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Shadow Lurking Issue 01
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º " S h a d o w L u r k i n g " º
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º Vol.1 Issue 1 º
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"...And while walking home from the local caf one night, I
observed a troubled man sitting on the edge of the bridge crying.
I chose to ignore him and continue my journey. The next day I
read about him in the paper, as a statistic. Does this make me
a murderer? The answer is no, it was suicide, and the man was
indeed, myself."
- XsTatiC
_______________________________________________________________________________
The Coffee Table of Contents
_______________________________________________________________________________
The Coffee Table of Contents by Staff Yer Reading it!
Disclaimer by Staff Next in line
Intro to the First Issue by XsTatiC Before rest of Mag
"Where are the Pink Lemons?" by XsTatiC After Intro
"Modeming and it's Roots" by Speed After the controversy
"The K-Mart that didn't fit in" by Neko After the flashback
"Death of a Carrier" by Speed After going shopping
"Famous Pick-Up Lines" by XsTatiC Somewhere in the middle
"The Ballad of K-Mart" by Neko After getting slapped
"Making money at Denny's" by HackSaw After the sing-a-long
_______________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer
_______________________________________________________________________________
"I don't know why it's here, but everyones doing it!" - XsTatiC
Pursuant to the Mind Control Act of 1997, all information contained
within this file WILL cause exessive impulses to go to any lengths to obtain
further issues!!! You are hearby warned!!! We cannot be sued for the death
of any SysOps who boards do not carry it, nor for the price of their modems
when destroyed by angry readers!!! (We don't have any money anyway!)
Also, let it be known that most articles ARE based on real life
government X-Files...er...stories and any resembleance of anything or anyone
real, past or present is probally meant to be that way!!! So there!
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Intro to Issue 1"
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Atomic Batteries to Power!....Turbines to Speed!..."
"Holy cowpies, Batman! It's finally the first issue of Shadow
Lurking!" Yes, It's finally finished. Long awaited, and publicly invited,
this, my friend, is the first issue of Shadow Lurking Mag, to make your
curiosity stir (In "Where are those Pink Lemons?"), your brain work overtime
(In "Modeming and it's Roots"), make you feel incredible intellegent (In
"Death of a Carrier"), and possibly even better your sex life (In "Famous
Pick-Up Lines"). Whoever said we weren't emotional here at SL HQ was not
really telling you the whole truth! We all hope that you enjoi this issue and
continue read any further issues we decide to put out. Until then, read on!
To contact XsTatiC, read the NFO at the end of the file.
Now here's a brief introduction to our staff...
XsTatiC (Me) --- Editor and writter. Also T$i membor who likes Dennys
Speed --- Writter (Your nostalgic articles really bring back memories!)
Neko --- Writter (Thanks for letting your board take up the slack when mine
crashed!!! This issue wouldn't have made it without you!)
HackSaw --- Writter and T$i membor. (We should discuss making money over more
coffee at Denny's. And thanks for letting out the joke! éù) )
And now, on with the show...
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Where are the Pink Lemons?"
Government cover up number 1604-D
_______________________________________________________________________________
I heard a surprising thing the other day from a friend of mine who
gets a kick from "Investigating" the government. He asked me if I ever had
Pink Lemonade. I answered truthfully, hasn't everyone had Pink Lemonade?
Well, this was the kicker that about made me slap him. He asked me "Where
were the Pink Lemons that they made it with?" I was shocked at what I thought
was *HIS* stupidity! He told me that he discovered files that explained how
the U.S. Army was used to "Round-up" every last pink lemon and move them to a
secret warehouse outside of Colorado Springs. It seems as though, they
discovered that there is a chemical created when a certain chemical in the
lemon reacts with enzimes in the human stomache, causing a substantial
increase in a persons I.Q.!!!! Now the C.I.A. is attempting to intergrate
this into their "Super Agent" program. Why can't we have them? It seems as
though the government is happy being stupid and is scared that if people were
smarter, they would be able to eaisily uncover scandels like this one. That
would be bad for them and thus they have been able to keep this a secret from
us, till now! Sorry, U.S., but I'm going after those pink lemons! Stop me if
you can, but I doubt you'll be able to. I gotta act fast though, I need
another scandel to uncover before the next issue! Until then, Don't let the
government push you around! Be informed!
