Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
anada331
..............................................
.* * \ /\
.* O . . .. ..O .. 331 10 Apr 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O "The True and Amazing Story of \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net My Quest To Get Some Fried *
* O Chicken and the Great Adventure *
*. o |\ _,,,---,,_ That Precipitated From It" *
* /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ *
* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Oregano *
* '---''(_/--' `-'\_) *mE0w* o
*. .......................................*
'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
I wanted chicken, Popeye's fried chicken. I eat fried chicken maybe
three times a year, though it is my favorite meal.
I went to the bank.
Let's start the story just after there. This was a Saturday. I went
to a place called Jamba Juice after I got money from the bank, people in
the office love Jamba Juice, they serve smoothies with real fruit and
real flavor and so I went. I tend to freak out in real life with
real-life decisions, in front of real-life people whose motives I don't
completely understand ahead of time. Before I went inside I was worried
that there would be no line and I would have to stand there, looking at
the board of flavors, trying to figure out what I wanted while the
cashier looked at me impatiently, wanting my order, with people behind
me in line wishing I were dead.
But there was a police officer in front of me. I had a few moments
to look at the board, but I had to follow some advice from people at my
office. "Don't get anything with banana in it, the banana overpowers all
the other flavors." That was what Gina said. Gina is from the office
where I work. Okay, I will get to the fried chicken part of my story
later, this all works together, shut up, read on.
Everything on the board seemed to have chicken in it. Crud! I mean
banana, you got me out of my game, dear reader, let me tell the story.
Everything on the order board had banana on it, I looked and looked and
the list of ingrediants but each smoothie seemed to have banana. Then I
saw Berry Lime Sublime. No bananas, just berries and lime. My turn to
order and I said, "Berry Lime Supreme." Not "Sublime," I said,
"Supreme." I froze, I looked at the board, "No, Sublime, sorry, Berry
Lime Sublime." I felt like an idiot, I screwed up a simple three word
order. This is why I hate going out, stuff like this. She asked if I
wanted a power boost. She pointed to a list on top of the register of
all the types of power boosts available. I paniced. When in a panic
deny everything. "No, no thanks." I figured it was another 90 cents.
The smoothie itself is $4, I didn't need another 90 cents. Remember
that, I will get back to that. Then she asked me my name!
Did I mention there was a cop in line who ordered ahead of me? Did I
do something wrong? I asked her "what?" but she was calm and repeated
her request for my name. I told her my name and she typed it into the
cash register. I calmed down. Okay, relax.
On the board, as I waited for my Berry Lime Sublime I saw that power
boosts were part of the smoothie. I blew it, I was trying to be normal
by not askign for a power boost and I blew it and got it w/o a power
boost and ended up being abnormal.
For the record, if I ever go back there; I must go back there and
redeem myself now that I know the rules of the game. When I go back
there I will ask for a fiber power boost. I like big bowel movements.
My name was called and I got my smoothie and as I was walking to the
El -- yes I will get to the chicken, let me tell the entire adventure --
I thought it would be funny if the next time I went in there I said
"loser" for my name and when the smoothie was done they would call out
"loser" and I'd get my drink. Then I thought of something like
"Charandakhecker." Try to type all of that in. But I settled on "Puh"
which is sort of an aspiration, and not a word even. Try saying it out
loud and you look like an idiot. I will get my revenge.
I got to the El train. I own no car, must take public
transportation.
On the train was a gal who looked like Heather Graham, she was
reading a Carl Hiasssan book. Heather Graham plus 40 lbs. Exactly my
type. I am so lame sometimes and I did not talk to her. I could have
easily talked books with her. I am lame, I panic ordering smoothies,
imagine talking to women. That is off the scale almost.
Anyway. Popeye's. The train pulled in to the Granville stop about
25 minutes later and I walked a few blocks and was in Popeye's. I
ordered and they gave me my food to-go instead of dine-in. I should
have taken that as a sign of "We don't want you here." Read on and find
out more.
