Anime Hospital episode seven: Classic Symptoms
Anime Hospital episode seven: Classic Symptoms
Toni looked at her computer screen and shook her head in bewilderment for the fifth straight time. "It doesn't make any sense,"
"What, what doesn't make any sense?" Heather asked.
Toni turned to face the nurse, having not seen her walk up to the front desk.
"Oh, hi Heather. I've been checking the calendars, and something funny is up."
Heather tried to peek around the counter to look at the computer screen, but failing that, turned back to the receptionist and said, "What to let me in on the joke?"
As they spoke, the crew of the Yamato passed by them. They were wearing modified uniforms and tossing a basketball back and forth between them. Toni and Heather payed them no heed.
"Well, I noticed it on the wall calender first, and I thought it was just some kind of prak, but I've seen in on all the other calenders, and even the computer records are messed up."
"Oh, my, funny calenders, the suspence is killing me," Heather said sarcastically.
"Do you want me to tell you what's going on or not?" Toni said.
"Only if you actually plan on telling me sometime this year," Heather shot back.
"Fine. For some reason everyday is Sunday, all of a sudden. Don't ask me how it happened, but all of our calenders show it."
Heather yawned. "Yeah, real code red emergency. Let me know if every month suddenly becomes May as well." Bored with the entire affair, Heather walked off.
Just then the phone rang. Toni lifted the reciever and said, "Anime Hospital, how may I help you?"
Toni almost continued, but stopped short, and a worried look crossed her face. While she listened, Chim-Chim and Kimba passed by the desk, playing an improptu game of tag.
"Hey, wait!" Toni suddenly said, and then jerked back from the reciever. Looking at the phone, she set it back on its caddy and then pressed a button on the comm. "Security, please come to the front desk."
Inside Dr Stoopenstein's office, a heated discussion was going on. The security officers had finished asking Toni all of their questions and had left, allowing the team of Li, Jones, Farley and Kaburi to discuss thing more intelligently. Karl simply paced back and forth, mumbling something too softly for anyone to hear, not that they cared.
"No, I don't know who it was," Toni said in response to the pressing questions. "He said that if we don't close down the hospital immediately, that we'll start having 'accidents'. That's all he said."
"What did he sound like?" Mike said.
Toni thought a bit and said, "Really funny, actually. It was high pitched, and he giggled a lot. I'm sure I've heard that giggle somewhere, but I can't quite place it."
"Are you sure you didn't recognize the voice?" Mike said.
"Gee, sorry if I can't identify everyone by voice. You ever tried figuring out who's talking to you when all you hear is Reba West's voice?"
Just then two men walked into the office. They were both animes, and they flashed their police badges as they enetered. "AD Police, I'm Leon, this is Daley,"
"We know who you are, you twit," Toni said crossly. Heather immediately began to fix her hair, however.
Leon ignored the comment and spoke directly to Karl. "We heard that you'd recieved a threating phone call," he said.
"News travels fast," Heather said.
"We'd like to know if there's anything we can do to help,"
Karl started to say, "Why, yes," but if came out as "YEEEE-OWWWWW!" as Pam calmly tipped his scalding hot chocolate right into his lap.
"Oops," Pam said, but since Karl was already rushing out the door to his office, it was a wasted gesture. Toni, Mike, and Heather seemed to appreciate it, though.
"No thanks, we really won't be needing your help," Toni assured Leon. "Please go away."
The two men tried to protest, but, they were effectively shooed out by Toni, who closed the door behind her and breathed a sigh of relief. "Just what we need," she said, "Animes offering to help out."
The words had barely escaped from her lips when a knock came to the door. "Who could that possibly be?" Heather wondered.
Deunan and Briareos walked into the room, prompting Heather to say, "Isn't a little early for Easter." The massive bionic man simply grinned, but otherwise showed no response. "Olympus Police, we heard you got a threatening phone call."
"No thanks," Toni said firmly, and escorted them out much the same way she had done before. No sooner was she done, however, when another knock came to the door. "Not again," Toni moaned.
Al and Leona walked into the room. "Tank Police. We heard-"
"Beat it!" Toni growled, and the two, looking fairly surprised, left without further comment.
