JUST DO IT, IDIOT!
JUST DO IT, IDIOT! (tm) Translation Document 1 - Basic Graphics and Text Replacement
By Gideon Zhi
READ THIS SECTION, IDIOT!!
This is a beginners guide to romhacking. While I've found that most guides do an excellent job, many of you "aspiring learners" are just too damn lazy to read through a full document, and go to message boards to ask questions about procedures documented in full. So, JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS! Alright? ALRIGHT DAMMIT!!
If insane use of capitals (as in, if a drill seargent screaming at you) offends you, or if you are offended by any kind of insults, STOP READING THIS DOCUMENT RIGHT NOW.
...IDIOT.
THE GUIDE ASSUMES YOU KNOW HOW TO EXTRACT FILES FROM WINZIP ARCHIVES AND HOW TO DOWNLOAD STUFF FROM THE INTERNET. IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THESE, FIND A NICE, SHARP, POINTY, GNARLED BRANCH AND SODOMIZE YOURSELF WITH IT. HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT ROMHACKING WITHOUT PLAYING A HACK OR TRANSLATION OF SOME SORT!?
THIS IS A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE WHICH ASSUMES (probably correctly) THAT YOU'RE A COMPLETE DUNCE WHEN IT COMES TO ROMHACKING AND DOS. So here we go. Explanations follow the walkthrough.
STEP 1 : PRINT THIS DOCUMENT!
STEP 2 : CLOSE ALL OPEN WINDOWS ON YOUR COMPUTER!
STEP 3 : DOUBLE-CLICK "My Computer"!
STEP 4 : DOUBLE-CLICK THE SQUARISH RECTANGULAR HARD DISK ICON!
STEP 5 : CLICK "File" IN THE WINDOW WHICH APPEARED AFTER STEP 4!
STEP 6 : CLICK "New" IN THE LITTLE SLIDE-DOWN THINGY!
STEP 7 : CLICK "New Folder" IN THE LITTLE SLIDE-OUT THINGY!
STEP 8 : TYPE "ROMHACK" IN THE LITTLE RECTANGLE WITH THE BLACK BAR THAT SAYS "NEW FOLDER"!
STEP 9 : DOUBLE-CLICK THE LITTLE FOLDER ICON NEXT TO OR BELOW "ROMHACK!"
STEP 10 : THIS AREA OF YOUR COMPUTER, IDIOT, WILL BE CALLED THE "ROMHACKING FOLDER." OKAY!?
STEP 11 : DOWNLOAD THE FOLLOWING AND EXTRACT THEM TO THE ROMHACKING FOLDER:
http://rpgd.emulationworld.com/utils/hexpo044.zip
http://rpgd.emulationworld.com/utils/tlay050b.zip
http://rpgd.emulationworld.com/utils/Rsearch.zip
http://rpgd.emulationworld.com/utils/snestl12.zip
http://ctc.weyland-yutani.net/thevale/script-e.zip
http://ctc.weyland-yutani.net/thevale/script-i.zip
http://ctc.weyland-yutani.net/thevale/tblmaker.zip
http://sgc.emu2k.com/files/emulators/101899.zip
http://www.cybergoth.force9.co.uk/romhack/kana.gif
http://www.cybergoth.force9.co.uk/romhack/katakana.gif
http://www.zophar.net/Files/cwsdpmi.zip
http://www.zophar.net/Files/dos32.zip
http://www.zophar.net/Files/dos4gw.zip
http://members.xoom.com/aeongen/chaosw.zip
STEP 12 : YOU STILL WITH ME, IDIOT!?
STEP 13 : CLICK THE "START" BUTTON IN THE LOWER-LEFT HAND CORNER OF THE SCREEN!
STEP 14 : CLICK THE THING THAT SAYS "Run..."!
STEP 15 : TYPE "COMMAND" AND PRESS THE ENTER BUTTON ON YOUR KEYBOARD!
STEP 16 : TYPE "CD \"!
STEP 17 : THE BLACK BOX ON THE SCREEN SHOULD NOW READ "C:\>" WITH A LITTLE FLASHING LINE!
STEP 18 : TYPE "CD ROMHACK!"
STEP 19 : IT SHOULD NOW SHOW "C:\ROMHACK>"
STEP 20 : IF IT SAYS "INVALID DIRECTORY" THEN RENAME YOUR "ROMHACKING FOLDER" TO "ROMHACK"! DOS DOES NOT LIKE FILE NAMES GREATER THAN 8 CHARACTERS, IDIOT
STEP 21 : ONCE THE BLACK BOX SAYS "C:\ROMHACK>" TYPE "TLAYER CHAOSWJ.NES", IDIOT!!
STEP 22 : HEY, LOOKITTAT, IDIOT! YOU COULDA DONE THIS WITH ANY OTHER DOC, BUT YOU HAD TO USE THIS ONE TO GET IT THROUGH YER THICK SKULL, EH? BAH I SAY, BAH!!
STEP 23 : SCROLL DOWN WITH THE DOWN ARROW KEY UNTIL YOU SEE SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE AN ENGLISH ALPHABET. GUESS WHAT? IT IS! WOW, IDIOT!
STEP 24 : RIGHT BELOW THAT "P", A JAPANESE ALPHABET STARTS! OOOOOOOOOOOOO SCARY! I BET YOU'RE SCARED OF THE SCARY JAPANESE EH, IDIOT?
STEP 25 : CLICK ON THE "A"!
STEP 26 : MOVE THE CURSOR OVER THE CHARACTER BELOW THE "P" AND RIGHT-CLICK!
STEP 27 : WOW! IT GOT REPLACED! SCARY!! OOOOOOO RUN AWAY NO DON'T
STEP 28 : LEFT-CLICK THE "B"!
