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anada363
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.* O . . .. ..O .. 363 27 May 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net "Jason Returns" *
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* /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ *
* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Jason *
* '---''(_/--' `-'\_) *mE0w* o
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'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
The Crowd mutters a collective gasp. Jason has returned! Yes, all
of those rumors you heard about me running off with some nympho supermodel
who lavished me with unfettered sex and all the tarantulas I wanted are
untrue. I know, I know, if there was any justice in the world that would
have happened to me years ago. The universe is a random, nasty place that
has it in for me, and we're just all going to have to come to grips with
that.
So where have I been if I haven't been banging a centerfold on some
secluded island?
Well, let me just say that no circle of Hell, no Flames of Perdition
can compare with the exquisite torture of car shopping. Sure, you do all
the research, consult with friends and family, and even sacrifice chickens
to your pagan god in order to be as prepared as possible. When you finally
meet the professional car salesman, you realize that you stand as much
chance as a Roman legion before a modern armored division.
I don't have anything against salespeople per se, since they're
people just like me who are trying to eke out a living in a very stressful
profession. Still, it's amazing how quickly they can make you a tool.
Thank God it was a guy I was talking to. If it was a hot chick, I would
have been reduced to tool status almost instantaneously. It's amazing there
aren't more women in sales...
So, it took me a while to recover from that. But, you note, that was
also a month ago. Surely it didn't take me that long to regain my mental
faculties?
Nah. The real reason is that over the past month, I've "explored
other creative outlets." That's Hollywood speak for watching a lot of TV,
playing "bite the finger" with my tarantulas, and generally goofing off.
What reservoir of creativity I was able to rebuild was siphoned off
by my E-mail correspondence with that swell ANADA author, X-tabai. The fact
that she's a female only 67% of my age while 73% as smart as me definitely
put the pressure on my poor, age-debilitated little brain to keep up. It's
been tough, but I've managed. The only thing saving me from complete mental
breakdown is the fact that her E-mails are less frequent that Christmas
cards from Roman Polanski to Charles Manson.
Since the last time I wrote, I also drove all the way up to Dubois,
PA (about a 3 hour drive) for a booty call. No, I didn't break my 4.5 year
sex drought, but that's a story for another time.
My brane herts.
I closing, I must say that I am deeply disturbed by the ASCII
depiction of a road kill cat on the letterhead of every ANADA story. I'm
tempted to call my good friends at PETA!
I kill me.
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( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada363 by Jason o
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