The love of the father for the children
Index
- 1. Love and the reality of marriage
- 1.1 When not knowing how to much love hurts
- 1.2 Memories of a difficult start
- 2.1 The reality of life as a couple
- 2.2 The moments of silence
- 3.1 Immaturity and mistakes made
- 3.2 Lessons learned
Love and the reality of marriage
1.1 When not knowing how to much love hurts
1.2 Memories of a difficult start
That day when my story began, my wife asked me to accompany her to visit the gynaecologist, after a long time of waiting we entered the office, she lay down on the stretcher and the doctor began to do the echo. On the monitor screen I saw some small lumps in which something was moving and then he said "there are two". I felt my legs tremble but he kept scrutinising to see if another bag appeared (that moment was eternal). I felt that I was short of breath. Finally he said "there are two", when I left the office my wife looked very calm but I was invaded by questions of fear of unknowns. I felt insecure not knowing what was going to happen and I thought "if a son is a great responsibility and if all the world has one I have two ... ". Looking at my wife, she clearly noticed on my face that I was scared and said "everything will be fine".
2.1 The reality of life as a couple
Because of his work, my wife had to go far because she was a military-grade doctor and had to travel 850 km to work in a military unit and we saw each other every 15 days, however, every month we went to consultations and the routine echo allowed us to see how our babies were growing in the womb, which had less and less space to move. Sometimes they kicked and we could see how the little foot of one pressed the belly of my wife, the other pulled out the elbow. Time passed and the size of her belly prevented her from bathing alone and I helped her, talked to my daughters, dressed her, tied her laces.
There were two principles of miscarriage, in one of them my wife hit her belly with a door and was at rest. I had to travel 859 km, to be with her.
The born day came before time and my daughters were born premature after completing seven months of gestation, which was difficult because they had to be in a thermo crib for a month. They were so small that their weight was not felt, but I always knew that they would be fine.
The day to get them out of the hospital and take them home arrived. The fears were there, but we kept going, we were young and inexperienced with the responsibility of two lives that began and not knowing what to do only fight and continue, the bad nights began they had to eat every three hours but they could not suck his bottle and an ounce became three hours, bad nights were exhausting, diapers, his toilet, work, food, home, he just wanted to run away was an avalanche of things. Also, the work of my wife demanded that she leave at six in the morning, I would stay with my daughters, dress them, feed them and leave them in the place where they cared for them until the time my wife took them away.
2.2 The moments of silence
I remember that the moments of silence and rest were scarce a treasure, life became hard, the costume stained with milk daily, the lack of rest, the responsibilities of work and the care of our daughters made us lose patience, tolerance and even respect.
I took care of my daughters because I believed that I could do better than my wife who, due to her work, would not be able to take care of them and without realizing it, my daughters were growing up and it is true that children need mother and father, every weekend When the time came to fire my wife so that she could do her job, my daughters cried inconsolably because they needed their mother and to compensate for this urgent need, I traveled 421 km. By bus with my little daughters to see their mother when she couldn't go home.
3.1 Immaturity and mistakes made
Now after 21 years I understand that the inexperience the lack of maturity and the sudden explosion of so many responsibilities made us make wrong decisions and in my case also wanting to flee, disappear in order to recover my tranquility I felt overwhelmed and without realising it I was losing sight my goals ……… I lost myself.
For a long time I blamed others for my bad decisions for the consequences of my actions, because it was easier to believe that I was the victim and that they were all bad except me.
3.2 Lessons learned
Today I understand that I make my decisions, I am wrong and that in that accumulation of errors I hurt my mother, it affects my brothers and it terribly hurts many people, my wife and my children.
I decided to run away from my reality, I immersed myself in liquor for years and I was imprisoned by it for years, until it can free me from this terrible vice and it takes me years to get away with a lot of will power and a profound change in habits.
Now after years and a deep self-evaluation I assume the consequences of my actions, from my decisions I managed to understand that wisdom is acquired by making mistakes and taking the best of what I have lived, I learned to forgive myself to take the next step and at this point in my life I understand that "every day is the first day of the rest of my life", as the author says.
