Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
v.O.L.V.o Issue 1
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
v . O . L . V . o i S S U E # 1
(c) 1996-1997 rECTUM cAUDA
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I T ' S H E R E ! ! !
The diskmag requires a 386 or faster to run (a 486/Pentium diskmag would be
too stupid anyway), a lot of free memory (I don't know exactly, but I
estimate about 2-3 megs of free memory), a soundcard is needed for sound (GUS
preferred). The screen resolution is 640x256x16, so a VGA register compatible
adapter is required (I don't know what all that "register compatible adapter"
means, but everyone else writes that, so why not...)
W E K N E W Y O U ' D A L W A Y S W A N T E D I T ! ! !
If you want to contact us, our usual fan-mail adress is: rc@countzero.bbs.no.
We want specially articles with serious content, and also Imphobia-flames are
very welcome.
Y O U L O V E T H E S E P E R S O N S :
CODING BY: DeluxepaintYO/rECTUM cAUDA
MUSIC BY: Pothead PixieYO/Beam
GRAPHICS BY: DeluxepaintYO/rECTUM cAUDA
Compiled with Watcom C++ 10.6YO (with 10.0 libraries), code edited in Norton
Commander text-editorYO. Most articles written also with the NC editorYO (at
least edited with NCEdit-YO). Music tracked with FastTracker 2YO. Graphics
painted in Deluxepaint 2YO.
Thanks,
in case of trouble, email rc@countzero.bbs.no
irc #daskmig (/msg DPaintYO)
bbs +47 55122962 (msg to Deluxepaint)
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
I saw a conversion by StG/Index
of the popular game AtomZ. This
really shows a cool attitude towards
public domain games on the PC, as I
have mostly seen only poorly written
American game which clones Breakout,
Tetris etc..
Most Amiga PD-games are very well
written, with cool music, cool
graphics, and with quick and fun
action. Usually very cool every
time. But on the PC, this is a VERY
sad story. I saw the a preview of
TwinTris to be released on PC (yet
released at Assembly'93). This game
was in my opinion the best game ever
on the Amiga. Why could not
Metazor/Avalanche finish off his
conversion? At least it was
certainly not bad written, and since
the game worked very well, why could
he not just finish it? Since it came
all the way from Finland to many
boards here in Norway, I guess not
only me liked that game on the Amiga.
Also, many of the games on the
Amiga very conversion from
C64-classics, or were clones with the
same plots as old C64-games. On the
PC I have seen very few of that type
of games.
Is it some weird ideas from
scene- coders that gaming is lame,
and that sort of stuff? A game made
by a scene- member is usually very
cool. And if the game is made by the
entire group, which means music from
a real musician (and not lame music
by a coder), and graphics by a
graphician (and not lame graphics by
a coder), then the game can be really
cool if it has a cool plot and it is
easy to play.
Most groups make demos to get
fame and that sort of stuff. Making
a game (preferably a COOL game), will
let them gain even MORE fame, if it
just gets spread in the correct
channels. A conflict here, may be
that the demo- coders don't want the
fame from those they consider
'game-lamers'. Again, bad attitude.
Everyone likes playing games, it
just depends on the game. When the
games are small and cool, even more
people like them! If you play
Twintris, and then a poor
tetris-clone, you will discover that
TwinTris is a game you never get
tired of, while the poor Tetris-clone
really sucks after a few hours (if
not after the first minutes). That
is because Twintris is so well made,
and the other tetris- game is not.
So all coders out there, please
make some games. Check out some cool
Amiga- games, and convert them to PC!
- Turboraketti
- Defender/Cybernetix
- Live and let die (not PD)
- Tractor Beam
- Pod
I don't want to run
Amiga-emulator, just to play a few
cool games, when I have a PC (which
apparently only is able to run Duke
Nukem 3D).
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Get a touch with us:
E-mail: rc@countzero.bbs.no
Volvo BBS: +47 55122962
Snail: Elgens Venner
Bakketoppen 2
N-1414 Bergen
Sweden
(uh, the smail won't work, but if you
insist upon contacting us, do it by
email or BBS.. and if you do not have
e-mail, you can get yourself a free
one at that BBS).
Die kleinen Leute von Schwabeedoo
Vor langer, langer Zeit lebten
sehr kleine Leute auf der Erde. die
meisten lebten im Dorf Schwabeedoo
und nannten sich Schwabeedoodahs.
Sie waren gluecklich, hatten immer
ein Laecheln auf dem Gesicht und
gruessten einander herzlich.
Die Schwabeedoodahs liebten es
besonders einander warme, weiche
Pelzchen zu schenken. Ein jeder trug
ueber seiner Schulter einen Beutel,
gefuellt mit weichen Pelzchen. Sooft
sich Schwabeedoodahs trafen, gab der
eine dem anderen ein Pelzchen. Damit
sagte er dem anderen: "Ich finde es
schoen, dass wir uns begegnet sich,
ich mag dich". - Es war auch schoen
selbst ein solches Pelzchen zu
bekommen. Wen man spuerte, wie warm
und weich es ist, war vieles
Unfreundliche vergessen und man
fuehlte sich anerkannt und
geschaetzt. Ausserhalb des Dorfes,
in einer kalten, dunklen Hoehle,
wohnte ein grosser, gruener Kobold.
Er fuehlte sich sehr einsam.
Manchmal sass er stundenlang
truebsinnig vor seiner Hoehle und
starrte aufs Dorf hinunter. Aber er
wollte nicht dort wohnen, auch nicht
warme, weiche Pelzchen austauschen.
Das hielt er fuer einen grossen
Unsinn.
Einmal, als er seine Einsamkeit
nicht mehr ertragen konnte, machte er
sich auf den Weg ins Dorf. Der erste
Schwabedoodah, der ihm begegnete,
gruesste ihn freundlich und sagte:
"Ist heute nicht ein schoener Tag?
Hier, nimm dieses Pelzchen. Ich habe
es fuer dich aufbewahrt, weil man
dich so selten sieht". Im ersten
Moment wusste der Kobold nicht, wie
er sich verhalten sollte. Sollte er
es annehmen? - Doch schon regten
sich giftige Gedanken in seinem Kopf.
Er schaute sich um, ob ihnen niemand
zuhoere. Dann legte er den Arm um
den kleinen Schwabeedoodah und
fluesterte ihm ins Ohr: "Hoer zu,
weisst du denn nicht, dass dir die
Pelzchen bald ausgehen, wenn du sie
alle weggibst? Schau, jetzt ist dein
Saeckchen noch halb voll - bald ist
es leer!" - Er bemerkte einen
erstaunten Blick und Furcht im
Gesicht des kleinen Mannes und fuhr
fort. "Sei lieber vorischtig mit dem
Verschenken!"
Der Kobold lies den verdutzten
kleinen Mann stehen und tappte auf
seinen grossen Fuessen davon.
Eigentlich wusste er ganz genau, dass
die kleinen Leute einen
unerschoepflichen Vorrat an Pelzchen
hatten. Denn gab man eines weg,
bekam man sofort wieder eines
geschenkt, so, dass einem sein ganzes
Leben lang die Pelzchen niemals
ausgehen konnten. Aber damit wollte
sich der Kobold nicht abfinden.
Seine giftigen Gedanken waren:
Sollte es in Schwabeedoo nicht gleich
sein wi ueberall auf der Welt: dass
letztlich jeder nur an sich selber
denkt und fuer sich selber sorgt?
Der kleine Schwabeedoodah verhielt
sich bald wie der Kobold vermutet
hatte. Er nahm keine Pelzchen mehr
und gab keine mehr. Er empfahl
vielmehr jedem, auf seinen Vorrat zu
achten. Eine heimliche Furcht machte
sich im dorf breit und man hoerte
bald ueberall: "Tut mir leid, ich
habe kein Pelzchen fuer dich, ich
muss aufpassen, dass sie mir selber
nicht ausgehen." Die Schwabeedoodahs
begannen einander misstrauisch zu
beobachten. Sie wurden neidisch
aufeinander, stritten sich darueber,
wer die meisten Pelzchen hatte, die
Saeckchen wurden fest zugeschnuert,
jeder hatte Angst, dass die Pelzchen
gestohlen wuerden, und tatsaechlich
gab es Faelle von Raub. Der
Buergermeister rief die Pelzchen als
Zahlungsmittel aus. Habgier und Geiz
machten sich breit, und es gab immer
mehr boesen Streit. Das Schlimmste
war, dass mit der Gesundheit der
kleinen Leute etwas nicht mehr
stimmte. Die einen fuehlten sich
stets erschoepft, andere klagten
ueber Schmerzen in Schulten und
Ruecken. Immer mehr Schwabeedoodahs
gingen gebueckt, sahen einander nicht
ins Gesicht, und manche starben, weil
ihnen niemand mehr ein Pelzchen
schenkte, weil niemand ihnen mehr
sagte: "Ich finde es schoen, dass
wir einander begegnet sind, ich mag
Das erschreckte den alten Kobold.
Er hatte ihnen doch blos zeigen
wollen, wie die Wirklichkeit war.
Und er ueberlegte hin und her, wie er
ihnen helfen koennte. Er erdachte
einen Plan: Tief in seiner Hoehle
hatte er eine menge schoener bunter
Steine, die herrlich funkelten. Er
entschloss sich, sie mit den
Schwabeedoodahs zu teilen, sie
koennten ein Ersatz sein, fuer diese
unsinnigen Pelzchen. Er fuellte
viele Saecke damit und nahm sie mit
ins Dorf. Die kleinen Leute nahmen
die Steine dankbar an. Jetzt hatten
sie wieder etwas zu verschenken. Es
machte aber nicht so viel Spass, denn
die Steine waren kalt und die
Pelzchen warm und freundlich. Einige
Leute begannen schliesslich wieder,
einander Pelzchen zu schenken und es
machte die Schnkenden und die
Beschenkten gluecklich. Aber
selbstverstaendlich wurde es nie
wieder. Wenige entdeckten, dass sie
einander ruhig Pelzchen verschenken
durften, ohne dass der Vorrat
ausgieng. Viele konnten es nicht
mehr, waren voller misstrauen: "Ob
es geschaetzt wird?" oder "Ein
Pelzchen? was will der von mir?" -
Die Zeiten des wunderbaren
selbstverstaendlichen Schenkens waren
vorbei - aber sie und wir alle suchen
ihre Spuren in unserem Alltag.....
v.O.L.V.o. number one
Our choice, your choice.
Most people seem to think that
Imphobia is the PC demo-scene mag
number #1. We ask "Why??". Because
Imphobia has so many interesting
articles about the scene? Or perhaps
because the Imphobia-interface never
bugs? Or... Perhaps because it is so
quick to download, and may actually
be called 'A musicdisk with some
text'?
We don't understand why.
Or maybe we do.
Just too well.
I'd rather say there are no other
alternatives where people are
concerned about what they do.
Don't get me wrong. Imphobia has
nearly no articles that catches my
interest, and Imphobia is far from
quick to download, because it has so
much music (and all tunes sound
exactly same), and in addition, it's
awful to use, because of some minor
bugs.
But I do understand why people
vote Imphobia as number 1 in Fasci-
nations Splash (Imphobia has been
ranked as number 1 since issue 1, and
Daskmig as number 2 since issue 2);
Imphobia has so MANY articles... So
fucking MANY articles about why Win95
is so fucking nice and why OS/2 is
fucking nicer. But I don't care about
that shit; I care more about the
scene, and not lame DISCUSSIONS about
design or scene-CD's.
On the other hand, it may be me
who has completely mistaken the
entire scene-concept, but I have for
sure read many Amiga-mags, and those
are certainly far from as
uninteresting to read as Imphobia,
Daskmig, partly Bad News and Yahoo
(nothing to read anyway).
Welcome to my baby.
I have gotten some help from
Anders/Proxima, ex-editor of Daskmig.
As Daskmig #9 was never released, we
have been awarded with some stuff
which was supposedly going to be
published in Daskmig #9.
We will also try to turn the
trend of that people only read
Imphobia, because they think there
are no other diskmags worth reading.
The problem is that Imphobia is not
worth reading at all.
Written by
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Excuses before we go
As this mag is not particulary
radical at all, we would just like to
excuse for the stuff that is NOT
likely to be found here (that means;
don't look for it... you won't find
it!)
First of all, we do not print
stories with extreme sexual content
(ameBs had planned a very good
diskmag, but the problem was that it
only contained charts and an enormous
amount of stories aquired from inter-
net newsgroups like alt.sex.stories,
however, I still wait this mag to be
released).
If you check the article-index in
previous Imphobias, you can also know
that most articles there are just too
crappy to be published here (you
should read the own article in this
diskmag about this :).
We do not have charts. Read
Splash instead for "reliable" charts!
Another thing to comment that we
EVENTUALLY are sorry for, is the
norwegian corner. We received an
enormous amount of stuff in norwegian
and we find most of it untranslatable
because of the more or less internal
contents, and that leads us into a
thing we are even more sorry for; all
the practical, internal jokes. But
who cares about that anyway?
Written by,
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Dette er alts noen av de norske
gruppene. Flere omtaler i neste issue
hvis nskelig.
--- INF
Gruppe som bestr av meget
kjedelige personer/personligheter.
Produksjonene er preget av vre
mainstream, og for understreke at
de faktisk ikke er i stand til lage
noe annet enn det alle andre gjr, s
kalle de dem for Mainstream 1 og 2.
Parringsrop: "Nu, har De laget
noget nytt i det siste?", med et
tildels meget overlegent Nesya-preg.
--- Index
De prver, de prver. De vil, de
vil. Men ikke faen om de fr det til.
Cortex, the liberal man himself,
lager roterende blobber som bare
faen. Fargene i produksjonene er
tildels tilfeldig sammensatt.
Parringsrop: "SVGA!!! SVGA!!!".
--- Sublogic
Ledern er en liten, tung fyr ved
navn Richard. Handlet sitt fikk han
fra en pakke tabletter som moren hans
hadde liggende, nemlig Credex.
