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jonas issue 1
as e:mag issue numero uno.
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-/+ my name is jonas. +/- \_________/
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-/+ jonas issue numero uno +/-
1 - welcome to jonas, biznatch.
2 - edicius' editorial
3 - staph and stuph of jonas
4 - why i created this magizine (edicius)
5 - my opinion of the 'scene' (edicius)
6 - help, my parents think i'm a haqur!
.. a dear abby type section ..
7 - interview with edicius, by backwords suicide.
8 - quits dis magizine.
y
ur selection
. .. welcome to jonas, biznatch .. .
welcome to the mag whore. this is my mag, not yours. my opinions,
my thoughts, and my views. you don't like them? fuck you, i don't
fucking care. go create your own damn mag.
why did i create this, you might be asking. well, look at the
artcile entittled 'why i created this magizine'. simple eh?
this mag is all mine. i'm not giving out sites, so don't ask for any.
if i like your board, i'll ask you to be a site. there are no members,
either. if you want to contribute, too bad, you can't. its mine, all
mine.
since there are no members, and this is all mine, there are no regular
release dates. read the section, 'why i created this magizine' for more
information on that.
thats it. welcome to the premiero issue of this. more to come?
perhaps.
- edicius [jonas founder]
. .. edicius' editorial .. .
why are there so many small groups today? why is there so little good
ansi work? why are there so many lame groups and mags that are formed
in one night? (wait, this is a lame mag created in one night). more
importantly, why does everyone take this so seriously?
lighten up, its a hobby, not a profession. don't take it so seriously,
chill for a little doug e fresh said silence. take it with some
seriousness, but take it with a grain of salt. its a hobby, don't obsess
over it.
lighten up, its not like you're gonna meet most of the people in the
scene anytime soon. if you don't like me, fuck you, you can fucking
die. or just ignore any messages or anything by me.
lighten up, this mag is lame. if you don't like it, don't download
issue numero dos.
staph and stuph
founder
-!# edicius #!-
editor in chief
riter official artist courier
-!# edicius #!- -!# edicius #!- -!# edicius #!-
world head quarters
-!# aneurysm ˘ i.9o8.27o.8i98 #!-
board that really sucks
-!# the north star ˘ i.9o8.264.5o42 #!-
spam information hotline
-#! i.5o7.4o7.58oi !#-
. .. why i created this magizine, by edicius .. .
i created it for a variety of reasons... here they are:
1) i am fucking bored, i have no life.. all my friends are out
so i have nothing to do.
2) i've already masturbated three times today and it gets lame
after the fourth time in a 24 hour period.
3) the master gave me the conference info for the emerge conf,
and its WRONG. dickhead. :)
4) i would call a board, but i have girls that i know that are
calling me in an hour and i want to keep the line free :)
last, and most importantly...
5) I'M HIGH ON GLUE AND PEPSI!!
basicly, my goal for tonight, is to create the cheesiest e:mag ever
created in a 5 hour period and to write the cheesiest e:mag ever written
in asic, hey, asic. its almost basic...
. .. my opinion of the scene, by edicius .. .
my opinion of the scene? well, personally. i think its very lame, but
fuck it. its our scene. its our responsibility to fix...
the elders of the scene handed it to us in pristine condition, urhm.
the scene was created, blah blah. aaa, acid, ice, ace, cia. etc. it
was good then, but it must have had some problems.
people came and went. the 'new generation' of people came, and that is
us right now. its up to us to do what we can to the scene, and make it
better again. we've been handed a great thing, but we've ruined it.
its up to us to shape it back into something good again..
its ours, fix it, live with it, or get the hell out of it..
help! my parents think i'm a haqur!
. .. a dear abby type section .. .
with mister g slice
dear mister slice,
help, my parents think i'm a hacker! what do i do?
signed, philly the philedelphia phreak.
dear fill,
get rid of all your mastercard/visa/amex card numbers, deltree c:\hack,
and stop carding bmw's to your house. then your parents should be a
little less suspicious.
- g slice.
----
mr. slice.
help me! i'm writing a lame e:mag in one night and i fear i will be
rejected and scorned by my peers in the ansi scene! what do i do?!
signed, edicius.
dear edicius,
first, drink alot of jolt cola and coke and pepsi. then get twinkies,
fudge rounds, and nutty buddies. cram your face.. don't shave or
shower or change for three days, and you'll be able to do the mag quick.
fuck the scene, everyone is lame. let your voice be heard. release the
mag.
- g slice
bah, fuck me, this section sucked. i know. i need more letters for the
next one, or something..
interview with edicius, 4/2/95.
jonas: greetings and salutations to you edicius. tell us your name,
etc. anything you find worth telling.
edicius: fuck you, i'm not in a happy mood. you told me i would get
free whoopers, but no, no whoopers. just fries and a three day
old chicken sandwich.
jonas: erhufm. umm, the whoopers are on their way. just do the friggin
interview.
edicius: ok, sounds good. ;). name's tom, 15.. live in 908/new jersey,
and currently i'm in cia (co literature coordinator with frost
byte) and i write for gasp and jonas.
jonas: hmm. now tell....
wait, this sucks. i'm telling myself about myself. fook dat. if you
really want to know about me, interview me. otherwise, this is the last
article of the mag and i'm gonna go finish coding it and then i'll get
it on irc. i'll interview someone for the next issue... seriously. :)
. .. el fin .. .
you have reached the end of this mag. if i'm bored again next week,
they'll be another one. maybe by then, i'll find a way to do ansi
screens in asic, that'd rule. we could have a good mag then. comments
or anything can be sent to edi@raven.cybercom.com or aneurysm
(i.9o8.27o.8i98; nup; vortex). i'll compile this, go on irc, and go
jerk off. night..
