Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
The Game Review Issue 53
.x#$$#x.
`:$$$$:' The Game Review!
.x%#$$$$$$#%x. .x#$$$$#x. .x#$$$#x.
`""""$$$$""""' .S$$$$$$$$S.$$$$$$$$$Ss
$$$$.sS$Ss.$$$$ $$$$$`$$$$ $$$$$ *************
$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$',$$$$ *ESTABLISHED*
$$$$$$$$$$$ """"`$$$$ $$$$$$ ****1995*****
$$$$$$$$$ sS$Ss."$$$ $$$$$$ pn
`-------------- $$$$$$$$$$$ ------------'
$$$$$$$$'`
~VOTED #1 SCENE MAG/REVIEW BY INTERNET USERS~ (a while ago)
~TGR IS PROUD TO BE THE LONGEST RUNNING WEEKLY SCENE MAG/REVIEW, EVER!~
~~CELEBRATING OVER *3* YEARS IN THE SCENE~~
.a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$a.
$$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$' s `$$
$' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #53
$ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ssss$$
$ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 06/07/98
$. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$
$$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$
`$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd'
"All the games that are fit to print...and some that aren't."
Un-Realistic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stupid Idiot
Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer
____________
News Updates ***A lot of stuff to say, so please read it***
============
-Ok, let's get right to the point like we always do:
(1) Remember when I said TGR was dead and never to be again?
Yeah, well...I LIED. We're back, obviously.
(2) This may only be a summer thing, so don't hold your breath, but do hold
your penis when pissing and hold grandpa's penis too if he can't do it
himself.
(3) "But Ionizer, all games are win95 now!" NO SHIT YOU ASSHOLE!
Obviously, I've installed win95, and I still hate it. (Maybe I'll
install win98 in a few years, hehe)
I now have a p233/mmx, 64 megs ram, so no more excuses for non-working
games such as "It doesn't work cuz your computer sucks Ionizer"
-I've decided I won't be funny in any of my reviews and that I will
be REALLY serious in all of them..............BWHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT!
Listen, some things don't and never will change, and TGR is one of those.
As always, we will continue to review all games in a simple .TXT format!
-For those who know, Path0s used to review the win95 games, and I used to
review the dos/win3.1 games. Since everything is now win95, we are going to
both review all games. Meaning, you'll get two interpretations which you
can judge for yourself depending on who you consider more to your liking.
-This issue and future issues wouldn't be possible without the `help' of
a good friend to the scene, Prozac. Thank you for your help, our readers
and I myself owe ya one. (Ok, maybe I can't speak for the readers, I think
that's got something to do with taxation w/o representation, but I thank ya)
-I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of email about "TRG" (The Reviewers Guild).
Let me just make it clear up front: (a) We have nothing against them, nor do
we even consider ourselves in a "competition" with them. (b) We are aimed at
two different types of audiences, looking for different material. (c) We
will not show screen captures, nor release individual reviews like them, if
you want that, then you've already got it, so feel free to visit them at
www.game-over.net (d) TGR is not TRG and will never try to be. For those
who have been around, you know what we are and what we deliver. For those a
little newer to the scene, I direct you to our webpage to check out old
issues (http://www.monmouth.com/~jionin) for a better understanding of a
magazine that has been around SINCE 1995.
============================================
HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS:
============================================
TGR is released on Sundays, at approximately 8pm (EST). It can be obtained
in 2 different ways. The first method obviously being the easiest and best:
*****************
***NEW ADDRESS***
*****************
#1 TGR Web Page: http://www.monmouth.com/~jionin
-------------------------------
(Over 80,000 Served) (Note: Contains all issues and gets 'em 1st)
#2 Through irc, you can dcc from me the newest issue only, simply type:
/msg ionizer xdcc send #1 OR /msg iondcc xdcc list <to see list>
On the day of release (Sunday), you may also use IonDcc instead of me.
- * - * - * - * - *
* - * - * - * - * -
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
RATINGS are based on the game idea, graphics, sound, playability, ingenuity,
versatility, and a lot of other words ending in `ity'. These games are based
on what happens on MY COMPUTER ONLY, unless stated otherwise. I always first
follow .nfo directions, and if those don't work or are not available, I then
try other ways. So just b/c it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't
work for you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW (c) Ionizer <*><*>-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: The reviews start from June 1st.
