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Phruwt Issue 03 011
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*************************** V I R U S H U M O R ****************************
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|From: asdamick@unity.ncsu.edu |
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*** NOTE: THIS WAS NOT SUBMITTED AS AN ARTICLE, IT WAS SOMETHING I FOUND ON
MY OWN AND DECIDED TO INCLUDE. CREDIT IS GIVEN TO THE PERSON WHO POSTED IT
ABOVE...
PLEASE IMMEDIATELY SCAN YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:
BOBBITT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attachesit.
(But that part will never work again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you'regetting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying toomuch
for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice, if by C:
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus,"
butinstead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism.
RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how
young it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you tosee a
counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, ewecant
figyour outt watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnosticsoftware
says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of peoplereally
mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds oflittle
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of whichclaim to be
the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percentof
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent marginof
error).
RANDALL TERRY VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose"Abort"
from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in
halfwith the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The
messagesays that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying itsown
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then selfdestructs;
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stationsacross rural
America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, powersupply,
and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gonebefore.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,and
sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no
newfiles!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on
your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressionalvirus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286AT.
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in lastin
the reviews, but you still love it.
