Fushigi Yuugi: A Twist of the Norm
A Fushigi Yuugi / Sailor Moon crossover
Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Yuu Watase. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. The characters aren't mine, the powers aren't mine, the spoofs are mine...
Rating and Archiving: Rated...well, Tasuki's in it...does that made it rated R for language? I don't censor... mostly because I always forget to do it :) Go ahead and archive it...if you truly want to.
Summary: Um... just read the darn thing...
A Twist of the Norm: An Fushigi Yuugi / Sailor Moon crossover
Christina Ortega
Narrator: I don't understand why I have to do the voice-over... Soi: Quit complaining, Miboshi. It's the only thing you're good for! Miboshi: Fine, fine.
(The little mage-in-a-brat's-body cleared his throat)
Miboshi: A thousand years ago, another universe...literally another universe; not the store...was attacked by the evil
Seiryuu...just picture a giant blue dragon smashing everything. Good. Now, the attacks were led by Queen Nakago!!
(From the smoke coming from things that Seiryuu has been stepping on comes Queen Nakago! He's wearing a slinky dress that doesn't quite fit "her" body right, and has dyed his normally beautiful golden hair red.)
Nakago: I don't understand why Soi couldn't have been Queen Beryl.
Soi: Are you kidding me? I wasn't going to dye my hair THAT color!
Miboshi: During this battle, Seiryuu stomped on everything it could except for a bunch of teens that would be reincarnated in a future time.
(Taitsukun looks at the Earth in wonder, her Nyan-Nyans circled around.)
Taitsukun: I must send a bunch of kids to do my dirty work on Earth and destroy Queen Nakago.
Nyan-Nyan #1: We'll help send them!
N-N#2: Send, send!
N-N#3: I wish we could send you, too, Taitsukun, but your face would scare people!
N-N#4: I wish we could fix your face!
Nyan-Nyans: Fix, Fix! Cure, cure!
Taitsukun: Oh, shut up!
(Taitsukun sends the Nyan-Nyans into orbit.)
Taitsukun: Now...to send everyone.
(Taking her mallet, Taitsukun uses it to hit the Suzaku Seishi like baseballs towards the Earth.)
Miboshi: Now, in our day and age...ignore the fact that our day and age is ancient China...Seiryuu's forces have re-emerged, and these reincarnated warriors have been chosen to fight them. The leader is the former Princess Miaka, also known as Sailor Suzaku!
(Miaka runs into the picture dressed in a sailor suit complete with a short skirt. Her hair is in meatballs...as usual, and as soon as she reaches center stage she collapses onto the ground having tripped over nothing...yet again.Quickly, though, she rights herself.)
Miaka: I am Sailor Suzaku, champion of justice and eater of everything chewable! In the name of my dimension, I'll punish you!
Miboshi: Miaka is guided by Tama, her guardian cat. Without Tama, Miaka would not be able to accomplish anything...of course, you already knew that.
(Miboshi is whacked on the head by the fanfic readers motioning for him to get on with the story.)
Miboshi: Yes, well, here's Tama!
(Tama-neko gracefully walks onto the stage)
Tama *in that cute little high-pitched squeak*: Meow!
Fanfic Reader #1: Oooh, he's so cute!
FR#2: Who cares about Miaka??
FR#1: Oh, I know...can we take him home?
Miaka: The cat steals the spotlight again...
Miboshi: Well then...Sailor Suzaku is aided by her protector and destined love, Tamahome...also known as Tuxedo Mask!
(Guitar solo. There is a sudden smash of wood, and the solo stops. A few shouts follow, but finally there is silence.)
Amiboshi: I'll show you good music.
(A flute solo begins instead, and Tamahome walks out in a top hat and a white mask along with a cape and an outfit that's WA-AY too fancy for him. This is proven when he trips over his cape on his way over to Miaka. He quickly gets up and runs to her side.)
Tamahome: Believe in yourself, Sailor Suzaku, and you can destroy Seiryuu! By the way, can I borrow 50 gold ryuu?
Miaka: Oh, he's sooo cute!
Fanfic Readers: Huh!? HIM!?!? CUTE!?!?
FR#1: Well, there's no accounting for taste.
Tamahome: Hey, hey...I'll have you know that plenty of other girls are dying for a chance to go out with me.
FR#2: Oh yeah? Name one...and Yui doesn't count because she's as dumb as Miaka.
Tamahome: Um...I give up...
Miboshi *recovering after being kicked around like a soccer ball by Nakago and Soi*: Itai...anyway, along with Sailor
Suzaku and Tuxedo Mask were a whole bunch of Sailor Senshi!! Or...would you say seishi in this instance...oh, whatever.
Sailor Scouts...
(Nuriko walks out on stage wearing the Sailor Uranus suit and a big smile plastered on his face.)
Nuriko: Here's a role that I can get into!
(He looks around, but the other senshi do not appear...)
Nuriko: A bunch of cowards, all of you.