So I got my order quick enough. Did I mention the street gang that
almost killed me as I passed the basketball courts? Well, the kids
looked threatening. Maybe all kids look threatening.
I got my order and I filled my cup with Sierra Mist, a new lemon lime
drink from PepsiCo. And I sat at a table in a far corner of Popeye's far
from everything.
I ate my corn-on-the-cob. I love mushy corn. No sarcasm there.
Yummy, mushy, corn. The best. But I got it all over everything, my
shirt, the table the floor. I would say don't invite me to a fancy
dinner, but that is not the truth. I know manners. But this is
Popeye's and I made a mess. Big deal. So the gal who rang up my order
she came after me with the broom. This is *while* I was eating. She
told me, "excuse me, please move, sir" and I moved my feet and she swept
under me. I still had potatoes and a biscuit and all the chicken to
eat. And she made me move my legs and sit back so she could sweep under
me. She would do this another two times while I was in the restaurant,
she wasn't sweeping other parts of the restaurant, just around where I
was sitting.
Ahh, here is a big thing. Sierra Mist is the best soft drink I have
ever tasted. It blew me away. Normally I get a medium drink and I do
not want to finish it and throw a lot of it out. But Sierra Mist was
great I wished I had a large or super large, or Big Gulp. But they were
watching me so I could not go back to the machine for a refill. But it
was so good. But I have more on that later, don't run out and buy
Sierra Mist till I finish my tale.
I did finish my meal. But the chicken was dry. Too long under the
heat lamp. I was going to get chicken to take home, but the chicken was
so bad that I decided to forgo ordering more to take home. That means I
had $20 in my pocket to spend as I wish.
I left Popeye's and went the other direction, to avoid the street
gang. And I passed a Radio Shack. I needed a new Walkman-type casette
player. These days I buy the cheapest player and it lasts 4 months and
then I buy a new one. I used to buy the best player, but those last 4
months too.
Radio Shack is the spazziest store in the world. I am comfortable in
there since they are bigger idiots than I am. I might get frazzled
ordering a smoothie, but a piece of electronics is like a walk on a
cake. There was only one sales man there, and he was helping a guy with
a stereo. Radio Shack...did I mention they are lame? Did I mention I
wanted a $15 Walkman? I had to wait since the guy buying the stereo had
a gift certificate. I waited. The sales guy called his manager and
they chatted on the phone. Every few minutes the sales guy would take
out a laser-scanner and scan the gift certificate and then look
confused.
I looked at mini-TVs. I looked at phones, watches, diodes,
batteries, antennas. Still the guy could not process the gift
certificate. This is like 20 minutes that I was waiting and finally I
decided to play with the keyboards.
I played Fur Elise, to which I don't know the notes, but I was kind
of close. The sales person went and turned up the stereo! This is
true. I am not making this up. I am making none of this up. He went
and turned up the stereo when I was playing with the keyboard. Me,
sales guy, other customer. That is all who was in the store. Plus this
is Beethovan he was desescrating.
I turned off the keyboards. (If you ever get me inside a Radio Shack
with you, or other place where you can play with the keyboards. I will
not only play, but I will sing. That is how I am. Alone I don;t sing.
With friend I do sing. Let that be an inducement or a warning. Take it
as you will.) I went back and looked at the Walkmans. I finally said,
"I'll just come back later," to the salesman. He gave me a look and I
left slowly since I didn't want him to think I was stealing stuff. And
I went out and went home on the El.
Ahh, before I end this. At the El station was a giant Pepsi machine.
In this giant Pepsi machine was Sierra Mist, the drink I had just fallen
in love with. I bought a bottle and rode the elevator up to the train
platform and while I waited I opened the bottle of Sierra Mist. And it
really was no better than Sprite or 7-Up.
..................................................................
/\_/\ *
( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada331 by Oregano o
> ^ < o
********************************************************************
