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.* O . . .. ..O .. 383 24 Jun 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net "We Ask and Ask Until a Mouthful *
* O of Dirt Stops Our Questions, But *
*. o |\ _,,,---,,_ Is That the Answer?" *
* /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ *
* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Hubris777 *
* '---''(_/--' `-'\_) *mE0w* o
*. .......................................*
'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
1. “I wanted only to try to live in accord with the promptings which came
from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?”
2. “What a real, living human being is made of seems to be less understood
today than at any time before, and menóeach one of whom represents a
unique and valuable experiment on the part of natureóare there fore
shot wholesale nowadays.”
3. “I felt it would be useless to appeal to his sense of honor.”
4. “It was the first fissure in the columns that had upheld my childhood,
which every individual must destroy before he can become himself.”
5. “People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest.”
6. “Why does he defend cane unless he feels an affinity with him.”
7. “I could not bring these thought to any conclusion. A stone had been
dropped into the well, the well was my youthful soul.”
8. “He looked down at me and never had his look been more adult, superior,
the look of someone who could see through me. We had not spoken to
each other for a long time.”
9. “His face tells me he's a first-rate bastard. What do you think?”
10. “Everything began to seem so ominous to me that I began to whimper. I
was surrounded by too much I didn't understand.”
11. “He would have tried to make me more independent by using persuasion,
exhortation, mockery, and sarcasm.”
12. “All the moments of calm, the islands of peace whose magic I felt, I
leave behind in the enchanted distance. Nor do I ever ask to ever set
foot there again.”
13. “As long as I dwell on my childhoodóI will emphasize the things that
entered it from the outside, that were new, that impelled me forward or
tore me away.”
14. “The great secret of pubertyódid not fit into my sheltered childhood.
I behaved like everyone else.”
15. “He was a good student but took no particular trouble to please
anyone.”
16. “People with character tend to receive the short end of the stick in
biblical stories.”
17. “This is one of the very places that reveals the poverty of this
religion most distinctly. The point is that this God of both the new
and old testament is certainly an extraordinary figure, but not what he
purports to represent. He is all that is good, noble, fatherly,
beautiful, elevated, sentimentalótrue! But the world consists of
something else besides. And what is left over is ascribed to the
devil, this entire slice of the world, this entire half is suppressed
and hushed up. In exactly the same way they praise God as the father
of all life but simply refuse to say a word about out sexual life on
which it's all based, describing it whenever possible as sinful, the
work of the devil. I have no objection to worshipping this God
Jehovah, far from it. But I mean we ought to consider everything
sacred, the entire world, not merely this artificially separated half!
Thus, alongside this divine service we should also have a service for
the devil. I feel that would be right. Otherwise you must create for
yourself a God that contains the Devil too and in front of which you
needn't close your eyes when the most natural thing in the world takes
place.”
18. “You haven't reached the point where you can understand the actual
meaning of ëpermitted' and ëforbidden.' You've only sensed part of the
truth.”
19. “Others sense their own laws within them; things are forbidden to them
that every honorable man will do any day in the year and other things
are allowed to them that are generally despised. Each person must
stand on his own feet.”
20. “Though he delivered his ideas in a pleasant manner, he still could not
stand conversation for its own sake.”
21. “I was ready to be received but into something entirely differentóinto
an order of thought and personality that must exist somewhere on earth
and whose representative or messenger I took to be my friend.”
22. “His face was pale, uniformly pale like stone, and his brown hair was
the part of him that seemed closest to being alive. His hands lay
before him on the bench, lifeless and still as objects, like stones or
fruit, pale, motionless yet not limp, but like good, strong pods
sheathing a hidden, vigorous life.”
23. “He sat there like a statue, and, I thought, proud as an idol! A fly
lighted on his forehead and scurried across his nose and lipsónot a
muscle twitched. Where was he now? What was he thinking? What did he
feel? Was he in Heaven or Hell?”
24. “Books were so much paper, music a grating noise.”
