaps
better suited for Apr 1 than Nov 1, but what the heck--have fun.
As for me, I've off to a tea party.... now where did that silver
whistle go?
Shannon
--------------------
From: "Andrew Clements" <Andyc2@netcomuk.co.uk>
Subject: Bast and the Chidren of the Sphinx
System: Call of Cthulhu
Bast and the Chidren of the Sphinx
Or: Just another insane pop group
Important Note: This is not a *serious* article.
Helpful pre-reading: The main rule book, of course, and Masks of
Nyarlothotep.
Thanks to: Rob, Ross, and other members of the Minotaur's Head Gaming
Club who helped contribute to the ideas presented here.
=====================================================
For those of you who have read the pre-reading list, you already know
who Bast and the Chidren of the Sphinx are.
For those of you who haven't, Bast is an Egyptian deity of cats, who
is featured in Call of Cthulhu for somewhat doubtful reasons... The
Chidren of the Sphinx are bizarre monsters from the Masks of
Nyarlothotep campaign who are actually mummified bodies whose heads
have been replaced with those of animals.
As you have noticed, the links between the deity and the monsters, is
that they are humanoid with animal heads. This was pretty much the
inspiration for this mind-destroying idea. I blame Rob for helping me
to start it...
So we came up with a new pop group called "Bast and the Children of
the Monolith." It could also be re-named "The Children of the
Sphinx, featuring Bast", for Keepers who have been paying attention
to current pop trends...
We [me, Rob, and Ross], decided that this would be a pop group, mainly
because we do not like pop, and because, quite frankly, who would
notice hundreds of teeny-boppers going mad?
The Chidren of the Sphinx would be the backup singers. Since there is
an indeterminate number of these monsters, we are settling with
four. One has the head of an alligator, one has the head of a hippo,
one has the head of a lion [I have no idea why], and the last has the
head of a jackal. The Children might also do dance moves, although the
alligator and the hippo might have a problem with head balance.
Being animal-headed, singing is probably not one of their best
talents. But being a pop group, this probably goes without saying.
Bast would naturally be the lead singer. What else would an Elder God
accept?
[At this point I interject a side comment. At one point we felt that
Bast and The Chidren of the Sphinx would be a line-dance group. This
is perfectly viable. Can you imagine this Mythos group doing a
collaboration with Steps?]
The group would probably start off with a cover or two, in order to
arouse general suspi- er, interest. Possibilities include Stardust's
"The Madness Feels Better with You", the Backstreet Boys' "What You
Are [?!?]", and Run DMC etc "Its Like That [And That's Who I Eat]."
When they became popular through a now entranced fan base, they would
probably start injecting Cthulhu-type hymns into their songs. The
first couple of songs would probably be normal insanity-causing
affairs, aided by the group appearing live, which will inevitably
cause a few asylum admissions..., but following their success, the
group will lose their lofty [?!?] ideals about the enslavement and
eating of humanity... After that they will just pretend to be occult,
while actually serving it up on a pop platter... Being naturally
sadistic entities, they will probably make songs more banal and
pointless than even the Backstreet Boys, or even [gasp!] the Spice
Girls.
When the group eventually disbands in the natural course of events
[say, Mr Hippo-head ODs, or Bast argues with Mr Lion-head about
Demarcation], Bast will probably go solo, although doing occasional
duets or featuring in other groups, etc. Witness Celine Dion and
Bast: "Its You [I Want to Maim]."
The Chidren of the Sphinx will inevitably sell out stories to the
newspapers, and will probably be killed in supposed suicides... such as
suicide by not running before the Fire Vampire hits.
Assuming they don't take this route, they will probably filter into
TV, the way many failed pop stars do [naming no names...]. A probable
favourite is Mr Jackal-Head and the others joining the Blue Peter
team. A little more insanity won't hurt... ["And here's a Sacrificial
Knife I made earlier... remember, have an adult present at all
times..."].
Of course, after this, the group will completely fade away from
public memory, only remembered by a few loyal fans. Truly, a
cult-following.
This article will [eventually] wind up on my website at
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/1754/Cthulhu.html
so further suggestions will be appreciated [and noted]...
Send suggestions you may have to Andyc2@netcomuk.co.uk
This article is plainly satirical, but you can adapt it to "normal"
cthulhu adventures by making the singers human, but have them
continue to sing Cthulhu-oid hymns...