"I don't get it," Toni said, "Not only do they keep showing up, they get more destructive each time a new one pops in."
Mike and Heather exchanged worried looks. "That can only mean..." the redheaded woman started to say.
Everyone froze when the next knock sounded. Perhaps they hoped that they could pretend no one was in. It didn't work, and Lovely Angels Kei and Yuri walked into the room. "Trouble Consultants, WWW-"
Despite the soundproofing, the mutual scream of "NO!" was heard at least as far as the cafeteria.
The phone rang, but Toni did not automatically pick it up as was her habit. Instead, she looked at it pensively for a while, but eventually she lifted the phone and answered with, "Hello?"
"Are you closing it down?" the voice asked.
"Ummm," Toni muumbled, and immediately flipped a switch on a device next to the phone. "We're working on it. Why do you want it closed down anyway?"
A nervous giggle preceded, "That's not important. Just shut the hospital down. I'll expect everyone out in twenty-four hours, one way or another."
The connection broke, and Toni muttered a curse as she brought the phone down a slight bit too hard. "Almost had him!"
While Toni's mood clouded over, the mammoth car passed noisilly through the lobby and turned down the east wing, scattering doctors, nurses, and patients in every direction. Nobody was hurt, luckily, but the monsterous vehicle was leaving huge grooves in the floor and had utterly wrecked the moving sidewalk that provided easy travel along the five mile long hallway.
Just then, one of the bubblegum machines tipped over, spilling its contents into the lobby. Doctors and nurses, caught unaware, were suddenly slipping and crashing into the walls and each other.
Toni immediately sprang to her feet, "What the-" she started to say. Immediately striking a button on the comm. "Get somebody over here, we've got injuries in the lobby," She looked at the sprawled bodies in the lobby and wondered what was going on.
A voice rose out of the speaker. "Sorry Toni, but we've got problems of our own down here. All our staff in the west wing is breaking with the strangest virus I've ever seen. Everyone's skin is becoming iron!"
"Excuse me? Iron?"
"Iron, steel, zink. I don't know and I don't much care. It seems to have started in the eighty-eighth sector of the wing, and has been running rampently throughout. It's all I can do just to make sense of matters, and our docs are about as unavailable as they're going to get."
"Ditto here in the south wing," another voice suddenly said. "The entire hall's turned into oranges."
"Oranges?" Toni said. "Is it just me, or does nothing make sense anymore?"
"Hey don't ask me how it happened, but don't expect anyone to get out here anytime soon. The whole transport system's offline. You know how fast we can get out here if we walk, what with the halls being as long as they are."
Toni was holding her head as though it hurt. "Why did he have to make the hospital so damn big." Suddenly her eyes got wider and she punched the comm again. "Where the heck's Stoopenstein?" she said.
A third voice droned through, "You're not gonna believe this."
"There's a five mile hall full of oranges!" Toni yelled. "If Stoopenstein's involved, I'll believe just about anything!"
"He's out, cold, and he probably won't come back for a while."
"Good, the less he can do the better," Toni paused as she thought a bit. "Where's the 'You're not gonna believe this' part?"
"It's in the way he got taken out," the voice said helplessly. He was just walking through Sei sector in the north wing when this giant hand just appeared out of nowhere and knocked him silly before he even knew it was there."
Toni picked the comm unit up and threw it aimlessly accross the lobby. Unfortunately for one of the people who hadn't quite been taken out by their tumble over the gumballs in the lobby, he was hit full in the face by the unit as he struggled to his feet. He fell to the ground with a resounding thud.
"I've heard enough," Toni grumbled. "We need to do something. Now."
"Well, it's been confirmed," Heather said. "Every sector in every wing is experiencing the most bizarre accidents I've ever heard of,"
Heather, Toni, Pam and Mike had all assembled in the cafeteria. The place was littered with groaning bodies whose mouths were stuffed full of appleseeds.
Everyone nodded solemnly at Heather's words. "Doctors and nurses are getting taken out left and right," Mike said. "Pretty soon there won't be anyone around to do anything."
"It's that terrorist," Toni said. "I don't know how, but he's causing all of this. There's no other explenation."
"But how?" Heather asked. "The kind of things going on just aren't physically possible!"
