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.* O . . .. ..O .. 327 04 Apr 2001 ) ( ')
.* O O* o o o o o o o ( / )
* ***O O O O O O O O O \( _)|
* O o o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net "The Musical Genius That *
* O is Brujeria and A.C." *
*. o |\ _,,,---,,_ *
* /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ *
* |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' by Pavement *
* '---''(_/--' `-'\_) *mE0w* o
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'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`
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Brujeria
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Brujeria is the side project of 8 people from established bands. The
established bands being Faith No More, Fear Factory and Napalm Death. All
of their songs are in Spanish. They have never revealed their identities
(although the info eventually leaked out), never played a concert, never had
pictures taken and have never given a real interview. They pretend to be
Mexican drug kingpins, or in the words of one of their earlier song titles,
"Narcos Satanicos," which translated into English means "Satanic Drug
Dealers." Imagine a sort of Death Metal Weird Al Yankovic with a pinch of
Gwar thrown in for good measure and you have imagined Brujeria. Their
black, tongue-in-cheek humor is the type parental advisories were invented
for, but dammit, I love it!
With their lastest album, they added a female singer named Pititis,
which allowed them to have great lyrics like:
"Ay, !Papi Brujo!
lo duro, te lo mocho!
pinche cerdo
miate que
No te cojo; soy cabrona"
translation:
"Hey, Daddy Brujo!
that boner, I'll cut it off!
fucking pig
nigga what
I won't fuck you; I'm a bad-ass chick"
Hmm...maybe you have to hear it to understand the greatness. Anyway,
that brings me to my next point. I went through 4 years of Spanish, and
before Brujeria, I never got past "el hombre gordo come la mantequilla."
But, when Brujeria taught me how to tell someone "pinche cabron, chupa mi
verga pendejo" ("fucking bastard, suck my dick asshole"), I realized that
Spanish was very cool. I started studying like crazy until finally, I was
at the head of my Spanish class. That's right, this stuff actually has
educational value! The music itself rocks, too; Brujeria have THREE
bassists, so they can easily drown out Dr. Diggity-Dre any day of the week.
Brujeria, while being fairly underground in the United States, is
actually really popular south of the border. They released one of the top-
selling albums in Mexico last year and stayed in the Mexican Top Ten for a
really long time. Somehow, I doubt a band that plays death metal, never
tours, has no radio play or videos and sings about killing babies and force
feeding people crack while performing Satanic rituals could repeat the same
feat here in the U.S.. That just goes to show that Mexicans are way cooler
(and a hell of a lot sicker) than us good old patriotic American folks.
Dig this right here, baby: Brujeria was nominated for "Best Album" at
the Latin Billboard Awards this year! The other nominees were shit like
Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera. I'll let you guess if Brujeria won...
Nope, much to no one's surprise, they didn't. But they should have! I
highly suggest you pick up one of their albums today. If you know Spanish,
you'll be be laughing your ass off. If you don't, the music still rocks, so
buy it anyway!
I'll just close things out with some final translated thoughts from
the Narcos Satanicos themselves:
"Fucked-up wetback longhairs, steal this record!
White boys that don't understand me - you'll learn to!"
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Anal Cunt
---------
I'm suddenly reminded me of a Death Metal humorous band I used to
listen to, Anal Cunt. They had no musical talent whatsoever. The band
consisted of a drummer who couldn't keep a beat to save his life, a
horrible, out-of-tune guitarist and a guy whose growled vocals were totally
unintelligible. Their "songs" averaged about 17 seconds each, so their were
about 60 of them on each album. How they got a record contract is one of
the greatest mysteries of the 20th century. Yet, for some reason, I love
them. The only thing they ever did right was give their songs the best
titles ever. I think I'll list, oh, about 85 of them. Remember, these are
ACTUAL song titles:
1. Recycling Is Gay
2. You Are An Interior Decorator
3. Pottery's Gay
4. Your Band's In The Cut-Out Bin
5. You're Gay
6. You Look Adopted
7. Rancid Sucks (And The Clash Sucked Too)
8. You Have Goals
9. You Drive An Iroc-Z
10. You Play On A Softball Team
11. Because You're Old
12. You Sell Cologne
13. Being A Cobbler Is Dumb
14. You Live In A Houseboat
15. 311 Sucks
16. You're Old (Fuck You)
17. You Go To Art School
18. Your Best Friend Is You
19. Windchimes Are Gay
20. No, We Don't Want To Do A Split Seven Inch With Your Stupid Fucking Band
21. The Internet Is Gay
22. Ha Ha! Your Wife Left You
23. You Went To See Dishwalla And Everclear (You're Gay)
24. Technology's Gay
25. Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp
26. You're a Member of Anal Cunt
27. You (Fill In The Blank)
28. Some Songs
29. Even More Songs
30. Some More Songs
31. Face It, You're A Metal Band
32. Steroids Guy
33. Everyone In Allston Should Be Killed
34. I Noticed That You're Gay
35. You Look Divorced
36. I Hope You Get Deported
37. Mike Mahan Has Gingivitis
38. Al Stankus Is Always On The Phone With His Bookie
