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anada376
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.* O . . .. ..O .. 376 15 Jun 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net "Jason on Pearl Harbor" *
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* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Jason *
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'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
I suspect that this warning may come too late for most of you.
Perhaps those of you in other countries will be able to escape the newest
blight upon the Earth unscathed, but certainly any natives of North America
it is already far too late.
I'm speaking of the movie Pearl Harbor, of course.
Now I'm not given to writing movie reviews, but when a movie comes
along like this, I have to speak out. This film represents the best idea
turned to total crap since Showgirls.
Based on the very first preview I saw last year, I was completely
enraptured with the promise of Pearl Harbor. The guy who made the trailer
certainly deserves an Oscar for his work, which is far more than I can say
for the movie. The thing that kills me is that it would have been SO easy
to make that a classic, epic movie! The scenes where the Japanese generals
are planning the attack definitely portray how high the stakes were and
how much they knew was riding on this battle. The storyline with the U.S.
intelligence officers knowing that the Japs were up to something but not
being able to figure out what definitely increased the tension. Roosevelt's
knowledge that the U.S. would be involved in war and his emotional reaction
to it were riveting. The bit part Cuba Gooding Jr. played which was based
on a real-life black cook who was personally responsible for shooting down
at least 2 Japanese planes definitely caught one's attention. The actual
fight scenes were, of course, amazing.
What kills me is that they had it! They had all the elements of what
WOULD have made a classic movie that I would watch over and over again!
They had the special effects, the directorial acumen, the excellent actors,
and the budget for a classic people would talk about for decades to come!
Then someone said, "Duh, I don't think a gripping, tense, emotional,
mostly historical film will make any money. Duh, I think we need to make
it more like Titanic."
So then they decided to turn it into a stupid, contrived love story
about two best friends in love with the same chick. Oh, by the way, there's
some big fight or something going on in the background. AUUGH!!!
Such a wasted opportunity!! They snatched defeat form the jaws of
victory! The story practically told itself! They didn't even have to touch
it and it wold have made $500 million! But NOOOOOOO, they had to fiddle
with it. Thank God those knuckleheads weren't in charge of the Apollo
missions, or they would have all headed into the Sun! You can't turn a war
movie into a CHICK FLICK!
I've got nothing against the love story in general. In fact, if
handled properly as a SIDE story, it would have added to the demonstration
of the impact of the battle on regular people. Instead, they made the
battle the side story. What a bunch of dolts.
I'm so disillusioned. If you can't trust movie executives, whom can
you trust?
In conclusion, the flick sucks the maggots out of a dead doneky's
anus. Objectively speaking, it was merely a contrived, cliched piece of
cinematic mediocrity like Pretty Woman, but without the flash of Julia
Roberts' boobs. But as I said before, it was the missed opportunity that
really dooms the flick. The effects were great, but I'm not sure they were
worth wading through 90 minutes of 180 proof crap. If you must see it, at
least go during the matinee and bring some porn to tide you over until the
bombs start dropping.
I missed my calling.
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( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada376 by Jason o
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