SALTWATER FLY FISHING (c) ALLIGATOR [XX/57]
⁄ƒƒƒ €€€ ‹‹‹ ‹‹‹ ∞±≤ ‹‹‹ flflflfl€€‹ flflflfl€€‹ø
≥ ‹€‹€€€ flflfl €€€ ±≤€ flflfl ≤±∞ €€€ ∞±≤ ≤€€≥
≥€€€ ≤€€ ≤±∞ €€≤ ≤€€ ∞±≤ €≤± ≤€€ ±≤€flflfl ≥
:€€≤ ±≤€ €≤± €€≤ €€€ ±≤€ €€≤ ≤€€ ≤€€ ∞±≤:
≥€€≤ ∞±≤ €€≤ €€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ±≤€≥
≥fl€€‹‹‹‹‹€€€ fl€‹€fl €€€ €€€ €€€ €€€‹≤€fl≥
¿sL!(sac)ƒƒƒƒƒƒ <01.06.98> ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
-Filenames: DVNSFF??.ZIP
Ahhh...nothing like a nice day on the coast, with some nice scenery and the
sound of the birds WHILE YOU SIT ON YOUR COMPUTER AND STARE AT THIS DUMB GAME.
Ok, fishing games aren't exactly the best thing out there. But of all the
bad fishing games I've played, this one is almost up there. The scenery is
nice, the background sounds are nice, but the game play is incredibly boring
and could be imitated by monkeys. You have a guy, you push up or down and a
new picture comes up (no animation) and you select the target (the fish) and
hit cast and it throws it there and then you sit and wait and waste your life
away. Even if you like fishing games, there are plenty of better ones out
there so go find them and don't bother wasting 185 megs of space on this one.
RATING: 37/100
.:. Teknorage and Pirasoft! Present .:.
⁄]:.:[ Knuddel's Minigolf (c) D. N. ]:[ø
≥ÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕ≥
€€€€€ flflflflflfl€flfl€‹ flflflflflfl€flfl‹ flflflflfl€€fl€‹
€€€€€flflfl flfl€€€ €€€‹€ €€€€€ €€€‹€ €€€ €€€‹€
€∞∞∞€ €€€€€ €∞€fl€∞∞€‹ €∞∞∞€ €∞∞∞€ €€€‹‹‹‹‹
€±±±€ €±±±€ €±€ €±±±€ €±±±€‹€±±€fl ‹‹‹ €±±€€
fl€€≤€‹€≤€€fl‹€≤€ €≤≤≤€ €≤≤≤€ flflfl fl€€≤€‹€≤€€fl
≥Õ flflflflfl flflflflfl flflflflfl flflflflfl ÕÕÕÕÕÕ flflflflfl ≥
¿]:.:[ Released on 6/03/98 -xx/05- ]:.:[Ÿ
-Filenames: TRPSMGF?.ZIP
Some people say "cute things come in small packages." I say to them, "shutup
you little midget." This game is cute though, but you grow tired of it quick-
ly. The miniature golf courses are kinda boring, the usual weird shaped
course, but there is no interaction with any kind of moving things like a
windmill or something. There is nice 3D scenery on the sides, but it has
nothing to do with the game. If you're looking for a little nice artwork and
a quick game to play, pick it up, but you won't be very impressed. Oh and
turn the sound off, halfway through it drives you nuts.
RATING: 51/100
ArA NGC 6937 (C) H+a ACTION GAMES [XX/71]
⁄ƒƒƒ €€€ ‹‹‹ ‹‹‹ ∞±≤ ‹‹‹ flflflfl€€‹ flflflfl€€‹ø
≥ ‹€‹€€€ flflfl €€€ ±≤€ flflfl ≤±∞ €€€ ∞±≤ ≤€€≥
≥€€€ ≤€€ ≤±∞ €€≤ ≤€€ ∞±≤ €≤± ≤€€ ±≤€flflfl ≥
:€€≤ ±≤€ €≤± €€≤ €€€ ±≤€ €€≤ ≤€€ ≤€€ ∞±≤:
≥€€≤ ∞±≤ €€≤ €€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ±≤€≥
≥fl€€‹‹‹‹‹€€€ fl€‹€fl €€€ €€€ €€€ €€€‹≤€fl≥
¿sL!(sac)ƒƒƒƒƒƒ <04.06.98> ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
-Filenames: DVNARA??.ZIP
Well the name was a turnoff, but the game was actually decent. It's a little
hard to figure out at first. Basically it's an adventure game (get this to
do that to get this to do that, etc) but there's a decent amount of action in
it. For example, the beginning is a shoot-em up scenario where you have to
duck or get in the line of fire and shoot the guys. It's definitely interest-
ing, but when it starts getting more towards the adventure side of the game,
it can become confusing. The avi's were ripped, which probably includes some
key conversations and points to the game, so it's hard to find your way around
or to find what your looking for w/o them. Good game, nice change of pace,
but kinda tough and kinda confusing. Graphics are very good, especially the
closeups of your character and the limited speech is good...the music comp-
lements the action very well. Get it, but you will have a hard time w/ it.