"Has that ever been a matter of confusion in this hospital?" Toni asked. "There's no doubt about it. Whoever's doing this, anime's involved."
Pam nodded, while Heather and Mike both looked worried. "That doesn't make any sense, Toni," Mike said. "Why would the Animes want to sabotage the only hospital in existence that treats their kind."
"Who knows? Maybe one of them got tired of all the badmouthing we do behind their backs. There's no question about it, though. Everything that's happened so far has had something to do with one of the Anime Universes."
"What do you mean?" Heather asked.
"The accident in the lobby," she started. "BubbleGum Crash."
Heather face faulted. "You can't be serious."
"I can and am," Toni said. She began to count off her fingers as she listed more examples. "The calenders. Everyday is Sunday. A Metal Skin Panic in Area 88. Orange Road in the south wing. Karl taken out by a Fist of the North Star." As she listed each one, Heather grew more and more annoyed.
Everyone looked at the wounded around them "Appleseed," they said in unision.
"All right! So somebody with an ear for bad puns is taking out the staff," the flamboyant nurse said. "What are we supposed to do?"
"We enlist the help of Animes of course," Toni said patiently. "I hate the idea as much as you all do, but there's no other real choice. We can't just give into this bozo's commands."
"No!" Heather said, bursting from her seat. "We have to do something about this! I'm not just gonna sit idley by as someone tries to punch my ticket and the only thing protecting me is a bunch of Animes!"
"I hate to say this," Mike said, "but I agree with Nurse Farley."
"As do I," Toni said, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms together while a look of satisfaction crossed her face. "I want a piece of this guy as much as the rest of ycou. The anime's will just help us take care of the staff that's already been taken out. We on the other hand, are going to do a little investigating."
Everyone looked at each other and nodded. Toni held out her hand. Mike, Pam and Heather each took it and they all shaked once.
BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK
[The scene is a common one. A programmer, finishing the last bits of his greatest creation, looks on in stark terror as a power surge suddenly kocks the computer out of commission. While the sounds of his screams echo into oblivion, the scene shifts to another person typing the last few bits of a massive report, only to have his computer suffer the same fate. As his screams fade away, the scene again cuts to a man reclining in a chair by a desk. The desks around him hold a large number of various computers.]
Man: Nowadays, data is the most precious thing in existence, and unfortunately, no matter how far technology has gotten, there are still dozens of ways to lose it. Permanently.
[ The scene again shifts to another computer user, tapping away. Suddenly the screen starts to be replaced by a huge amount of garbage. Suddenly smoke starts to rise from the machine. As his screams fade into the background, it returns to the man in the office room.]
Man: The time has come for a computer that can protect your data. A computer that can take any amount of abuse. Viruses, electrical surges, you name it, it's gotta be able to take it.
[As he speaks, the camera rotates around to show the computer sitting on his desk. It is a rather typical looking computer, but there is a familiar looking face on the upper right corner of the tower.]
Man: A computer like this one. Allow me to introduce the new Ataru ST. Electrical surges, viruses, hardware problems, did I mention electrical surges? This computer can stand up to anything. It may seem a bit uncomfortable at first, but in no time at all, it actually works better than it was before! Man: Also available, the portable Ataru SD. Now you can take your indestructible data with you, anywhere we go. Look for it where all fine Darling No Baka products are sold
End Commercial Break
Mike chose to take the South Wing. Since it was out everyone agreed that he could cover the most ground, especially since the entire hallway was covered with oranges which were beginning to develop a distinct oder while they rotted. He began to plod through the fruity mess, wondering how old he'd get by the time he finally finished his part of the investigation, when he saw a way around the problem.
"Astroboy! Over here!"
The little artificial child turned in midflight down the hallway and faced Mike with curiosity. "Yes, Nurse Jones?" he asked as he flew up to him.
"I'm looking into the accidents going on in the hospital," Mike explained. Before he got much further, though, Astroboy interrupted.
"You are? That's a relief. I'm really worried. I mean, if you guys go down, what happens to us?"
Mike grimaced, but only said, "I was wondering if I could get you to offer me a hand. These halls are a bit hard to move through, you know."