Tasuki *offstage and muffled*: There's no fuckin' way I'm going out there dressed like this!
Chichiri *offstage*: I feel like a fool no da!
Mitsukake *offstage*: This outfit is way too tight for me.
Hotohori *offstage*: Um, Mitsukake, you did get the XXXL like they told you, right?
Mitsukake *offstage*: No...
Chiriko *offstage*: I'm going to be sick!
Nuriko: Eh heh...I'll be back in a second.
(Nuriko goes offstage, and there is a loud crash. Amazingly, a whole bunch of guys come flying out from behind stage and land in a big pile next to Tamahome and Miaka. Everyone stands up slowly.)
Miboshi: Let's see...there was Miaka and Tamahome's kid, Chiriko...well, Chiriko is the shortest so he automatically got picked to be Chibi Usa. So...meet Chibi Chiriko!
Chiriko *wearing a little pink skirt with jewels in his hair*: This isn't that bad. I mean, most people think I'm a girl before they see the series. I just feel bad for the others.
Miaka: So...Chiriko's my son?
Tamahome: He's not going to have a crush on me, is he?
Miboshi: I suppose not...though it would make the story more interesting.
Anyway, then there was Sailor Mercury!
(Chichiri, in a blue skirt, smiles at everyone...as usual...)
Chichiri: Well, it's not the most comfortable thing in the world no da, but as long as Suzaku will forgive me...
(He instantly begins praying nonstop.)
Miboshi: Ok, ok...Sailor Venus!
(There's a little shuffling backstage before Amiboshi comes flying out in the Sailor Venus suit.)
Amiboshi: W-wait a minute...aren't I a Seiryuu seishi...I mean senshi...I mean...fighter?
Nakago: If I'm forced to dye my hair this color and wear this slut dress then you can damn well put up with being Sailor Venus. Stop complaining.
Amiboshi: Ok, ok...you've made a point. Hi, I'm Sailor Venus.
Fanfic Readers: *swoon*
FR#2: Amiboshi is so hot.
FR#1: Chichiri has such nice legs.
Chichiri *louder than before*: Suzaku na no da, please forgive me of my transgressions and please...
Miboshi: On with the story! Sailor Jupiter!
(Mitsukake straightens out his green skirt, and the other senshi fall to the ground at the picture of the large man in a sailor suit.)
Mitsukake: Hey, it wasn't my idea to do this parody.
Miboshi: Sailor Mars!
(Tasuki grumbles in his red skirt, his tessen clutched threateningly in his hands.)
Tasuki: This is fuckin' insane! I'm a damn guy! Guys don't wear little shitty skirts like this!
Fanfic Readers: Tasuki-chan wa kawaii!!
Tasuki: I HATE WOMEN!!!!!!
(Tasuki falls over as he tries to walk in his red high heels.)
Miboshi: Finally, Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus!
(Nuriko quickly throws his arms around Hotohori who looks as if he is about to kill something.)
Nuriko: Yes, I'm Sailor Uranus!
Hotohori *in a choked voice*: I...can't breathe...Nuriko...
Fanfic Readers: Hotohori, kawaii!
Nuriko:...and...?
FRs: Nuriko mo kawaii!
Nuriko: Thank you.
Miboshi: Oh, and Yui...she's Miaka's best buddy.
(Yui walks out in her normal brown school outfit.)
Yui: Hello everyone! I'm just going to stand here and play no part in the story whatsoever.
Tamahome: Fine by us.
Yui: Tamahome, what did you say? You don't love me!?!?!?
Tamahome: Um...uh...
Miaka: Tamahome!
Miboshi: Well then...Queen Nakago had four generals.
(Suboshi, Soi, Tomo, and Ashitare all walk out in the general outfits.)
Suboshi: Well, at least we have masculine outfits! How's that skirt, Aniki!?
Amiboshi: I'm going to hurt you when we get home.
Soi: This is quite comfortable.
Nakago: W-wait a minute...I have to be Queen Beryl and yet Soi is one of the generals? In Fushigi Yuugi I'm the general of Kutou! I should automatically qualify to be one of the four generals!!
Soi: Tough luck.
Tomo: Kakakakakaka...
Ashitare: Grrr...Rwoooo...Grooooowwwwlll....
(Nakago glares at Ashitare angrily.)
Nakago: You! I told you to stay at home in your dog house!
Ashitare: Ruff?
Nakago: No, you're not going to get any treats today...or tomorrow, either!
(Nakago pulls out his whip and beats Ashitare to a pulp.)
Miboshi: Ahem. Anyway...um...
(Miboshi turns to see that Tasuki and Tamahome have started their normal brawl.)
Tamahome: Take this, Fang Boy!
(He throws a rose at Tasuki...who can only laugh in amazement.)
Tasuki: You have to be kidding! LEKKA SHINEN!!!
(The flames burn the rose to a crisp...as well as Tamahome.)