RATING: 82/100
⁄ƒ<A!B>ƒ ∞ ƒƒƒ ‹ ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒ ∞ ƒƒ [xx/03] ƒø
˛fl€€≤fl€€€≤fl€€≤fl€€≤‹ ‹≤€≤ fl≤€€≤fl€€€≤fl ≥
≥ fl∞ €€€≤ €∞ €€€fl≤‹ €€€≤ €€€≤ €€€≤ ≥
≥ ∞€€€≤ ∞€€€ €€€€€≤ ∞€€€≤ €€€≤ ≥
≥ ‹≤€€€≤‹ ‹≤€€€≤‹ fl≤€€≤‹≤€€€≤‹≤€€≤‹ ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒ flfl≤ ƒ[06/04/98]ƒŸ
Championship.Spades.v5.1c.Win95NT-TNO
-Filenames: SPA320?.ZIP
Well, I don't know how to play this game, but I think I know how to now. It's
your basic windows card game. You have the computer players, you can taunt
them and smile. Nice assortment of midi musics to go along with the, ahem,
action, if you can call it that. I like to play with Miss. Potter in this
game (she's the old lady) cuz if I win, she goes under the table and gives me
good head. The game has all the options you probably need for spades, but
then again I'm not even totally sure how to play the game.
RATING: 67/100
‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹
WILD TURKEY HUNT (c) SUNSTORM
€fl€ ≤ €flfl flfl€ €fl‹ €flflfl€ ≤ ≤fl€ €fl≤
€ € fl flfl€ €fl€ €fl‹ € ≤ € € flfl€ €fl€
€ € € ≤ € € € € € € € € € € € € €
€ € € € € € € € € € € € € € € € €
€ € € € € € € € € € € € € € € € €
fl € € € € € € € €z€E€N€E€Z€T€E€R€
€€€ € €€€ €€≤ € € ≤ € ≤ ‹ €€€ €€€
Disk(s) [XX/O4] fl Date [O6-O4-98!]
‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹
-Filenames: TURKEYH0?.ZIP
Sign of the times, more than 8 letter filenames, heh. Anyway, at first I
tried to play this game and I made my turkey calls and had my shotgun ready
and I look around, and there were NO FUCKING TURKEYS. It was like the oppos-
ite of a thanksgiving day. However, the key to getting the turkeys to appear
is to alternate the two call things you have for them. Then they appear and
then you can shoot them. Basically it's similar to the deer hunting game,
5 different sceneries to shoot turkeys in. It's a very limited game and you
will most likely have very limited fun with it. Even hunters would get bored
with this one quickly.
RATING: 43/100
Micro Machines V3 (c) Codemasters [XX/44]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filenames: MMV3??.ZIP
Micro Machines are back again in this new version. The graphics are improved
and the look of it as a whole is much better, with nicely animated characters
to choose to drive you over the edge of tables. However, the game still has
the same problem it had from the very beginning, YOU CANT SEE WHERE YOUR
GOING TO DRIVE, THEREFORE YOU CAN'T TURN IN TIME. You think they woulda fig-
ured this out by the 3rd version, but no, they still don't get it. Unless
you have reflexes the speed of lightning and even then it's probably not quick
enough, then you'll find this game worthless in the end. Sure it looks good,
but it's too hard to compete in. Oh, and for those who are new and never
played any version of this game, you basically race micro sized cars on
courses that occur on tabletops (desks, picnics, etc) from an overhead view.
