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anada385
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.* O . . .. ..O .. 385 24 Jun 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net "Sofa King Retarded" *
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* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Gloomchen *
* '---''(_/--' `-'\_) *mE0w* o
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'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
1. Lucidity
I understand my place in the world. Grew up damn-near dirt poor;
finished half of community college; worked positions at menial jobs; hung
around with people with less chance than I had. I lived it. I understand
it. I spend my time now not much differently, so by now I most certainly
understand my place in the world. And I really don't mind it.
2. Complacency
I could be moderately happy even with my multitudinous failures if
I wasn't perpetually reminded by those who have achieved more that they are
failures indeed. If I had a problem with the fact that I didn't finish
college, if I had a problem with my job, if I had a problem with anything,
I would be doing something about it. Oh, sure, not everything right now is
100% the way I want it, but it's true, I'm slowly working toward a goal.
And it works fine for me. But for some reason, it's just not enough for
some people.
3. Volition
Yes, if I applied myself, I would probably be a lot farther. If I
had worked to my full potential from day one, I'd be a merit scholar by now
and would have finished some illustrious college to graduate and have a
high-paying, high-profile, highly-respectable job making oodles of money and
supposedly being happy. Instead, I did the work that I felt like doing,
took jobs that sounded fun, avoided stress at all costs and have nothing to
show for it except for my sanity (which I suppose is questionable at best,
but I've got it).
4. Exasperation
I've always taken shit from people who think they are better than I
am because they have a better job than I do or they finished school or are
more popular than I am or think they're cooler than I am or prettier than I
am or are skinnier than I am or have more money than I do. Of course, I
care about as much as I care about who will make it to the World Series this
year. The question remains: sure, you may have some things that I don't
have, and that might be working out just fine for you, but do you ever stop
to consider that perhaps I don't want what you have? Maybe I like who I am,
what I am, what I have, where I'm at? That all of your stepping on me and
taunting means nothing, because what you insult, I adore?
5. Consternation
It's a smug satisfaction that I carry around with myself that I know
I could pretty much do anything I wanted to do with my life, but I chose not
to do it. And I'm happy with what I have chosen. And people can look down
on me, treat me like shit because I'm not on "their" level, make flippant
comments or directed insults as much as they like. I simply have to take a
moment to look at that person and say, why do they feel the need to insult
me? Are they insecure with themselves? Are they insecure that I don't fit
the society-determined standard? Am I threatening because I am not like
them? Or are they just fucking retarded wastes of human life?
6. Idiosyncrasy
No, I am not typical. I have no problem expressing my opinions or
feelings, even if I sometimes come across as being a raving lunatic or one
step above schizophrenic. I fit no molds; I am only good at being myself.
I look different, I certainly act differently, I hang around with people
with whom I have little in common and from whom I can learn. I don't work
to my full potential and am happy with a job with little stress and little
brainpower. What do I have to be ashamed of? I am pretty satisfied.
7. Valorization
My life is not perfect, but it suits me well right now. I have plans
and am working to change the things I dislike. And that's it. If you or
anyone else feels the need to belittle me because I am not who you think I
should be, or that I'm not doing the things you think I should do, or any
and none of the above, perhaps you should stop caring about my life and pay
more attention to your own. If you have that much spare time and spare
concern for me, maybe you should redirect it towards something more useful,
practical, or appreciated. Stop worrying about what is wrong with my life
and concentrate on improving your own.
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( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada385 by Gloomchen o
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