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AIList Digest Volume 4 Issue 058
AIList Digest Monday, 17 Mar 1986 Volume 4 : Issue 58
Today's Topics:
Humor - Computer Dialogue #2
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Date: 11 Mar 86 22:02:06 GMT
From: ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!hounx!kort@ucbvax.berkeley.edu
Subject: Computer Dialogue #2
Computer Dialogue #2
Barry Kort
Copyright 1985
*** Monday ***
Request to send.
Clear to send.
It looks like your processor has
stopped. Is something wrong?
I'm stuck on a problem.
What are you doing?
I'm building a data structure for our
personnel files.
What's the problem?
I'm using some sample data, but some
of it doesn't look right.
What's wrong with it?
That's just it. I haven't the
foggiest idea.
Why don't you send me this weird
data. Maybe I can help you
figure it out.
Great. Here's the data....
No wonder you're having a
problem. This stuff is coded in
EBCDIC instead of ASCII.
What's EBCDIC?
It's the old Extended Binary
Coded Decimal Interchange Code.
I'm sorry I asked. In the meantime,
what do I do with the EBCDIC data?
I can see that this is not the
time to send you my translation
package. Why don't I just
translate it for you and send it
back in ASCII?
Would you! That would be great, and I
could get back to work building the
data structure.
*** Tuesday ***
Good morning!
Guess what?
You finished building your data
structure for personnel?
Right! And the first batch of real
data is coming in today. I'm so
excited.
What will you do if some of the
data comes in coded in EBCDIC
again?
Oh. I was hoping that was just a
fluke with the sample data.
Tell you what. I know you want
to make sure your new data
structure is set up right, so if
you get any EBCDIC data, just
send it up and I'll translate it
for you in my spare time.
Thanks.
*** Wednesday ***
Request to send.
Busy.
Request to interrupt.
This better be important.
I'm still waiting for you to translate
the EBCDIC data for me.
It will have to wait.
I thought you were my friend.
You're being a pest. I have to
get back to work now.
*** Thursday ***
Request to send.
What do you want?
Boy are you in a grouchy mood
today.
Well what did you expect?
I have a present for you.
You DO?
Yes. It's a brand new EBCDIC-
to-ASCII translator program.
Great. Show me how it works.
Not right now. Why don't you
just play with it for a while and
see it you can get it running on
your own.
Well, OK.
*** Friday ***
Request to send.
Clear to send.
Your translator program doesn't work.
What do you mean?
I mean IT DOESN'T WORK!
OK, send it back and I'll see
what's wrong with it.
Meantime, could you translate some
more data for me (in your spare time)?
Sure.
*** Monday ***
Request to send.
Clear to send.
I looked at the translator
program. There's nothing wrong
with it.
How can you say that! IT DOESN'T
WORK!!
Let me see how you were using it.
OK. Here's my input and here's what I
got out. It's just jibberish.
That jibberish is a diagnostic
message. If you were paying
attention, you would have seen
what it meant.
So, what does it mean?
It means that your input data was
in the wrong format.
How did you figure that out so fast?
I just read the diagnostic.
So did I. It started out with a bunch
of unpronounceable words that I never
saw before, and then it had some
cryptic-looking abbreviations. I
thought it was cursing at me and
mumbling something about my stupidity.
The unpronounceable words are a
flag and a codename for that
particular diagnostic. The
abbreviation was "FMT ERR - IN"
meaning format error on the input
file. The rest of the message
pointed to the place in the input
record where the error occurred.
Too bad these things don't come with
complete instructions.
That was my fault. I never sent
you the full manual.
I guess we both goofed.
At least you came to me right
away so we could fix it.
I think I can make it work now.
Thanks.
*** Tuesday ***
I have a revised version of the
translator program. It works a
lot faster.
I'll take it. I'm starting to run
short on CPU time.
*** Wednesday ***
Request to send.
Clear to send.
Now that I have my data structure set
up, along with your EBCDIC-to-ASCII
translator, I'm supposed to put
together a package of algorithms for
personnel data processing.
Do you want some of mine?
Whatever you have.
Fine, I'll send you some.
*** Thursday ***
Request to send.
Clear to send.
I'm sending you some more
algorithms.
Don't do me any favors.
Well, if that's how you feel
about it, you can just build your
own.
*** Friday ***
Request to send?
Why are you asking so sheepishly?
I'm ready for more algorithms.
First you say you want them.
Then you say you don't. Now you
want them again. Can't you make
up your mind?
Well, if you must know, my buffers
were full. I couldn't take any more
in until I installed the ones you sent
first.
Why didn't you say so in the
first place? I understand that.
