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' anada "Jason on Sabrina" 19 feb '
' 291 by Jason 2001 '
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I'm a pretty hard person to mystify, but occasionally some event
occurs that just has me scratching my head and wondering how these things
can possibly come to pass. How 13 disjointed coastal colonies managed to
become the largest single economy in the world is one such amazing
occurrence. How that same country can dredge up two complete knuckleheads
to run for president every four years is another one. The ingenuity of
Thomas Edison is impressive, as was the Mongol Empire. Then there are the
Pyramids, which win out as the most colossal waste of time in history.
The greatest mystery of all, though, is how that sitcom "Sabrina"
could have possibly gotten past the drawing board, let alone become a
successful TV show! My God, am I mad not to see the attraction? When the
hell did abysmally flat acting, shockingly poor jokes, and irrepressibly
drab and awful TV shows become cool? Yes, it's even worse than Beverly
Hills 90210.
Just in case you're NOT clued in, the show formerly known as
"Sabrina, Teenaged Bitch" -- uh... I mean "Witch" -- and then mercifully
shortened to a one word title is about a chick who's a teenaged witch. What
a surprise premise, eh? It stars Melissa Joan Hart, who isn't even that hot
but whom I'm shamed to admit I would probably do, given my long standing
dearth of such carnal things. She's guided by a talking cat that's about as
realistic as Sharon Stone's claims of intelligence. Somehow, the sublime
hilarity of a young witch screwing up spells all the time captured enough of
America's heart to keep it off the cancellation chopping block. It also
gave Melissa Joan Hart a movie career. How weird is THAT?
But that's not all. It has a LAUGH TRACK! Sure, that's not a big
deal in itself, but this track sounds like came directly from the 50's!
It's full of that stale, polite laughter you'd hear on the Flintstones or
some other pre-Me show that tried to be funny before humor was invented. I
suppose that they're afraid that if it wasn't for the laugh track, nobody
would know what was supposed to be amusing. That's a very valid fear.
It's SOOOOO not funny. I have more yucks banging my head on the
wall, and that's a lot less painful than watching that show. 5 YEARS this
show has been plaguing the airwaves! Calling all religious fanatics! She's
a witch! She's, like, glorifying Satan or something! Protest or firebomb
the studios or do something equally religious to stop this blight on our
fragile little minds!
Damn religious nuts. They're never around when you need them.
So how do I know so much about it? Well, Soleil Moon Frye stars on
it now, and she's pretty hot. Sadly, the show was so terrible that not even
the hot bod of Soleil could keep me tuned in.
And THAT'S the amazing part.
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` anada291 by Jason (c) 2001 anada e'zine `
