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, ____, ( 24/08/01 anada416 ,
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\ / "Blog Jam" `. , \ \ / |
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/ by Infernal ( ; mEoW!@/| '
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|____________________ Anada is cat-friendly! __) |__\ `.___________|/
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7/1/01
Oh, wow, what a miserable day. I went down to the mailbox and there was
NOTHING -- nothing at all from my Amazon.com wish list in there. What's
wrong with you people? I get 26,500 hits a week on this site and none
of my fans cares enough to buy me any $40 hardback poetry and art
books? Honestly, I wonder why I engage in the free expression of my
thoughts if you chintzy bastards aren't gonna get me stuff.
So then me and DrContext349 chatted for like six hours about how shitty
everyone else's blogs are, and how they never do anything noteworthy,
and if they did they still couldn't write their way out a paper sack.
But what sucked was, about 4:00 I realized I'd forgotten to tape
Animaniacs! AND I was supposed to go fill out some unemployment forms,
or call them and tell them I was looking for a job, or something, and I
forgot. So I went down to the Kwik Stop and got some Haagen-Daaz and a
bottle of wine, and I sat out on the deck with my leatherbound journal
to write some poems, but I ended up just doodling in the margins and
spilling wine on my new top. I swear, my life is like a death march
through a gas chamber, or something.
I wonder about traffic cones.
7/2/01
My roommate is so stupid. She stepped on my Radiohead CD-R today, and
then she gave me, like, a dollar to replace it. I was like "what about
how long it took me to download it, bitch?" She said something about
the back rent and I got mad and left.
Walked down to the park to people-watch but all the people were gross or
weird or ugly. That always happens -- I try to people-watch, because I
think it's gonna make me a better writer, and then I get to where I'm
going and the people are just all wrong. I mean, I've got some Anne
Geddes prints in my room, but all the babies and moms I see in the park
are yelling, red-faced, dirty and gross. I don't get it!
I left ten minutes later (I knew Rachel would be going to work at
Starbuck's so she'd be gone) then I bought some cookies and a six-pack
of Tequiza at the Kwik Stop. Chatted with this guy all night who said
he was a bisexual writer who knew Steve Buscemi, and then emailed me a
picture of his dick. What a loser.
7/3/01
I had a job interview scheduled for today, but I was so hung over and
sick I couldn't go. The unemployment lady called again, and I told her
I was the maid. I used a Spanish accent and stuff, but I don't think
she fell for it.
Oh!!!!! Big news!!!!! One of you awesome readers sent me a present!
It was this book off my wish list, a book by Thoreau about a pond. I
totally identify with Thoreau because I heard he quit his job and lived
by a pond and wrote, and I would love to do that when my career is off
the ground and I can take some vacation time! If I wasn't stuck in the
city, I'd have some awesome stuff to write about. Nature is so
inspirational, you know? Instead of a pond, though, I might pick a
pool, because there the water's chlorinated, you know?
Anyway, I was all set with a bottle of wine and some Combos (brain
fuel!) to read this book, but then Rachel came home from a double shift
and was slumping around like she owned the place. She flipped on the TV
and flounced down on the couch, and she was such a buzzkill that I
couldn't concentrate on anything but the TV shows. I swear on my life,
that was the most vapid, dull, stupid five hours of television I've ever
seen. I can't believe anyone watches it!
Got drunk and chatted with DrContext349 about the upcoming redesign of
his blog. I can't wait! He's so cool!
7/4/01
Off to my mom's for the weekend! Keep sending me presents!
7/7/01
Oh. My. GOD.
Where do I start? First of all, my mom was almost an hour late picking
me up, and it almost rained. I mean, yeah, I was still at home and it
didn't actually rain, but what if I'd been stuck outside and it had? I
could have died! She told me to "calm down and try to have a nice
weekend for once." Whatever, bitch.
Then, after the longest, most boring drive EVER, we get home, and I get
the double whammy. Not only did Mom turn my old room into -- get this
-- a SEWING room -- she packed all my stuff in boxes because, sound the
trumpets, we're bringing it BACK to the city with me when she brings me
home! Hello??
"Honey, you're 26," she tries on me, and I come back with "never too
late to kick your daughter out of your life, huh mom?" Score! Then she
says she thought I was being "unfair" and that she deserved to have more
room at the house for herself since I'd been moved out for five years.
So yeah, dear readers, I'm now stuck with BOXES of my old childhood
crap. They're piled up all over my room and out in the living room, and
man, Rachel's gonna kill me when she gets home. This is one of the few
times I wish I had a job to go to, just to get out of here. So instead
I'm gonna go down to this Irish bar down the block -- I've never been in
there, but it's Sunday night, it can't be too crazy. I'll hang out
there, have a few drinks, and come home after Rachel's asleep.