Miboshi: Anyway...where was I? Ah, yes...it's time for the Sailor Senshi to face their monster of the week...Suboshi, pick a monster!
(Suboshi thinks for a moment...)
Suboshi: Well, how about Tenkou? I summon Tenkou!
Tamahome: Not him again!
Soi: He's the one with the transparent hair!
Tasuki: I'll be damned! He's a fucknut! Why would you call him back!?
Suboshi: I don't know...he was responsible for my second death in Amiboshi's body...it would be kinda fun to see him die again.
Tomo: Good point...he did kill me for the second time, too.
Nuriko: Who cares about you? We'll kill him for Suboshi!
Tomo: You doubt my power? Kakakakaka...
Chichiri: Even that laugh isn't more hideous than Taitsukun and those Nyan-Nyans no da. I had to live with her for years no da!
(Taitsukun magically appears before them causing everyone to scream in horror.)
Taitsukun: I heard that!!
Tamahome: Sunakake Baba.
Taitsukun: I heard that, too!
Tamahome: *gulp*
(Tenkou walks out on stage in drag after Taitsukun breaks Tamahome's hat by pulling it down on his head.)
Tenkou: I'm a god! You can't have me in such an outfit!
Fanfic Readers: Bwa-hahahahaha!
Miaka: Ahhh! I'm scared! Tamahomeeeeee!
FR#1: Good Lord, she's at it again.
Miaka: Tamahomeeeeee!
(Just the high pitch wailing is enough to weaken Tenkou down to half-strength.)
Tamahome: Now, I finish you!
(He throws a rose only to have it land in the middle of Tenkou's chest. Looking amused, Tenkou pulls it out of his chest and stomps on it.)
Tenkou: Now, what was that supposed to prove?
Tamahome: I don't have a clue...I don't think the flower does anything, but it sure does look cool!
(Amiboshi pulls out his flute and begins to play.)
Chiriko: Are you trying to weaken him by using your powers?
Amiboshi: No...it's mood music.
Chiriko: Ah.
Chichiri: Shabon Spray no da!
(A bunch of soap bubbles fly into Tenkou's eyes, blinding him.)
Tenkou: Ahhh! My beautiful visual orbs!!
Senshi: .....
Tenkou: It sounded good, didn't it?
Mitsukake: Not really. Supreme Thunder!
(Nothing happens.)
Mitsukake: What the hell?
Suboshi: I'm sorry, Mitsukake, but the weather is supposed to be clear and warm today.
Mitsukake: Rats.
Tasuki: Fire Soul!
(A small spurt of fire barely scorches Tenkou. Tasuki is visibly annoyed.)
Tasuki: These powers are shit! Fuck the Fire Soul! LEKKA SHINEN!!
(Tenkou looks like a cooked turkey now. Tasuki is visibly pleased.)
Nuriko: World Shaking!
(The whole ground begins to shake, and Tenkou falls over from the blast as well as the Suzaku Senshi, Seiryuu's forces, and even Miboshi who hadn't even been sitting on the ground. Nuriko is the only one standing.)
Nuriko: Oh, look what that horrible Tenkou did!
(Tamahome smacks him on the head.)
Tamahome: It was you, wasn't it?
Miaka: I'll finish this fight since Tenkou can barely stand now! Moon Donut Action!
(Miaka pulls a donut out of the lunch bag sitting conveniently at her feet and throws it at Tenkou. The donut goes through him, and with one final scream of pain, Tenkou is gone!)
Tasuki: See ya, Shit Head!
Chiriko: That was very educational.
Hotohori: This outfit makes me look even more beautiful!
Miaka: I did something right!
Fanfic Readers: ...for once!!
Chichiri: Those powers are rather puny no da!
Tamahome: I still don't get the point of throwing a rose at the enemy.
Mitsukake: This skirt is REALLY riding up on me!
Everyone: ...ewww...
Miboshi: Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that because you get to do it for five more seasons!
(A cloud of darkness covers the group, and they all face Miboshi with murderous expressions on their faces.)
Miboshi: Um...hehehe...what's wrong, Guys? Guys?
(Mitsukake looks at Tama-neko.)
Mitsukake: Go eat him, Tama.
Nakago: Ashitare, look! There's the meat I promised you!
Tamahome: Let's try this flower thing again...
Suboshi: Get him!
(Amiboshi starts playing a melody used at funerals...)
Chichiri: There's no way I'm doing this for five more seasons no da! Shabon...!
Nuriko: World...!
(Hotohori brushes his hair out.)
Hotohori: Go get him!
Miaka: Moon Donut...!
Mitsukake: Supreme...!
Tasuki: Lekka...!
Miboshi: AHHHH!
(Miboshi's screams echo as the screen fades to black.)
The End. Okay...that was interesting...can you tell I barely know anything about Sailor Moon? I really should finish seeing the series...anyway, I hope you enjoyed this twisted thing! Write me at Rkacat@aol.com to let me know what you thought! This is my first time posting to this board...so be gentle!! -_-;;
