How and why Lord Andainlech died
It was a dark and stormy night. God, stormy, let's just say it had just started to drizzle.
In the castle of the Andainlech family it was not yet Andainlech's time. In the bass room, where usually only that musical instrument was played, no one was playing (I screwed you, huh?), On the contrary, they were all already a little played. Lord Andainlech's old mother, affectionately called Zombie, was playing cards with the children, Giuanin and Jennar, of the aforementioned Lord, the man of the house, not that the children were gay, but it is so said and therefore readers are kindly requested. not to intervene to correct the autor's perfekt wriitingg sthyle. The fourth participant was Ciruzzelle, a charming, wonderful, wonderful, exceptional, in short acceptable, friend of the Lordess, wife of the Lord already mentioned a couple of times, who had already been a guest in that castle or, to avoid diminutives, chaste (and pure). Mrs Maryucc Andainlech in lech wasn't there yet but she was getting ready, as they say in the gloomy and shining Scottish countryside, as the Scots never give anything away, at most (ap) they pay, to go to her room to rest, a term a little less used in the usual Scottish countryside but that Mrs. Lordessa loved to use, despite knowing that in this way it went against the most ancient traditions of her native country, (wishes for happy holidays and many beautiful gifts) but probably would have avoided capital punishment, as the Marcondirondirondello castle, where the new adventures of Pinocchio are taking place and rewinding the new adventures of Pinocchio in the land of toys ... sorry, we meant, where the events we are preparing are taking place (without repeating the usual story of the Scottish countryside etc. etc.) to go look for it alone and learn to mind their own business). The servants, on the other hand, usually so called by the masters ("you forget I serve, servi-tù") were clearing the table where she had just finished eating the whole family. For those who did not understand, the usual two or three blockheads and five or six courgettes cut into very thin slices, it is not that the servants had just finished eating the family because, although two of the servants were African, Ali and Babà, the latter well-known pastry chef, they had already gotten used to cooking habits for some time, which is not a dirty word, Scots: the fact is that the Andainlech family had just finished dinner and the servants (not to say always servants, also if this is incorrect), he was preparing (mumble mumble) to remove and wash the dishes, glasses and cutlery on the table. We have lost our thread just a little, as you may have noticed. Among the service people there were, in addition to Ali and Babà, the forty thieves ... er, Rio Casamia, an excellent cleaning man who had the only fault of not cleaning the toilet, and Battista, which we do not tell you not even what role it had because we imagine that you have already figured it out by yourself.
But now let's talk about the protagonist, despite him, of our story, Lord Andainlech. This was an old man with protruding teeth, incinerating eyes and a capacity for good feelings slightly less than that of a man who in the past was not, wrongly, called a martyr and an angel: Attila. The Lord (for the sake of brevity) had been in his bed for a week now. Not that he had all that sleep then, but he had taken a bad form of a very hidden and mysterious disease, probably still unknown today: mumps.
Since the night before, no one (at least officially) had been in his room, not in the sense of his own room but that of the Lord's.
Mrs. Lordessa who, as we have already said, was going to her room to sleep, but thought of passing by first to greet her husband, went to her room, opened the door and "ARGH!", A terrible scream that not even Pavarotti in its worst days it might be able to break through the night: it came from the chamber of Lord Riccarduch Andainlech. All those present in the castle, including the rats and ants, rushed there and witnessed an ugly scene: Riccarduch's body was lying on all fours (?) In his bed and his head was a little further on, under the bedside table.
Potit's office phone rang with the typical sound of French telephones: "Drin ... Drin ...". When Potit replied, he heard a voice that seemed to come from beyond the Tomb, quoting the well-known Italian skier: but it was not the evil spirits and rascals, those who spoke on the other side of the line, which one never knows if it is the "f" or the "o". The voice, on the other hand, was far away because it was the Lordess we were talking about a while ago, wife of the late (but by whom ?!) Lord Andainlech, who would never get up from her lech, although her head was already gone for his business. Miss Maryucc, in a voice broken by tears, told Potit, broken by the voice of the lady, to run immediately to Scotland, near the Marcondirondello castle, to solve a very important case in which, if he discovered the culprit, he would be repaid with a lot of money: a spirit of humanity pushed Potit to accept the case, as the commissioner was a man very sensitive to the cry of women, and almost as sensitive to the jingle of money. After receiving this request for help, he then rushed down from the skyscraper, or rather, into the Scottish countryside.