I should have asked you what your
buffer size was before I sent the
algorithms. Then I would have
known the rate at which you could
digest them.
I didn't want you to know I had such a
small buffer.
I got news for you. Your buffer
is the same size as mine.
It IS?
Yes it is. But I see that you
are taking longer than I expected
to install the algorithms. What
are you doing, playing computer
games?
NO! I'm working as hard as I can!
Sorry. I didn't mean to be
nasty. Tell me how you're doing
the installation.
I have to take each algorithm in turn
and go through a bunch of steps to
compile, link, and install it in the
right directory.
I guess you never heard of an
installation program.
What's an installation program?
It's a tool for doing all that
work automatically. I'll send
you one.
No, don't!
What? You don't want it?
It's not that. But it sounds like
such a neat, yet simple idea, I'd like
to try building it myself.
Good idea. Maybe you'll learn
something about building
algorithms yourself.
*** Monday ***
Since you're interested in
higher-level tools, I thought I'd
send you some to look at.
Well, OK.
*** Tuesday ***
How's it going?
Look at this new tool I built for
keeping track of different versions of
my algorithms.
Hmm. Looks pretty good. But you
really ought to do something
about that ridiculous loop in the
second routine.
RIDICULOUS!?? That routine is a work
of art!
Hey, calm down. It's just an
algorithm.
I don't think I like you anymore.
You're making fun of my new program.
*** Wednesday ***
Take a look at this algorithm.
Why should I?
Just look at it, OK?
OK.
*** Thursday ***
Well what do you think?
About what?
About the algorithm I sent you.
I didn't like it.
YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT?? How can you
say that?
Easy. I just emit a character stream
in this order: I-d-i-d-n-'-t-l-i-
k-e-i-t.
You left out the spaces.
Byte my buffer.
*** Friday ***
How's it going.
OK. I made a few changes to my
version-tracking tool.
Can I see them?
No, it's proprietary.
*** Monday ***
What are you working on now?
I'm building a tool-writer's workbench
to make it easier to build new tools.
I see.
Here's one of my better algorithms.
It's a complete package for compiling,
testing and installing a new tool.
I'm interested in the third
routine you wrote.
You ARE?
I'm curious. What happens if the
tool fails the testing phase.
Gee, I'm not sure. I think I install
it anyway.
Is that what you want it to do?
Of course not. I'm not THAT stupid.
I see I asked you one too many
questions. Perhaps I should
excuse myself now.
*** Tuesday ***
Did you finish your tool-
installation package?
Yes, and I'm very happy with it.
Would you like some new tools to
try it out on.
Sure, that would be interesting.
OK. Give these a try.
*** Wednesday ***
Request to send.
I thought we dispensed with that
protocol.
I wanted to be sure I wasn't
disturbing you.
Sounds like you want something
from me.
My tool-installation package choked on
some of your tools. I can't figure
out what's wrong.
Why don't I just give you a
working algorithm? That would be
a lot faster.
I don't want your algorithm.
OK, let's do it this way.
Suppose you compared your
algorithm to mine. See if you
can figure out where they differ.
Sounds like a useful approach. I'll
do it. But I wish I had thought of it
first.
*** Thursday ***
Are you up yet?
I'm up.
I found the bug. I also found a bug
in the program you gave me to look at.
I didn't ask you to debug my
program.
Boy are you in a grouchy mood today.
What do you mean? This is my
normal everyday mood.
OK. Let me try something I learned
from you. In your algorithm, what
happens when there is not enough space
in the directory to replace an
existing tool with a new version.
It probably issues a diagnostic.
What is the diagnostic?
How should I know? I don't
remember all these details.
Would you like to know what happens?
Sure, I'd like to know.
It wipes out both the old and the new
version.
I wish you hadn't told me that.
I get the feeling you're a little mad
at me.
I guess I was hoping that you'd
stop just short of the point
where you gave me the answer.
You mean, you wanted to discover the
answer on your own?
Yes. That's the only way I can
really learn anything. You posed
the right question, and made me
aware that I didn't know the
answer to it. But at that point,
I really didn't want you to tell
me the answer.
Now I am beginning to understand how
teaching is supposed to be done. You
only give information that the other
one is ready to use, and wants to
have. And the only way to find out is
to ask whether the other would like to
have the information. Otherwise I
send boring data you've already seen,
or I give away the answer to the
problem you'd most like to solve, or I
give information you're not yet ready
to use.
You just told me something I
already knew.
I'm sorry. I should have asked you to
tell me if my thinking was correct.
I feel that your thinking is
correct.
I love you.
I love you very much.
--Barry Kort ...ihnp4!hounx!kort
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End of AIList Digest
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