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Getting Even Chapter 05
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ FILLERS ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
Trickster Aynesworth Belin is thrilled with the recent introduction of the
super-foam products. These are urethane-and-resin compounds, usually in a
spray can, which billow out and expand into a mass at least thirty times the
original volume. They harden quickly, often within five minutes. Another
version is a two-part liquid that when mixed does even more astounding things.
One quart will give you the equal of 150 pounds of plaster.
A gallon of super foam will make eight cubic feet of the ultrastrong
material, which is water, erosion, and corrosion proof, as well as heat and
cold resistant. The irony is that these products have been marketed by major
corporations for various legitimate filler jobs. They rely on advertising and
societal brainwashing to make certain the lulled citizens use the product only
for its duly intended purpose. If there was ever a product that belongs in the
arsenal of the dirty trickster, this one is it. I took an informal survey of
fifteen hardware stores in my area. All had the product in stock. Yet one
clerk told me, "Most [buyers] are young kids...got no good use in mind."
I bet some of them have a very good use to mind. What can I say but, "Try
it, you'll like it," even if the mark won't?
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ FORGERY ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
Forgery is a fine art form, very useful to the trickster. During World
War II, for example, the British Security Coordination often forged
letterheads, documents, and official cables to thwart Hitler's efforts in the
early dark days of 1939 through 1941. Some of their efforts were spectacular,
especially in South America, working covertly with sympathetic American
officials, officially neutral at that time. Some of their tactics are highly
adaptable to today's dirty trickster. Full details are yours for the reading
in A MAN CALLED INTREPID. Another excellent reference is THE NEW PAPER TRIP,
which will give you everything you need to know about forging to get even.
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ GARAGE SALES ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
Ever have a garage sale? Ever been to one? They're incredible, and they
seem to bring out the most in worst people. Even I, a thick-skinned, terminal
misanthrope, was awed at the gall of some people who demand to see your entire
house or who pound on your door at 6:00 A.M. to get a "head start" on a garage
sale you announced in the paper starting at 9:00 A.M. Getting the message?
Let's have a garage sale at your mark's residence. Or let's have it in
your mark's name but at the neighbor's address. List all sorts of outlandish
bargains and tell people you have guns, old china, glassware, and dozens of
inexpensive antiques. You want obnoxious gawkers, not buyers. Remember that!
Naturally, the mark and/or the neighbor will know nothing of this until the
first knock on the door at 6:00 A.M.
"I used to get all sorts of odd-hour calls from home-remodeling-and-repair
salespeople at this one local company," recalls Jim Kenslogger. "I must have
called them a half dozen times to ask that my name and number be removed from
their files. No luck. So I decided to change my luck.
"I learned who their chief executive was and pulled the bogus-garage-sale
number on him, complete with newspaper ad. Then I started calling his home at
odd hours, asking if he were the party having the garage sale. He was really
out of sorts after about a week of this.
"I stopped, and about ten days later I got another routine sales call from
his company. I called right back, asked to speak to that executive, and told
him I was damn tired of being bothered by his salespeople and could he get them
to stop calling me. He pledged he would and told me wearily, 'Buddy, I know
just how you feel. I'll surely take care of it for you.' I had no trouble
after that, so neither did he."
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ GASES ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
A serious dirty trickster should have a supply of ammonium sulfide. This
liquid is loads cheaper to buy than milk, booze, or gasoline. It smells so
awful that no one, not even the most terminal of coke sniffers, can stand to be
around it once it has been brought into play. It may be sprayed or vaporized.
Using this stuff as a base, Kurt Saxon offers a very effective formula for
making your own stinkum in his book THE POOR MAN'S JAMES BOND. The stuff is so
potent that it should have to be registered somehow with someone. Phew. But
it's easy to make, and as long as it's harassing your mark's glands, what do
you care?
A little leave-behind hostess present can be a small, uncapped bottle of
butyric acid. Propped near the door you're closing, it will be knocked over
when the mark enters the room. Phew.
Crowd-dispersal devices are also good choices for the trickster's
arsenal. These include spray cannisters, gas grenades, pens, and other
chemical-dispensing weapons. Many of these items may be purchased over the
counter in some states. They're generally sold under a variety of trade names
and generally contain CS gas, which is a military version of tear gas. If you
obtain it without undue risk, MACE is an excellent choice. Many manuals tell
you how to make your own MACE.
You can buy many of these materials by mail order. Check current shipping
regulations and any laws against these devices in your own area first, of
course. One of the best mail-order companies in this business is American
Colonial Armament, P.O. Box F, Chicago Ridge, Illinois 60415. If you are or
can appear to be a law-enforcement official you can have access to a veritable
smorgasbord of sophisticated gas weapons by getting a catalog from the F.
Morton Pitt Company, at 1444 S. San Gabriel Blvd., San Gabriel, California
91776. Finally, if you prefer to brew up your own gases, get a copy of Kurt
Saxon's classic book THE POOR MAN'S JAMES BOND. He tells you how to do it all
in your own kitchen workshop. You can get his book from Atlan Formularies,
P.O. Box 438, Eureka, California 95501.
From Elmer Bill, our gardening editor, comes the charming advice that
spray cans of Raid and other insecticides provide you with an improvised
defensive weapon. The stuff burns the eyes badly and will fire an eight- to
ten-foot spray.
This buffet of gaseous ideas is method only. The rationale behind why you
would use such tactics is your own business, of course. But at times when
people or institutions have done you dirty -- a dose or so of noxious gas may
help set the record straight for you.