After just twenty-four hours our hero was already ringing at the door of the castle Marc, to put it briefly: when it was opened to him, he immediately believed that the victim had become a living dead, but in the introductions he immediately discovered that he was dealing with the butler of court (although it was quite long) Battista. This man, as you have probably guessed, was not someone who oozed charm from all pores: more than anything else, sweat.
Subsequently, all those present in the castle were introduced to Poirot, that is, just to summarize: the Lordess Maryucc Andainlech, wife of the body, Juanin and Jennar, children of the body, Ciruzzelle, friend of Maryucc and guest in the castle for months, Alì and Babà, respectively waiter and cook, and Rio Casamia, the cleaning man. Lord Riccarduch Andainlech was unpresentable at the time and certainly would be for a long, long time.
Together with Potit there was also his great friend and collaborator, Cinzano Asti (ngs), a good man who loves good wine, as could be deduced from the name: they had been available for a month two communicating rooms, which were in the right wing of the castle. By the way, the eagle has a wingspan of about three meters.
Since it was almost 11:30 pm, Potit and Cinzano retired to their rooms to study the strategies to follow the next day (the so-called strategic retreat).
The night passed without particular events, even if the death of a man, as an event, is enough and advances for a long time, and those who resided in the castle thought that the atmosphere did not need new further disturbances.
The next morning, early in the morning, even if this does not mean favoritism towards the various hours, Potit and his friend left the castle: not that they had already solved the case, but they were simply going to the notary of the Andainlech family to collect the will and analyze it. This, a jovial person, even if it is not known what it means, did not object to their request, as soon as he was made aware of the fact that "the old carrion was cracked", as he himself had told the two. After that, Potit and Asti returned to the latter's room to verify the last wishes of the dead man, even if the very last will, probably, would have been to stay alive.
Here they discovered that half of Lord Andainlech's estate would be divided between the two sons, while the other half would be divided in this way: 3/5 to the Lordess, 1/5 to the servants and 1/5 to Ciruzzelle, as a sign of gratitude for the great friendship that had bound them in those months. Potit and Cinzano were not too angry, discovering that nothing had been left to them: on the other hand, the victim had no idea who they were.
An hour later, however, the notary brought another will to the castle Marc, which had been written only a week before the death of Lord Riccarduch and which was subsequent to the other one, therefore it was the only one to have any value. On this, in fact, Potit and Asti discovered with immense amazement (ohh, ciumbia !!!) that, although there was still nothing for them, Miss Ciruzzelle had been excluded from this last will!
Fetto datto, broken roof, fried trout, in short, said fact, the two investigators, after recovering from the shock (not that they really give a damn, but you have to show some interest to make money), ran in search Ciruzzelle, because it was now clear and evident that, due to the fact that Lord Andainlech had excluded her from his second and last will, she was the main suspect (even if it is not good to suspect) for the murder. The woman was resting in her room, digesting the light lunch she had just eaten: lasagna, baked turkey with potatoes and mushrooms, and meringue pie with abundant whipped cream.
Potit suddenly entered the room saying: "Miss Ciruzzelle, please come to my room at once." "Ciruzzelle's reaction was a violent moment:" How dare you, you ugly lousy pig? Make certain proposals to her sister, not to me! ". Once the misunderstanding was cleared up, however, the woman followed Potit into the room that had been destined for him and here the trumpet blasts, drumbeats, the interrogation began.
"Miss Ciruzzelle, please tell me your name," Potit began imperiously.
"Witty, my name is Ciruzzelle", the woman replied in a strangely ironic voice, given the situation.
"First of all," Potit continued, "tell me one thing: where were you on the night of the murder? I remind you that, as the medical examiner said, the Lord died on Tuesday evening, that is, two days before the body and the head".
"And what do you care?" Replied Miss Ciruzzelle, with her usual spirit of participation.
"I remind you that this is an interrogation, not a football match between Paris St Germain and Real Madrid, valid for the quarter-finals of the Cup Winners' Cup!", Said angrily Potit, who seemed to have lost his thread.