39. Everyone In Anal Cunt Is Dumb
40. I Just Saw The Gayest Guy On Earth
41. Johnny Violent Getting His Ass Kicked By Morrisey
42. I'm Sick Of You
43. You're A Trendy Fucking Pussy
44. Tom Arnold
45. I Got Athletes Foot Showering At Mike's
46. Big Pants, Bigger Loser
47. Marc Payson Is A Drunk
48. Your Family Is Dumb
49. You're Dumb
50. Depeche Mode Are A Bunch Of Fucking Losers
51. Everyone In The Underground Music Scene Is Stupid
52. Sweatshops Are Cool
53. I Made Yasser Arafat Break Wind Into Your Grand-dad's Face at Knifepoint
54. Laughing While Leonard Peltier Gets Raped In Prison
55. I Intentionally Ran Over Your Dog
56. Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck
57. I Ate Your Horse
58. You Robbed A Sperm Bank Because You're A Cum Guzzling Fuck
59. I Gave Nambla Pictures Of Your Kid
60. The Only Reason Men Talk To You Is Because They Want To Get Laid, You
Stupid Cunts
61. Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really Funny
62. Dictators Are Cool
63. Dead Beat Dads Are Cool
64. I'm Really Excited About The Upcoming David Bushkin Concert
65. Being Ignorant Is Awesome
66. Extreme Noise Terror Are Afraid Of Us
67. You Rollerblading Faggot
68. I Sold Your Dog To A Chinese Restaurant
69. I Got An Office Job For The Sole Purpose Of Sexually Harrassing Women
70. Some Hits
71. Some More Hits
72. Even More Hits
73. Pepe, The Gay Waiter
74. Living Colour Is My Favorite Black Metal Band
75. Benchpressing The Effects On Kevin Sharp's Vocals
76. "Stealing Seth's [A.C.'s singer] Ideas" The New Book By Jon Chang
77. Morbid Dead Guy
78. Don't Call Japanese Hardcore Jap Core
79. Shup Up Mike, Pt. 2
80. Breastfeeding Jim J. Bullock's Toenail Collection
81. Fore Play With A Tree Shredder
82. I Liked Earache Better When Dig Answered The Phone
83. Lives Ruined By Music
84. Still A Freshman After All These Years
85. Old Lady Across The Hall With No Life
"1 of 5 stars Outrageous., August 20, 2000
Reviewer: [56]Phyllis S. (see more about me) from Midwest USA
I can't believe that trash like this gets released on nationally-distributed
record labels. "Explicit lyrics" is several hundred thousand times too mild
a term to describe the work of this "band." Not only is it all-too-clear
that the members have absolutely no musical talent, their lyrics are
obviously the rantings of a depraved and seriously disturbed mind. This is a
prime example of how people are getting away with calling anything "music"
or "art" nowadays. It is offensive and disgusting, and should not be
allowed to be sold anywhere. No one with taste should even consider a band
with a name like this, much less on the basis of their 'art.'
"1 of 5 stars The Worlds Worst Band, February 4, 2001
Reviewer: [53]lost-and-hopeless (see more about me) from Chicago
This is an utter discrace to music, art, humanity, and most of all,
common decency. I dont know how anyone could ever sit down, and write a
song called "Ha! Ha! Your Wife Left You!", "You Got Date Raped", "Jack
Kevorkian Is Cool" or other sick, disturbing, disgusting material such as
this. These guys make Cannibal Corpse look like Led Zepplin, thats how bad
they are. Take fuzzy, stoner rock, make it even more staticy, add horrible
awful morbid death metal vocals, and homophobic, racist, sexist,
anti-semetic, sadistic, pro-child abuse, pro-drugs, and pro-death lyrics.
These guy's mothers obviously didnt love them very much. The previous
reviewer is definitely right about the "Parental Advisory" stickers being
waaaay too tame for this. I cannot belive a record company would allow such
filth. I mean, I dont belive in censorship at all, but i do belive in
common respect for your fellow human. I am surprised that Amazon would even
carry this. This band needs to be broken up. If you have any respect for
human life, please don't promote this in any way."
"1 of 5 stars It couldn't get any worse!, June 26, 2000
Reviewer: [52]the_wickerman (see more about me) from Austin,TX
What? No bad reviews? I'm shocked! I'd like to honestly say that this
is the absolute worst band I have ever heard in my life! It's horrible, I
can't believe these albums by this band were ever even made! By comparison,
Cannibal Corpse sounds like the best band of all time! "
"1 of 5 stars Waste of Carbon, November 28, 2000
Reviewer: [39]kingkorn (see more about me) from [40]Bellingham
The "Music" on this CD Is Absolutely a Waste. The plastic its recorded
on is priceless compared to what is recorded on it."
"5 of 5 stars So funny I can't stand it., July 19, 1998
Reviewer: A music fan from [53]Fresno, CA
The music sounds kind of like a junkyard being pushed off a cliff, but it
actually grows on you."
**Anal Cunt Discography**
-------------------------
"Morbid Florist"
"Top 40 Hits" (actually, there are _42 of them!)
"Another 40 Reasons to Hate Us"
"It Just Gets Worse"
"I Like It When You Die"
I know you never will, but, trust me, these are actually good albums
in their own way, sort of. If you've got 15 bucks to blow, I'd buy one of
these albums. Or you could just download them from Napster before gets shut
down. That would be a much better idea. I will leave you with the lyrics
to "Technology's Gay." (all 17 seconds of it)
"How many megs of ram do you have in your computer?"
Technology's gay!!!!
"I was watching the Star Trek marathon"
Technology's gay!!!!
"Let me fax you my e-mail address"
Technology's gay!!!!
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( o.o ) (c) Anada e'zine anada327 by Pavement o
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