25. “That is why leaves fall around a tree in autumn, a tree unaware of the
rain running down its sides, of the sun or the frost, and the life
gradually retreating inward. The tree does not die. It waits.”
26. “I walked lanky and half-finished through the world.”
27. “When he called me a damned clever little bastard, the words ran like
sweet wine into my soul.”
28. “And what I had felt, what I had constructed in imagination, ached
within me but had not been loosened or made communicable by the wine.”
29. “I can still remember tears springing to my eyes when I saw children
playing in the street on Sunday morning as I emerged from a bar,
children with freshly combed hair and dressed in their Sunday best.
Those friends who sat with me in the lowest dives among beer puddles
and dirty tables.”
30. “When I happened to see the well-brought-up girls of the town walking
in front of me, pretty and clean, innocent and graceful, they seemed
like wonderful and pure dreams, a thousand times too good for me.”
31. “In my odd and unattractive fashion, going to bars, and bragging was my
way of quarreling with the world.”
32. “My lean face looked gray and wasted, with slack features and inflamed
eyes. The first touch of a mustache and the eyeglasses I had just
begun wearing made me look a little odder still.”
33. “My head filled with vile thoughts and worries.”
34. “She was tall and slender, elegantly dressed, and had an intelligent
and boyish face. I liked her at once. She was my type and began to
fill my imagination.”
35. “For a time this portrait haunted my thoughts and shared my life. I
kept it locked in a drawer so that no one would take it and taunt me
with it. But as soon as I was alone in my small room I took it out and
communed with it. In the evening I pinned it on the wall facing my bed
and gazed on it until I fell asleep and in the morning it was the first
thing my eyes opened on.”
36. “Fate and temperament are two words for one and the same concept.”
That was clear to me now.”
37. “Besidesóneither of us knows why you happen to be drinking wine at this
moment. That which is within you and directs your life knows already.
It's good to realize that within us there is someone who knows
everything, wills everything, does everything better than ourselves.”
38. “For a time I pursued this thought eagerly but without making any
headway. I even poured over a whole library full of books seeking a
mention of Abraxas. However, my nature had never been disposed to this
kind of direct and conscious investigation where at first one finds
only truths that are so much dead weight in one's hand.”
39. “I felt that the organist knew the treasures hidden in the music, that
he was wooing, hammering at the gate, wrestling for this treasure as
for his life. My knowledge of music is technically very limited but
from childhood on I have had an intuitive grasp, have sensed music as
something self-evident within me.”
40. “Leonardo Da Vinci, who describes at one point how good, how intensely
interesting it is to look at a wall many people have spit on.”
41. “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of
yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.”
42. “He drifted along as though pulled by an invisible string.”
43. “For instance, when I want to fall asleep or want to concentrate on
something I do one of these exercises. I think of something, a word
for example, or a name or geometric form. Then I think this form into
myself as hard as I can. I try to imagine it until I can actually feel
it inside my head. Then I think it inside my throat, and so forth,
until I am completely filled by it. Then Iëm as firm as though I had
turned to stone and nothing can distract me any more.”
44. “But I don't understand why someone is supposed to be more pure than
another person if he suppresses his sexual urges. Or are you capable
of eliminating sex from all your thoughts and dreams.”
45. “I closed my eyes and now saw the picture within me, stronger and
mightier than before.”
46. “Farther on I reached and area of newly built houses, with piles of
bricks everywhere partially covered with gray snow.”
47. “Across boards and bricks I stumbled into a dreary room that smelled
moist and cold from fresh cement.”
48. “It is a bitter and horrible moment when we suddenly recognize that the
current within us wants to pull us away from what is dearest to us.
Then every thought that rejects the friend and mentor turns in our own
hearts like a poisoned barb, then each blow struck in defense flies
back into one's own face, the words “disloyalty” and “Ingratitude”
strike the person who feels he was morally sound like catcalls and
stigma, and the frightened heart flees timidly back to the charmed
valleys of childhood virtues, unable to believe that this break, too,
must be made, this bond also broken.”