7/9/01
I can't believe how fucked up the last two days have been. I got really
wasted at that Irish bar -- this really cute older guy was buying me
shot after shot, and I didn't want to be rude! But then I was pretty
wobbly, so he volunteered to give me a ride back to my doorstep. After
a few minutes, though, I noticed he was going the wrong way. Boy, was
he embarrassed to have made such a wrong turn! But he said he was a
little drunk too, and now we were closer to his place than mine, and he
wasn't trying to be a creep or anything but it'd probably be safer if we
just went to his place.
I can sense a pervert a mile and a half away, but this guy seemed really
sweet, so we went to his place (it seemed like it took, like, an hour to
get there, but I was pretty drunk), and we passed out. I woke up naked,
which freaked me out, but he said I'd stripped and gotten into bed after
he gave me the bed and went to sleep on the couch, so that was cool. He
gave me a ride home, and even gave me his phone number! What a
gentleman! I might call him, but I have to ask DrContext349 what part
of town the "555" numbers are in -- if he lives too far off the bus line
I don't want to mess with another "long distance relationship"!!!
So anyhow, I get in the door, and it's pitch dark in the apartment.
Shit!! I was supposed to pay the electric bill, that's my big
responsibility. I know Rachel gave me her half of it last month, but I
don't remember how much it was or anything. Luckily, the phone still
worked, so I found Rachel's emergency credit card in her underwear
drawer (lucky for me she doesn't go online to read my blog, huh?) and
called the electric company to turn it back on. They did, but not till
almost ten that night, and by that time all this ice cream had melted in
the freezer and dripped down all over the fridge and stuff.
Now you know how much I hate to clean, so I turned off the fridge after
the power was back on, and crawled into bed and acted like I was
asleep. When Rachel got home I heard her go into the kitchen and yell
"what the FUCK?" but when she came in and tried to wake me up, I
scrunched my eyes real tight and pretended I was sound asleep. Later, I
heard her cleaning up the mess and throwing away all the spoiled food
and stuff, and I could finally go to sleep.
What a day!! I swear, God's out to give me a hemmorhage or something, I
mean it.
7/12/01
Slept till 4. Tried to read that Thoreau book but it was really boring
(sorry, anonymous fan guy). I told Rachel I didn't know anything about
the fridge yesterday, but I don't know if she bought it or not. Am I
gonna have to find another roommate? This sucks!
7/13/01
I tried to meet Drcontext349 today for lunch but I overslept, then I
took the wrong bus and ended up clear across town. I stopped in a Kwik
Stop over there to buy some wine and I thought I saw that guy from the
other night, but he acted like he didn't know me, so it must have been
some other guy. I sat in a park over there and drank the wine, and then
I tried to get on the bus home and the bus driver said I 'stank like
ripple' and wouldn't let me on. What???
I ended up calling a cab and having them drop me off around the block
from the apartment, then getting out and running like hell. I twisted
my ankle running up the steps -- life is just out to get me, I'm telling
you.
7/16/01
I went to the unemployment office today, but two numbers before mine was
called, I had a total panic attack. At least I think that's what it was
-- I got really hot and felt weird, so I left. I had lunch at Pizza
Isle and walked home, thinking about this great idea for a short story
about people who are born in a line, like the line at the unemployment
office, but the line never moves and they never see anything from any
other perspective. But the walk tired me out, and once I got home and
took a nap, I forgot most of it. Drank some of Rachel's Maker's Mark
and watched bikini snowboarding on ESPN-2. When did we get cable?
7/17/01
Man, if bad luck was cream cheese, I'd start a celery farm and at least
I'd have some snacks. I actually wrote half a page of my novel, the one
I want to write about the girl whose blog gets read by a famous movie
producer and she gets famous. I was out in the park writing it, and I
stopped to take a bite of ice cream, and I accidentally spilled most of
the pint (it was all warm and gooshy) all over the page. I couldn't
make out a single word! I came home, cried, and polished off Rachel's
Maker's Mark. When she got home, we got in a big fight and I ended up
bringing up her dead mom just to make her cry. I felt bad about it, but
not as bad as this hangover today....
P.S. You know the great thing? If you keep this up for a few months and
post the occasional drunken web cam tit shot... THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WILL
READ IT. No shit!
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`-.^.-' (c) 2001 Anada e'zine by Infernal `-.^.-'
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