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anti-press ezine 2005 11 10
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< ANTI-PRESS EZINE #56 >
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"We're Positive About The Negative"
This E-dition filed 11/10/05 from NENYland (pronounced
nee-nee-land), the northeastern corner of New York State
(i.e. the hinterlands). Our Precision Reality Center,
located in Plattsburgh -- The Fake City -- features Bull
Tracker 9000. More details at the end of this E-dition.
(C) Copyright 2005 Anti-Press
NOTE: If you want your positive negativity fresh, check out
www.anti-press.blogspot.com . Bookmark it or get a RSS
feed via such services as www.bloglines.com .
Subscriptions by email: see the info at the end of this
file.
* Plattsburgh Stinks! *
"Jack Frost nipping at your noseâ"
So goes that nauseating Xmas song. A few days ago in
downtown Plattsburgh, Jack Shit was ripping at your nose.
The scent of scat in your sinuses. Most likely the water
treatment facility -- AKA the sewage plant -- was stinking
up the place. The fecal miasma permeated everything.
We don't think the culprit was the compost plant at the
other end of town. As far as we know, they had to shut
down that white elephant after two -- count 'em, two--
fires. It seems the city doesn't get the message until
disaster hits twice. According to the history books, there
used to be a dynamite factory right inside the city limits.
It was asked to relocate after the second time it blew up.
One must ask: Does the city know jackshit?
But the city prides itself on the great progress it's
making. After all, it's going to have a new hotel built
right on the water, a place where everyone can enjoy that
fresh lake air.
Guess where the new hotel will sit.
Right near the sewage plant, of course.
* News With A Plastic Smile *
They grin with bright white teeth, wear nice clothes, claim
they care about you. They want to be friends with you â-
even though it isn't their job.
Their job is supposed to be report the news in a fair and
accurate manner.
The typical TeeVee newscaster probably doesn't give a rat's
ass about you as a person, but as a number, another digit
in the ratings game. Plattsburgh's TeeVee station is
affiliated with the NBC network. The local anchors appear
with NBC's latest meat puppet star, Brian Williams, in a
promo aired ad nauseam. This promo seems to appear every
ten minutes, 24/7. The two locals sit in a studio with
Williams, gushing on about how their regional newscast
shares the same goals of NBC news: helping others,
providing a valuable service to the community.
Of course, that valuable service is sandwiched between ads
by car dealers so desperate to make a sale that they'll run
annoying "humorous" spots devoid of an iota of humor or
even get their naive kids on the screen to shill for them.
Sticking to the script, the local anchors -- He & She, the
standard duo -- tell Williams how they care about the
community because they live in the community. Left
unspoken is the fact that if a better job offer comes
along, He or She would leave this Godforsaken tundra
outpost in a second.
Alternating with the promo featuring He & She and NBC's
Number One teleprompter reader is an aggravating spot
featuring Brian Williams standing on a beach, probably
after the Asian tsunami, going on about no shelter, no
food, no water, how the poor victims are suffering. Of
course, after that show of humanity, Williams flew back
home first class and had a nice meal at a tony five-star
Manhattan restaurant while those victims were still stuck
on the beach, no shelter, no food, no Perrier sparkling
water.
When Brain Williams comes on, the channel changes or the
TeeVee is snapped off. So much for pseudo-friend
overpromotion.
And as for the local anchors, they carry on night after
night with their extended family, the grinning, somewhat
goofy sportscaster and the grinning, somewhat goofy
weatherman. All part of what killed local TeeVee
reporting: the "Happy News" format.
But don't believe what you see on the screen. A cathode
ray tube illusion ain't reality. Remember that when you
meet one of these newsreaders out in public and say hello,
politely holding a door open while commenting on how you
enjoy her work.
Don't be surprised if that plastic TeeVee personality
barely acknowledges your existence, you couch potato peon.
* Pandering To The Ratings *
It must be sweeps week. The local TeeVee news is pushing
special stories to make you worried, so worried that you'll
have to tune in.
Sweeps, in case you didn't know, is a period during the
year when the rating services decide to pay extra attention
to who is watching what when. (Sounds like they're making
an effort to be at least halfway accurate.) The pressure
is on for network and local programs to score good numbers
against the competition so that they can charge top dollar
to advertisers.
On the local level, the local newscast usually works the
fear angle: "Lead Paint In Your Schoolyard!" "How
Pedophiles Lure Your Kids!" "They (the frightfully
unspecified "they") Might Live Next Door To You!"
Occasionally the sex angle is used: "High School Girls Are
Dressing Like Young Hookers!" (That "hook," like the other
preceding ones, was actually used by the local TeeVee
news.) Of course, besides the titillation, a story about
girls in scanty clothing provokes fear because parents will
be worried about how their daughter is attiring herself
while trying to keep her away from lead paint, pedophiles,
and "They."
* Dept. of LOCution: Email From Readers *
Here's an email in response to the article we ran in APE
#53 regarding the Reverend Fred Phelps and a visit to
Plattsburgh by his homophobic circus of true believers.
- - - -
Eric writes:
Somehow I found myself reading your e-zine and am utterly
amazed at your style and uniqueness!
The words you've penned speak volumes about our society at
large, yet encompass a small town in upstate NY. I am
greatful to have found your writings as they are expressive
and stunnigly truthful. I have openly opposed all forms of
hate throughout my life and can not comprehend how man's
inhumanity to man continues to go on unchecked. Also, I
find that our meaningless civil liberties we lack in light
of our immenent doom from terrorism almost comical in its
absurdity and that facade called government, created to
ensure our well being, utilizing our tax dollars for the
benefit of the people seriously lacking humor at all. How
did we (all of us) allow this to happen? Are we (all of us)
that self centered and hostile to the world at large we can
not see the damage we are doing to our childrens' future.
>From what I have learned, Jesus taught nothing but love and
peace. The bible, (not knocking it or praising it) all
versons I have encountered, and I may have mis-interpreted
the cryptic english language, plainly states that angels
were allowed to come to earth and sodomize humans....
What does that say for Rev. Pansy...
Thank you for the inspiring read.
Stan Spire responds:
Angelic buggery? That mean old nun didn't teach us that in
catechism class.
=============================================================
NOTICE: Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by
Anti-Press. Articles submitted by others do not
necessarily express or reflect the opinions or beliefs of
Anti-Press.
WHERE WE'RE AT: Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our
Precision Reality Center. We're presently entrapped in the
alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York State
(NENYland), USA. (For your own good: STAY THE FUG AWAY!)
EMAIL: Antipress1@yahoo.com
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