RATING: 58/100
THUNDERCHROME (C) H+A ACTION GAMES [XX/38]
⁄ƒƒƒ €€€ ‹‹‹ ‹‹‹ ∞±≤ ‹‹‹ flflflfl€€‹ flflflfl€€‹ø
≥ ‹€‹€€€ flflfl €€€ ±≤€ flflfl ≤±∞ €€€ ∞±≤ ≤€€≥
≥€€€ ≤€€ ≤±∞ €€≤ ≤€€ ∞±≤ €≤± ≤€€ ±≤€flflfl ≥
:€€≤ ±≤€ €≤± €€≤ €€€ ±≤€ €€≤ ≤€€ ≤€€ ∞±≤:
≥€€≤ ∞±≤ €€≤ €€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ±≤€≥
≥fl€€‹‹‹‹‹€€€ fl€‹€fl €€€ €€€ €€€ €€€‹≤€fl≥
¿sL!(sac)ƒƒƒƒƒƒ <06.05.98> ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
-Filenames: DVNTHC??.ZIP
Sorry bout this one guys, but my copy, when I unare'ed it just kept going
around in circles and doing the same files over and over. Maybe I had a bad
copy, if so I apologize, but as far as I'm concerned, I couldn't even unrar
this one.
THUNDERCHROME FIX (C) H+A ACTION GAMES [XX/03]
⁄ƒƒƒ €€€ ‹‹‹ ‹‹‹ ∞±≤ ‹‹‹ flflflfl€€‹ flflflfl€€‹ø
≥ ‹€‹€€€ flflfl €€€ ±≤€ flflfl ≤±∞ €€€ ∞±≤ ≤€€≥
≥€€€ ≤€€ ≤±∞ €€≤ ≤€€ ∞±≤ €≤± ≤€€ ±≤€flflfl ≥
:€€≤ ±≤€ €≤± €€≤ €€€ ±≤€ €€≤ ≤€€ ≤€€ ∞±≤:
≥€€≤ ∞±≤ €€≤ €€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ±≤€≥
≥fl€€‹‹‹‹‹€€€ fl€‹€fl €€€ €€€ €€€ €€€‹≤€fl≥
¿sL!(sac)ƒƒƒƒƒƒ <06.05.98> ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
-Filenames: DVNTCFX?.ZIP
Sorry, a little too late for me, had already deleted it. Heard this game
sucks anyway.
RATING: NA/100
Operational Art of War Volume 1 [XX/17]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSOPA??.ZIP
Well this piece of shit can join the rest of the crappy wargames in the pile'
o'junk bin. This is another in the line of bad wargames. If you like dealing
with icons and lotsa figures and stuff and seeing no action whatsoever, oh boy
is this game for you. However if you like stuff dealing with the word `fun'
don't bother with this one. Horrible war game, overall a complete piece of
shit.
RATING: 29/100
Descent: Freespace (c) Interplay [XX/75]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSDFR??.ZIP
Slightly behind it's time, Descent Freespace decides to come out. Games like
this were delivered to us about 2 years ago. The background of this game
looks a lot like the porches of the hood, it's all fucking black. You try to
track down enemies, target them and shoot. Wooptie, with the black scenery
and the white stars, I almost fell asleep. Only for the true space-fighters
out there, cuz it's just another shoot-em-up in space game. Don't forget
about the multiplayer crack if you plan on using it.
RATING: 72/100
GEX 3D: ETG (c) Crystal Dynamix [xx/46]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filenames: GEX3D??.ZIP
Well, even though the regular nfo for this game doesn't say it, this game is
for 3DFX only. And I'm working on that, and hopefully I'll have it soon.
Sorry for not having this one, been a rough week, was bombarded with all these
games my first week back, or else you know I would have a guest review.
REVIEW: NA/100
F22 Red Sea Operation [01/60]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filenames: REDSEA??.ZIP
Another in the line of flight simulations. This one is no different than the
rest. It's not any funner, nor is it any better, but it's not any worse.
The graphics are pretty mediocre for this type of game, and the music is a
bit on the corny side. You all know what a flight simulator is and this one
is no different. Not much to say about it, if you like em, 50% chance it's
worth your while, otherwise the entertainment value is equivalent to listening
to your Grandma talk about her childhood.
RATING: 50/100
.:. Teknorage and Pirasoft! Present .:.