Produksjonene er vanligvis sr-
deles stygge (jfr, rene rde/grnne/
bl/gule paletter, ofte brukt om
hverandre), og lite grafikk, og over-
dreven motion blur.
Parringsrop: "Vi sender bare
greetings til de store gruppene som
fortjener det, derfor greeter vi ikke
grupper bare fordi de er venner".
--- Proxima
Overstor lamer-gruppe som for-
vrig kun har dobbelt-members i andre
grupper. Dette f.eks Solid, tpolm,
Dr. Dyregod&Ko, Maak, Sorrox og Inf.
Han som tror han er organizer,
Anders (tidligere var han Calvin, men
stort behov for oppmerksomhet fikk
ham til g til sitt real-name) -
er en stor drittsekk som sjelden
snakker om noe annet enn seg selv og
sine.
Flere av medlemmene i Proxima
lider av store psykiske problemer,
bl.a Jaws. Den med strst psykologisk
problem, Yitzhaq, leavet for en stund
tilbake, yensynlig fordi han ble
mobbet ut.
Parringsrop: "Vi har ikke gitt ut
noe p veldig lenge, lreit, men
faen i helvete, vi er jvlig dyktige
og kvasi-kule fordet!"
--- Maak
Gruppe som gav ut noe kult fr
Moony ble kicket ut fordi han var for
lame. Forvrig er resten av folkene
like lamme (hvis ikke mer), og dermed
er det noe som skurrer et sted.
Parringsrop: "Hindurau!"
--- Solid
Moony startet Solid, og prver
seg p noe som Dr.Dyregod & Kompani
ikke greide i sommeren 1996, nemlig
sette sammen en gruppe hovedsaklig
bestende av Proxima-medlemmer. Gav
ut en demo som kom p siste plass p
The Party 6.
Parringsrop: "Vil du joine?"
--- Calamity
Main-codern, nemlig Cpix, greier
ikke linke Midas 0.5.0 i Watcom C.
Sth kan ikke en dritt, og det kan
ingen andre i Calamity heller.
Skal forresten deles opp i to
grupper n, Calamity IRC-section, og
Calamity demo-section.
--- Nocturnal
Etter at de ble regnet som Norges
desidert lameste gruppe i hele 1994,
gjennom 1995, og regnet som dde i
1996, fant man raskt ut at folkene
har gjort en liten skjerpings, og n
lager de tunneler og roterende 3d-
blobber. Pluss at Erlend elsker
rotere objekter rundt og rundt.
--- The Lost Souls
Anonym gruppe som sjelden beveger
seg utenfor Trndelags grenser. Der
sitter de, og der holder de seg. De
har vrt utenfor den grensen en gang,
og det var under The Gathering'96.
Men de har ikke gjort seg synlige p
de 'kule' partyene, som Bush og
Fudge.
--- Spin
Lederen er verdens strste lamer.
Det blir fremdeles snakket om ham i
internasjonale demonettverk om hvor
totalt blst han var da han var aktiv
(n gr han p skole). Han var
ekstremt stolt over sin EU-motstand
tilbake i 1994, og han hadde ikke noe
imot gjre forsk p henge ut de
bedre coderne i Norge p den tiden,
nettopp fordi de var imot EU.
Dessverre var det ganske f som var
begeistret for hans ekstreme person-
lighet, og da han ble kicket ut av
Proxima i Mai 1995, skiftet han
handle til Gloom og har holdt seg
stille siden da.
Spin er et ganske ddt konsept,
men de har hatt et diskmag p gang
siden frste dag Spin ble stiftet.
Gloom skal en gang ha uttalt at: "Jeg
kommer ALDRI til like Daskmig".
Forvrig uten noen dypere gjennomgang
av det utsagnet, lar vi det st som
det er, og nevner at noe av det siste
han uttalte seg som medlem av
Proxima, var at hvis HAN bestemte, s
skulle Jaws aldri f joine Proxima!
Fuckings to Imphobia
I would like to start off this
article with a few hellos and
greetings to a few people and groups.
Fuckings to those who like it.
Fuckings to those who think
Imphobia is the only diskmag on the
PC-scene.
Fuckings to the stupid voters in
the lame Imphobia charts.
Fuckings to the people writing
all that bullshit in Imphobia and
then feeling they have done some-
thing extraordinary for the scene.
The undeniable fact is, Imphobia
is, compared to the worst mags on the
Amiga-scene, extremely lame and
uninteresting. Imphobia has the most
boring music, the most boring
collection of articles and literature,
almost nothing of it really related
to the demo-scene.
Of course, I am quite unreason-
able now. There is a lot of stuff
about "Animations in demos", "Design"
and of course all those "I read this
in the last Imphobia, let me please
tell you again what he said... bla
bla bla... And all I can say is that
I agree completely".
What is the use of that sort of
articles? As if we haven't read them
once already!!
There is also one common thing
about most articles that annoys me
deeply. It seems as if every fucking
article must be as long as possible,
and therefore, a lot of bullshit is
added just to make the articles
longer. In my opinion, this just
makes the articles more boring to
read, and it takes away the climaxes.
There is another thing I also
dislike about Imphobia, but I which I
don't blame them for, is the "love
and friendship above all"-stuff. Love
and friendship is quite boring in
the end.
The charts.
All right, I admit I am quite
impressed of the amount of voters in
Imphobia. But when I take a closer
look, I am even more impressed to see
how many people there are from
countries that I had believed were
still in shock of how cool Second
Reality IS! Enough about that. Charts
are charts, and they shouldn't be
complained upon, so I won't.
Let's move on to the music-part.
Imphobia 12 had about 1meg of music.
Imphobia 11 had about 800k of music.
Imphobia 10 had about 800k of music.
Imphobia 9 had about 1.1meg of music.
Imphobia 8 had about 800k of music.
Now what is the point of that?
Approximately a quarter of the
archive space is music, and that
makes about 500k. This could have, in
my opinion, have been shortened to
the half. Imphobia this way, turns
more into a musicdisk (if you're
interested in listening to the music,
you shouldn't read Imphobia in the
first place).
Happy Imphobia-loving,
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
The language in this magazine
will of course be in a proper
english, but precautions should be
taken about 'external' writers, who
may not be as good as the 'real
staff' in their written english
language. Remember that none of us
are older than 14 and 15 years, so we
haven't learnt english in our schools
for too long time, yet.
Cursing is, in our opinion, an
important literary tool to stress
important factors of a text. In that
conjunction, a lot of cursing and
flaming may (and certainly will)
occur in this magazine. If you don't
like that, please write us an article
about politeness.
When it comes to languistic
problems, as of for example
interpreting OUR way of irony, or
OUR way of sarcasm, it is all left up
to you, as the reader, to get an
overall impression from the articles.
People should be aware of that jokes
in Norwegian may not be translated
without losing it's original meaning,
but still, by actually translating
the plot, another plot may actually
be added.
An example of this, is the
obvious fact of "the one who gets
first to the mill, is the one who
first gets painted" (taken from
"The Julekalender", a famous Danish
TV-series which has been converted to
Norwegian TV). I guess it seems
completely stupid to most English,
but in Norwegian, it is also so
stupid, but it's stupidity also adds
another point (ask your nearest
Norwegian if an explanation of this
is wished for).
Happy reading,
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Dette er alts siste artikkelen.
Ok husk,
dette er et ddsbra magasin,
som viser anton
sitt
intellekt
v.O.L.V.o Issue #1 (c) rECTUM cAUDA
/center
<none>
<none>
--- Editorial stuff ---
/center
<none>
Editorial
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
EDITORIA.ART
Kru
v.O.L.V.o-staff
STAFF.ART
Language [la:ngi'dsj]
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
LANGUAGE.ART
Excuses before we start
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
EXCUSES.ART
Get a touch with us
-
CONTACT.ART
<none>
<none>
--- Scene ---
/center
<none>
Respects and all that
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
RESPECT.ART
Musicians and their diskmag-relations
Welti/Enigma
MUSICIAN.ART
Fuckings to Imphobia [1]
Knut/rECTUM cAUDA
IMPHFUCK.ART
Fuckings to Imphobia [2]
Anonymous
IMPHFUC2.ART
<none>
--- The stuff about creativity ---
/center
<none>
Graphics availability
Sausage/Dureks
SAUS.ART
Graphics available
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
NOGFX.ART
Amiga game conversions
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
AMIGAGA.ART
Piffi's Corner CrnerKick!
Piffi/rECTUM cAUDA
VOLVPIF3.ART
READ SHOCKING NEWS! ASCII-BLASTER!
lpner/rECTUM cAUDA
ASCII.ART
<none>
--- rECTUM cAUDA ---
/center
<none>
What is roaching anyway?
Kugalskap/rECTUM cAUDA
ROACHING.ART
rECTUM cAUDA rocking spider!
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
SPIDER.ART
rECTUM cAUDA unofficial memberlist
-
RCMEMBE.ART
Sand trilogy nostalgia
Piffi/rECTUM cAUDA
VOLVPIF4.ART
<none>
<none>
--- Life ---
/center
<none>
Moonshine tips
Makka Yver/Dureks
VOLVO1.ART
Die kleinen Leuten von Schwabeedoo
?
DEUTSCH.ART
History of Torture
Makka Yver/Dureks
TORTURE.ART
Mark goes on with his yo
TaNNKReMSPiSeR/rECTUM cAUDA
STORY.ART
Why is it so fun...
Frosty/THC
ARTIKKEL.ART
Spider
Saus/Dureks
SPIDSAUS.ART
The story about LaTex, Maxwel, etc...
Stangselleri/rECTUM cAUDA
MAXWEL.ART
Why Erlend/Nocturnal sucks
Kong-Hockey/rECTUM cAUDA
ERLEND.ART
<none>
--- NORSK HJRNE ---
/center
<none>
Norsk editorial
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
NEDITOR.ART
Norske demogrupper-review
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
GRUPPER.ART
Fantasie uber release-Daten
Piffi/rECTUM Cauda
VOLVPIF2.ART
Anal-plantasjer
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
PLANTASJ.ART
Tonstadparty'96 rapport
Kezoomer/The Lost Souls
PARTY.ART
The Party'96 party rapport
Anders/Proxima
PARTY6N.ART
v.O.L.V.o hack-attempt! (and more)
Piffi/rECTUM Cauda
VOLVPIF1.ART
Flgehistorie I
(diverse norske scenere)
STORY1.ART
Flgehistorie II
(diverse norske scenere)
STORY2.ART
Fusion suger
Anonym
FUSION.ART
Captain Spiff har et par ord si
Captain Spiff
CPSVOL1.ART
<none>
--- GOOD BYE ---
/center
<none>
Last article
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
LASTONE.ART
What to see in the next issue.
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
NEXTISSU.ART
Greetings!
GREETING.ART
<none>
<none>
<none>
<none>
<none>
<none>
<none>
<none>
Why a diskmag? A musicians view of
diskmags...
Hi guys!
I'm here typing some nonsense for
the nice Diskmag called "Daskmig"
(quite a weird name :).
It is obviously much more fun to
read a diskmag, than to write an
article for it. Well, what am I
saying here? I'm actually writing an
article right now! .. and it's quite
funny. So it's the usual asskick we
scene people need to do something,
then it becomes fun!!! But it's much
easier for me to load a tracker than
to load a text editor (it's quite
confusing that what I'm typing here
is so unmelodic... when typing the
same thing in a tracker, it sounds
terrible, I always hear this in my
mind..
AH! I got the solution: I just
have to think I'm editing the sample
texts!
Now it works better!
Principially, I think 10 times
"Let me contribute a piece of music
for this diskmag" before I think "Let
me write an article for this
diskmag". I'm wondering if all
musicians think the same way? In
this case diskmag editors have a hard
job; they get far too many songs and
never enough articles; and if they
get articles, those are like this
one! I'm wondering if you editors
sometimes think "I should cancel the
diskmag and make a musicdisk
instead!"
Why do we musicians act this way?
Well, I think that's easy. I
really like it more to read or write
music than to read or write text.
Indeed, I think music is a sort of
international language which every-
body understands, which carries
emotions instead of information. And
this is something which is very often
difficult to put into plain text. So
think of that when hearing the musics
in this diskmag!
Welti / Enigma
Graphics available
Just a quick note for those who
may wonder, this diskmag will NEVER
contain any articles concerning
painting-techniques, shading-
techniques, nor any sites to
find graphic-material.
Sausage/Dureks who wrote that
GFX-article, is most likely just
completely stupid and can't draw at
all (and will, as Shagrat/Tundra,
convert to be a coder instead).
And while we're at it, you should
not expect anything about music
theory, tracking techniques, reviews
of different trackers ("Trackers
compared") nor anything like that.
The same goes for coding. No
"phong"-tutorials, no "How to 3D your
pixels", and no nothing about
specific coding.
But what you may find, are among
other things:
- Shit-throwing to GFX2 and
Deluxepaint.
- Flaming poor graphicians (of
course with full name and e:mail)
- Comments on graphics-compos
during parties.
- Shit-throwing to ST3, IT, VS
(specially the commercial shit of a
program Velvet Studio really is), FT2
and all those stupid trackers with a
different format.
- Flaming poor musicians who dare
to release their ugly modules.
- Comments on music-compos during
parties.
If anyone are still yet to write
any such articles described here, is
not known yet. Certainly not in this
issue, but this is just a guideline
for what to expect from a staff like
the v.O.L.V.o one.
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Partyrapport
Kezoomer / The Lost Souls
Jepp, den 18-20 var det da nok en
gang duket for Trondheimsnerdenes
store happening (stor? joda... tatt
forholdene i betraktning), nemlig
Tonstadparty '96.
Datoen ble vel fastsatt i siste
liten, saa da vi endelig fikk den
bekreftet satte vi sporenstreks i
gang med aa lage en slags demo. Vi
maa jo nesten det, for det er ikke
allverdens kjempeantall demoer som
blir levert paa slike smaa party.