XsTatiC
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Modeming and it's Roots"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Welp, here it is, release #1, from ole Speed.
To begin let me give some brief background on me. I started the modem world
about 13 years ago. Started with a Commodore 128, 300 baud modem and a term
called Bob's Pro 128. I was one of the few frontiermen around, and started
a small trend with like 30 others like me in my calling area.
Sense this beginging i've seen BBS's Rise and Fall, users come and
go, I've even watched some BBS's Grow to be major hangouts in the 815 area
code. To be honest, only thing that has changed is the BBS's, the users haven't
changed besides the growing up and out part. And the actual modem world has
only gotten bigger, but the basics still remain. I call it the "FASTER CPU"
theory, "What? Who has a faster CPU? Virus them!!." And wala now virii has
become a huge product of the COMPUTER market. Then came along ANSI. Which I
should add was a major improvement in the Modem world. Now it seems abused
and annoying. Yes I remember when ANSI wasn't around. I remember the first
leap into color. Most C-net users that ran Commie 64's and 128's used a thing
called C/G mode. Which was a crude form of ANSI. Then Atair, as usual jumped
into it.
Well that was a long time ago..(look at 128) yea a very long time ago.
Now im running IBM, 14.4 baud all the good stuff. And talking on Internets,
Which connect me to places ALL OVER THE DAMN WORLD. So that saying by AT&T
(which is now called AMERITECH) "Reach out and touch someone." has overtaken
the modem industry by storm. The mind begins to boggle at the rate of speed
the modem world is moving.. Some call it Cyberspace, I myself call it...
Hemisphereical Babbling, which if you ask me defines it better. But hey who
asked me right?
Welp enough about me. I'll stop boring you and get on with it.
Happy Carriers To All!
(N O T !)
Speed
Saturday August 13, @ 5:05am. / Article #1 - Volume #1
Copyright 1994
Speedware
_______________________________________________________________________________
"The K-Mart That Didn't Fit In"
_______________________________________________________________________________
The K-Mart that didn't fit in
by Neko
One day, in the company of Fred Unlimited, the president, Fred, decided to send
a shipment of Spam to a K-Mart. He couldn't decide which one, so he told the
driver to take the Spam to any K-Mart he wanted.
As he was driving, he thought, "Is that Elvis over there?" So he pulled over,
and, sure enough, it was The King. The King got in the cab with the driver. The
King proceeded to ask the driver, Larry, what he was doing. Larry told him, "I
am delivering this truckload of, umm, uhh, Spam, ya, that's it, to my favorite
K-Mart."
Larry decided he would test his accent on The King. "Suh how's it been goin,
since ya died an all?"
The King replied, "It has been going great...you have a mighty fine accent,
son."
"Thanks, I've been working on it for two years now!"
Suddenly, Larry stopped. "What's wrong?" asked Elvis.
"I passed muh favorite super-high-tech-newfangled K-Mart!" said Larry, putting
the semi in reverse.
The King saw a K-Mart up ahead and asked, "Why don't ya go to dat K-Mart up
there?"
"Because it's suh owld an' grungy! It probably ain't even open no more!"
"It's open," said the King. Then he added, "Hey you kids, and you too Larry,
listen to this. It's educational. Just because it looks bas on the outside
doesn't mean it looks bad on the inside. Y'all know what I'm talkin about.
Don't judge a book by it's cover and all that jazz."
"Wow, Elvis, you're right! I bet they haven't got a shipment in a while!"
When Larry went inside, he found out that The King was right. It was beautiful.