⁄]:.:[Rocky Mountain Trophy Hunter (c) Wizzards Work ]:.:[ø
≥ÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕ≥
€€€€€ flflflflflfl€flfl€‹ flflflflflfl€flfl‹ flflflflfl€€fl€‹
€€€€€flflfl flfl€€€ €€€‹€ €€€€€ €€€‹€ €€€ €€€‹€
€∞∞∞€ €€€€€ €∞€fl€∞∞€‹ €∞∞∞€ €∞∞∞€ €€€‹‹‹‹‹
€±±±€ €±±±€ €±€ €±±±€ €±±±€‹€±±€fl ‹‹‹ €±±€€
fl€€≤€‹€≤€€fl‹€≤€ €≤≤≤€ €≤≤≤€ flflfl fl€€≤€‹€≤€€fl
Õ flflflflfl flflflflfl flflflflfl flflflflfl ÕÕÕÕÕÕ flflflflfl ≥
¿]:.:[ Released on 06/05/98 -xx/17]:.:[Ÿ
-Filenames: TPRMTH??.ZIP
Nothing like shooting my most hated animal, the deer, in this game. The have
improved this game a lot since they came out with Deer Hunter. There's a lot
more terrain and animals and guns to shoot at them, but I suggest you all
try to shoot the deer, since that fucking dumb animal ran into the side of my
old car and made a hole in it and then ran off, unharmed. The graphics are
basically scenery, you choose a gun, where to shoot, etc, and then aim and
fire. Now you too can be just like a nigger and eat bufallo wings all night
long.
RATING: 69/100
Steel Panthers 3 PLUS (c) SSI [15/15]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filenames: SP3PLS??.ZIP
This game hasn't changed since we last reviewed it. Still your typical
boring war game. Not much action and too much thinking. I don't know who
actually buys this, but they must have glasses that are thicker than Dawson's
brain from Dawson's creek (he should just bang that girl Joey already, she's
hot). This is really just a bunch of mission addons for this game, I should
not even be reviewing it. You basically take turns planning your moves with
little stupid icons and than hope your lucky guesses worked. Not much gfx,
sound is so-so, game is still boring.
RATING: 58/100
.:. Teknorage and Pirasoft! Present .:.
⁄][Xtris-Extreme Tetris (c) Xtreme Games][ø
≥ÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕ≥
€€€€€ flflflflflfl€flfl€‹ flflflflflfl€flfl‹ flflflflfl€€fl€‹
€€€€€flflfl flfl€€€ €€€‹€ €€€€€ €€€‹€ €€€ €€€‹€
€∞∞∞€ €€€€€ €∞€fl€∞∞€‹ €∞∞∞€ €∞∞∞€ €€€‹‹‹‹‹
€±±±€ €±±±€ €±€ €±±±€ €±±±€‹€±±€fl ‹‹‹ €±±€€
fl€€≤€‹€≤€€fl‹€≤€ €≤≤≤€ €≤≤≤€ flflfl fl€€≤€‹€≤€€fl
≥Õ flflflflfl flflflflfl flflflflfl flflflflfl ÕÕÕÕÕÕ flflflflfl ≥
¿]:.:[ Released on 6/05/98 -xx/06- ]:.:[Ÿ
-Filenames: T-XTRIS?.ZIP
This game had the fucking nerve to call me a loser. Basically it's TETRIS.
If you don't know what Tetris is, than I'm glad to hear that they finally
figured away to bring back people from the dead and make them alive again.
Lotsa options. It's designed to show off direct-x, says the nfo, but I woulda
thought they could find a little more graphical game to do that.
RATING: 44/100
Tribal Rage (c) TalonSoft [xx/16]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSTRR??.ZIP
For once, the nfo tells the truth, the most important button in this game is
alt-f4, TO QUIT. Let's have a quick talk with the game to see what it has to
say. "Hi my name is Tribal Rage. I like to pretend I'm a cool game such as
C&C or Warcraft. In actuality I'm just a big poser and I suck dick. For
example, my quit button on the menu doesn't even work. That's b/c I know I
suck so bad that I try to not let you quit in hopes of you finding a reason
to keep on playing with me." Well thanks for the interview Tribal Rage, we
hope your shelf life at the stores lasts as long as that interview.
RATING: 47/100
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> PATH0S'S REVIEWS <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
To put it simply, I have no clue where Path0s went, or where his reviews are.