Etter 14 dager med intenst arbeid
for aa faa klint ihop noe som er okei
nok, begynte pulsen aa bli hoey. Hva
i all verden skal vi egentlig putte
inn i demoen for aa faa den saann
nogenlunde lang? Njasj. Etter litt
smaakrangling om billige triks, fikk
vi da demoen saavidt over 2 minutter
i lengde, og var storlig fornoeyde.
Siden jeg holdt paa med musikken til
demoen, var jeg lykkelig uvitende om
at jeg hadde glemt aa lage noe til
musikkcompoen.
Da vi ankom partyet i 8-9-tida
fredag kveld ble vi moett av noe som
skulle vise seg aa bli ett sant
helvete partyet igjennom, nemlig en
liten raring som pumpet daarlig
techno gjennom en overdimensjonert
sub, kalt Rufus. Slike vanvittige
lydanlegg er forsaavidt akseptabelt
paa store parties, f.eks The
Gathering, men ikke naar man har bare
ca. 2 og en halv meter under taket.
Tydelig uforstaaende over de mange
hint han fikk, fortsatte han aa
sjarmere fjortisjentene (som det var
fryktelig mange av... "Hihi.. Ae
byinne naa aa bli foill ae!) i senk
med decibeluhyret sitt. Og etterpaa
gikk de ut og smukroekte der mamma og
pappa ikke kunne se dem. Morsomt.
Neste sjokk: Vi observerte strax
en liten fant som satt med en Compaq
Presario og spilte Quake...
Herregud, ikke si det, tenkte vi, men
fortsatte vaar soeken etter
kjentfolk. Joda, Logical var der,
Depth var der... Ghoul / Xenon ble
observert, likeledes en smilende Mike
X, samt Hoaxers, Deckers Union og
flere. Joda. Dette kunne bli no',
selv om quakenettverket var paa et
langt framskredet stadium.
Paa loerdag var demoen saa godt
som ferdig, og klar for testing.
foerste test... Virket ikke... Ikke
andre, eller tredje heller. Faen.
Hva er dette da? Ok, fjerde virket.
Femte ogsaa. Joda... dette kan gaa
bra. Vi satset paa det, og slo oss
til ro...
ARGH!!! Musikkcompo!!! Deadline
om 2 timer! Det hadde jeg rent
glemt, og satte meg ned ved Pc'en for
aa koke i hop noe. Jeg fant fram ett
uferdig prosjekt, lagde en slutt og
fikk levert i siste liten. Kunne det
bli bra nok. Nei, jeg trodde ikke
det. Det var saa mange som hadde
levert, og slutten min var tvilsom,
saa jeg forkastet allerede da tanken
paa at det kunne bli en nogenlunde
bra plassering.
Jepp... Demoen ble levert...
testet paa compomaskina... Virket
ikke! Argh!!! Gode raad var dyre,
men etter intens fikling virket den
ikke. Organizerne la godviljen til,
og lot oss faktisk bruke Cyberfish si
maskin... Men... Virket TV-coderen?
Nei... ikke med 16bits farge nei.
Flere gode raadyr, men TiLT /
Medieval Future laante oss en
17tommer... Mange takk.
Compoene ble utsatt en time...
(Var det paa grunn av oss? :))
Musikkcompoen var artig. Masse
romlebass og artig lyd... (Jeg telte
8 10-tommere) Ikke bra. All technoen
hoertes forbasket proff ut... Dette
gikk ikke veien tenkte jeg, og ba en
stille boenn om at organizerne ikke
fadet ut laata mi foer den var slutt.
Joda... De fadet, men etter litt
roping stoppet de fadinga... en
stund... Og saa fadet de bort
akkurat da slutt-klimaxet kom...
jaja...
4k - morsomt.
Etter at democompoen var
ferdigspilt, og alt gikk knirkefritt,
saa vi ikke mer enn EN reell
konkurrent... paa Amiga... Fysjom...
Amiga og PC var nemlig slaatt sammen,
men det gjorde ikke noe... Ellers
hadde det blitt saa faa i hver...
Det var vel 6 demoer tilsammen tror
jeg.
Bidragene til Grafikkcompoen var
el stinko, nok om det.
Bidragene til surprize-compoen, 2
stk, var morsomme nok, og hadde jeg
hatt en amiga, hadde jeg kommet til
og spilt Strit Faiter den dag i
dag... Det saa jo dritmorsomt ut...
:)
Alle compoene ferdig, saa er det
den fordoemte ventinga paa at
stemmeopptellinga skal bli ferdig. I
mellomtida mistet jeg og Cyberfish
vaar amiga-moeydom... Vi klarte
faktisk aa se paa et par demoer, noen
bilder, og hoere paa noen moduler!
Ai ai...
Ca. klokka 1/2 8 var det
kunngjoering av resultater... Og
vinner av democompoen er... TLS...
Jepp. Det var jo fint! :) Gavekort
paa 1000 spenn paa Ram&Rom! Ai ai...
De skulle faa bein aa gaa paa... :)
Musikkcompoen... Jeg var
kjempespent, helt til en av
organizerne sukket og sa "Og saa var
det han derre Kezoomer igjen da... "
Jippi!!! :) Enda 500 spenn i
TLS-kassa!
Demoen som kom paa 2. plass...
O'SKAM! Fy, at det gaar an aa stemme
paa saant... :(
Da vi kjoerte hjem var vi enige
om at dette var det vaerste
lamerpartyet noensinne, og at vi kom
til aa delta neste gang ogsaa! :)
Kezoomer / TLS
BTW: Er det ikke rart hvor LATE
folk er? ca. halvparten av bidragene
i musikkcompoen fikk ingen stemmer i
det hele tatt. Er folk saa late at
de ikke gidder aa stemme paa seg
sjoel, eller innser de at andre er
bedre?
The Party'96 Party rapport
av nordmenn for nordmenn
De fleste av oss tok den dyre
Proxima-bussen (ogs kjent som
Contraz-bussen, Sorrox-Proxima-
bussen, Sorrox-bussen, Bussen-med-
Anders, etc...), og da frer ogs
dette til at konklusjonen er at de
fleste ogs tok den fergen. Forvrig
var det flere som IKKE var p bussen
som tok den fergen, f.eks Erlend/
Nocturnal, Lone Wolf/Nocturnal,
Bounty/Proxima og Infinite/Ignorance.
Men poenget er, p bten hadde vi det
ganske flott. Ihvertfall til jeg
(Anders/Proxima) fikk beskjed om
komme til resepsjonen. Men det var
helt p slutten, s man kan likevel
si at btturen var fet. Grunnen til
at jeg skulle komme til resepsjonen,
var at jeg var satt opp som
gruppeleder for en gjeng med 42
ungdommer som skulle til Danmark.
Selve problemet l i at det var mange
av disse som var under 18 r, og det
var ogs mange av disse som var
'beruset' (som mannen jeg snakket med
sa det s fint); og det var det jeg
fikk hre. Folkene vre hadde lpt
og banket p lugar-drene og det var
masse brk generelt, og han hadde
aldri ftt s mange klager p en gang
fr. Jeg, som ikke var helt edru
selv, svarte s godt som jeg kunne at
jeg dessverre var meget lei for
dette, og at jeg skulle snakke med
dem og snt.
P den annen side, dette var bare
morsomt. Litt kjeft skader ingen, og
i lengden, lrer man vel av det.
Slarty spydde noe jvlig p
fergekaien, siden det var frste
gangen han drakk p fergen. Det
siste jeg gjorde fr jeg gikk ut av
fergen, var sjekke om noen hadde
glemt noe, og det var det jo
selvsagt. Jeg fant en jakke, som
tilhrte en eller annen dude jeg ikke
husker, og en pose med 12 l oppi.
Forvrig var det ingen som savnet
posen med l, s den tok jeg og
Jisemdu og delte ut p bussen til dem
som hadde behov for mer drikke (det
var mange som trodde de hadde behov,
men ikke s mange som hadde godt av
drikke mer. F.eks en som het Urban,
eller en som het Moony (han sluknet
bra like fr vi kom i land :).
Uansett, en kort busstur videre
til hallen, og alle var glade, for vi
hadde nemlig ventet at vi mtte
betale mangfoldige flere hundre
kroner for komme inn tidligere
(ettersom vi var der 9 timer fr de
pnet). Men neida, det gikk ganske
greit. Rett inn for 250,- (p TG i
r vil det koste 300,-. Spinndyrt,
men vi hper at det blir mindre
kommerst av den grunn!).
Dette var siste gang folket var
samlet, ettersom folk delte seg
ganske kraftig opp, 2 grupper satt i
'hovedhallen'. TMK/Inf, White
Water/INF (som mtte dra hjem dagen
fr det sluttet fordi han ble syk),
Kravitz/SubLogic og Zilva/Sorrox satt
i hall nummer 2 og spilte spill hele
tiden, og resten, dvs Proxima, Dr.
Dyregod, Maak, Solid, Nocturnal,
Beam, Ignorance (etc...) satt i hall
nummer 3. Hall nummer 3, som
egentlig var avsatt som sovehall, var
ganske stor og lys. Det var god
plass til alt utstyret (i motsetning
til dem som satt i hall nummer 1, der
var det JVLIG trangt! I hall 2 var
det mindre trangt. Rundt oss i hall
3 hadde vi masse tomme bord).
Samme natten vi kom fram, fikk
vi Lone Wolf til kjre Jisemdu og
meg til sentrum av Aars for se om
det var plass p hotellet, slik at vi
fikk sove skikkelig. Men det var
stengt overalt. Vi kjrte skuffet
tilbake, og s sovnet vi. vi var
tidlig oppe og gjorde oss kjent i
hall-komplekset etter vi (dvs,
Jisemdu og jeg) stod opp senere p
morgenen. Hvis vi gikk ut fra hall
1, kom vi ut i et lite rom, som ledet
ut, og det var der resepsjonen var.
Mot hyre der, var det en restaurant,
som forvrig hadde *billig* mat og
drikke (frste gang jeg har opplevd
det p et dataparty... Hper den
trenden med billig mat fortsetter).
Vi hadde masse l igjen fra fergen,
og noe senere p formiddagen begynte
vi drikke. Etc etc...
Om kvelden stakk vi til sentrum,
og der traff vi mange finner og
svensker som ogs var ute. Det var
merkelig lite dansker ute. Kanskje
de ikke pleier g p byn?
Uansett, jeg ble drlig, og gikk
tilbake senere den kvelden, og vknet
opp morgenen etterp.
Slik gikk ogs dag nummer 2, og
p dag nummer 3, dro vi hjem igjen
etter democompoen.
(Det skjedde ganske mye ute p byn
den andre dagen, men n er jeg s lei
av skrive, s det fr vi ta en
annen dag).
Anders/Proxima
Analplantasje i Stavanger
Written by Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Jeg vil gjerne starte denne
artikkelen ved sende hilsener til
vre gode kolleger i rECTUM cAUDA
Stavanger, og ved dette vil jeg ogs
minne alle p at det er herfra de
feteste rC-produksjonene kommer fra!
Men ikke nok med det, de har ogs
satt i gang den strste anal-
plantasjen i hele Scandinavia.
Det hele begynte i 1972, da feno-
menet "rau" oppstod i de homofile
kretser i Stavanger. Dette spredte
seg raskt til sm, nrliggende byer
p Vestlandet, og det fantastiske
"rau"-fenomenet ble tatt godt imot
hos alle. Grunnen var at "rau" hadde
en naturlig appeal hos de fleste, og
det var lett ta opp og tilpasse et
slikt fenomen til sin lokale kultur.
Det Store Gjennombrudd (DSG)
skjedde p en ferge (en Color-line
sdan), like utenfor den norske kyst,
da et aldeles overopphetet individ
plutselig tok for seg en kafe-stolpe,
og fikk et moment of clarity; "ANAL!
Han e' av tre!". Ut fra denne fergen
spredte dette uttrykket seg over hele
verden, og de 5 magiske ordene har
blitt tatt p alvor, og tatt opp i de
fleste sprk rundt i verden, unntatt
p finsk, hvor man der sier "ANAALIT!
VOI PEEKAN ON METS!". DSG ble senere
p denne fergeturen et slagord, og er
n det offisielle mottoet hos de
aktuelle plantasje-eierne i
Stavanger.
Men la oss n fokusere p disse
tildels meget populre anal-
plantasjene i Stavanger. Hele
konseptet er basert p goodwill og
gratitude fra DSG-fans og roach-
misbrukere over hele verden! Daglig
blir det arrangert bussturer fra
nrmiljet, og ferger (Color-lines
sdan) kommer fra England fullspekket
med ivrige turister for beskue
dette besynderlige fenomenet.
Written by the ultimate dou:
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
sTOR hAMZTER/rECTUM cAUDA
Where did the respect go?
Nowadays, most gamers lack the
respect for demo-coders that ruled
the gamers a long time ago on the C64
and Amiga platform. The reason?
First, most of them may not know what
a demo is, but more important, demo-
coders do not impress any one on the
PC anymore. Huge, semi-realistic
CD-ROM games makes a 2mb demo with
excellent handdrawn graphics look
like a bad try to clone the intro
of one of the games nowadays.
Again, few democoders respectsn't
these huge games, and a conflict
between the games and the sceners
occours. Still, the scene stays
alive, but few people join the PC
scene nowadays, as so few really see
what the point is with the scene.
The very few people who see this
development, are the organizers of
the biggest demoparties (The
Gathering'97 is a VERY good example),
and therefore they make their rules
thereafter, with rules designed
specially to attract Win95-gamers to
download and watch demos, and then
become interested in the scene, and
then join the scene, and the scene
will still grow.
But the values these 'new'
sceners will bring to scene will to
many be very stupid. They are based
on lack of respect of creativity,
lack of respect for old sceners
(those who know what the scene really
was once back).
At least this is the situation in
Norway, and the future seems very
dull, because more and more unknown,
untalented, game-playing 'sceners'
are popping up all the time. And this
makes me want to greet the following
people; Afro, LaTex, Cortex, Jaz(z),
Silver and all the other Spacebars.
