The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog: Chapter V
Well, thought Nigel, I fight the forces of darkness once again, but that can wait until another day. He returned to his car, a heavily customised one, known throughout the world ( at least by NTH scholars ) as the hyperultramegareally- quitecoolgoesfastdaveandsophynotquitethesizeofavolkswagenbeetle car ( or the Hedge-mobile or Road-hog ! ). He got into it, as usual it didn't start, so he told it to hurry up, and it replied ... Well actually it didn't reply, that is a stupid idea, and couldn't even make a TV series. So, as usual, he got out the starting handle and gave it a quick burst of speed. The car, as usual, tuned to perfection, roared into action. Nigel managed to catch hold of it as it flashed over his head, and got into the drivers seat just in time to swerve away from a lamppost ( incidentally not lit, despite the hour, you know what they're like ) The car flashed along the road until ....
He reached the location that was vital to his goal. The shop called "Second Skin", a leather wear and rubber clothes shop that would supply nigel with all the attire required for the first part of his mission (which he HAD chosen to accept). He entered the shop through the doors (another of his amazing abilities) and started to look around at the goods for sale. Rubber swimsuits, straps and thongs, buckles and studs, whips and handcuffs. Eventually a rather seductively half undressed lady sheep squeaked over to Nigel and said, "Can I interest you in anything sir?", rather suggestively. "Yes", our stiff upper lipped hero replied (getting stiff in other places as well),"I need a full rubber outfit as quickly as possible." She measured him up for the works, rubber trousers, leather jacket, rubber jack boots and a few tightly fitting straps. The jacket was very expensive as holes had to be cut for each of nigels spines. Fitted up in his vital gear nigel left the shop feeling fully equipped for his next trial. He creaked and squeaked back into his car and off he went ....
screeeeech ..... Nigel slammed on the breaks. He had forgotten a piece of equipment which was vital to his goal ... the eggwhisk. Nigel headed back towards "Second Skin". As he entered the room the sexy ewe made a direct line towards him, knocking over various fetishtic stands in her way. Their eyes met. Nigel's throat dried, as he tried to ask the sexy dame the all too important question.
"Do you sell eggwhisks ?", he spluttered. The sexy chick's eyes lit up, eggwhisks were her fetishism too.
Quick wittedly she dribbled, "What size ? We have large, extra large, and super-hero large".
"What do you think ?", Nigel boastfully quipped, as he pulled back his spines to reveal his thick, heavy laiden utility belt.
Nigel followed as the leggy broad fingered Nigel behind a nearby curtain ...
On the other side of the curtain, Mr. Benn found himself in a changing room with a mirror and a door at the opposite end. He admired his reflection in the mirror for a few seconds and then stepped through the door. Suddenly, everything changed and he found himself on the film set of a blue movie. He could tell this by the number of people huddled together in the blue light inserting as many parts of their anatomy into as many orifices of other peoples' bodies as was possible. As he got closer, a flatulent middle- aged man in a director's chair cried, "Quick, there's a hedgehog. Lets get him involved in the action." Before his superfast brain had a chance to react Nigel was flung into the midst of the activity.
Nigel was certainly in the midst of the activity, time seemed, like the bodies, not so much to pass as to flow by. ' CUT ' shouted a voice. The people, en masse ( How else ? ) got up and walked off the set, leaving a much confused hedgehog behind. The director turned to him and said, 'I'll see you tomorrow, here are some keys for a hotel room'. Nigel thanked him dazedly, and headed off. He somehow found it 'hard' to sleep after the exertions, and merely drifted of into a haze of anticipation of the next day. He got up bright and early ( well, early anyway ), and headed for the set. He arrived at it and saw the familiar huddle of bodies, he recognised some limbs as belonging to the people of the previous day. The director said 'Go to the makeup room, Nigel'. Despite the fact that Nigel desperately wanted to get stuck in, Nigel complied. He went to the room, and stepped in. Inside the room stood a very sexy ewe, who he felt he had seen earlier. He turned, but the door was locked, and he realised, in a flash of knowledge, that he would not return. Looking to the ewe, he thought, he had to release that frustration somehow ...................
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............( where are those noises 'coming' from )..........................
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But suddenly Nigel felt a rush of Morals coming on. He remembered his mother, sitting at home, rocking in her rocking chair. Suddenly he felt terribly guilty and began to wane a little bit. The sexy ewe remarked on his appearance - how soft his needles had suddenly gone (well do *you* know what happens?) - and how his steamy animal-like nature had suddenly disappeared. But nigel was saved. As he realised what a good time he was missing, with this dream-like ewe, a man he recognised from the shop appeared from no-where (Nigel was jealous - he couldn't do that!).
Nigel reached into his utility belt, pulled out his car keys and gouged the man to death, then walked out casually (well as casually as you can wearing bondage), another of his superpowers being the ability to pass through locked doors. He now found himself back in the shop and hanging from his utility belt was the skimpy negligee he had skilfully removed from Nancy the nymphomaniac nurse in the 3D edition of "Confessions of a veterinary Nurse with a rubber and hedgehog fetish" that he had co-starred in. "Ahh, memories!", he sighed mournfully and stepped out knowing that he would never forget his time as the hedgehog world's first sex symbol.
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Coming soon on a computer near you .... Chapter six!
