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// "Fa la la la, la la la la -- Fuck..." \\
(( 03/02/02 by Michelle anada515 ))
\) ________________________________________________________________ (/
Agh... fuck... stop the rocking. For the love of all above, below,
sideways, etc., stop making it feel like I'm still on a fucking boat.
Finally once in my lifetime I've actually managed to come back from a
vacation feeling the way I began it -- like a big burned out piece of shit.
So please pardon if this makes no sense.
I partially blame HIM for it. No not who you think, him, Enoc. Boy
friend. The man who sometimes bitches so much I wonder if I'm sleeping with
an extremely ugly woman. I don't bitch as much as he does and that scares
me. From the beginning, I suppose I should start --
I stayed at his house for winter break, first hoping I could have
gone back up to PA for Christmas with an ex-boyfriend-turned-friend in a fun
filled roadtrip, but no, parents went to Canada, so that was quickly killed.
I really want to see my friend again, he keeps me sane. I haven't seen him
in months and I'm going to kill Enoc if he keeps on insisting on wanting to
meet him. No. Ok? No. He's hated all my other ex-boyfriends/friends and
chased them off, I'm not letting him take my last life line. Is that so
much to ask?
Now how was Christmas? What freaking christmas???? I was in
Clearwater, FL with his family, who happen to be Jehovah witnesses and
happen to be at each other's throats 24-7. Yep, I bet you can just imagine
the loads of yule time cheer when two grown adults are screaming at each
other in spanish over their daughter's std scare -- turned out to be a yeast
infection. Yep, you'll be in Puerto Rico come next year, Enoc's Poppa and
I'll be in the psycho ward if this keeps up. I merely had the cruise with
my parents to keep me going for two fucking weeks...
One particularly fun part was a screaming match that took me back to
the old days of my own childhood and left me crying in the ice cream aisle
when we had escaped and I was pressed to make a choice. Fuck you rocky
road. Keep thinking of the cruise was all I had...
Then things got interesting. My laptop broke. The DC adaptor
decided to venture out into the world by snapping off the motherboard. Then
the computer is useless, I told the tech when he told me it would be
somewhere up to six hundred fucking dollars to either get a new motherboard
installed or find someone who does board level repairs. "No it's not, if
the battery is still good," he replied. "The battery is dead," I growled.
The tech gave a slightly humored laugh and agreed, yes, than it was indeed
worthless. Which is true, because now no one wants to honor the extended
service warranty because things like that "don't pop out of that model of
laptop." Yea sure... you're right, it's only three years old, I'm only a
college student that makes her fucking living off of this computer. The
laptop is meant to be eternal, is that what you're saying? Fucking
loopholes.
Just wait for the cruise... ignore Enoc's mother and her annoying
laugh when she see's an agitated Michelle trying to fix the problem...
ignore his moody sister... ignore his father and his "Puerto Rican Power"
when all he does is let his wife drive him to drink. Fucking beans and
rice.
But wait... the cruise... yes, it has my parents (who are fucking
cool now that they found out I drink) but Enoc came along as well... a
present as it may. Yes... the new years cruise.. a fun filled five days of
sea, Coco-Cay and Key West (my Disneyland -- Duvaul Street I am thy slave).
I did have fun, when Enoc wasn't hanging all over me like a posessive little
grab ass. I like to wear dresses, that shouldn't mean to him try to feel me
up and/or mount me. Do the guys agree? There should be a little
professional distance when in public, not staring down every guy on the ship
and keeping me at hand's length. Speaking of that, I'm really starting to
hate his touch. But other than that the food was good, the beach was nice,
the guys were cute, and the bf was acting like a fucking siamese twin.
Fucking forty degree weather waiting for me in Ft. Lauderdale.
I love my mom, but sometimes she surprises me, even she saw I was
becoming miserable with him during the trip. Although her line of "you're
too young to be involved with..." I'm twenty, I like to be involved, what I
don't like is the fact that I almost wound up with a fiance before I even
graduated. I'm too young to have a grabby twenty three year old talking
about building his career on where I move. I don't want that! I've been
with him for three years, and he doesn't get it through his head that I am a
person that likes her personal space. If I have to wake up -- see Enoc, go
to school -- see Enoc, eat -- see Enoc, relax -- see Enoc, have personal
Michelle time -- Enoc happens to stop by, go to sleep -- knowing well enough
Enoc will be there in the morning, and that gets me a little pissed towards
one person when they try to get all touchy as well. But should I go? This
is a guy who says "I love you with all my heart and soul and bla bla bla
blah blah," and "I don't know what I'd do without you, you are my muse."
There are folks that think I want to purposely break his heart. I do
not! I just want space! But if I ask for space he gets all emotional and
thinks he's going to lose me! I feel like I'm in a bear trap and if I
happen to gnaw my leg off it'll hurt the trap's fucking feelings. So many
people see me as the sort of person who's comfortable alone, and I'm
starting to see why.
Fucking love...
Fucking rocking sensation...
I'm hoping this new year starts better than the old one ended.
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( @ @) anada515 has been brought to you by Michelle.
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