But it also was fully stocked. You see, Elvis liked to trick truckers into
going to his favorite K-Mart with their shipments. Larry went back to his semi
to tell The King this wonder story, but he had already disappeared, looking for
his next nave trucker.
Moral: Never trust Elvis!!
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Death of a Carrier"
_______________________________________________________________________________
CLICK!
"What the hell? Why i'd get disconnected?"
Sound familiar? Well live with it. It's a part of the modem world your going
to have to deal with. 9 times out of 10, it was Line noise, and your modem
being very picky. Other times its a surge into the power supply long enough
to cause a drop of power, that the modem INT. Or if your just plain ignorant
you knocked the phone off the hook. Or someone within the house picked up the
phone. Don't that just burn your ass? The picking the phone up, usualy happens
in the middle of a download, which you've been sitting waiting for the past
25 mins. to finish. I myself avoid the problem by installing toggle switches
off the main box, to each adjecnt phone line. before I begin downloading I
simply flip the switches, which cuts power to the other phones. They can pick
it up all day, it's simply a dead line now. (Don't forget to switch them back
though, or they might get upset cause the phone only rings in your room.)
I was onced asked by a non computer user, smart assed know it all this
question, well it was 2 question. "Where does the data go when you turn off
your computer?" and "What happens to the Data, when your modem hangs up?" Well
I will add, this person don't ask stupid questions anymore. His ignorance was
shut up real quick when he found he had a Massive late fee bill on returned
library books. But even though I might they are still questions some people
need to have answered. Ok answer to question #1. "Where does the data go, when
you turn off the computer?" Well theres a simple answer. It was really never
there at all. In modem terms DATA is information saved on a device. I.E. A
hard disk or floppie disk. Well Ram (Random Access memory) isn't a device of
this sort. Its only a container. It begins with nothing in it, and ends with
nothing in it. Therefore data is never there, some say "Ahhh bullshit" Nope
If you fill a SIMM with a program, where is the program? in memory? sure in
that sense, but where is it really? Its on the Hard Drive or Floppie. Its only
copied to the SIMMS. So the answer is.. On the Hard Storage Device. Now the
second question "What happens to the data, when your modem hangs up?" Well
that is also simple. Same place as the Other data, on Media storage. Ok so
what about in the middle of a transfer. Fact still remains. if you look at an
aborted dload file, its partialy there. And the Data that isn't there wasn't
there to begin with. Its still on the Other ends Media storage device.
When you think DATA on computers, think INSTANT commands. One second its there
the next second or nanosecond it's somewhere else. So its never really lost
only inturrpted in its process. Remember you can't kill, what was never really
alive, or in easy terms, can't delete a file if there isn't one to delete.
In closing I would like to add, that In a sense MODEM DATA is like
information falling on deaf ears. Anyone can listen, but only the smart ones
understand it. Now a question to ask yourself. Are you Deaf, or do you really
understand. If you answered DEAF, please delete this file now. Just type this
command at your C: prompt DEL /S *.* That should remove this file for you.
1994"
Speed
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Famous Pick-Up Lines"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Well, here is the first installment of "XsTatiC's Pick-up Lines" that
is bound to either get you laid or slapped! This issue, we are going to work
on some oldies-but-goodies and I'll add new ones every issue after this.
Well, I'm sure you need the help, so here goes....
1) This one takes a lil work and you need to be mildly (or better)
attractive with some form of charm. Walk up to yer target (*ALWAYS* set
targets early in the night, before the alcohol takes effect!) adn start with
some small talk, then when it's close to closing time ask "So...Would you like
to go out for breakfast in the morning?" If she replies "No." then find
someone else quicklike! If she sez "Yes" then continue with "Good, should I
call you to wake you up or just roll over and nudge you?" (Hint: Use a big,
charming smile so that if you have to, make it look like a joke and get her
number.)
2) Go up to target and ask "Would you date a cowpoke named Bob from
Texas?" (Use *HEAVY* western accent!) If she sez "No" then reply in normal
voice "What a relief! My names (yer name) and I'm from here in town" then
start with that small talk, you stud!