Astroboy enthusiastically agreed, and soon Mike was being carried by the rocketing youth down the endless hallway.
Suddenly, Mike signaled Astroboy to stop as they passed by two animes sitting on the pile of oranges, seemingly unbothered by the presence of the rancid fruit.
"I told you I like Niimai," said the girl. "Now it's your turn."
"Okay, I like Niimai too."
"Hey, you two!" Mike said at the couple as he trodded his way to them. "How are things on this side?"
"Nobody's going anywhere, but other than that, we're all doing fine," the boy said. "By the way, have you seen Ai anywhere around?"
"No," Mike admitted. "But I'll keep an eye out for her. While I'm looking, please see what you can do to help out, and if you see anything suspicious, let somebody know about it."
With that, Mike allowed Astroyboy to lift him into the air again and the two sailed down the hall looking for clues about the mysterious accidents.
Heather grumbled some more as she stood on the moving sidewalk in the middle of the east wing. She had adjusted each subsection of the simple transportation system to carry her as fast as the treads would allow, but it still seemed too slow for her.
She was mad, and when she caught this terrorist she was going to wring his neck with her own two hands. She could hardly wait to squeeze the breath from his body. He had done the unforgivavle, and she was going to make him pay for that.
After all, pummelling Dr Stoopenstein was her job, and she hadn't given anyone else permission to excercise that priveledge.
Suddenly the sound of a saxaphone caught her attention. She listened to a bit more intently and whispered to herself, "Madoka?" One hand reached over and flipped the switched that moved as she did to set the treads on a slower speed so that she could get a better bearing on where the sound was coming from.
When she finally came to the section she believed the music was eminating from, she suppressed a chill. It was the sixty-sixth hallway, and as she followed it, her suspicions grew stronger.
"N," she said to herself, as she came to the appropriate subsection. "Or sometimes, 'm'. I have a bad feeling about this."
Just then a shrieking ghost flew by her, and she had to duck to avoid being trampled by it. The area suddenly became very cold, and as she looked on, she was greeted by several famliar patients. "Devilman, the Overfiend, the Shinma," she stopped before she got to the rest and simply substituted "Black Magic. I should have known."
The saxaphone music played on, and Heather continued down the hall, keeping up her act of calm before the various unholy monstrosities before her. "Don't even think about it," she said with a glare to several dripping tentacles that started heading her way, and they meekly backed off to allow her to pass.
Finally she found the room she was certain the music was coming from, and when she opened the door, she was suprised to see not Ayukawa Madoka but, "Lisa Simpson!"
The girl stopped her playing and looked at Heather. "Excuse me, Miss, I'm looking for my brother."
Heather groaned in disbelief and slammed the door shut behind her. As she stormed off in barely contained frustration, she suddenly said, "Yo, Overfiend! There's a present for you in the room down there." Feeling a little better, she returned to her investigation, hoping that she could make up for the lost time.
Pam was halfway down the North Wing when she first caught a glimpse of it. A shady figure, just out of eyesight, passed by her vision for a brief second. She jerked her head to where it had been, but of course by that time it was gone.
She continued down the hall, positive that the shady figure would eventually reappear. She would be waiting for it this time, however, and it would not escape quite so easily.
She was not expecting to see the huge wall that stood before her, though, when she finished the next mile of hallway before her. It was a wall, but of guns all crammed together as tightly as possible. This was not nearly as disturbing as the tiny ammounts of water that sometimes leaked from the wall, hinting at what lay beyond it.
A snicker from behind caused her to spin, and she again only caught a glimpse of the shady figure as it dashed out of view. She had no time to give chase, however, as a massive glowing disk of energy shot straight for her. She ducked and grabbed hold of the railing, already anticipating what would happen next.
The disk struck the wall with a resounding clang, and there was a brief pause as the distinct sound of metal sliding together and apart was heard. Then everything fell away as a great upheaval of water broke the wall down and came rushing down the hall. Pam held tighter still to the railing of the treadwalk despite the almost irresistable force of the water and the occasional pummeling of a high speed firearm as it was carried past her. By all rights, the physical punnishment she recieved should have carried her away with the water, or killed her, or both. Instead, when everything calmed again, she rose to her feet, brushed herself off, and continued down the hall.
