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Game Master Journal issue 43
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+==================================================================+
| Nintendo and Sega asks users to stop buying product _ _ _____ |
| REVIEWS: Doom 4th episode, | || ||___ / |
| Atari to form new games group with Time Warner | || |_ |_ \ |
| Ace's Angles: r.g.p cool +====================+ |__ _|__) | |
| CRAWFORDALITY CONFIRMED! | April 1 to April 7 | |_||____/ |
+=============================+====================+===============+
IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO Internet Relay Chat (IRC), then join the GMJ
Chat Channel, #GMJ. Tuesdays at 7pm Pacific some of the GMJ Crew
will be available to answer your questions. Industry insiders
dropping by too! [Moderated.]
Ace's Angles
rec.games.pinball takes GMJ with open arms
Express Mail
GMJ is cool! We take back all of the flames!
NEWS FLASH
Atari joins with Time Warner
Nintendo, Sega call for product removal
Mortal Kombat II: Crawfordality, new hidden characters confirmed
PC Reviews
Doom, the fourth episode
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Welcome to yet another installment of the Internet's least read
magazine, Game Master Journal.
This is our last issue. Everyone is right - we are the dregs of the
earth, we shouldn't litter the Net with such dribble..
NOT!
This is April 1 gang, it's time for GMJ's annual April Fools issue!'
But wait, before I do any of that, lets get the legal BS outta da way:
This issue of GMJ is fiction. Nothing in it should be taken as
fact, as it is satire, sarcasm and other things that lawyers love
to take and make money with. WE ARE KIDDING FOLKS, nothing here
has truth. This changes with GMJ 44, when we return to the
high ethical, moral and editoral standards that everyone
associates with Game Master Journal.
Whew - that was tiring. Oh! And another thing.. this is our SECOND
ANNIVERSARY of being online! Two fun years of GMJ - and here comes
number three.. what a way to start! More 2nd anniversary info in our
next issue. NOW THEN - let the fun begin.
This is our last issue, right, so, um, I won't be seeing you ever
again!! ARGH!
_____________________________________________________________________
]^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^[
] Innovative Creations [
] 3730 McClintock Ave #537 +--- + + +--+ +--+ +--- +-- +-- [
] Los Angeles, CA 90007 |- ++ +--+ |-++ |- +--+ +--+ [
] (shubert@usc.edu) +--- + + | | \ +--- --+ --+ [
] |\ /| +--+ -+- | [
] | | |--| | | [
] | | | | -+- +--- [
]_____________________________________________________________________[
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
*** We take back everything we ever said about you, GMJ
We want to apologize. VidBits went way overboard with our 'Why GMJ
readers, writers and staff should be uppercutted into the Dead Pool'
article. I am actually a big fan of GMJ, and started VB so I could be
just like you. I'm sooooo sorry, won't happen again.
Matt Kruse, editor of VidBits magazine
mkruse@saunix.something.edu
[ACE: Aww, it's okay. We knew it all along. ]
*** We take back everything we ever said about you, GMJ, again
We want to apologize. rec.games.pinball has been very childish with
our dismissal of fine editorial content found weekly in GMJ. Please
come back.. no more flames, we promise.
All of the rec.games.pinball readers
[email address withheld to save bandwidth]
[ACE: Hey, it's okay. We all know how r.g.p is a flame-fest. We knew
it all along. ]
.....................................................................
:WE are the only magazine that prints ALL EMAIL sent to us that is :
:not vulgar or obscene. So.. send your videogame hints, tips + Q's!:
: :
:# # ##### # # ### # # ##### ##### # # ### ##### # :
:# # # # # # # ## # # # ## ## # # # # :
:# # ### # # ##### # # # # ### # # # ##### # # :
:# # # # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # :
: # # ##### # # # # # # # ##### # # # # ##### #####:
: ........................:
:shubert@usc.edu VOICE: 213-743-1877 : :
:------------------ : Without email, GMJ :
:tnkutasz@ugcs.caltech.edu [Arkady] : can't work! So tell :
:ccd@panix.com [Cue] : us what you think! :
: : :
:...........................................:.......................:
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| \| | _| \ \ /\ / /\___ \ | |_ | | | |_| \___ \| |_| |
| |\ | |___ \ V V / ___) | | _| | |___| _ |___) | _ |
|_| \_|_____| \_/\_/ |____/ |_| |_____|_| |_|____/|_| |_|
Nintendo, Sega call for product boycot
Los Angeles, (March 32, 1994)
The Big Two announced today that they are removing all Genesis and
Super NES products from stores effective immediately. A Nintendo
representative said "We cannot in good conscience allow our inferior
technologies to be sold with Project Reality and Saturn/32X coming so
soon - only 18 months away."