"Well, let me think ... I was out with a friend, from 8:30 pm to 1:30 am the next day. If I'm not mistaken, dear Lord was killed between 9:00 and 24:00, no ? ".
"Okay, we'll worry about verifying your alibi later. I hope your friend also has another friend for my friend Asti, so we can check together, maybe in a nice little place. But let's proceed: in what relationship was she with Lord Andainlech? ".
At this question Miss Ciruzzelle blushed conspicuously. "Well, with the dearest Lord there was a relationship of great friendship, but nothing more. Why does he ask me?".
"You seem a little agitated, miss. It's just a simple police interrogation that could put you in jail for murder for who knows how many years. I don't understand what you're worried about."
"Stop it, Mr. Potit! I'm not at all upset! I just don't understand what the hell I mean with her damn questions !!!".
"Miss Ciruzzelle, is it or isn't it true that between you and the Lord there was much more than a relationship of friendship, but a relationship of love?".
"Okay, I admit: Riccarduch and I had been in a love affair for a couple of months already. But please, don't tell the Lordess anything."
"You don't worry, you won't reveal your secret. Rather tell me: when did you last see Lord Andainlech?".
"It was Tuesday afternoon: I'm sure because that is the only night I haven't gone out ... Let me explain: it's not like I went out every night of my life apart from Tuesday: I was simply referring to this 'last week".
"One moment, Miss Ciruzzelle, are you sure you didn't go out that evening !?".
"Certainly: in fact I didn't feel very well".
At that point, Potit, seeing that the girl had said two different things about Tuesday night, pissed off like a cow with a red eye and a sore leg and yelled: "Miss, now you have to tell me the truth, and not the lies, that then her nose grows as long as Pinocchio's: HOW WAS TUESDAY EVENING HAPPENED !! ".
And at this point, Miss Ciruzzelle burst into tears saying: "Okay: you can believe me. I was with another lover of mine, with whom I spent the whole evening. He will be able to confirm it."
"All right, miss. Now calm down," Potit said in a calm voice, even though he had made her cry by now, rascal. "Tell me one last thing: do you think the Lord knew he was horned like a moose ... er ... that you had another man?"
"No, I'm sure of it."
After this very enlightening dialogue, Potit and Asti, in addition to having to pay a high electricity bill, immediately went to Miss Ciruzzelle's other lover, also because the first was already dead and not many remained (hopefully, at least). This one, a certain Cipster Flips, was a tall, good-looking and (just to quote) potato crunchy guy. He lived in a villa a few hundred meters from the Marc castle. He admitted that he had spent the night between Tuesday and Wednesday with the girl: this was also confirmed by her name written at that time on her agenda. Cipster, in fact, was known among his friends as a person for whom the principle of fidelity did not have much value: for this reason, probably, his nickname was "'na botta e via".
Later, Potit received further confirmation of Miss Ciruzzelle's alibi from other people residing between Cipster's castle and villa, who had noticed Miss Ciruzzelle leaving very early and returning no earlier than two o'clock. From all this Potit had four conclusions:
1) Signorina Ciruzzelle, almost certainly, was not at home, or, better said, in the castle, while the murder was being committed;
2) Cipster Flips was a womanizer pig;
3) Miss Ciruzzelle was not impressed by the fame of this lover of her, as she too was not joking;
4) the people who lived in the surroundings of the castle used to never make their own cabbages, spying for whole nights from the window.
No sooner said than done (since this time he came at the first shot?) Potit and Asti went back to the Marc castle and had tea together with the disabled Andainlech family. Here they learned that some kind of party had been given and discovered that the Lordess seemed to have recovered from the death of her husband (he, however, no): she was in fact dancing, very low-cut and dressed in bright colors, with a young man from Yorkshire (not the dog), an acquaintance of the family. This showed how great that woman was, for how she had been able to recover from the mourning, which she had carried for a scarce hour, going to take the first handsome young man that came into her hands. from this it will be possible to understand that in Scotland marital fidelity is not a life value for anyone, at the most a way to break the time a little from time to time.