Oddly enough, once she got a few sections down the wing, the signs of moisture completely disappeared, as if there had never been any water on the other side. While Pam was noticing this, she again heard an insane little giggle. She turned, again ready for anything. She got a much better look at the source of the merriment, but as she gave chase, she was suddenly met up with a large yellow dog in a heavily modified sailor suit. Pam stopped short and faced the dog, not sure what it would do.
The dog sniffed the air in front of it and, finding the smell offensive, chose to attack Pam. The stalwart nurse didn't even flinch as she accepted it's charge full force.
Toni kicked a dropped medicine bottle out of her way and she grumbled a bit more. She was getting nowhere. She decided that if nothing was going to happen, she may as well be eating, so she reached into her shirt and withdrew the glazed donut she had been storing there.
She nearly choked on the first bite when Mike suddenly shouted from behind, "Toni! Find anything yet?"
Toni quickly stuffed the donut back into its hiding place and turned to see the head nurse riding Astroboy to her at high speeds. When he reached her, he excused the boy, asking him to help out the others in the hospital.
"Mike! Don't sneak up on me like that! With all these accidents going on around us you almost gave me a heart attack thinking I would be the next victem!"
"I didn't sneak up on you," Mike said. "And it 'Nurse-"
"-Jones. Haven't you gotten tired of that yet?" Toni asked testilly.
The brawny nurse frowned, then screwed himself up as he said, "I asked if you found anything."
"No, as a matter of fact, I didn't," Toni said. Mike sagged back into his more usual posture when he wasn't being professional.
"I did!" a cheery voice said from behind. Toni and Mike both jumped in alarm at the same time, and Heather soon found herself facing to very angry looking individuals.
"Hey, calm down you two," Heather said while holding her arms out. "Do you want to hear what I found out or not?"
"All right, spill it," Toni grumbled.
"Oh, just like that, huh?" Heather said. "You expect me to just-"
"You heard her, Nurse Farley."
Heather started to say something, but looked at the expression on Mike's face and thought better of it. "All right. Toni, you were right, there's an anime involved, but it's not an Anime anime."
"Come again?"
"Some other animations are responsible for all this. I'm not sure who yet, though I did meet one of them, but it makes a lot of sense. After all, the Animes are starting to really get in the way of all the other animes in the world espicially as far as fans go. Taking out the only hospital that treats them would be a perfect way to fix that problem."
Toni considered that. "Yes, I think you may be right. But who then, and how do we stop- Wait!" A sudden look of horror crept accross Toni's face. "Odd giggle. It couldn't be!"
"And if it was?"
This time all three of them jumped in suprise and turned to face Pam with a captive hanging from her outstreached hand. The prisoner was easily recognized by all of them.
"MICKEY?" They all said in surprise.
The mouse scowled at them and said, "I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you kids!"
Toni smacked her forehead and said, "Shoot me now,"
"That the last of them?" Toni asked as Mike and Heather dragged some more hospital staff into the lobby.
"I think so," Mike said.
"Well at least it's finally over," Heather said. "The authorities took that dirty sneak where he belongs and he won't be bothering us for a long, long time."
"Yes, we're back in the safe administative hands of Dr Stoopenstein," Toni reminded her with a smile.
"Ugh." Heather said, sticking her tounge out. "Did you have to bring that up?"
"Not really, but it was fun to do anyway," Toni said. She turned back to Pam. "Now are you going to tell me how you managed to pull this off or not?"
Pam simply smiled ever so slightly and said, "I have work that must be done," and left before Toni could say anything about it.
Someday..." Toni began.
"...I'm gonna figure her out," Heather finished.
"A model nurse. Why can't you be more like her, Nurse Farley?"
Heather usually wouldn't have dared to attack Mike, but since Toni offered to help...
preview of next week's episode
An experiment of Karl's goes awry, resulting in an infinite number of Stoopensteins. When an alien race decides they want the real McCoy for their experiments, a rescue mission is (reluctantly) assembled. Can the gang get Karl back, or will they be stuck with hundreds of copies of him that they'll never get rid of? Find out next week in "Stoopenstein ^X"