She went on to say that anyone selling the product will be fined by
the FTC for selling antiquated technology.
Sega's reps echoed Nintendo. They also said that no more voilent
games would be allowed on any Sega product.. all games must fit their
GA rating.
In a related story, Nintendo signed a deal with Midway, saying that
MK2 will be exactly like the arcade, blood and all. MK2 will be out
this summer, with MK3 hitting the SNES before the arcade, probably in
time for Christmas.
+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
TIME WARNER AND ATARI CORPORATION FORM NEW SOFTWARE PUBLISHING FIRM
Sunnyvale, CA (March 28, 1994)
Atari Corporation (ASE:ATC) today announces a collaborated software
firm with Time Warner, Inc. Avid Software, Incorporated will commence
operations within the next 30 days and leasing space initially within
the excutive suites of Atari Corporation in Sunnyvale California. A
development lab will be established with the Warner Bros. Studios in
Southern California. The two facilities will be linked by high
technolgy satellite watts services for real time software development.
Warner Bros. will focus on story lines and intense animated graphics.
The operation in Sunnyvale will assemble the hardware-based and
software-based graphics engines as well as game play models and
prototypes.
The new operation is announced just months following Atari Corp's
successful launch of a new, high end, 64-bit gaming system dubbed the
Jaguar. Avid Software will dedicate 100% of development time for the
first year exclusively to the Jaguar platform. Although the core
development teams have been assembled for the Avid Software project,
executive decisions will be made by Sam Tramiel, President of Atari
Corporation, until a permanent executiuve staff has been selected. A
panel assembeled by Time Warner will review all long range goals every
ninety days.
The first three software titles to be developed by Avid Software and
scheduled to be released within the fourth quarter of 1994 have also
been announced. They promise a unique blend of realistic digitized
graphics, powerful high-definition animations, unique gaming plots and
topical story lines.
Games slated to be produced soon by Avid are:
HARDING FALLS(tm)--- Just outside of Portland, Oregon a small
unincorporated town adopts a new name; Harding Falls. Made popular by
a local young girl who fought her way to the '94 Winter Games, the
town unites to launch a new young starlet on to a promising athletic
career. Harding Falls is where it all begins. Local challengers test
all of their physical savoy against each other for overall performance
virtues. Players pre-select their character from an arsenol of
determined challengers.
Each stage consists of a practice session in which a complete
skating routine must be rehearsed. Obstacles such as untied skates,
boos from the crowd and irate family members distract your performance.
With each small win, a weapon toward victory is awarded for use during
the performance levels. Sometimes it might be deadly capped teeth.
Other times it may be a stick or a steel club.
Play against 64-bits of automated power or one-on-one with an
aggressive challenger by your side; either way you either win gold or
cry your way back to Harding Falls to try all over again. Cartridge-
based game features hidden secrets, multi-player action, high
resolution graphics and a five dollar coupon toward the purchase of
"The Club".
HOLLYWOOD STUNT SPECTACULAR(tm)--- With so many action games designed
to fight and kill opponents, Warner Bros. calls upon their army or
stunt professionals to reveal their best kept secrets to stay alive.
Take a 125 level backstage studio tour through Warner Bros. hottest
action films such as Superman, FreeJack, Batman Returns, The Last
Boyscout and The Fugitive. Race through high definition scenes of
your favorite films and pick up props such as breakaway chairs and
candy glass. Battle friendly adversaries, but don't hurt them...
after all, they're really your friends. Pick up the wrong prop as a
weapon and you may kill your supporting actor or actress and lose your
part in the greatest film ever made.
This fast paced, action game includes the thrills of thrillers and
the secrets of a great mystery. The ultimate object is to win without
hurting anyone, but don't think for a moment there is no blood! One
player action. Cartridge-based game includes $5 off coupon for select
Warner Bros. videos.
BOBBY BOBBIT AND FRIENDS(tm)--- Here's an animated interactive cartoon
for adults only! At first glance, it looks harmless enough... Bobby
Bobbit is a bouncy bunny that likes to make friends.
Collect points by finding carrots and hidden treasures. Unlike most
treasures, though, Bobby doesn't want to collect coins and tokens. He
collects shears, razor blades and carving knives. Usually Bobby's
friends help find treasures, but sometimes his friends get too rough
and Bobby must take corrective action!
Game includes vivid cartoon violence unlike any other you have ever
seen. ONLY on the JagCD, this game is rated NC-17 for violense.