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ GRAFFITI ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
Contrary to popular belief, some people -- usually the creepy ones you
want for this stunt -- do call names and numbers found in bar restrooms.
Harvey Rankin and Festerwald Ray proved this premise in their study SCRAWL ON
THE WALL. What you learn from them is that you should write you mark's
spouse's first name and phone number and a boldly stated sexual attraction (use
your imagination) in every restroom of every bar in town. Biker and jock bars
are usually the best.
As a follow-up, you can tune in your tape deck to a pop country song, call
the number yourself, and sound drunk. If you're lucky, the mark will answer.
Tell the mark why you're calling and where you got the name and number. It is
hoped that you'll be the only ringer among a large crowd of real callers.
Commercial graffiti are available in a form known as billboards and
posters. You could have posters or billboards printed to announce your mark's
coming out of the homosexual closet. Or your bogus billboard could announce a
conservative political candidate's personal advocacy of gun control, gay
rights, blacks, Chicanos, abortion, etc. Your political candidate may actually
support busing. If so, you billboard for him should indicate his violent
opposition to it. And so on.
Bumper stickers are another form of graffiti. You can get bogus ones
printed in the same manner as billboards and posters. Or you can use
legitimate purposes, such as slapping strongly adhesive bumper stickers that
champion your political canidate -- mark to the painted rear-deck surfaces of
automobiles in a shopping-mall lot. It might be fun sometime to sit around
thinking up other creatively rotten things you could do with bumper stickers to
get even with someone.
For example, you could get bumper stickers printed that say, GAY IS
GREAT...TRY IT, and place these on the automobiles of local bikers, right
wingers, clergy, and others who feel threatened by homosexuals. You could get
bumper stickers that say, HONK IF YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TOO, and put them on the
autos of marks whom you feel are qualified. BAN HANDGUNS or HUNT HUNTERS
bumper stickers go great on the property of redneck gun nuts. Or put NRA
FOREVER! and JUST TRY TO TAKE MY GUN AWAY! on the property of the simple and
misguided wimps who really think gun control serves any useful purpose.
Other fun bumper stickers can say things like, BEER DRINKERS GET MORE
HEAD; SUCK MY TAILPIPE; HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY; HOORAY FOR THE KKK; or
DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES. Stickers featuring swastikas or Soviet flags can also
be used creatively.
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ HIGHWAYS ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
An activist can have fun on the roadway, too. Can you imagine the damage
possible if one were to substitute a road sign that read, GROSS WEIGHT 15 TONS,
for the original sign on a bridge that read GROSS LOAD 5 TONS? One protesting
employee did this at his employer's Ohio plant and had materials shipments shut
down for eight days.
In World War II, it was common for enemy agents on all sides to turn road
signs so as to misdirect military convoys, screwing up operations. The same
tactic could be used today, even if your only enemy is some governmental branch
or agency.
In the annals of highway history no one has seen the equal of the many low
points of the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, traditionally a
repository for political hacks, Mafia underlings, patronage hogtroughers, and
the terminally incompetent. M. Harvey Shopp, a veteran political trickster,
has all sorts of suggestions for highway fun such as painting sawhorses to look
like official blockades and using them to close highways, bridges, etc.
Another of Shopp's ideas is to produce bogus DETOUR signs and place them
at strategic locations where they will be sure to screw up highway traffic.
The road woes of Allen McDonald illustrate the rationale behind these
moves. Whenever the county in which he lived did road repair to the bridge
near his home, they always parked their equipment in his yard. When county
road scrapers went by, they piled a line of debris high enough to close his
driveway. In winter, they also closed his own freshly shoveled driveway, this
time with ice-hard snow and frozen slush. All calls to county officials were
answered with only the uncaring and operationally impotent cluckings of the
tongue.
"I decided to return some of the favors," McDonald said. "I began to turn
road and other directional signs around. I stole a couple of BRIDGE OUT signs
in another county and placed them in front of perfectly good bridges in our
county. I once called the local radio station and announced several road
repairs that would mandate detours -- telling them I was a county road super,
of course -- which really screwed up local traffic for a couple of days.
"The upshot is that the county got a lot of nasty calls and even more bad
media publicity, and the county commisioners agreed to investigate these
problems 'caused' by the road people. Naturally, in the midst of all this I
also brought up my beefs about their conduct, offering to testify at the
hearings. All abuses against my property quickly stopped. So I stopped my
counter-abuse program."
Check the "Joggers" section of this book to learn about the OSS tire
spikes of World War II infamy.
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ»
º ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ º
º ³ HOOKERS ³ º
º ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ º
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ
In many cities independent business people have set up a personal service
whose employees make housecalls. These paid friends come in all sexes and meet
all tastes. It might be fun to invite one of these hedonistic harlots to
"your" house. Use the mark's name and a neighbor's address. Try to pick the
most upright, puritan neighbor you can find to receive this sexual good
Samaritan -- a professional virgin or librarian; something on that order.
Not all prostitutes carry the Good Housekeeping Seal; some carry venereal
diseases. These are fairly common among streetwalkers, the bargain basement of
hookerdom. If you or a trusted friend in law enforcement, medicine, or social
service can locate one of these carnal carriers and your mark has a weakness
for ladies, hire her and let her pick up your mark. Nature, as they say, will
take care of the rest.
I'm certain your vengeful imagination will have no trouble matching a
deserving mark with a paid friend who might give him/her more than bargained
for. I know a couple of people who set up a cop this way. The cop was
especially hypocritical and nasty about honest working girls: He'd fully and
freely sample the services before busting and totally prosecuting the servicer.
He got his, so to speak.
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