49. “He had never heard me speak like that before and at the same moment I
realized with a flash of shame and horror that the arrow I had shot
him, that had pierced his heart, had come from his own armory.”
50. “I quite understand,” Pistorius said softly. “You're right.” I
waited. Then he went on slowly: “Inasmuch as one person can be right
against another.”
51. “When I had hit out I thought I would strike a tough, well-armed manóhe
turned out to be a quiet, passive, defenseless creature who surrendered
without protest.”
52. “Only now I managed to understand Pistorius completely and succeeded in
constructing his whole dream before me. This dream had been to be a
priest, to proclaim the new religion, to introduce new form of
exaltation, of love, of worship, to erect new symbols. But this was
not his strength, and not his function. He lingered too fondly in the
past, his knowledge of the past was to precise, he knew too much about
Egypt and India, Mithras and Abraxas. His love was shackled to images
the Earth had seen before, and yet, in his inmost heart, he realized
that that the New had to be truly new and different, that it had to
spring from fresh soil and could not be drawn from museums and
libraries. His function was perhaps to lead men to themselves as he
had led me. To provide them with the unprecedented, the new gods, was
not in him.”
53. “All that was futile. I did not exist to write poems, to preach or to
paint, neither I nor anyone else. All of that was incidental. Each
man had only one genuine vocationóto find the way to himself. He might
end up as a poet or madman, as prophet or criminalóthat was not his
affair, ultimately it was none of no concern. His task was to discover
his own destinyónot an arbitrary oneóand live it out wholly and
resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be
existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the
masses, conformity and fear of one's own inwardness. The new vision
rose up before me, glimpsed a hundred times, possibly even expressed
before but now experienced for the first time by me. I was an
experiment on the part of nature, a gamble within the unknown, perhaps
for a new purpose, perhaps for nothing, and my only task was to allow
this game on the part of the primeval depths to take its course, to
feel its will within me and make it wholly mine. That or nothing.”
54. “You know that I have the desire to become a priest. Most of all I
wanted to become a priest of the new religion of which you and I have
so many intimations. That role will never be mineóI realize that and
even without wholly admitting it to myself have known it for some time.
So I will perform other priestly duties instead, perhaps at the organ,
perhaps in some other way. But I must have things around me that I
feel are beautiful and sacred, organ music and mysteries, symbols and
myths. I need and cannot forgo them. That is my weakness.”
55. “It would be more magnanimous and just if I put myself unreservedly at
the disposal of fate. But I can't do that, I am incapable of it.
Perhaps you will be able to do it one day. It is difficult, it is the
only truly difficult thing there is. I have often dreamed of doing so,
but I can't; the idea fills me with dread: I am not capable of standing
so naked and alone. I, too, am a poor weak creature who needs warmth
and food and occasionally the comfort of human companionship.”
56. “We must have the secret satisfaction of being different, of rebelling,
of desiring the unusual. But you must shed that, too, if you want to
go all the way to the end.”
57. “Yes, it was beyond imagining. But it could be dreamed, anticipated,
sensed. A few times I had a foretaste of itóin an hour of absolute
stillness. Then I would gaze into myself and confront the image of my
fate. It's eyes would be full of wisdom, full of madness, they would
radiate love or deep malice, it was all the same. You were not allowed
to chose or desire any one of them. You were only allowed to desire
yourself, only your fate.”
58. “At least I was free, I had the whole day to myself, lived quietly and
peacefully in an old house near the town wall, and on my table lay a
few volumes of Nietzsche. I lived with him, sensed the loneliness of
his soul, perceived the fate that had propelled him on inexorably; I
suffered with him, and rejoiced that there had been one man who had
followed his destiny so relentlessly.”
59. “False communion everywhere, everywhere the shedding the responsibility
of fate, flight to the herd for warmth.”
60. “We had discussed the life most of the students lead, then came to
something else, something that seemed to lie far field.”