3) One of my favourites (It works too!!) is working on yer targets
curiosity and/or pride. Choosing yer target, say as walking by "Hi! My names
(again use yer name) and I'm not interested." Then walk away. Everytime I've
used this one, they just *HAVE* to come and talk to me before they leave,
always leaving thier phone number or asking my to thier place for a nightcap.
This one uses the famous saying "Women always want what they can't have.".
Well, that's all for now kids. Work on those and remember....
Practice Safe Sex!!! Hide those knives before bedtime !!!
Happy Hunting,
XsTatiC
_______________________________________________________________________________
"The Ballad of K-Mart"
_______________________________________________________________________________
The Ballad of K-Mart
by Neko
Fred, Fred,
Are you dead?
Why did you go to K-Mart?
To get some Spam, Spam
Damn, Damn, there is no Spam!
Why did I come to K-Mart?
Fred, Fred
Are you dead?
Why did you go to K-Mart?
To get some Bud Light
Without a fight
Damn, Damn, there is no Bud Light!
Now I'll have to put up a fight!
Fred, Fred
Are you dead?
Why did you go to K-Mart?
To get some food
So I can be a cool dude
Damn, Damn, there is no food
Now I cannot be a dude!
What DO they sell at K-Mart??
Well, sir, we have darts, Pop Tarts, and Simpsons named Bart
But, we don't have Spam, Bud Light, or food.
Fred, Fred
Are you dead?
Why did you come to K-Mart?
_______________________________________________________________________________
"How to make money at Denny's"
_______________________________________________________________________________
Written by: Hacksaw
Ever have the urge to go to Denny's, but you only have
enough money for coffee? Well, if you're into making money
quickly, easily, and without any sort of "work", then pay
attention!
XsTatiC and I were in Denny's the other night discussing
important topics, when some geeky-looking-type person wanders up
to us, looking like he had a bit too much to drink. "Pardon me
sirs, would you mind if we could sit at your table... We have 10
people here and it's only you two. There's our booth over there,
would you mind switching with us?" I had evil thoughts of laughing
at this person and screaming loud offensive phrases, but my dear
friend stopped me, looking me right in the eye, with a defined
smirk on his face. "Well sir, we were here first," he started,
"this is our favorite table." The odd-looking fellow then barked
out, "Please, we all want to sit at one table, and this is the
biggest table in the house... Can I offer you $5?" With myself
staring in awe, and my dear friend snatching the old-dirtied bill,
we got up and let these poor souls take the table. XsTatiC's face
lit up like a bonfire. Another of his great ideas just made us
some small cash!
Five minutes pass, ten, 20. The people get up and leave.
Our coffee was getting stale, and we promptly found a solution by
yelling at the waitress. She looked like she could suck one
VICIOUS dick. Anyhow, you can make $20 just by requesting the
biggest table in the place, waiting for a HUGE group to enter,
offer them the table for a couple bucks, wait, wait more, order
more coffee... Then move back!
If you make enough, you can actually pay for some
food... Fuck the coffee, order a Grand Slam breakfast!
Mentally yours,
Hacksaw
T}{e $}{adowmen Ink.
(Ed: That waitress sucked *ANY* dick! Ha! Ha! Inside joke.)
_______________________________________________________________________________
Just wanted to add a quick note to say thanks to a few people.
Neko - Thanks for getting so involved, and being so enthusiastic. Without you
and Pay-No-Mind, this issue would never have made it!
Speed - For being patiant, while waiting for his article to be published. How
many times have I tried to start this mag? (And how many name changes?)
T$i - The group that makes history....Thanks guys for allowing me to become a
member, now we need to do more, I'm keeping my end of the deal!
And to those who are interested in becoming Distro Sites, HQ's or just want to
leave me a comment or two.....
Contact me at:
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º ù Pay-No-Mind BBS (815)654-9806 ù º
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º ù SysOps: Neko & Trilobyte ù º
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