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anada361
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.* O . . .. ..O .. 361 27 May 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net "Losing Control *
* O One Fine Morning" *
*. o |\ _,,,---,,_ *
* /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ *
* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Michelle *
* '---''(_/--' `-'\_) *mE0w* o
*. .......................................*
'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
A girl lost control a few days ago, around 8:30 to 10:00 in the
morning. She had begun screaming "I'm free! I'm free! I no longer need
any of these worldly possessions! I'm FREE!" at the top of her lungs, to
the point where it sounded like her throat would rip itself to shreds.
She ran about the dorms, kicking doors, screaming like that. I
wanted to look outside and scream back; "There is no freedom! What freedom
do you possess if you believe in god? What freedom do you have spending the
rest of your life avoiding worldly possessions!? What freedom do you have?"
But I merely yawned and snuggled closer to my boyfriend, hoping to avoid a
few more minutes of being half-awake.
She still screamed off and on, and my boyfriend's roommate went to
work while one of the people from management used our room to watch the
girl's door to make sure she didn't come back out.
She did.
And began throwing away her clothing. And art work. And money.
And than ran down to the parking lot with a bible. Demanding that
none of us leave the dorms, that we shouldn't leave because the wrath of god
hadn't fallen yet. Yelling verses to the students and managers. Being
dragged from the lot to the office. And than back to her room.
Her parents weren't home when the managers tried calling them. So
they tried to get her to sleep. And I went back to my room to change and
get my projects together. The clubbing Cheshire in a land of madness and
glo sticks was on my shirt, seemed to be a wise choice for this day. A web
site the night before told me I was 100% Liberal Quaker and 96% Neo Pagan
amongst twenty other choices in a test of religion, Roman Catholic was 8%,
too bad my folks are Roman catholic.
My boyfriend came down a few minutes later, saying that as he left
the room the girl had latched onto his arm while wearing a bathrobe, and
looking like she had stepped from the shower. “Come pray with me!” she had
told him, and than dragged him a few steps while speaking nothing but
sylabylic jibberish.
He said he felt bad for pulling his hand away.
She ran back into her room as soon as she saw another member of
management.
They continued to watch her room, and they continued to call her
parents.
We stayed in my boyfriend's room, the two doors down from her room,
our door open still to aid in keeping an eye and curious ear turned towards
the outside. Someone said it looked like rain at one point or another, yet
the sun was out. Lifetime was on the television, drama while waiting for
drama. Someone demanded that she wasn't crazy, no one said that we thought
she was crazy. A nervous break down, perhaps, but no one said the word
crazy. I think it was the leader of the bible study group, they pray in the
cafeteria on some nights, some of them stare at me when I'm coming home from
work on those nights as well. No amount of staring is going to get me to go
in there, folks.
She came out again, dragging one of the managers with her, dressed in
a light brown sundress, “I'm going to church, and I don't care if I have to
take you with me!”
The manager dragged her back into the room before she could get any
further. One of the others was on a cell phone, “Öshe's somewhere between
nineteen and twenty-oneÖ she hasn't been sleeping for about four daysÖ” Four
days, not a good thing for the mind or anything else for that matter.
The EMT's came after they had managed to get her back into her room,
and than back out she went moments later, “I won't sleep until I've spoken
to god!” she yelled as they set down their boxes and tried to ration with
her. A friend once told me: A man is in a flood, the man refuses any sort
of rescue, saying he won't go until god rescues him, first a man in a row
boat comes, the waiting man refuses, the waters rise, an emergency team
comes, again his refusal, the waters still rise. A helicopter comes, again,
the man's refusal, the man drowns and goes to heaven, upon which he
approaches god and says, “Where were you? You were supposed to save me!”
And god just huffs, “Don't give me that!” god says, “I came for you three
times, and you refused three times.”
“Stop yelling at me.” Was what one of them replied. “Stop yelling
at me and take your hand off my face, miss.”