61. “A whole society composed of men afraid of the unknown within them!
They all sense that the rules they live by are no longer valid, that
they lived according to archaic lawsóneither their religion nor their
morality is in any way suited to the needs of the present. For a
hundred years or more Europe has done nothing but study and build
factories! They know exactly how many ounces it takes to kill a man
but they don't know how to pray to God they don't even know how to be
happy for a single contended hour.”
62. “It will reveal in the bankruptcy of present-day ideals, there will be
a sweeping away of stone-age gods. The world, as it is now, wants to
die, wants to perishóand it will.”
63. “Let the students have their drunken orgies and tattoo their faces; the
rotten world could await its destructionófor all I cared.”
64. “I slept deeply until late in the morning. The new day dawned for me
like a solemn feast, the kind I had not experienced since childhood.”
65. “Sacred Music. For the first time the outer world was perfectly
attuned to the world within; it was a joy to be alive.”
66. “I was resigned to the knowledge that I had lost all appreciation of
the outside world, that the loss of its bright colors was an
inseparable part of the loss of my childhood, and that, in a certain
sense, one had to pay for freedom and maturity of the soul with the
renunciation of this cherished aura. But now, overjoyed, I saw that
all this had only been buried or clouded over and that it was still
possibleóeven if you had become liberated and had renounced your
childhood happinessóto see the world shine and to savor the delicious
thrill of the child's vision.”
67. “Hidden behind tall, wet trees stood a little house, bright and
livable. Tall plants flowered behind plate glass; behind glistening
windows dark walls shone with pictures and rows of books. The front
door lead straight into a small warm hallway.”
68. “Think back and ask yourself: Was the way all that difficult? Was it
only diffucult? Wasn't it beautiful, too? Can you think of a more
beautiful and easier way?”
69. “Our task was to represent an island in the world, a prototype perhaps,
or at least a prospect of a different way of life.”
70. “I, who had been isolated for so long, learned about the companionship
which is possible between people who have tasted complete loneliness.”
71. “For us, humanity was a distant goal toward which all men were moving,
whose image no one knew, whose laws were nowhere written down.”
72. “Europe had conquered the whole world only to lose her own soul.” (U.S.
current)
73. “We, who bore the mark, felt no anxiety about the shape the future was
to take. All of these faiths and teachings seemed to us already dead
and useless. The only duty and destiny we acknowledged was that each
one of us should become so completely himself, so utterly faithful to
the active seed which nature planted within him, that in living out its
growth he could be surprised by nothing unknown to come.”
74. “The soul of Europe is a beast that has lain fettered for an infinitely
long time. And when it's free, it's first movements won't be the
gentlest.”
75. “All men are prepared to accomplish the incredible if their ideals are
threatened.”
76. “When the upheavals of earth's surface flung the creatures of the sea
onto the land and the land creatures into the sea, the specimens of the
various orders that were ready to follow their destiny were the ones
that accomplished the new and unprecedented; by making new biological
adjustments they were able to save their species from destruction.”
77. “I know what you desire. You should, however, either be capable of
renouncing these desires or feel wholly justified in having them.”
78. “There were other moments when I sat beside her and burned with sensual
desire and kissed objects she had touched.”
79. “She was a star and I another on my way to her, circling round each
other.”
80. “I stepped up to her, bent over her head, and kissed the rain out of
her hair. Her eyes were bright and calm but the raindrops tasted
like.”
81. “I took my leave and walked alone through the hallway, the stale scent
of the hyacinths seemed cadaverous. A shadow had fallen over us.”
82. “It would soon be time for me to leave. I dared not think of it, but
clung to each beautiful day as the butterfly clings to his honeyed
flower.”
83. "Whatever they might think or believe, they were ready, they could be
used, they were the clay of which the future could be shaped.”
84. “Into their midst stepped a mighty, godlike figure, as huge as a
mountain range, with sparkling stars in her hair.”
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( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada383 by Hubris777 o
> ^ < o
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