Usually I wait, but he did not send them to me. This is our first week back
so hopefully we'll be fully together next week. Pardon us, for this week,
but those who know us, know that it's not usually like this at all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> THE GAME OF THE WEEK <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one wasn't too hard to pick out. It obviously goes to Divine for their
release of the oddly titled, ArA NGC 6937. A difficult and at times confusing
game, but the best pick of the week. Congrats guys, you seem to be working
hard out there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> OTHER RELEASES <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
******************************************
Sensible Soccer 98 Windows 98 Fix [01/01]
******************************************
-Filename: SSW98FIX.ZIP
-Note: Self explanatory.
Trainer: Skirmax Trainer +1
__________/\_ __ __ ______/\________/\__
_\_ _ _ /_\ _ _ / ________/
/___ _ _ ___/ /______/_ _\ \_
c6/_ ________\/__________\_ ___ __ ____/
<---\/-The Reviewer's Guild-\/-[06/03/98]
-Filename: TRG-SMTN.ZIP
-Note: Wow these diz's speak for themselves!
fl‹ fl
€€€€≤ fl fl ‹€€‹flfl fl €€€€€ .
. €€€€≤ flflflfl rNZ €€€€€ .
. €€€€€fl€€€‹ €€€€ ‹€€€fl€€€€≤
€€€€≤ €€€€›€€€€fi€€€≤ €€€€≤ .
. €€€€≤ €€€€≤€€€€€€€€≤ €€€€€ :
: €€€€≤ €€€€≤€€€≤€€€€€‹€€€€≤ :
⁄ flflflflfl flflflflflflflflflflflflflflflflflflflfl ø
Ÿ-[ 06 / 04 / 98 ]-----------¿
| Krush Kill and Destroy 2 |
| Krossfire Music Addon |
ø - READ NFO - ⁄
¿----------------[ xx / 15 ]-Ÿ
-Filenames: H-K2M??.ZIP
-Note: Yeah after reading the diz I'm concluding that this is a crack for it.
Laf, no, it's what it says it is.
ArA NGC 6937 Trainer (c) H+A Action [01/01]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filename: RZRARTRN.ZIP
-Note: I don't think I need
Knuddels Mini Golf Mini Trainer [xx/01]
____ __ __________ ________ _______\
\\ \\/ \\ \\\\_ / /__/ / _/___\\\\__ /\
/___/ _\\/ /___\\___\\ \\___\\__\\_ \\___/___\\\
+--/____\\-\\____\\c6!//___/-----//___/-------+\
[06/05/98]
-Filename: KMGTRN.ZIP
-Note: Guess.
GEX 3D MOVIES (c) Crystal Dynamix [xx/41]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filenames: GEXMOV??.ZIP
-Note: Note to self, don't write notes in Other Section.
Demon Star Trainer Plus 3 [xx/01]
____ __ __________ ________ _______\
\\ \\/ \\ \\\\_ / /__/ / _/___\\\\__ /\
/___/ _\\/ /___\\___\\ \\___\\__\\_ \\___/___\\\
+--/____\\-\\____\\c6!//___/-----//___/-------+\
[06/06/98]
-Filename: DSTRN.ZIP
-Note: Note to self. See note above.
************************************
Matched Ara.Ngc.6937.Video.Addon-DVN
************************************
-Filenames: DVNAM??.ZIP
-Note: Don't delete games that you think need video to make them better too
quickly, cuz then things like this come out.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
X WEB LEMMING'S 98 PROUDLY PRESENT XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
X xx/30 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
X Rocky Mountain Trophy Hunter Animal Video Addon XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
-Filenames: WLINDR??.ZIP
-Note: See Above.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> CORRECTIONS <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-As if I would actually remember any from a year ago.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME
SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> CLOSINGS <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-I'm glad as hell to be back, hope you're just as glad to see us back.
-That's it for this week, which because it knew I was going to be back,
decided to release an insane amount of games this week.
-Ionizer [THE GAME REVIEWer]
Comments/Complaints send to jionin@monmouth.com (NO GAME REQUESTS)
.a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a.
$$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$
$' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$
$ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$
$ o $$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$
$. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$
$$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$
$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$
$$' o '$$$ $ $$' s `$$ `$$$$$
$$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ $o $$$$$
$$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ ~' o$$$$$
$$ $ $$$ $ $$ sssss$$ %. ^$$$$$
$$ $ $$$s s$$ $ $$ $$ $$$$$
$$. $ ,$$$$@. .@$$$. $ ,$$ $$ $$$$$
`$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd'
Copyright 1995,1996,1997,1998 Ionizer Inc. #167A939
