083 Free Postage

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Jolly Rogers Cookbook Version

 · 4 years ago

  

Free Postage                                    by the Jolly Roger 

The increasing cost of postage to mail letters and packages is 
bringing down our standard of living.  To remedy this deplorable 
situation, some counter control measures can be applied. 
For example, if the stamps on a letter are coated with Elmer's 
Glue by the sender, the cancellation mark will not destroy the stamp: 
the Elmer/s drives to form an almost invisible coating that protects 
the stamps from the cancellation ink. Later, the receiver of the 
letter can remove the cancellation mark with water and reuse the 
stamps. Furthermore, ecological saving will also result from recycling 
the stamps.  Help save a tree. 
The glue is most efficently applied with a brush with stiff, 
short bristles.  Just dip the brush directly into the glue and spread 
it on evenly, covering the entire surface of the stamp.  It will dry 
in about 15 minutes. 
For mailing packages, just follow the same procedure as outlined 
above; however, the package should be weighed and checked to make sure 
that it has the correct amount of postage on it before it is taken to 
the Post Office. 
Removing the cancellation and the glue from the stamps can be 
easily accomplished by soaking the stamps in warm water until they 
float free from the paper.  The stamps can then be put onto a paper 
towel to dry.  Processing stamps in large batches saves time too. 
Also, it may be helpful to write the word 'Elmer' at the top of the 
letter (not on the envelope) to cue the receiving party in that the 
stamps have been protected with the glue. 
We all know that mailing packages can be expensive.  And we also 
know that the handicapped are sometimes discriminated against in jobs. 
The Government, being the generous people they are, have given the 
blind free postal service. 
Simply address you envelope as usual, and make one modification. 
In the corner where the stamp would go, write in (or stamp) the words 
'FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND".  Then drop you package or letter in one 
of the blue fedral mailboxes.  DO NOT TAKE THE LETTER TO THE POST 
OFFICE, OR LEAVE IT IN YOUR MAILBOX. 
Sounds very nice of the government to do this, right?  Well, they 
aren't that nice.  The parcel is sent library rate, that is below 
third class.  It may take four to five days to send a letter to just 
the next town. 
This too is quite simple, but less effective.  Put the address 
that you are sending the letter to as the return address.  If you were 
sending a $20 donation to the pirate's Chest, you would put our 
address (po box 644, lincoln ma. 01773) as the return address. 
Then you would have to be carless and forget to put the stamp on 
the envelope.  A nice touch is to put a bullshit address in the center 
of the envelope. 
Again, you MUST drop the letter in a FEDRAL mailbox.  If the post 
office doesn't send the letter to the return address for having no 
stamp, they will send it back for the reason of "No such address". 
Example-- 

Pirates Chest  Dept. 40DD 
P.O. Box 644865 
Lincol, Ma. 41773 

                 Tom Bullshit 
                 20 Fake Road 
                 What Ever, XX     99851 

One last thing you might try doing is soaking a cancelled stamp 
off of an envelope, and gluing it onto one you are sending.  Then burn 
the stamp, leaveing a little bit to show that there was one there. 

                                     --------------Jolly Roger