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
O.K. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
ROACHING BOLLOX ANYWAY?
Answer: roaching is a homo sex game,
which is quite popular in the more
extreme gay circles. It is quite
simply done by the one fag shoving a
tube appx 10-25 cm wide up his
partners ass -hole. Now a hamster is
stuffed into the tube. The hamster
will by instinct move forward in the
tube, resulting in supposedly
cataclysmic orgasms for the client
(the author is not talking out of
experience).
Roaching is really just a harmless
sex game, perhaps except for the
hamster, which gets caked with shit.
There is just one major catch about
roaching: it can at times be lethal.
This because the continous
decontraction of the anus results in
the homo being unable to retain his
digestive gases, some of which are
extremely flameable, notably methane.
The large amounts of flameable gases
make the queer higly explosive.
Therefore it is advised to refrain
from smoking while you are roaching.
Cases have been reported of poor
homos getting their bum (and the
hamster) blown to tiny little pieces.
FIVE RULES OF THUMB FOR SAFE AND
PLEASANT ROACHING:
1: DO NOT roach after eating mexican
food or raw onions. Cruelty to
animals is a federal offense.
2: DO NOT attempt to roach while
smoking, welding, using
flamethrowers, lighting candles,
flaming steak au poivre or using
open flame in any way. Do not
roach outdoors during
thunderstorms. Do not roach in
fusion reactors while they are
igniting. IMPORTANT: IF THESE
RULES ARE NOT COMPLIED TO THE
INTEGRITY OF YOUR ASSHOLE CAN BE
SEVERELY VIOLATED.
3: DO NOT use a condom on the
hamster. Hamsters do not carry
any veneral diseases contagious to
humans, and the hamster WILL
suffocate. Cruelty to animals is
a federal offense.
4: Try to keep your hamster clean
and neat after each roaching
session. Do not roach a hamster
more than 3 times in a row unless
it is given proper breaks,
otherwise it may die from methane
intoxication! Look after your
hamster properly, and it will give
you hours of enter- tainmnent and
pleasure.
5: Try to vary the roaching
experience, t.ex. by using cats
(remember to muzzle them and cut
their claws) or maybe chihuahuas.
Another fine variant is underwater
roaching using fish - electric
eels are especially recommended,
but roaching using moreys have
given poor results. Mutants can
also enjoy roaching, t.ex by using
octopusses. S/M afficionados can
try roaching porcupines, although
this is a game for the patient.
HAPPY ROACHING!
kugalskap/rECTUM cAUDA
Comments to this text can be posted
to the Usenet on alt.tasteless
My name is Sausage and I am a
member of a group called Dureks..
I am going to talk about GFX and
drawing. I am one of the GFXers in
Dureks and it is hard to get a work
to look good :(. I haven't done this
a long time but I am getting
better.
The main thing I want to talk
about is the problems of getting new
pictures you can look at to learn
from.
I think it is too little GFX on
e.g. hornet to download. maybe 7
pics. And the lack of hints and tips
for us new GFXers out there.
Can't some of the real good
drawers out there get together on for
instance #daskmig and make some hints
and tips and upload them on f.eks
ftp.cdrom.com and some pictures so we
can get some help. Not just cheats
to do a quick and and dirty work, but
like how to do good anti-aliasing
etc..
We all know that drawing on the
PC takes time. Too bad we got any
real good drawing programs on the PC
like the Amiga :( But with the new
program GFX2 we have got a lot
further. And that is good! I do
want to be a good GFXer but i could
use some help. and if you got
something lying around, please upload
it to Hornet. It would be a lot of
help to us beginners and maybe some
of the good ones can learn some new
tricks.
Sausage/Dureks (You can e-mail me on
my pals account: pothead.pixie@sn.no)
Here is the listing of all the elite
men who made the making of this
cool diskmag possible. Without these,
you would probably not have had a
v.O.L.V.o at all, and all the fun you
will be exposed to in the following
hours, would never be thought of.
But let's cut the crap, as this first
page is almost filled with text now,
and let's hear it:
Code by
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Music by
Pothead Pixie/Beam
Graphics by
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Special thanks to the following
people:
Silver/Net Generation - for being
the arrogant ass he is, and provoking
me to start the making of this mag.
Anders/Proxima - for being the
main diskmag-character in the
Norwegian demo-scene after the
making of Daskmig; and actually
putting Norway back on the charts!
Gloom/Spin - for being the ass he
was when he was active, and actually
provoked Anders/Proxima to make
Daskmig to what it became.
Dominei(?)/Proxima (ex-INF) - for
being the excellent editor of Daskmig
after INF took it over. It was really
bad that he left, because he had a
lot of cool ideas, and his articles
were really cool. After he left,
Anders/Proxima also stopped making
it, and now, Daskmig is dead.
Cortex/Index - for being the SVGA-
fanatic he is, and together with
Silver (making up the ultimate Frost
Force) and forcing us to make this
diskmag!
... and everyone who, along with us,
hates Frost, and loves Volvo!
(this article has already been
published in the rC-newsletter:
"We are gleding us very much to Busk
the Fest 3", which was published just
before Bush Party 3. However, we feel
that this story needs republishing!
-ed)
Mark had just finished his lunch.
He was home all alone, and all his
siblings were dead, since Mark
parents were poor, food had to come
from somewhere, and as you allready
have figured, they had found the
perfect solution. Mark was 10, and
was the last of his family, that
countet 10, NOT counting his mother,
father and evil step mother.
Mark felt quite sick after
fineshing the last scraps of brain,
left by, god rest his soul, little
Timmy. The anual trip to the outdoor
toilet was in order, after having a
serius of body experience, and eating
up his vomit, Mark returned to his
little room, witch he once shared
with his 6 younger brothers and 4
sisters. Mark once had two
beatifull, yet mutated, with his
late, older sister Mary, who died at
the age of 17. These two childeren,
a boy and a girl, was well cared for,
but after a week, both Mary and Mark
grew tierd, and the last Mark could
remember, the were still under the
bed. Yes, you guessed right, time
for desert.
Both the little corpses were
extremly decomposed, and tasted
excellent. Mark, as the good son he
was, ofcource left some scraps in the
fridge for his mom, evil step-mom and
father. Mark's father was gay, and
so was Mark, so it figures that Mark
was the one to survive the longest.
After some time, his three
parents came home. As it was late,
they all went right to bed, after the
desert Mark had left them. Dad and
Mark to their room, and Mark's mom
and evil step-mom went to their room.
After Mark and Dad had wipt
eachother to sleep, Mom came in and
woke up Mark. They couldn't sleep,
and so much needed a stick to play
with. Mark's mom promised that
afterwards Mark could kill his
evil-step-mom with a dildo, so Mark
gladly accepted.
After a night filled with so much
passion that Mark had a blackout, he
found himself stenched in blood,
lying all alone on his mother and
evil step-mothers bed. After
thorowly cleaning the sheets of blood
with his toung, he enterd the
washingroom, to give himself a buzz
by riding the drycleaner. But
somebody was allready in the
washingroom. It was his father,
washing the heads of Marks mothers.
After Mark's dad had raped Mark, he
commented Mark on the fine job he had
done last night. But he still
couldn't figure out where the
remainings of the ladies bodies were.
Mark looked down on his stomack,
witch had grown enourmusly since
yesterday.
- "Guess I a ate them dad", Mark
said. His father smiled, "Thats my
little boy!", he replied and gave him
a big hug and a little nugie. Mark
giggeld and said, "I love you dad".
"And I realy hate your guts son".
They both laughed and returned to the
bedroom, for a long, good nights
'sleep'.
Sadly this happy story must come
to a tragic end. Both Mark and his
dad died after having rough sex for
over one week.
Based on a true story from a little
country called Norway.
- TANnKReMSPISeR
Det var en gang for mange herrens r
siden, at en ensom gutt gikk en tur i
skogen. Det var en grusomt mrk og
farlig skog, og mange barn hadde
forsvunnet der. Gutten, som het
Sverre, visste dette, men flte seg
likevel sikker. Han var meget redd,
og skottet nervst til alle sider...
Overalt var det merkelige lyder som
minte han om den gangen faren drepte
moren hans med ei kjttks. Og bak
en busk kommer det frem en syk mann
med motorsag...... Det er hans
far... Sverre snudde straks og
begynte og lpe, men han lp i feil
retning. Han lp nemlig rett inn i
en svar hule som han aldri hadde sett
fr han var langt inne i den. Mens
han lp innover hrte han den ste
lyden av velsmurt motorsag... Bak
seg kunne han se siluetten til faren
sin i det sparsomme lyset som
hulepningen slapp inn. Han begynte
svette.... tankene gikk tilbake til
scenen p kjkkenet...blodet...hodet
til moren i vasken..... Akkurat n
kommer jo elgen inn. Han snudde
rundt et hjrne og brstoppet! Han
spurte elgen om han visste hva faren
het, men elgen ristet pa hodet. Idet
elgen sprang sin vei, tok Sverre frem
lommekniven sin og og skjrte av det
ene hornet. Blodet sprutet fra hodet
til elgen og faren drakk det.
Herlig! Faren syntes det var en
veldig fin rgang, og lurte p om
ikke Sverre ville ha litt oxo. Han
slaktet elgen... lagde bl.... og bd
faren p en bedre middag. Men Sverre
skjnte poenget. Det var en felle!
Han tok fram kniven og truet faren.
Sverre tenkte 'Hm. Faren min er jo
kul. Men kanskje jeg skal slakte ham
likevel'. Dermed lftet han kniven
over hodet, brlte 'By the Power of
GreySkull!' og Sheila kom ridende p
den vite hesten sin og kastet Sverre
opp, trkket p faren, og sammen red
de inn i solnedgangen. Helt til
faren fikk regningen i posten,
skogvokterne krevde erstatning for
premie-elgen! Faren ble rasende over
den hye regningen, og rev den i
fillebiter, hev seg p hesten og red
ned til rdhuset i en fei... Der
krevde han a snakke med
statsministeren, men hun var ute for
oyeblikket, fordi kongen var i
pengend, og statsministeren mtte
pantsette kronjuvelene for betale
for skoleoppholdet til kronprins
Haakon. Men dette stoppet ikke
faren. Kan kuttet av statsministeren
hendene og krevde f kappe beina av
henne oxo. Deretter lurte faren p
dette kunne brukes i en stuing. Men
det var antagelig kugalskap i kjttet
s han droppet det. 'Hm. Faen sa
jvlig sur jeg er n', tenkte faren.
'Jeg vil ha litt ekte fiskekjtt a
tygge p!' Da dro han sporenstreks
til fjernsynskjkkenet og tvang
Ingrid Espelid Hovig til ta imot
kjttet og gi ham fisk tilbake. Men
fisken var rtten og han fikk vondt i
magen. Mens han l der begynte han
tenke p Sverre. Plutselig s han
Sverre i "Fjernsynskjkkenet"-
publikummet. P nytt svulmet
raseriet opp i han. Det svartnet for
han. Han stormet inn i blandt
publikum og slo rundt seg vilt med en
kniv i hver hnd. En av de andre
publikummerne, som var Miss Universe
1983, stoppet faren og sa ham inn i
oynene. Faren mpte i det Miss
Universe tok av seg alle klærne og s
p ham med bedende yne; 'Ta meg! Ta
meg!' ropte hun og slengte seg rundt
halsen hans. Sverres far (som
forresten heter Harald) tok henne i
sine armer, og kjrte lemmet langt
oppi Miss Universe sin vte grotte.
Men til sin store forskrekkelse hadde
han kjrt lemmet
Og sa levde de alle sine dager
lykkelig og ulykkelig.
<slutt>
Skrevet av:
Silencer/Prospect
Calvin/Proxima
Caramel/Fascination
Megantereon/Tundra
Doffers/Tundra
Hans
Toazt/Maak
Det var en gang en hest som het Nils.
Han var gruelig snill og bodde sammen
med bonden hjemme i Sogn. Bonden
hadde ikke s god rd kan du skjnne,
men mange unger hadde han... Hele 13
stykker... Bonden gillade att leka
med hsten varje dag og selv om
hesten var veldig gammel og svak,
lekte den ogs littegranne. Kona til
bonden, som forvrig hette Carl, ble
misunnelig og frista bonden med
alskens servicer. I sine yngre dager
hadde han jo vrt en skikkelig
avlshingst, faktisk hadde hesten ogsa
vaert mange steder rundt i verden.
F.eks Eina og Bverbru og mange andre
smhl. Men det ikke mange visste
var at hesten Nils faktisk hadde vrt
i Bangladesh, der denne hesten hadde
anskaffet seg diverse kjnnsykdommer,
som for eksempel clamydia, lepra, og
lungebetennelse. I tillegg hadde den
en utrolig flott bil. Denne hadde
han spleiset p sammen med et par
andre av heste-kompisene sine. Nils
og vennene hans likte og rne. Og en
dag mens de cruiset rundt i den
utrolig flotte bilen kom de plutselig
til kjre p en stakkars gammal
pensjonert hest med stokk og trebein.