Let's just say it's a Saturday morning cartoon that will increase
attendance at Sunday Mass.
[ :: Thanks to Bob the Bozo PR of Sunnyvale for contributing :: ]
==================================================================
LAST SECOND UPDATE
==================================================================
We were handed this just as we were aboout to go to spell-check.
WARNING: Look for clues! You are about to be had! This may be it!
March 32, 1994 (Clue: This date doesn't exist)
[commented for the mentally impaired]
JAGUAR OWNERS EXPOSED TO BOGUS PRESS RELEASE (bogus headline)
Members dismember each other (overstated) over ethics debate -
alledged tainted press release blamed (not true, bogus subhead)
Allover, US-- An unnamed source (unsubstantiated) today reported that
users of the popular 64-bit Atari Jaguar gaming system have banned
together (typed online messages) in an effort to discredit the
infamous "bogus" press release just days before the dreaded April
Fools holiday is to be celebrated throughout the world (run on
sentence-hate 'em!).
Unlike a bug that cripples a computer until the entire system can be
reboot, the sinister press release causes unusual chemicals to form in
the brain (lions and tigers and bear a thought, oh my!). Dr. Ima
Knotheir (alias) of the Institute of Preventive Thinking (I.P.T.)
states that while "some (most everyone) finds some humor as the feared
press release propagates over the networks, clear laboratory study
(personal opinion) of those who are without brains indicate there is
no humor in anything classified as funny." Dr. Knotheir was unable to
indicate a direct association of his study to the specific press
release that launched this one, however.
In support of the doctor's findings, Jaguar owners have launched an
attack against any and all bogus press release that contain
misinformation. Within six weeks, a committee will be formed to
establish a panel that will elect a professional staff to advise a
supervisory board for a new team of advisors to appoint a cabinet to
determine whether a bogus press release may contain accurate
information (Government funding is anticipated). In the interim, all
bogus press releases must be labeled to contain artificial ingredients
which have been known to cause brain activity by the I.P.T. (huh?)
In their first official action, the Jaguars Owners Bogus Press Release
Action Committee has classified this bogus press release to be
impounded and not read. In compliance with this declaration, the
following statement has been appended for your safety:
IMPORTANT: DO NOT READ THIS!
Products named are properties of their owning companies. Text and
concept (c)1994, Artisan Software.
+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
Crawfordality, new hidden characters in MK2 version 4.0
Chicago, IL (March 27, 1994)
Midway announced today the release of Mortal Kombat II version 4.0,
and yes, version 4.0 is in the title. The game will have some very
minor touch-ups with 4 new characters included.
"We wanted to be like Capcom," said Ed Boon, programmer/designer of
MK2. "After my interview with this bright young man Anthony from GMJ,
we decided that having many cheap upgrades would be good - just like
SF2."
The new version, already in Ottowa and in some middle-of-knowhere
places in the Midwest, has four new characters, and GMJ has the scoop
on them!
Arkady: "After we saw Tanya [Kutasz, Futuure Wave editor of GMJ] we
has to put her into the game." She flies like a vampire,
prowls like a cat and can cast spells (!!) on her foes.
She often yells out "Cause Mortal" a la Shao Khan. You
get to her by Double Flawlessing 50 opponents and then
'DF'ing Noob Saibot, only using High Kick.
Clinton: "Hey, if NBA Jam could do it, why not us?" He has a deadly
saxophone, throws Socks and tosses WhiteWater at times.
[see related WhiteWater article.] At presstime we don't
know how to access him - he's cheering the Razorbacks
right now.
alt.mk: "We mentioned the Internet guys in the closing credits, but
we felt that it wasn't enough." alt.mk throws fireballs
like Liu Kang but the damage done varies.. if the player
counterattacks quickly it does much damage, if he allows
the flame to pass through him (or under him) it does none.
Finisher is like Scorpion's Toasty fatality, but instead
a little guy appears on the screen yelling "Hugo!"
Some of the Game Masters feel that he says "Yugo!", but
that's another story.
Sheng: "Many SF2 players wonder where he is - well, HERE he is!"
Long His only move is to spawn rumors and sequels. Does damage
a la alt.mk, except sometimes he can morph into alt.sf2
Very dangerous character.
In a related story, a new fatality can be done with the Ninja
Girls. If you defeat a character using only punch you can morph into
Cindy Crawford.. a Crawfordality. She climbs atop your foe's
shoulders and goes to do a Cammy Frankenstiener, but she slips.. going
into a position we prefer not to mention in GMJ. The Pepsi and MTV
people are pleased.
