Conspiracy Nation Vol. 09 Num. 72

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Conspiracy Nation

 · 4 years ago

  

 
              Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 9  Num. 72 
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                    ("Quid coniuratio est?") 
  
  
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A SMALL-TOWN CONSPIRACY 
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Small-town  sheriff  Andrew  Taylor  receives  a  letter  from an 
ex-convict, informing him that he will be visiting the town soon. 
The letter is cryptic:  it says only that the  ex-con  wishes  to 
"settle a score." 
  
Sheriff  Taylor  recalls  that long ago he had shot the author of 
the letter, wounding him in the leg and causing him thereafter to 
walk with a limp. 
  
Alarmed by the potential for  danger  to his associate and friend 
the sheriff, Deputy Barnard Fife conspires  with  a  gas  station 
attendant  by  name of Gomer Pyle, and with one Otis Campbell, an 
habitue of  the  local  jail  (Mr.  Campbell  appears  to  have a 
drinking problem), to secretly guard Sheriff Taylor.   Noticeably 
absent from the plot is a local barber known as "Floyd." 
  
The  ex-con  arrives  by bus.  He gets off the common carrier and 
limps to an unknown  destination.   Ominously,  he carries a case 
containing what appears to be a rifle or shotgun. 
  
Complicating things still further is the fact that  Deputy  Fife, 
although  armed  with  a  pistol,  in fact has no bullets in that 
pistol (although he does carry  *one*  bullet in a shirt pocket.) 
The sheriff himself carries no weapon. 
  
At home that evening with  his  son  and  an  aunt  who  performs 
housekeeping  chores  for Sheriff Taylor, the phone rings.  It is 
the ex-con saying he is coming  to  the Taylor residence to pay a 
visit.  The aunt, Beatrice, promptly takes the sheriff's son  and 
deserts the premises. 
  
Unknown  to  the sheriff, secret bodyguards Pyle and Campbell are 
nearby. 
  
The ex-con, limping  and  still  carrying  the  apparent rifle or 
shotgun, arrives.  He is  a  mean-looking  fellow.   The  unarmed 
sheriff invites him in. 
  
At  this point, Deputy Fife arrives.  He and his secret team peer 
in through the window.  They  see  the ex-con pull a shotgun from 
the case he is carrying. 
  
Thinking quickly,  Deputy  Fife  pulls  the  electric  fuses  for 
Sheriff  Taylor's  home.   Then, he, Pyle, and Campbell, carrying 
stout rope, rush in the back door. 
  
But, in the meantime, the sheriff  and the ex-con have exited via 
the front door.  Inside the house, in the  darkness,  the  deputy 
and his assistants bungle badly and end up in knots. 
  
Outside,  the sheriff fixes the fuses, the lights go back on, and 
he and the ex-con peer in through the window.  They both laugh at 
what they see.  It turns out that the shotgun was a present given 
to Sheriff Taylor  as  supposed  "thanks"  for helping the ex-con 
straighten up and turn his life around. 
  
BUT, how is it that the ex-con, a felon, can have  a  shotgun  to 
give  to  the  sheriff?  And what about this Otis Campbell fellow 
who, under the  guise  of  being intoxicated, is "coincidentally" 
privy to police intelligence?  And most  especially,  why  is  it 
that  the "good sheriff" employs incompetent Fife as deputy -- is 
the sheriff  afraid  that  a  *real*  deputy  might  catch  on to 
something? 
  
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Aperi os tuum muto, et causis omnium filiorum qui pertranseunt. 
Aperi os tuum, decerne quod justum est, et judica inopem et  
  pauperem.                    -- Liber Proverbiorum  XXXI: 8-9