Hesten ble fly forbanna, og sa "Faen,
han har brukket et ribben, hvor i
helvete er hagla?" "Er du gal!?!" sa
en av kameratene. Kanke bare
skyte'n! Vi m jo legge ham inn p
sykehuset, der han kan bli torturert
p en finfin mte. De brakte han
raskt til sykehuset, og de ble mtt i
dren av en sykepleierske. "Ta han
med inn s vi kan sette et par
spryter i han. Vi fant nettopp et
lager fra krigens dager, og der er
bde sprit & whisky. Dette var
nettopp en av lagrene hvor offiserene
gjemte drikkevarene sine. Men
hestene hadde det ikke no gy, fordi
hester har KRAFTIG lever.. Men de
tenkte jo at de like gjerne kunne ta
seg en liten fest, og siden det n
snart var jul og allting, s fant de
ut at de skulle drite i hele
sykehuset. De tok seg heller en tur
p travbanen og sjekket spenstige
hopper. Nils og vennene ble veldig
opphisset over hoppenes mangel p
klr, og begynte gjre unevnelige
ting som skrubbe bakene deres. Men
siden de var edrue hadde de de
naturlige sperrene og hindret noe
strre enda mer unevnelige ting, som
helst ikke br nevnes, og derfor
bestemte hestene seg for slutte
vre edrue. Derfor gikk de p rema
1000 for kjpe surmelk. Siden det
var 18 rsgrense p l og snt
liksom. Da de kom ut igjen kom de p
at de skulle p trening. Og da ble
de kjempeglade for de visste at
hoppene ville bli veldig glade for
se dem i det fine treningstyet, men
s kom de p at de hadde glemt
treningstyet i rnebilen sin. De
sprang tilbake for hente det, men
akkurat da blei de "chaset" av
purken. S lp de vekk og bestemte
seg for ikke kjre mer bil den
kvelden, men heller ta seg en iskald
pils sammen med noen gode kamerater
fra barndommen. Men plutselig
oppstod det en konflikt, de mente at
kameratene skyldte dem 3 kasser l
fra forrige fest, men de andre var
ikke enige! S da endte det hele med
et gigantisk slagsml, som resulterte
i at hestene hoppet p hverandre og
slss s fillene fk, men midt oppi
dette plutselig stoppet det. Fordi
en ddspen babe kom bort for sprre
om f en slurk av llen. Da blei
alle plutselig gode venner og startet
hoppe rundt som ville hinduer.. Da
gikk alle berserk og begynte litt
lure p om det var noe galt, men det
var det jo selvflgelig ikke. For
nils visste jo at den ddspene baben
var en mann. Men da det eventyret
var over satte de seg i rnemobilen
og cruiset innover mot byen... Men
for andre gang p en kveld kom onkel
etter dem, men denne gangen klarte de
ikke unnslippe. Hele hestegjengen,
med den ddsherlige baben som var
mann og Nils og hele pakken mtte
sitte i fengsel fordi han blei tatt
paa fersken for bffe en hel kamel
Skrevet av:
Shagrat/Tundra
Calvin/Proxima
Megantereon/Tundra
Axl/tpolm
Kravitz/SubLogic
Pothead Pixie/Beam
Yitzhaq/Proxima
Oce/Proxima
Jisemdu/Maak
Hello again. This is once more
MAKKA YVER/DUREKS typing for your
pleasure, leisure(?) and
entertainment...
I have always admired the
different methods of torturing
through history. From the very
early, simple but yet effective
stoning, to all the different modern
stuff (both physical as well as
psychological).
If you take crusifiction for a
start... I reckon the pain and
duration was kinda good, but this
method does not quite apply to me,
because of its christian undertones.
(No offense, christians ;) ) It took
some work, though. One had to make a
LARGE and solid crucifix for a start.
Then came the fun part. At this
point, the victim is actually nailed
to the crucifix, with just about four
BIG rivets. One through each of the
palms of the hands, and one through
each foot, somewhere around the
ankle. This might cause the victim
some pain, but, I reckon, that's the
whole point. After this, the
executioner can have a relaxing
period with beer or so, while
watching the victim as the victim
dehydrates, is eaten by vultures,
screaming out their fear and pains.
Quite entertaining that is. But, as
mentioned, this method reminds me a
bit or two (maybe a byte?) about some
bloke mentioned in the world's
best-selling fiction/history novel,
so it's not the one I would go for in
the first place.
I would rather go for the
stoning, although its duration could
vary a lot, depending on where the
victim was hit, how hard he/she was
hit, the frequency of throwing, and
the size of the rocks. Actually, I
would like to do some research in
this area, finding an average in
cathegories such as 'Big fat man
stoned by little girls', 'Housewife
killed by beerdrinkers', 'LaTeX
killed by rECTUM cAUDA', and so on.
So if YOU know anybody that's willing
to voluntair on
such a project, mail
me!!! (You'll find my adress at the
end of this text, or in one of my
other texts)...
This century, the science of
torturing reached new heights, as the
electricity (that we all need!)
became more common. The electric
chair, is hardly mentionable, as the
victim's suffering is over in just
some seconds.
BUT, there are a great number of
other possibilities one have with the
electric power. If you lock up a guy
(will only work with males), in a
dark, moisterous, nasty cell for a
month, feeding him only with bread
and water, and giving him HALF a
pinup poster, you have started
something that will be quite amusing
if you continue. (BTW, this takes
quite a bit of patience, but it's
definately worth it!!) You then tie
up the victim to a chair, nude!
About one inch in front of the
victims belly (depending on the size
of it), and about a coupple of inches
above the victims organ for
reproducing (depending on the size of
it), you place a VERY electric wire
(some thousands of volts or so...).
THEN comes the genious part: You
take this babe (and I mean a REAL
BABE!), undress her, and let her walk
slowly in a sexy manner in front of
the victim, trying to excite him. If
the victim reacts in a normal way,
this should cause him a LOT of
pain... Again, VERY entertaining.
(Her er norsk editorial. Lev vel.)
Livet er herlig, hva? N er jeg
ferdig med en matteprve (3MX) som
jeg trodde ville ta livet av meg,
emnet var noe s vitterlig enkelt som
vektorer i rommet og
sannsynlighetsregning+litt om
stokastiske variabler. Men skulle du
sett! Jeg fikk det jo til som en
konge, og jeg avventer herved en ny
6er i matte!
Og ikke nok med det,
bestekompisen min har ftt seg dame.
Jeg har selv snart fikset meg min
fremtidige kone, og alt ser lyst ut.
Det eneste problemet er at flere av
vennene mine rundt meg er
super-paraniode. Og nr de er
superparanoide, hrer noen av dem p
Suede (og klikker efterp), og noen
bare stikker langt fra og tror at
alle hater dem.
Tft hva?
Snn er ihvertfall livet mitt for
tiden, og snart skal jeg p kino med
noen kompiser i klassen min. Vi skal
se "The unforgettable". Den er
sikkert fet. Jeg har ihvertfall
aldri hrt om den.
Ok. Men la oss flytte oss til
saken. I forgrs, fr jeg skulle
legge meg, fikk jeg en fet msg p
IRC. Den s omtrent slik ut:
<xxx> Ok.
<xxx> Du skal lage et program til
meg.
<deluxepai> Huh?
<xxx> Jepp. Du skal lage et program
som slider gjennom mange bilder.
Det er kult med folk som er
liksom snn 'kule' som dette...
Liksom, "Hei! Eg er tff. Eg rular,
lag dette for meg!". Men det er jo
litt feil, vil jeg si. Min mening er
ihvertfall at nr folk liksom sier
"du skal lage et program for meg", s
fr jeg avsmak og liksom bestemmer
meg for at jeg IKKE skal gjre det.
Jeg har flere eksempler p dette.
F.eks har vi en person som m ha en
logo til BBSen sin, og han skriver en
melding til en kjent ANSI-fyr og sier
regelrett "Hey you! You are gonna
make me an ANSI in blue which says
'xxxx'. If you don't, I'm gonna come
over to your place and kill you."
Dette var jo selvsagt sarkastisk
skrevet og alt slikt og at liksom den
ANSI-duden som fikk requesten skulle
tro at den som bestilte var kul og
snn. Problemet var at det motsatte
skjedde, og replyet hans var "FUCK
YOU!!! You motherfucking piece of
shit. If you ever request anything
from me again I'm gonna... etc etc".
Ok, men la oss n flytte oss til
mer saklike emner. F.eks meningen
med den norske delen av dette
diskmaget.
Det som er meningen med denne
delen, er at folk liksom skal f
snn 'fling' med at dette faktisk
er norsk. For det er s fryktelig
lite scene-litteratur som er ute.
F.eks er man meget splittet. Man har
TMK/Inf (og resten av Inf-folkene
sdan) som holder seg for gode til
menge seg med f.eks oss i #daskmig.
Eller p den annen side, vi har dem
som kun holder seg til BBSer, det
vre seg CountZero eller Spacebar.
Og vi har dem som ikke vet noe som
helst om den norske scenen, og som
mener at det ikke finnes noe norsk
demoscene (men digger Future Crew og
Complex rtt og mener at det er de
eneste gruppene som er verdt i nevne
i verden. Eksempler p dette er
Crusaders, Scoop og de fleste brukere
p Infolink).
Problemet er at den norske
demoscenen er meget splittet. Alle
forsk p joine den sammen er
nyttelse. Problemet ligger i
kommunikasjonen. I Norge har folk en
enorm tendens til vise en utrolig
arroganse ovenfor hverandre. rECTUM
cAUDA har pr idag ca 50 medlemmer
(med en feilmargin p +/- 10
personer). Det er sikkert mange som
ikke tror p dette, men det er
faktisk ekte personer som str bak
hvert eneste av rC-handlene som er
listet i dette maget (yeah, blame oss
for vre inaktive!), og det er
noks sikkert noen som er utelatt.
Dette er i mitt syn et slags forsk
p f noe kult. Noe felles. En
stor gruppe kommer godt med, og her
fler man et fellesskap.
Problemet er at nr man begynner
med all slgas double-membering, og
alle er med i alle grupper
(ihvertfall nr det gjelder den
kjernen av den norske scenen som er
p IRC), s forsvinner p den annen
side konkurranse-lysten. Men det
kommer seg, absolutt, selv om det er
selvsagt at rC vil stikke av med
frsteplassen p de fleste parties
som kommer n i fremtiden.
Takk takk.
Dette var den norske editorialen
for idag. Sees imorgen!
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
vOlVo Hvem trenger vOlvO
VI!
fordi
volvo kjrer
p et helt nytt filformat
som bare duger for ekte rC-eliter
alts
dette ligner mest p
html
skal vi prve
og se
om vi klarer
crashe hele denne diskmag-enginen?
<none>
<none>
<artikkel>
E:\FINSK\TURBO.HIN
</artikkel>
<font=neger> HEI DU, HAR DU SPIST
FOR MYE SKJEGG I DET SISTE?
</font>
hindu vil ha cheuxe
dagens tema er
<hjernevask>
rECTUM cAUDA i
norges
oljeby
nummer n
</hjernevask>
Dette er en ekstern artikkel
skrevet helt uten holdning og
relasjon til dem som eventuelt
befinner seg i Bergen og dens byer,
hvor stor skal margen vre,
tegneprogram?, ja.
Saccosekk regel 1
======================
Q: Hva har skjedd p srvestlandet de
tidlige dager fr nye, intelligente
vesener oppdager atter en rc-*.zip p
ftp.arosnet.se?
A: Her har vi et klassisk wannabe-
syndrom. Siden vi er s fryktelig
eliiiiiite s vil vi ikke besvare
dette sprsml p nvrende tidspunkt
(vennligst les litt fortere, De!)
Q: Hvorfor vil hindu ha chexue, og
hva er fordelene med det?
A: Dette er like dumt som sprre,
hva betyr 'rau'?
AA: En forening for dem som fr nok
av rECTUM cAUDA.
Q: <vent litt, jeg m bare skifte
modul..>
Q: Hvordan foregr utviklingen av nye
rECTUM cAUDA-demoer fra Siri M.
Kalvigs barnehjemby?
A: Frst s setter vi oss ned.
Deretter ser vi om noen nye effekter
har dukket opp p markedet over frie
hinduer. Deretter finner en kort
bizniz-telefon over til Ponti's Pizza
HVA FAEN SKJER MED CUBIC PLAYER
SHELLET:.. vent litt..
Okei, n vet vi at Cubic Player 2.0
ikke er s stabilt som forfattere
vil ha det til..
Ja, s ringer Piffi til Ponti's
Pizza, og bestiller to store pizzaer
p mf. Disse pizzaer blir, dersom
ikke force majoure skulle inntreffe,
og pizzad00den finner frem uten
ringe tre ganger frst og blinker med
lysene oppe i bakken for se om vi
ser ham, og ikke kommer inn bakveien
som vi spr om, s har alle en hindu,
og konsumerings-rvarene er klare til
bruk. Etter et kvarters cursing av
pizzad00den fordi de ikke kommer med
COLA fortsetter produkzionen. Det som
skjer n er at vi skriker i halv-
svne, fr et kick etter ha sett
for mye p opptak av IRC, og fastslr
temaet for dagens livsverk.
HVA FEILER DET CUBIC PLAYER HELVETE!
Ja. Piffi coder og sTOR hAMZTER
lager masse musikk, og s tegner alle
mye rart og tanter og eller onkler,
og halvsstre som ikke blir
sechxsuelt utnyttet annenhver dag i
[insert editor name here], som ekte
warez-elite-rECTUM-cAUDA folk benyt-
ter seg av. I tillegg forundrer Piffi
seg over hvorfor i huleste sTOR
hAMZTER sin FT2 virker i et Win95
shell og ikke hos ham selv, og om
hvorfor Ultrinit v2.28a er bedre enn
Ultrinit v2.31, for eksempel, og s
finner sTOR hAMZTER ut at han skal
spionere litt p sourcecode i Norton
Commander 5.0, og trykker glad og
lett F3, men kommer ikke p at Norton
Commander gir QEMM-error hvis han
kjrer 25 lines mode i stedet for 50
lines mode. Etter en happy reboot iom
at reboot-effekten er gjemt under
turbo-knappen p denne fine PC'en der
nede, kan vi f.eks begynne code.
Neste gang dukker sikkert sinus-
voxel-sjabby-landskapet opp. Alt blir
samlet i en suppe, og vr ekstra gode
tredje hjul p vogna som bl.a. laget
sykkelcrash-lyden i paperroach og som
ogs spleiser p pizzaen skriker litt
fordi vi fikk feil pizza igjen, og s
coder vi lissom resten. Av og til
hender det av vi blir abducted av
skumle aliens, og dermed kommer de
fine innslagene i produksjonene. Hva
som ellers mtte foreg skjer herved
under musmatta, og pornofilm blir
redigert til bruk og nytte, og ALLE
HAR EN HINDU.