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/ | | | _ /| | Pacific Time +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
\ _| |_| | \ \| |____ in channel |THIS WEEK: /
/ |_____|_| \_\\_____| #GMJ | How funny GMJ 43 was! \
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+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
|TITLE: |PUBLISHER |GAME TYPE: |SIZE: |AVERAGE OF REVIEWS: |
| Doom episode| id Software| Save da |.1 MEG| 99.5|
| 4: Heaven | | Bunnies | |*****%%%%%@@@@@#####|
|-------------+------------+-------------+------+--------------------|
|MAIN REVIEW BY: OTHER REVIEWERS |
| |
| Arkady 99 Ace 100 ---------- ** ---------- ** |
| |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
Well, it's out! It's the Doom you've been waiting for - Episode 4 hits
the stores today. And what a sequel! It's all that we could wish for
and more.
It seems that our loyal space marines are transported this time to
another dimension altogether, after escaping from Hell in the previous
episodes. The setting this time: Heaven. The Elysian Fields couldn't
be more beautiful than the graphics portrayed here - Meadows with
warm, fuzzy bunny rabbits and colorful butterflies fill the game,
along with sun-dappled forests that are home to Bambi-like deer and
friendly racoons. Your Mission: make sure there's enough food for all
Heaven's inhabitants. Can't have those cute little cotton tails
turning belly up because their bellies are empty, now can we?
The way in which you do this is by searching out the food supplies and
opening them up to the animals by pressing the space bar, much the
same as opening up doors in the last episodes. And guess what? You're
linked with the animals by a psionic connection - and every time one
of them dies from starvation, you lose health points. So keep your
eyes open for berry-filled bushes that are out of the reach of furry
little paws. And make sure you get all the thorns off, too - can't
have bloody tracks all over the forest. Might attract big bad nasties
that'd eat the bunnies and leave their heads on spikes in random
spots, with blood dripping down the sides. Oh, but wait - this is
Heaven, after all. No bad creatures here. Everything's friendly. So
you don't have to worry about being attacked from behind while you're
fulfilling your Mission. Want to play with friends? No problem! The
unsavory Deathmatch option has thankfully been eliminated, leaving you
with the more interesting of the two choices - cooperative mode. So
you all get to help save the animals. What fun!
The graphics, as stated earlier, are far superior to the last DOOM put
out by id games. Soft pastels are abundant, the animals look
true-to-life, and when you get that food to feed them, you actually
see your hand reach out and place it at their fuzzy little feet. How
quaint! How exciting! How could we ever have loved the death and
destruction of Inferno? This episode far outreaches its predecessor in
all ways, and will be a pleasure to play. It should also soothe the
nerves of all those activists who think that the past episodes were
too violent - none of that unwelcomeness here, simply good, clean,
pure fun. Who wants to see cyber-demons destroyed by BFG's anyhow?
Not I! I give this a definite four stars, without question. Play it,
enjoy it, live it. Tips will be forthcoming on how to save Heaven's
wonderous creatures. Meanwhile, enjoy!
Ace - 100
Happy Happy, Joy Joy! I love you, you love me..
+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
| We get serious again (were we ever?) with.. |
| IN THE NEXT * NBA Jam reviews: SNES, Genesis |
| ISSUE OF... * NBA Jam Tournament Edition Arcade Review |
| * More games reviewed.. |
| GAME MASTER |
| JOURNAL * Scoop on Atari and Tempest 2000 |
| * Fiction contest, Ace's Angles, servey + more |
| |
+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
Producer: Anthony Shubert Online Layout Editor: Anthony Shubert
Head Writing Staff: Contributors:
HOME SYSTEMS Reny Falzarano Mr. Sims, the Pepperidge Farmer,
HEAD REVIEWERS Instigator Mr. Mojo Risin', Aquarius,
FUTURE WAVE Tanya Kutasz Sai-Blade, Matrix, Shez
CONTRIBUTING ED David Rubin
We are not affiliated with or endorsed by the following companies:
Nintendo of America, Sega Enterprises, Turbo Technologies (NEC),
Atari Corp., Atari Games, SMSG, or any other company.
Product names are either (c) or trademarks of their respective
companies, and the non-marking of such product is not a challenge to
its status.
This is FICTION folks. Sarcasm. Enjoy.
Ace's Angles, Chronicle, Express Mail, Warp Zone, and all content are
(c) 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994 Innovative Creations
:: Some ASCII/ANSI work created with use of 'TheDraw' SW program ::
:: Some ASCII work created with use of 'Figlet' freeware program ::