The two policemen, however, who always had in mind the sum that had been promised, retired to Potit's room to see that they could finally get their hands on the culprit, and maybe even the handcuffs on his wrists. So they leafed through all the material they had collected several times, but without being able to arrive at a result a little more precise than the fact that it was not suicide. So they reread all the profiles of those who were present in the castle on the evening of the murder (even if most of them were better faced), but again without any particular revelation.
Then Potit thought of double checking the testamentary dispositions of the body, both in the previous and in the last will. One thing immediately jumped to his eye: the part due to Miss Ciruzzelle had passed to his wife. Potit ran to the Lordess Maryucc: he questioned her, but he soon discovered that the night of the murder had passed her in her room, caught by a missile attack from the eastern area of the Birmingham military base ... that is, by a flu attack that he had kept her in bed, under the supervision of the family doctor and the waiter Ali.
Disappointed, Potit returned from Asti, who was taking advantage of his name to have a cicchettino. Instead, he decided to burp all the papers relating to the case and rest to think about it. But it was at that moment that Potit, looking through the second will, noticed a clause in the formulation of the document, of such importance that it would have totally changed the address of the investigations, to the point that the investigator let himself go to a 'expletive not at all worthy of his role: "Oh, pofferbacco!".
In fact, quickly scrolling through the will, the Le Havre investigator had noticed the following words: "This will was drawn up by Lord Andainlech Riccarduch with the advice of Andainlech Jennar". This could only mean one thing, and not that the camel has two humps and the dromedary only one, but that it was Jennar, the now cadaverous son of the Lord, who prompted his father to modify the will, if not even to force him to strength of the rogues. Potit showed Asti his discovery, hoping that his assistant would give him a sugar as a prize, but received only an exclamation not new to him or to the readers: "Oh, pofferbacco!".
Potit and Asti rushed in search of Jennar, but found that he had gone out, or rather, they did not find him because he had gone out. Potit, with his nose like a dachshund dog, the famous mascot of the Bassotti gang, sensed that he would find him at the notary.
Potit and Asti immediately ran to the notary, and they received a new confirmation of an irreproachable fact, which not even Sgarbi could deny: Potit's nose was still in place. In fact, Jennar was talking to the notary. The two policemen jumped in shouting "Buu!", Causing Lord Andainlech junior to scream in terror. Potit then asked him what he was talking about with the notary: the young man replied that they were organizing a cheerful outing to the park with a nice meal of polenta taragna and karaoke. This thesis, however, did not fully convince Potit, who who knows how he had smelled a lie: for this act of great determination and promptness the investigator was the place of general admiration, even if he did not reach the victory of the Nobel Prize for the investigation ( perhaps also because it does not exist). Our hero knew immediately that Jennar was scared, so he thought it was the right time to set a trap for him.
"Look, Jennar," Potit began, "I have a few questions to ask you."
"What is it", Ok, the price is right "or something?".
"No, it's an interrogation. First of all tell me: what do you know about Miss Ciruzzelle's love life?".
"As far as I remember, I never married her."
"This is not a joke, Jennar: only the readers can laugh. I am convinced that you know that the young lady had a long relationship with your father, even if now she has stopped it, since a dead man does not have much. charm, especially when his head is missing ".
"Well, yes, I knew it: but that doesn't mean anything."
"Jennar, do you know that your father, two days before he died, changed his will again, leaving all his possessions to Miss Ciruzzelle?", Potit said to make Jennar fall into the trap.
At this point, Jennar blushed like a red pepper than usual and shouted: "How!? How dare that bastard, damn, rascal? How dare he ..." and here Potit stopped him.
"I'm sorry, dear boy, but you fell right into my trap. Confess. She had discovered that Ciruzzelle, who was having an affair with her father, also had another lover (kill, what a girl!): When she reported it to her father, he immediately decided to cancel the part of the estate destined for Ciruzzelle. She, Jennar, hoped that her father would give her the remaining part, but he had decided to sell it to the Lordess, and she could not insist, otherwise his Father would have become suspicious. So he killed his father, and now he was planning with this notary, his accomplice, to kill the Lordess too. "
"Okay, I give up, she understood everything!".
"I knew I would screw her: and now follow me to the police station, where they will make you rot (provided they don't have Domopak) in jail. And remember one thing: in Potit it is not done!".