Tenk om alle hadde hatt
Commodore-64'er og ISDN, da kunne vi
hatt realtime oppdatering av hele
RAM'en.
Forresten s trenger rECTUM cAUDA
en newsgroup, det er meget nyttig..
For eksempel kan vi kalle den:
microsoft.coding.rectumcauda
soc.general.rectumcauda
alt.sex.fetish.rectumcauda
rec.ser.ut.som.latex
Oi faen, skulle artikkelen vre
p ENGELSK? Herregud knud.
[piffi/future crew]
<title>
[fantasia ber release-Daten]
</title>
[geschrieben aus Piffi]
Guten Tag, immer wieder Happy,
und als ersten reden woll ich voll
sagen, daá *LATEX IST EIN SCHMUTZIGER
MANN*.
Heute sollen wir vor uns nehmen,
dieser wiederschne WUNDERBAUM! Ach
ja, diese Wunderbume ist doch noch
eine keine hindu. Darum woll ich
nicht mehr sprechen.
N er ikke periodiseringen det
eneste som teller for resultatet, men
det er et omrde det ofte er lett
gjre noe med. Og det er flere
grunner til at man br legge vekt p
f et plitelig resultat:
* Mangelfull periodisering gir deg
frre feil resultat for ret og
dermed frre indikasjoner p om det
gr godt eller drlig. Dermed fr du
ikke det signalet du trenger til
styre bedriften videre.
* Kredittopplysningsbyrene leverer
i stadig strre grad ferdigtygde
nkkeltall som sier noe om
selskapenes kredittverdighet.
Feilperiodisering - ubevisst eller
bevisst for spare skatt - kan gi
feil inntrykk av bedriften og lett
fre til drligere kredittverdighet.
OUI!
parle v franze?
Krkk-mysje: SJ-t'MM! :)
Ty e ne grande tndz de kull.
Ty e ne grande boatre de cAUDA.
ty e ne grande boatre de tndz de
lettr.
(skrikende, med stort smil rundt
munnen):
Vlev kosje aaaaaaaaaaavekk
moa szoa?
Zzoa volllle sj ksje avvek ty!
Oui!
Norvge, d boa.
Then again, it is stricly limited
what times a rECTUM cAUDA demo should
be allowed to be released. For
instance, an early release will
create dishonor, distrust and a
general feeling of incompentence at
other demo groups. This will
eventually lead to an early rC world
dominition, which will not be good
for RAU areas.
On the other hand, which is nicely
and bravely abbreviated OTOH! which
is probably soon a name of another
rECTUM cAUDA demo.
OTOH a hindu will never fall asleep
due to insomnia and faithless spirit
because the incoming maths-copro-
requiring demo will never be too late
released, especially not at a party,
and almost everyone else are eager to
eat some VESA.
atz
at&f
this will go beeeep:
today's pizza oven
allows for RAU
put the RAUZ inZide
because INSIDE
there will be no INTEL
neither RAU
Dagens tips for frstegangs-sjfrer
er:
TEORIKURS
===============
(alternativt et kollektivt
mordforsk via postens pakkeavdeling
for frerkort)
Hei hei alle sammen! Tenk p de
stakkars sm barna som er s
fryktelig impulsive at de bare liksom
springer rett ut i veien. Da er det
ikkke mye barn igjen, ja og s er det
noen som ikke har sett rECTUM cAUDA
demoer enn da, og de kan jo f.eks.
leke med vente p hver sin side av
veien og se hvem som sist tr
springe forbi en bil i fart.
Selvflgelig m denne bilen vre en
dust som er ute & prvekjrer for
frste gang, slik at sjfr-
lrer-dusten kan bli sakskt, slik at
alle andre kommer p TV2, slik at vi
kan fortsette med sende
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllder inn til
spiiiiiider.
Praxiskurs
=====================
(det er fare for norges sikkerhet)
P det andet plan m de
udsvergelser, der ennu er blivet
beget av byens strre
maktmisbrukere, er nu dog en tanke
lenger vekke enn de store, men dog
sterke, domkirkestudenter.
[piffi/triton
productions]
Piffi's Coders CrnerKick in Volvo #1
about the beauties of Fillchar
=====================================
[where do all that blood come from]
Hi everyone, this is Piffi's
wonderful guide to efficient grandma
murder and coding.
Today the first topic is
generally and specifically about the
magical, creepy and speiza "fillchar"
procedure. Many poeple believe that
this procedure is in fact a function,
but from official holds I can confirm
that [where do all that blood come
from] fillchar is in fact a
procedure, not a function. This is
in fact, just a result of memory
problems during the development of
the 6510 processor, which is still in
use in some bread-toazting-machines.
Fillchar is *THE* elite way to
quickly clear a memory area, i.e.
setting the memory bytes to a single
number. Usually, if you want to
clear a virtual screen, you do it
like this (assuming turboneger pascal
7.0 with optioal extensions):
Var
hinduvil:word;
dust:byte;
idiot:real;
mongo:array[0..63999] of byte;
begin
{ add jpgloader here }
{ now we want to clear the mongo
array }
Idiot := random(255)*6.3;
Dust := trunc(idiot) shl 2;
case dust of
0: continue;
1: dust := dust - 2+1;
2: begin
idiot := idiot /2;
asm
mov ax, 04h
int 10h
end;
dust := trunc(idiot);
end;
end;
if dust > 1 then dust := dust xor
dust;
for hinduvil := 0 to 32000*2-1 do
mongo[hinduvil] := dust xor 0;
end;
end.
Now, this fillchar engine is
quite a hassle to sort out, and we
would like to optimize it abit.
Therefore you can use this wonderful
FILLCHAR effect. FILLCHAR was
brought to you by the likes of Coca
Cola inc, etc.
This time, you do it like this:
begin
fillchar(mem[0:0], 64000,
random(255));
repeat
writeln ('Today we learnt something
new');
until sqrt(random(1000))<0;
end.
As you can see, this is a far
more efficient way of clearing some
stuff, and your life will become much
more easier to carry as you code
elite productions, like [where does
all that blood come from], looking
glass emulator and feta hindu
software inc.
about the wonders of Muuv
====================================
Now as you've got a secret,
optimized way to clear the interrupt
table, you probably want to know how
the heck you're supposed to format
your harddisk the fastest possible
way, simultaneously performing a DMA
transfer of porno to mem[$a000:0000]
The by far easiest way out is to
do something like this:
Procedure
Muuv(jeg, er, en, dust:real;
soundcard:integer);
const
porno : string = 'yes pliz';
var
lokal, hus, er, dumt : word;
begin
for lokal := 0 to 5555 do
for hus := jeg to er do
for dumt := soundcrad to er do
mem[$a000:0000] := val(porno, i,
code);
end;
about soundplayers, and hindus in
=====================================
general
==========
If you need to choose another mo-
dplayer for a specific task, then you
should turn to Midas 0.31. This is
the best thing produced since the
wonders of BLOCKWRITE!
So, go to
ftp.weird.crap.mit.crazy.uni.edu
in the /pub/asocial/unsocial/irregula
r/msdos/turboelite/midas031.gz.zip.ra
r.arj.good.better
which is in fact compressed using
multiple archives for maximum sugar.
[where does all this blood come from]
Piffi's coders compo!
=====================================
Hello all, since we're so
extremely elite in Volvo, I guess a
coders compo would fit right in here.
Every elite rC coder (and others)
may contribute to this compo, and the
rules are as following:
1. The contribution must be coded
in FORTRAN, LOGO, PED or TURBO
PASCAL for good measure.
2. The source code must not occupy
more than approx 5kb (5036
bytes, exactly)
3. The source code must be
formatted using MS/DOS line
end conventions, i.e. CR/LF
(carriage return, then
linefeed) which is 10h 13h in
hex. Using linux/mac
conventions will be unfair
since you'll save one byte per
line end.
4. The source may contain as much
or as little comments as you
want.
5. No units, includes or object
files except for CRT and DOS
and PRINTER units may be used.
6. The contributions can be mailed
to the diskmag author for
forwarding.
7. Deadline is next Volvo release
date (soon to be decided).
8. The goal is to produce the
LARGEST executable doing
nothing but writing the line:
"DANSKJEVLAR! VOLVO R BETTRE!"
on the screen in 50 lines mode.
Any extra output will
disqualify the contribution.
9. No executables or other
binaries may be included in the
contribution
10. Contributions will be compiled
in Borland Pascal 7.0 for real
mode target.
You cannot know the compiler
switches/settings, so be sure
to include these settings at
the top of the file (ctrl-o, o)
11. The judge's decision will be
final and no correspondance
should be entered into, etc.
12. The prize will be decided upon
soon..
.. until then, happy socks! :)
[piffi / ass-embly
organizing]
WhY ErLEnd/NcT Is So LAMe?
bY Kong-Hockey/rC
Erlend is a lame guy who thinks
it's cool to be an overserious
scener, he thinks that people likes
him when being an overserious ass.
Erlend is a coder, he codes lotsa
superserious-non-cool stuff; totally
uninteresting. Well, actually there
is no action, nor any fun, just the
clear boring solution (rECTUM
cAUDIANIAN expression).
Erlend thinks that INF (a group
with members that are just as boring
as Erlend) likes him. Erlend HATES
rECTUM cAUDA! And he thinks it is
cool to hate rECTUM cAUDA. He thinks
that when he hate rECTUM cAUDA, the
guys in INF (that hate rECTUM cAUDA
too) likes him better.
Well, Erlend is not only a
boring, overserious little wannabe
grownup kid, he is also very suspect;
he is a friend of Maxwel. Of course
all friends of Maxwel are suspective,
maybe they care for eachother?
WhY sO mAny HaTE ErlenD?
Erlend is a very boring face to
meet, actually, he is not only
boring, but sour, obsternasig way of
behaviour. If someone laughs, or is
having fun, Erlend asks them to shut
up or go hang themselves. If anyone
does anything wrong, he starts to
mock them, (Example, As I
Kong-Hockey Is FroM ThE lANd CaLLed
Kong-Hockeyia, I have had to learn
the english language all by myself
and I guess Erlend dislike my
mistypings).
Erlend is all over a stupid kid,
he looks like a farmer with too much
testosteron; wild and groovy, sour
and boring.
WHy eRLenD LooKs LikE A fARmER?
A terrible gen failure structure
anabolic thingy...
"Erlend, Its and attitude"
Kong-Hockey/rC
Advarsel: Denne artikkelen
inneholder intern drittkasting.
Heis, alle sm store i det
ganske land&verden. Dette er den
meget ukjente captain spiff som tar
over skjermen din. Men, i flge en
(flere?) viss(e) person(er) kommer
jeg til bli kjempekjent i lpet av
no time. Og, den personen, ehm, jeg
mener personene, har s rett s rett.
I dag mekka jeg clrscr v3.0! Dette
enorme programmet, er et
hyperoptimalisert 32bits multimedia
program med 16bits lyd & 64mb,
designed for win95(tm). Etter mye
strev klarte jeg endelig svarte
ut tekstmodus skjermen med fillchar!
Aiaiai. N blir det garantert masser
av skryt om oss, gruppa vr, web'en
vr og alle de fantastiske
produksjonene vre. Den visse
personen vil g av hengslene og
plapre i vei om at i morra har jeg
phong og alt mulig. Og at vi kan
mekke enda flere gigantiske
produksjoner som alle skal sl rC i
userisitet (no offence rC'ers).
Din visse person: ikke ta
offence, bare tenk over det jeg sier.
ok?
Og, en ting til. Jeg er en av
bananspiserne i gruppa mi. Men,
problemet er at jeg ikke er noe god.
Det er altfor f bananer p
ftp.cdrom.com. S, kan ikke noen av
dere proffesjonelle bananspisere
legge opp noen av bananene deres?
Ikke slik at jeg kan spise de, nei,
bare slik at jeg kan lre noen
teknikker. Hvorfor kan ikke en haug
av dere proffesjonelle bananspisere
samles p f.eks. #daskmig, mekke
sammen et kurs og legge det opp p
f.eks. ftp.cdrom.com? Det ville
virkelig vrt fint.
Hade no,
CAPTAIN SPIFF, drittsekken, FISER
I STED I GALAKSEN I HASTIGHETER INGEN
HAR SETT TIDLIGERE!
rECTUM cAUDA rocking Spider
When I start writing this
article, I must admit that I have not
watched all Spiders, but what I have
seen, I feel is enough to start
writing this article.
But first, an introduction to
Spider and what he is.
Spider was originally supposed to
be an internet related TV-program on
Norwegian TV. We recently got a 3rd
national TV-channel here in Norway;
The channel called NRK2. They wanted
to have a fresh look, and a program
appealing to the younger audience.
So what they amongst other things
did, was to arrange an internet-
related TV-program with the biggest
ass possible as the host.
Actually, watching that
incredible dickhead, who had had 17
days of experience with the internet,
was quite fun itself, but many people
got frustrated, and also terribly
provoked (which however, WAS the
meaning of the program in the first
place). He was flooded with angry
emails telling him how big asshole
he was, etc. And he read them all up
on the air, telling each of them to
fuck off, live, etc, and "that the
program was simply too rock'n roll
for you, so you better watch some
other pussy-channel".
The man is around 40 years old,
and he was dressed like any 12-year
old hiphop addict.
But the cool part is, despite all
this, he LOVED rECTUM cAUDA!! So he
can't possibly be such an asshole.
Every time, there was shown a lot of
pictures delivered by rECTUM cAUDA
members, the music played in the
background was also by rECTUM cAUDA
members, and the awesome Kveldsvise
by dYne, has been played TWICE.
The ultimate Opel Ascona demo by rC
has also been shown twice (the second
time it was because of huge demand,
so... you see, rECTUM cAUDA really
rules).
However, the man got replaced now
and there is this powerbabe and
another funny-looking man ruling the
program instead.