“ÖI'll yell at you if I want to, in Jesus' name and in the name of
the lord I'll yell at anyone! In the name of the husband!Ö” Was a reply she
gave, although mixed in with her mutterings, the manager had given up on
trying to hold her, she had been thrashing to get free, and now she paced
while in her frenzy.
“I can fly! I can fly! I want to fly!” She cried out, grasping the
railing and bouncing upon it, almost looking like she would allow herself to
go sailing off of the third floor to the black top of the parking lot.
People had come out, to watch again, drawn to it like spectators to a car
crash, watching from the stairs and from the parking lot below. Part of me
was expecting someone to yell out ëjump', or something to that extent, but
nothing of that sort was done.
“Miss, just calm down. You just need to calm downÖ” Is what the
EMT's told her, police came soon after. The local Bible study didn't want
the dorm managers to call the police.
We pulled ourselves back into our room, wanting to watch, yet not
wanting to. Concerned over a stranger we never spoken to other than an
occasional ëhello' in passing. I cringed every time she yelled, staying
close to my boyfriend as he watched. “Take me to jail! I want to go to
jail!” she yelled to the police.
When we looked out again she was gone, and the small group moved
towards the stairs, someone said that down on the first floor she had
yelled, “You are all afraid of me.” And perhaps she was correct, people
laughed, but nervously. Others laughed, but towards it more like a joke,
someone else yelled, “This is bullshit!” The bible study had come with their
bibles and wanted to pray. Not a good time to do it. Maybe a few days too
late to do it anyway. Better to practice what you preach on time.
We moved to the front of the building, where the ambulance and police
cars and fire truck were stationed, as looked down as the police lead her
from the ambulance to a police car in handcuffs, looking like a proud little
girl, a happy smile upon her face. The bible group lined up straight and
narrow, a girl cried, others watched in amusement. “god is false!” a guy
called down, laughing. She paid no mind, or perhaps she did, still yelling
to the students, shifting from happy, to dead serious, to happy again.
“Ö. smile for meÖ.”
The police officers tried getting her into the car, but she wouldn't
move, regardless of how they tried.
They opted to picking her up, one at the feet two at the head to put
her into the car.
She didn't fight back.
“That's how I got my last girl friend!” yelled the same guy.
I turned on him, “You shut your fucking mouth, and show a little
respect.”
And he turned on me, “And what are they going to do about it? Arrest
me? What are you going to do about it?”
I considered opting for beating him over the head with his own
ignorance, but just stayed quiet, and watched at they restrained her hands
to stop her from hitting her head off of the window over and over again.
Maybe I'd laugh at the jerk if he went through the same thing, maybe I
wouldn't; maybe I'll never find out.
And so we watched as they drove away with her, and I listened as I
heard word that she had been fasting, four days without sleep or food.
Perhaps indeed waiting to hear from god. And how all these people began to
come forward saying that she had been acting strange lately.
And that is what pisses me off. These ëfriends' doing jack shit and
than popping up to save face, the bible study people getting more respect
regardless of them begging the managers not to call the police and to merely
pray with her. Ignorance is darkness you dumb fucks, don't think you're
doing any good by finally playing good Samaritans when she's at the end of
her rope. You didn't help her four days ago when she probably needed it,
and you couldn't have helped her than. Don't you people cry and think it's
a shame, you knew something was strange with your friend. Don't you people
laugh either, one of these days it could be you doing the same thing.
All I know is she's in a safe place now, from what they told me,
which I translate, as she still hasn't snapped out of it. And all I know is
she was going to graduate soon, which makes it just as bad. She might not
come back, and she might not remember what she did, but still, it happened.
Nothing is going to remove that from her life. I don't care if it was
drugs, I don't care if it was religion. All I care about is the girl who
one morning awoke the dorms with the scream of “I'm FreeÖ”
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( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada361 by Michelle o
> ^ < o
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