Andy Clements
Andy
Andyc2@netcomuk.co.uk
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/1754/index.html
"I hate myself because you do"
Andrew Clements
For my always up-to-date [yeah, right] contact information, click here:
http://www.planetall.com/main.asp?cid=772643
It's private, secure, and free!
Whether or not you'll ever use the d**n thing...
--------------------
From: Hamdula@Neosoft.com
Subjects: The Maniacal Shannon Appel NPC
System: Call of Cthulhu
***Shannon Appel NPC***
By Cry.Sys
Seeing that our editor and founder's time to move on has come, I've
decided to make it all the more memorable. Here, I have extraordinary
stats and background of the Shannon Appel NPC.
Shannon Appel
STR 11
CON 14
SIZ 11 ; I always imagined a short person. Don't ask why. :P
DEX 13
APP 8 ; Read the background before you lop off my head.
INT 16
POW 18
EDU 15
SAN varies (Place somewhere from 20 to 30, fluctuations due to editing
through piles of grammatical errors in the digest.)
Skills: Accounting 60%, Art (Splatter Art Wheel Amagig: you know, you
spin it and pour paint on it) 75%, Conceal 25%, Credit Rating 50%,
Cthulhu Mythos 60% (5 years on the digest? Enough to bring normal men
to their knees), Fast Talk 30%, First Aid 40%, Library Use 70%, Get
your sex confused if you're a male or female, judging only by first
name 35% (Hey, I can't tell! :P ), OL: Pig Latin 100%, Native
Language: English 80%, Run away and direct other people into the
creature's maw behind you 50%, Lose Car Keys 15%, Stumble into
chronicle drunkenly and give the players revelations of knowledge,
then dissapear again with all their alcohol 55%, Sneak 15%, Sneak into
female investigator's motel room to go through their undergarments 40%
(Read the background!),
Weapons: Handgun 70%, Shotgun 40%, Martial Art: Copernica (spelling?)
30%.
Background:
Shannon was born in Arkham, Mass, on Novempril 34, 1900 in a factory
known for misprinting calanders. He was privately educated and showed
great skill in writing, editing, accounting, and splatterwheel art. He
went to Miskatonic U, where most of his semesters were spent fooling
around with his fraternity. He learned pig latin extremely well at
this time. He often paid his dorm rent with money made off of bets, if
he could steal panties from the girls' dorm building next door. As his
grade point declined, he tried to spend more time in that musky
Miskatonic Library. He took up a job as a janitor there, and is the
one responsible for the torn and tattered state of the rare book
collection (vacuuming old rare books occasionally sucks up pages with
the dust). Occasionally he would check out a book to read. His life
changed completely when he checked out "Necronomicon: The abridged
version for young readers" by Dr. Al-Seuss-ared. He opened that
fatefull book and read:
Red tentacle, Blue tentacle, Green tentacle!
One tentacle, Two tentacle, Three tentacle, Four!
This sent him into gibbering spasms of drooly twitching fear. He was
hospitalized in the Arkham Sanitarium for 3 weeks before he was
released, cured by heavy electrotherapy (Using _Taint of Madness_
sanitarium rules. MUHAHAHAHAHA!) He still wears little burn marks on
either side of his head from the shock treatment.
Here he started travelling abroad, researching clues found in other
evil children's books. His journeys led him to the Egyptain pyramids
(where his guide abandoned him for 2 days), a Tibetan monestary (where
he beat up several monks before he realized that sticking one's tounge
out in their culture is a sign of greeting), a Chinese opium den (do
you really want me to tell you what he did here??), the British
National Museum rare book collection (where he got lost between the
stacks and survived for a week nibbling on the works of De Sade,
Voltaire, and Shakespeare), and the plateau of Leng (which he still
insists looks like any plateau on the planet, except for the goat
legged men who eat people).
Soon, he grew bored of these travels, and dedicated his life to
drinking -and- travelling the planet. Who can beat the excitement of
waking up with a hangover in a Korean jail, when you could swear you
were in England the night before? He is notorious for stumbling into
investigations of the Mythos, often times totally blottoed and waving
the next copy of the Chaosium Digest. He steals the female
investigator's panties, the male investigator's beer, and always
leaves a clue to what the investigators need to know to survive. It is
said he's totally insane already, and summons byakhqee to attend tea
parties in Azazoth's court, but these allegations have proven
unfounded.
Well, that's it! Shannon Appel, I salute you for you work for the digest
all these years with this odd satire. ;)
--