Thank you,
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
Future issues and all that
As the interface code is far from
finished, you should stay tuned for
more improvements.
We hope to get some more
interviews (interesting ones, not
long and boring "who is this unknown
person anyway, as if anyone would
care").
As the diskmag will probably
grow, I expect either the english,
or the norwegian section to
disappear. The one I get most
response to, is the one that will
survive. My personal favourite is to
let the Norwegian section survive,
so you foreigners; write us something
if you want to prove me wrong!
Btw, stuff written in Swedish or
Danish is also accepted. We are able
to be a bit flexible. If someone
wants to establish a rECTUM cAUDA
section in your country, dedicated to
writing articles, please contact us,
and we'll be happy to supply you with
cheap merchandise to sell to (y)our
fans!
See you then,
Deluxepaint/rECTUM cAUDA
GREETINGS PEOPLE!
Merry x-mas and a happy new year!
We wish you all your very best, and
in case it is your birthday today,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR <your name>!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!
(clap clap clap)[norsk]
N er det mandag den 13. januar
kl. 03.12 og jeg er ddstrtt, men
gidder ikke g og legge meg. Sett
bort fra at jeg skal opp om mindre
enn 4 timer, s har jeg det egentlig
ganske s bra. Radion putrer s
kjekt i bakgrunnen (P3), det er fint
og varmt ute ( +1ø) osv. Vel, jeg
skulle liksom skrive en artikkel om
et eller annet for rECTUM cAUDA
diskmagget, s jeg fr vel finne p
noe snart. La meg se, n er kl.
03.18 og jeg har tenkt litt. S n
kommer det jeg liksom skulle skrive:
[english]
It's monday 13th of January 03.12
AM and I'm dead tired, but i don't
care going to bed. (...some
uninteresting shit...................
........really.......................
............handsome in the..........
............and hot..................
..., I was kind of supposed to write
an........................the rECTUM
cAUDA diskmag..................better
come up with.........................
.........I've been thinking.....now
comes what I was supposed to write:
[norsk]
H V O R F O R D E T E R S
V A N V I T T I G K U U L T
S E P E N L F L A S K E ,
E N L Y S E S T A K E O G E N
K A F F E - K A N N E F Y L T
M E D L S O M S T R
O P P E P E N P L A T E
S O M S N U R R E R R U N D T
O P P E N
P L A T E S P I L L E R :
1. Musikken p plata er av typen
gammeldags, gospelaktig hammond-
orgelplonk av vrste sort, med
etterligninger av kjente sanger,
ssom f.eks "Amazing Grace" osv.
(med andre ord: Avskyelig, ddsr
og totalt "fyllemusikk")
2. Den personen som hrer p denne
musikken har en promille p
minimum 1,5 og fr derfor lettere
for le av musikken og synet av
en lflaske, en lyse- stake og en
kaffekanne fylt med l som snurrer
oppe p platen med orgel-
torturering.
3. De to frstnevnte faktorene gir
tilsammen en lystig, morsom og
SVRT latterfrembringende
stemning. Undertegnede har ved
oppleve dette ftt et annet syn p
livet. Det er nemlig utrolig hvor
deilig og lett til sinns du fler
deg nr du sitter og skrik-ler av
nettopp dette synet (og den kule
musikken). Dersom dere ikke alle
sammen noen gang har prvd dette,
anbefales dette p det varmeste.
Det er oppkvikkende og gjr
kvelden til noe helt spesielt og
stemningsfylt.
[english]
W H Y I T I S S O
E X T R E M E L Y F U N T O
W A T C H A B O T T L E O F
B E E R , A C A N D E L I E R
A N D A C O F F E E M U G
F I L L E D W I T H B E E R
S T A N D I N G O N T H E T O P
O F A V I N Y L E L P
T U R N I N G A R O U N D O N A
T U R N - T A B L E :
1. The music on the LP is of the
sorta oldish, gospel-alike
hammondsplunk of worst type, with
surrogates of well known songs,
for instance "Amazing Grace" and
so on. (in other words:
Disgusting, death cool and totally
"boozemusic")
2. The person who listens to this
music has got a "promille" at 1,5
and therefor has lesser problems
with laughing at the music and the
sight of a beerbottle, a candelier
and a coffeemug filled with beer
standing on the top of a the
vinyle with hammondorgan-torture.
3. The two first notes together gives
a lusty, funny and very laughable
mood. Signed has by experiencing
this, acheived a new sight at
life. It's a unbelievable
relaxing and smooth feeling when
you sit and "scream-laughs" of
this sight (and the cool music).
If none of you have never tried
this before, it's recommended on
it's hottest. It's refreshing and
makes the night to something
special and moody.
[norsk]
GREIT GREIT GREIT! Oversettelsen
suger! Engelsken min suger desverre
litt akkurat n, men hva kan dere
egentlig forvente dere av en
ddstrtt kar som sitter her kl 03.58
en mandags morgen og skal opp om
mindre enn 3 timer? Fr jeg stikker
og slukner i senga rekker jeg vel
fyre opp et par greets:
[her har jeg, deluxepaint, editoren,
fjernet ganske mange greetings.
grunnen til at jeg fjernet dem er
opplagt, formatet var helt jvlig.
dette er ikke et jvla textmodemag
med 80 tegn i bredden. nei, dette er
KVALITET med spalter og alt. dermed
fucket jeg greetingene. spr mr.
frosty om opphavsartikkelen hvis du
tror at du er greetet -ed]
...og DER var jeg ferdig med alle
greetene! h.. n er klokka 04.15 og
n bare SKAL jeg g og legge meg...
tror jeg... bi bi alle sammen...!
Signed:
Bompibear
aka
Frosty/THC
A text about Maxwel, LaTex, Octagon,
Hybris, BEam and other norwegian
scene heroes!
By StanGSellerI/rC
The human life would have been
boring if we didnt have
entertainment, like tv, magazines,
music, whores, rECTUM cAUDA and other
things that we neew to live. Well,
that same phenomena has started on
the norwegian scene now, all we had
before, was boooooring groups, like
Inf, Sub-Logic, Scoop, Erlend
etc...so, the common scener had to do
something with that. It all started
at the norwegian scene cult party,
Bushparty, and this was number three
in a row.A guy called LaTex came from
a small village called "arendal"
located in the south of norway. A
description of LaTex would been like
this "he has red curly hair, thick
glasses, frackles, toothregulaters, a
small "jollycola and POMMS FRITTS"
pondus" This guy showed ofcourse up
at bushparty three, but the problem
was, LaTex forgot his keyboard at
home....so he had to borrow it from
Jaws/prx when Jaws was at the
mensroom.As all the pieces falled
together, LaTex turned into a cult
scene her dude on Bush3, people
started to make demos about him and
to him, to show him respect etc.
Thoose demos became a succsess, and
they were all released under the
trademark of rECTUM cAUDA, and so is
LaTex too!
But before that, a guy called
maxwel had showed up, but noone had
actually payed that much attention to
him because he always hide himself.
Well, the maxwel fever also started
at Bush3, but no demos was released
under this new maxwel design....
people crowded around to see him when
he arrived to the party place, people
was shocked, and a lot of sceners
fainted and got ill at the sight of
him. The maxwel fever didnt start
really before a party called Fudge
arranged by Maxwel himself! He was
mentioned in quite a few demos, and
even modules were made about him, the
winning 32channel module was a song
about maxwel. The Maxwel song was
even played on the norwegian national
tv! Nrk2 in a internet program
called "spider".
Maxwel was not alone when he
arranged Fudge96, his friend, Octagon
also did some of the arranging, a
while after Fudge, actually under The
Party 6 the Octagon fever
started...it all started by on
sentence that a Bounty invented when
imitating maxwel, it goes like this:
"Ogdagonn! AE LIOR DEA!" And it
means in English: "OCTAGON! I LIKE
YOU!" Stor Hamzter/rC tryed to
imitate this in a small party in the
official rECTUM cAUDA party bus...he
was drunk, so it wasnt quit that
good, but even more funny it was!
Stor Hamzter and Kaptein kjeks didnt
manage to hit the train home after
TP6, so they had to stay over at my
place, Kaptein kjeks fell asleep,
then me and Stor HAmzter got the
brilliant idea, we should make a demo
about OgtAGOn, this was done, and the
Octagon fever has already started!
Well, Hybris has for a long time
been a kind of a norwegian scene
"hero" nerd. People enjoy throwing
"loff" (light bread) in his head at
parties, this game was invented by
Justusdepartementet/rC and is now an
official rC game called "loffing"
(bread tossing).
Then it is only Beam left, I am
sorry to tell, the Beam fever is yet
to come , but we think it will soon
start.Beam is in my schoolsclass, he
is in love with a girl(?) on irc, she
is living in USA and calls herself
Flower. Beam have never met her, and
never will, but all his life is about
her.. So, PEOPLE! START MAKE BEAM
DEMOS!!!
The conclusion is, in all
societys we need heros, nerds and
rolepersons! NErds is to laugh at,
heros is to admire, and roleperson is
guys/girls to do following acts as!
StaNgSellERi/rC
INSIDE INFORMATION ON THE
ASCII-BLASTER
Just when you thought you had all
the hardware you could want a new
piece appears. It is always like
this. So, what's different this
time? Well, first of all this is a
piece you can't go without - the
ASCII-BLASTER. The ASCII-BLASTER is
the perfect card to accellerate your
dos-environment. It comes fitted
with 2mb ARAM, which of course stands
for ASCII-RAM.
So, what can it do?, you ask.
Well, first of all, your average
ASCII output will be from 3-4000%
faster due to the new A-6000 chip.
Secondly, you can grab an ASCII
screen to ram, or save it to disk for
later use. Another thing about it is
that it gives you full control over
some new textmodes without hard
coding sessions. One of the more
interesting modes being the 1x1 mode.
Of course the card can display any
numer of ASCII-symbols on screen at
once, ranging from 1 to about 2
million. All operations are
performed at a tremendous speed, and
of course in full true color, due to
the fact that the A-6000 chip has 4mb
inchip cache. Still not convinced?
Just imagine your WIN-95 friends,
dropping their jaws watching the
fabolous text-mode demos included,
which demonstrates some of the more
powerful effects which are built in
the A-6000 chip.
They include:
- Hardware support for *.txt, *.me,
*.diz files viewing.
- Hardware support for textmode
plasma.
- Hardware support for textmode
a-6000(tm) ultra A-Mapped
shading.
- Hardware support for writing text
files.
- Hardware support for colorcycling
the text.
- Hardware support for smooth text-
scrolling (hello Morten).
- Hardware support for textmode
fading.
- Hardware textmode Win-95 emula-
tion, works without crashing.
Of course for you textmode
programmers, there will be a fully
documented manual, covering
interrupts, and functions. Rejoice.
The following plugins can be ordered
for extra $$:
Optional plugin: extra 2mb RAM,
you can save twice the amount of
screens in RAM. Now you're talking:
Save, Edit, Print, +++
Optional plugin: ANSI-chip, yes,
show ANSI-files realtime, now with
1mb ANSI- CACHE!
Optional plugin: Sensoor chip,
if children use the computer, this
chip will analyse any text throughput
and remove any filthy words.
Optional plugin: The A3D-helmet,
view your ASCII in a virtual-reality
environment.
These and many more features can
be found on the ASCII-BLASTER
expected to be released in March
1997.
The retail price will probably be
$99.95.
lpner/rC (Thanks to my friend
at creative tabs for inside info).
NB: The information & price is due
to change without notice.
FUSION, den slemme fyren p PVV
La oss se, alt er gy, en
liten tur p IRC, jeg setter email =
secret@egg.no, ingen ser hvem jeg er.
Hurra, kult jeg kan ha det litt gy.
Vent litt, hvem er det? Hmm... Fusion
kaller han seg, og han snakker til
meg? "Hei Fusion, hva vil du?". Jeg
er tff, jeg er anonym, ingen finner
meg. "Jeg m bare f beklage, men
jeg m sende mail til Online for
klage p deg, og anbefale inndragelse
av kontoen din" "Hva?", spr jeg.
Hvem F. tror han han er. "Hvorfor?"
spr jeg.
Falsk ID er svaret. Faen ta den
jvelen. Jeg tar en whois p ham
Hmm... fusion@trondviggo et eller
annet. Den gr hvalen? Dust!
Herregud, la oss drepe denne
Fusion fyren tenker jeg, og slenger
noen kommentarer. Oisann, han er
visst snn derre ekkel ircop eller
hva sren det heter. Hmm... Jeg
sjekker fort gjennom noen folk som er
inne 3/7 av dem brukte falsk ID. Jeg
sier dette til Fusion, og fr til
svar at jeg skal sren meg ikke vre
frekk, jeg er ille nok ute som det er.
Javisst. Jvla fjortis tenker jeg.
Jvla fjortis med 20cm tykke briller
og ekle tykke hrete kviser. Og alt
for lite hr p t...... Faen heller
Nei, siden den gang har jeg
snakka med mange andre som har samme
problem som meg. Alle er vi enige om
at han skal bankes, bankes. Dersom
noen har noen mening om dette, send
en email til v.O.L.V.o
(rc@countzero.bbs.no), og s
formidler de den videre til meg,
fordi jeg vil forbli anonym.
Men, men nr jeg gr inn p
nettet klokka 03:00 en natt, og
Fusion sitter der og passer p, jeg
mener, har han ikke noe annet gjre
enn sitte p nettet midt p natten
og sjekke om folk har falsk ID?
Herregud. GET A LIFE FUSION. Og s
p julaften ogs, da jeg bare skulle
inn for se om jeg traff noen kjente
1 minutts tid, men da kastet han seg
over meg den den den forvokste
pygmeen. Snn der var det sagt,
FUSION JVEL, mt meg hvis du tr, s
skal jeg knuse ballene dine. Ikke
bff med meg. PS: MT OPP P TG97
hvis du tr, det skal arrangeres en
egen compo der for deg:
FUSION-CRACKING.
