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Phruwt Issue 01 006
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* How To Have Fun At Great America *
* Written by Judge Wapner *
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1) This one is really fun because you canÕt get in much trouble and its
funny. If you don't run away fast enough all the guy will do is tell you not
to do it again. Ok, you know those guys dressed up in those shitty costumes?
Well kick the living shit out of them and run as fast as you can or just
walk normally and laugh while the dumbshits blame some little fuckheads...
2) Ok...this is hella funny but if you get caught...you're dead. Find one of
your dad's bowling balls (or any other heavy object, but I suggest the bowling
ball since its hella funny) and bring it to the little ice skating place
and conceal it good, but if someone catches you, tell them that you got lost.
Try to get a seat in the front so when you throw it, it doesn't land on
someones head (even though that would be hella funny). Toss it to the ice
real high. A big hole will open and all the stupidfucks on ice will fall! If
your dad asks you where his bowling ball went tell him..UFO'S..little green
men....
3) OK..this one you gotta time because they don't always have the Star Trek
tent up. Go one day when they do have the tent up and walk in and act normal.
Pretend your interested. Pick a masked Star Trek dude (See if the fuckin
Klingon is there cause I hate him...he's ugly) pull on his mask then let go
and watch it snap on his or her or its face. Another thing you can do is
trip them which is hella funny also. When you see something techy like a
phaser or something take it and run! Hide it in a bush or something and come
back before it closes. You do this in case you get searched, you know those
fags wanna feel you up. If you leave and donÕt get caught keep them for future
use. You can zap little kids and scare the shit outta them. Try it on your
TV you might get playboy or somethin. Sell them to a fuckin Star Trek club
member for like 500 bux. Or you can tell a little kid that the fuckin power
assholes used them in a battle and they will hook their older sister up with
you or get them to steal cash from their parents for you...see...you can make
a lotta cash with that star trek shit...
4) Roller coaster fun. This idea is for if you want to be a serial killer
and want to get n a lotta trouble but go ahead if you want, the news sucks
today, its funny anyways. Ok, make sure no one is looking and pick the roller
coaster you hate the most. Go to a part in the tracks where you can reach it
or at least you can throw something on it. VERY IMPORTANT! then again make
sure no one is looking, for starters toss a dime on it (if your a fuckin
cheapo toss a fuckin penny I donÕt care) if it shoots out at you then you got
a idea to put it near people and kill one of them, and if you go off killing
people IÕm glad I didnÕt include who the real author is. If it doesn't the
dime or penny should be about twice the size (cool decoration, you can like
hang it your wall or something) when youÕre really into it try a rock or
something taller. Watch (hopefully from a distance) the little carts fall
off one by one...the people screaming...youÕll
love it...
5) This one is if you have no sympathy like me. If you hate little kids this
is what you do. If you hate Jenny Craig you could TRY to do this to a fat
bitch. You know right when you walk in after the old hags taking your tickets
and the loser security guards you see a big ass merry go round? Well walk up
the stairs to the second story and look for a kid, a smart looking one (VERY
IMPORTANT, make sure they donÕt have any big ass parents around them) and
start to talk to him, make him think youÕre his friend (donÕt ask me how to
do this...I just got the ideas ok? Talk to him about The Power Assholes or
pogs or somethin I donÕt know) then ask him if he wants to go on a better
ride (Oh he will) if he says no, first hold him by his feet for a spin or
two then let go, if he says yes just throw the bastard off. Get on a horse
fast and put on that fuckin puppy dog face!
6) This one is hella funny. You know that old piece of shit roller coaster
The Grizzly, oh wow, scary huh?IÕm sure you know about it, its so..so...old.
They hide it the way corner so no one will see the piece of shit. DonÕt say
hi to anyone and go around a fuckin big drop. Take one look at there happy
faces cause theyÕre not gonna be there for long. Ah...Kodak moment...poor
people...so innocent..oh well...its funny! You did bring a screwdriver didnÕt
you? Ah, good your gonna need it. Try to find a screw high as far as you can
reach and begin to unscrew it. First the screw, then a board, then a side of
the whole fuckin roller coaster! Now, get the fuck outta there, not for the
trouble, but for your pathetic life!
7) Did you know about those two rocks where this thing dumbass people ride
in things that zips across from one rock to another? Well, youÕre gonna have
lotta fun. Stop by the nearest grocery store and get some eggs. Getting
excited? Go back to Shit World and be careful of not dropping them or lettin
them fall outta your pocket because youÕll get in hella trouble and it will
be hella embarrassing. Go to one of those things, smile at the fuckhead that
operates it. Drop one by one and laugh all you want but donÕt fall out, that
would be pretty funny if you hit someone though..anyways...you can drop like
heavy things, the bowling ball if you donÕt use it in the frozen part of Shit
World. The good thing is you wonÕt get caught (hopefully) because there are a
lotta people that ride those things.
8) Now this is how you get back at those assholes running roller coasters that
wouldnÕt let you ride because you were too cool (that's what we want to think
right?) Its hella funny too. Oh my god is it hella funny. Go to a operator
that you donÕt really like, maybe that shitty Top Gun operator, and you do
got some Crack or Speed right? Ok, then go up to him and just pay someone to
flash him, that distracts him, then put whatever in his drink or somethin. I
recommend Speed. This is the hella funny part. If it is Speed he will push
the magic red button and the roller coatser will go really, really fast. Sit
back and watch people fly into any objects around the coaster. Its hella
funny just imaging it.
9) This one you need a lotta of equipment, but its well worth it. You need
pipe bombs and a loud speaker and a recorder. You're probably thinking where
the hell do I get pipe bombs, well...IÕll IÕll tell you...you donÕt! You
make them! Duh! At home...make a recording of yourself (on a tape duh) sayin
like There is a man holding a roller coaster cart hostage on Top Gun or
something. Grab your stuff and head off to Shit World. Go somewhere kinda
near Top Gun and set up your stuff. Press play and kinda walk fast away, you
wanna get away fast but you donÕt want to look suspicious. All the security
guards will go to Top Gun. Now you bring out your pipe bombs. Hook them up
near roller coasters and people. Even tape one to the back of a dumbshit in
a panda costume. No lines! Cool...eh?
10) Last but hella rad. You wanna put Shit World in panic? Start a riot in Shit World? Well...hereÕs how...You wanna do this near a high place, somewhere high that you can climb to get to the top or somethin. You know those pans that come with a pumpkin pie or somethin? Well go to the store or somewhere and get one if you donÕt have one. If its over priced repeat Idea 9 but instead of roller coasters make it food or cash registers and you know plant those lovely pipe bombs in the cereal or the wine area (that would be fun...eh?) and leave. Go to that high spot in SW. Chuck it off there and the Shit World Members (dumbass families thinking they came here to have fun) will think its a UFO and donÕt forget to put grapes in it so it will look like little green aliens are attacking SW. Its hella funny watching people panicking, cussing, killing each other, committing suicide.
Well...hope you have fun and hope you donÕt get caught. You know you did good
if your in jail or its on the newz. If its one of those IÕll be proud. Are you
wondering who the author is? They call me Judge Wapner. Ever seen peopleÕs
court? LetÕs just say that's who I am. If you like anarchy....I'll be makin
more files....
Judge Wapner