STEP 29 : RIGHT-CLICK THE CHARACTER NEXT TO THE "A" THAT YOU JUST PLACED!
STEP 30 : REPEAT UNTIL YOU HAVE A FULL ENGLISH ALPHABET (A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z) IN PLACE OF THE JAPANESE!
STEP 31 : CLICK "SAVE"!
STEP 32 : CLICK "QUIT"!
STEP 33 : TYPE "LOOPYNES"!
STEP 34 : PRESS THE DOWN ARROW KEY AND PRESS ENTER!
STEP 35 : PRESS THE DOWN ARROW KEY SIX TIMES TO HIGHLIGHT "CONTROLLER 1" AND PRESS ENTER, THEN CONFIGURE THE CONTROLS AS YOU WISH. THIS IS THE ONLY SLACK YOU'RE GETTING, IDIOT!
STEP 36 : PRESS THE "ESC" KEY UNTIL THE ONE MENU IS THE ONLY ONE LEFT!
STEP 37 : PRESS THE UP ARROW KEY TO HIGHLIGHT "LOAD" THEN PRESS ENTER!
STEP 38 : PRESS THE DOWN ARROW KEY UNTIL "CHAOSWJ" IS HIGHLIGHTED, AND PRESS ENTER!
STEP 39 : IF YOUR ROM LOADED, YOU'RE STILL WITH ME. RIGHT, IDIOT!?
STEP 40 : PRESS WHATEVER YOU CONFIGURED YOUR START BUTTON TO BE!
STEP 41 : NOTICE THE WORD "NATSUME"! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PART, IDIOT!
STEP 42 : NOW PRESS START AGAIN!
STEP 43 : OOOO SOME OF THE JAPANESE IS REPLACED! SCAAAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYY
STEP 44 : DON'T CHICKEN OUT, IDIOT!
STEP 45 : OKAY, THIS IS THE TOUGH PART (OOOOOOOOOHHHHH I'M SCARED)
STEP 46 : PRESS ESCAPE!
STEP 47 : PRESS THE UP ARROW KEY TO HIGHLIGHT "EXIT"
STEP 48 : PRESS ENTER TO RETURN TO THE BLACK BOX THINGY!
STEP 49 : TYPE "HEXPOSE"!
STEP 50 : FIND "CHAOSWJ.NES" IN THAT LIST OF FILES, HIGHLIGHT IT USING THE ARROW KEYS, THEN PRESS THE ENTER KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD!
STEP 51 : YOU'RE NOW IN THE BIG SCARY HEX EDITOR INTERFACE!
STEP 52 : PRESS THE ESCAPE KEY TO BRING UP A MENU!
STEP 53 : PRESS THE RIGHT ARROW KEY TWICE TO BRING DOWN THE "SEARCH" MENU!
STEP 54 : IT'S TIME FOR THAT SCARY RELATIVE SEARCH BIT YOU HEAR EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT!
STEP 55 : PRESS THE DOWN ARROW KEY TWICE TO HIGHLIGHT "Relative...", THEN PRESS THE ENTER KEY!
STEP 56 : TYPE "NATSUME" IN ALL CAPS!! NOT LIKE YOU'D HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT, IDIOT...
STEP 57 : NOW PRESS ENTER!
STEP 58 : OOOOH BUILD FONT TABLE BASED ON RESULT SCAAAAAAARRRRRYYY
STEP 59 : TYPE Y TO TELL IT YES (TYPICALLY, IDIOT, Y STANDS FOR YES AND N STANDS FOR NO!)
STEP 60 : WHOOPS, SEE THOSE CREDITS ABOVE THE WORD? THIS PROBABLY ISN'T THE RIGHT PLACE, SO HIT THE F3 KEY TO SEARCH AGAIN, AND PRESS Y AGAIN!
STEP 61 : PRESS TAB TO SWITCH FROM HEX EDITING TO TEXT EDITING!
STEP 62 : TYPE "IMIDIOT"!
STEP 63 : PRESS THE ESC KEY TO BRING UP THE MENU!
STEP 64 : PRESS THE LEFT ARROW KEY TWICE!
STEP 65 : PRESS DOWN ONCE TO HIGHLIGHT "Save" AND PRESS ENTER ONCE, THEN AGAIN!
STEP 66 : NOW, LASTLY, YOU SHOULD SAVE THE TABLE TO *GASP* STUDY, IDIOT!
STEP 67 : HIT ESC AGAIN!
STEP 68 : PRESS DOWN THREE TIMES TO HIGHLIGHT "Save.tbl" AND PRESS ENTER!
STEP 69 : NOW TYPE "CHAOSWJ.TBL" SINCE YOUR ROMH IS CALLED "CHAOSWJ.NES" AND PRESS ENTER!
STEP 70 : PRESS ESC AGAIN, PRESS THE DOWN ARROW KEY, THEN PRESS ENTER TO RETURN TO THE BLACK BOX!
STEP 71 : TYPE "LOOPYNES"!
STEP 72 : FOLLOW THE PREVIOUS PROCEDURE FOR LOADING THE CHAOSWJ ROM!
STEP 73 : PRESS THE START BUTTON, AND WHAT DO WE HAVE? A GAME COPYRIGHT 1991 BY IMIDIOT! HAW!
STEP 74 : THIS CONCLUDES THE FIRST DOCUMENT! MORE WILL COME LATER IN
"JUST DO IT IDIOT (tm) Volume 2 - Table Files and Script Dumping"
"JUST DO IT IDIOT (tm) Volume 3 - Advanced Text Replacement - Pointers"
"JUST DO IT IDIOT (tm) Volume 4 - Advanced Text Replacement - DTE, MTE, DBE, oh my!"