Hva den innebrer vet jeg ikke,
og enda en ting: Hvorfor er det bare
du som reagerer p oss, og hvorfor i
hell gjr du ikke noe med de jvla
7th Sphere folka? Jeg bare spr.
HPER DU LESER DETTE FUSION, WE ARE
COMING TO GET YOU.
anonym
(Her slr jeg til, som den editoren
jeg er; hvis du leser dette, Fusion,
kan du gjerne skrive en svar-artikkel
p dette. Vi vil med glede publishe
den her... -dP/rC)
IMPHOBIA, WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT
THEM?
Twice a year, (supposedly) a new
file appears on some ftps.
IMPHOBxx.zip. Hmm, what is this? I
download it. Unzip it, and to my
dissapointment, no changes, same
music style, boring sad music
revelating the end of the world or
something. SHIT, oooh some new
articles, with boooooriiiinnngggggg
stuff in them. TO IMPHOBIA CREW:
Shape up, be more like subkult or
volvo, the real stuff. Get some
stuff done, release your mag 4 times
a year, add new graphics, totally new
design, drop that stupid, stupid
musicplayer, we are living in 1997,
Midas and MikMod rules.
I keep reading, girls in the
scene, animations in demos, what
tracker, what sound card, what, what,
what.. bla bla bla. Get real, write
some interesting stuff, and drop that
stupid, stupid font. And, and. Shit
I can't say anymore, I am so furious.
Even the first imphobia is better
than #12. So there.
"DERE ER NOEN JVLA SOPERE"
Which would translate into
something like: "You guys are some
hellish brushers". :)
OK, I'll admit it, I actually
read Imphobia, but each time I get
more and more dissapointed. Get some
new layout, new not so damn
depressing music, and then, then
maybe. Ok? Good
THANK YOU...
Anonymous
Spider
Yes, its me, Sausage/Dureks
again. I'm here to talk about
Spider. (I'm sorry, but this is an
norwegian program so many of you
peoples outside of norway would think
this is boring, but anyway...). I
really hate the new Spider program
hosts, they sux, for example, I sent
in a picture to Spider using my pals
account, Pothead Pixie, and I waited
and waited, finally the picture came
on the famous Spider, BUT, the bloody
fools wrote Potheads name, which we
expressed very many times in the
e-mail NOT to do!! But what can you
expect from unexperienced quasi-
computer experts. :) I hated Erik
Meyn when he was the show's host, I
thought he was a complete jerk, and a
big F__K UP with his songs and poets,
but he did have a charisma, and I was
not his fault he was born that way.
:D But that was the good times, I
have now understood, he hosted a
youth program atleast. Nowadays
Spider has no target group, not for
adults (it is too complicated, and
yet too unprofessional). And neither
for the youth!! (too boring, no fun,
too few demos, too few songs, too few
drawings, and TOO STUPID hosts!!!!)
Me and my pals/co-members in
DUREKS in TRNDELAG/Norway the land
of ice, water, mountains, and the
famous fjords, :D tried too send in
our homepage address and our demo
SPEIZA but no, they did NOT send it,
those poor losers!! And the waste of
time, Net-Bit and all the bullcrap
they send just to waste time, and of
those short 30 minutes they have, 25
minutes is wasted on crap. And the
hosts are so boring, nervous and
theire jokes is as fun as a Phillips
dishwasher!!
They SUCK!! The story ends now.
My point is: I want Erik back, I
don't want to admit it, but I miss
him. Come back Erik! :'( (Maybe I
exaggerated a little :D)
(Maybe rC should host spider?)
PS: Check out our homepage on:
www.nvg.unit.no/~makka/dureks
I recommend it. :)
Sausage/dureks signing off
Deluxepaint
Piffi
Stor Hamzter
Heizahn
Trollmusse
Vikeplikt
lpner
Kraftwerket
Analrau i rompa man 2
Ballerasp
Kugalskap
Monsterkanin
Kaptein kjeks
Dyne
Stangselleri
Tannkremspiser
Justisdepartement
Cornflakesman
Dr. Inzite
Pengeinnkrever
Tapetmontren
Ompalur
Sovesyke
Kong Hockey
Dronning Flass
Lampeskjerm
Sykkelstyre
Vannpipe
Achmed i bua
Umma Gumma
Rexrnny
Pluskvamperfektum
Dr. Halvbrisen
Evil Kalkulator
Maxwel
Octagon
Beam
DJ Busssjfr
Xotisk Kafee'
Onanivrak
Giftig Avfall
EN kopp med smult
Sau slikker
Telefonkiosk
Melkekartong
Tigertffel
Termos
Fantaman
Dr DJ Cand.Med Putevar
Fruitopia
Dr. Grufull
Sentrifugesurr
Absurdmaleri
Arbeidsledighet
54 members of rECTUM cAUDA
unofficially noted.
Hello, everybody. You may not
have heard of me before, but you
will!! My name is Makka Yver, and I
am a member of dureks and aztma.
Look out for forthcoming products.
My occupations are music and
computers, and, of course computer
music. I was asked to write an
article about something, so I guess
I'll just start now.
In the part of Norway called
'Trndelag', where I live, the art of
moonshining have long traditions. I
would like to teach you the art of
making good moonshine and drinks made
out of it. You see, it's not quite
as easy as some of you may think.
But throughout the years of
researching this topic, I've picked
up some tricks or two... ;)) (witty!)
Firstly, you need to have an
apparatus that is capable of
destilling the spiritousa. But,
according to norwegian laws, I can't
be more precise (a hint can be
rebuilding your own little
coffeemachine... A very important
thing to have in mind if you ever
will lay your greasy hands on
something like such an apparatus, IT
WILL NEED CONSTANT COOLING during the
making process, else you might have
to say goodbye to your house!)
Then, you must have something
that in Norway is known as 'sats', or
the moonshine basis, if you like.
There are three ingredients, all of
them equally important; Sugar, yeast
and water (!!). How much of each
ingredient, can vary, but if you have
ten kilos of sugar, you would need
about 200-250 grams of yeast, and
13-15 litres of water. (You can
experiment yourself to a satisfying
result 8-Q)...
Then, you have to let the 'sats'
rest for about two to three weeks,
before you destilize it in your own
private little deztilator.. (You CAN
destilize it right away, but that is
NOT recommended...) (BTW, you will
get about 1,5 to maximum 2 litres of
pure 'homebrew' of this receipt.
OBS! DO NOT EXPOSE TO OPEN FIRE OR
TEMPERATURES ABOVE 75øC!!!!!)
After destilation, you let the
product rest for a little while (a
day or three...), and you would
probably filter it through a filter
out of active coal, to purify the
liquid. It is not a too damn stupid
thing to repeat this process once.
Now you have come so far, it's
very important that you don't screw
it all up in the blending phase!!
(But of course, you will have to
adjust it so that it fits your
taste...)
My personal favourite, is
definetly 'karsk' (sounding smthn
like 'cachk'...). It contains your
own homemade liquid and coffee. The
coffee should not be too black. Me,
myself and I, uses (if the liquid is
as good as 90-96%) 3 parts coffee and
1 to 2 parts moonshine, depending on
how late it is, and how many I've had
before. (I have actually tried 1:14
once, but I can't tell you too much
about it, because I do not remember a
damn shit from that night, from 7 pm
to 6 am....) In some barbaric parts
of Norway, they add some sugar, but
in my opinion, this will totally
destroy the taste (and your
stomach...).
A good number two, is 'Te-knekt'
('Tea-Knight'?). This consists of
(as you may have guessed) Tea and
Moonshine. The relation is about the
same, BUT here you are ALLOWED to add
sugar. Just make tea the way you
like it best, and add your own little
fluid, and you'll find out if this is
something for you. A tips:Blackberry
or Mango or Peach Teas are fine.
AppleTea too...
Then you have 'Kaldkjeft'
('Coldmouth'?). This contains cool
water and your own little goodie.
The mixture relation is again about
the same as the aboves. Again, sugar
is optional. I don't use it,
but.....
I won't even mention the horrible
habit of blending into orange juice
and soda!! (PS: Schweppes' Bitter
Lemon is not bad, though...)
As for the rest, you can use it
in all sorts of liqeurs and things
like that. You will just have to
follow the recipes on the essence
bottles. But when you read something
like 'then add 2 dl. spiritousa', it
means 40% brew, NOT 96%!!! (But if
you like it hot, what the hell...)
You are then (for these purposes
ONLY) allowed to blend in some water.
But the water MUST be very clean.
Boiled, or (most preferable) bought
at a chemist's shop.
Of course, there are a lot of
other possibilities. (Drink it with
milk, Fruit Salts, Lemonade,
WHATEVER...) You just have to use
your imagination. HAVE FUN,
children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lots of love (Lost of love...)
Makka Yver/Dureks
makka@nvg.unit.no
http://www.nvg.unit.no/~makka/dureks/
(Greetings to: Monsterkanin/rECTUM
cAUDA, cpt. Capricorn, ALL dureks
members, Zork, Pothead Pixie/Beam,
rCfC, dureksFC, The Noble, and
everybody at NettVerksGruppa at the
University in Trondheim...)
exclusively for Volvo #1 in 38
character wide panorama text vision
Sand through time
[a rectum cauda analysis]
[ Piffi / rECTUM cAUDA]
Hello world! This is Piffi /rc
once again triggering interrupt 9
on my compuuuuta trying to write
something decent for the world to
enjoy. Whatever.
Sand is probably one of the
most famous (i hope) rECTUM cAUDA
demos available at the time of
writing, and has currently evolved
into three episodes. The reason for
me writing about this is of course
another result of hindu turning
elite, and rECTUM cAUDA being an
alternative way of conquering the
world.
Sand I was originally written
by rECTUM cAUDA's Hindu Armada,
which consisted of Dr. Grufull &
sTOR hAMZTER. This release consists
of many trend-setting expressions
that immediately influenced the
entire norwegian scene and probably
spread all the way over the ocean to
a machine whose registered name is
ftp.hornet.org. Words like 'rau' and
'hindu' caused some confusion among
the unroached scene around us. Only
after a mild session of brainwashing
this could be cured and then
converted into something that later
turned into rECTUM cAUDA's main
trademark. Some of the effects
featured in Sand I was : Fancy
Screen Wipe, Delayed Font Writing,
Film Er Best I India. Sand I's most
recognizable theme is the
hindu-rythm featured in the theme
song powered by sTOR hAMZTER's
incredible trackyness. Sand I also
was the debut of Hole Inga. Now I
can personally distribute the
not-so-well-kept secret that Hole
Inga is, in fact, inspired of
Leftfield.
Sand II was the followup of
Sand I, coded by Piffi and tracked
by sTOR hAMZTER. Sand II was the
debut release of Piffi, and this
release was even mentioned in Lano
#3. This fact does not implicate any
rating at all. Sand II featured the
unfamous phonyshading, which later
developed to phonyglenz (accompli-
shed by removing the sorting algo-
rithm and colouring the polygons
according to their position in the
face list). Sand II is in a way the
second part in the (currently)
triology of the Sand Hindu
Productions. This release takes the
hindu theme a lot deeper and
suggests an immediate hinduistical
future dominated by evil Mekkahs. By
the way, hindus bathe in Ghandi.
And cows are still sacred.
Observant watchers may notice the
trend which evolves into the
TP6- rocking Sand III!
Sand III was the major TP6-rC-
release, and which also made quite a
fuss around, esp. on #theparty and
#coders, where bad losers complained
about no preselction etc. (no
comment here). Sand III features the
evil madness launched of buying
pizzas from Ponti's Pizza, who
suddenly changed their to-the-door-
delivery scheme to not include elite
(and hungry) rECTUM cAUDA sceners
wanting to scream in their face at
the lousy time of 22:00. (rECTUM
cAUDA Stavanger Section is currently
being sponsored by PizzaShop)
Sand III, which is the future vision
of Papa New Guinea, 2057 A.D.,
contains a refreshment of the
original rECTUM cAUDA ideology; WE
WILL, WE WILL ROCK 'U! Sand III
scored an immensive amount of *19*
points, thus achieving 26th place
out of 32. I'd just like to mention
the demos/groups we beat:
27 Starfucker (Badsector) 17
28 Mundane (Nowadays) 8
29 Certified & Tested (Jezz) 4
30 Pray (Esteem) 2
31 Shoong (Hatha) 1
32 Xamen (Solid) 0
I must say that it was very
interesting speaking to the main
coder of Esteem on #coders the day
after the results being officially
released.
As The Gathering '97 is
approaching, I guess the main
questions every bus- organizing,
train- trippin' flippin', ticket-
stealing soul has in mind is:
"Will Sand IV be released?"
As the deadline is closing in,
the lack of pizza nags our souls,
and the constant begging in the
DOS32 debugger of the perfect
rotation of three- dimensional
coordinates occupies our souls in
these very days, the question
remains yet to be resolved. Sand IV
is still an option! If *you* want
this release, PLEASE mail the editor
of this issue and ask him to forward
the mail to he-knows-who...
Before rECTUM cAUDA can insert
the final crackdown on planet Earth,
we need a REAL slogan, that will be
the theme of every episode of Spi-
der on Norwegian Television, second
attempt (NRK 2), a slogan that fits
the back of an XL T-shirt, a slogan
that does not occupy more than 40h
bytes, and still allows room for
winning court suits against racial
discrimination. For instance; "hey!
hindus are cool people!".
Note that rECTUM cAUDA needs no
support. rECTUM cAUDA *is* the
support. rC pumps back life in
twisted norwegian (and as we're
growing, scandinavian) sceners,
resolving more conflicts per day
than the maximum allowed sheep per
day crossing the road by this wood
I'm living nextdoor. rECTUM cAUDA
allows for more creativity than the
neighbouring gamerlamer trying to
design his own car exterior. rECTUM
cAUDA opens up for more FEED than
any other scene THING! Do you know
how many lives rECTUM cAUDA has
saved? Neither do I. One thing's for
sure though: Sand IV will
definitively save the world!
