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anti-press ezine 2005 09 22
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< ANTI-PRESS EZINE #55 >
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"We're Positive About The Negative"
This E-dition filed 9/22/05 from NENYland (pronounced
nee-nee-land), the northeastern corner of New York State
(i.e. the hinterlands). Our Precision Reality Center,
located in Plattsburgh -- The Fake City -- features Bull
Tracker 9000 with Super Droppler Radar. More details at
the end of this E-dition.
(C) Copyright 2005 Anti-Press
NOTE TO SUBSCRIBERS: If you don't receive an E-dition
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latest issue. Check the archives at www.disobey.com to see
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file.
==============================
* SMASH! CRASH! Nightlife in Downtown Plattsburgh *
Large plate glass windows are an endangered species in
downtown Plattsburgh.
A couple of weeks ago a corner restaurant had to
temporarily replace one of its picture windows with a sheet
of plywood. Since then, like a few other businesses, the
restaurant has removed the large windows and installed
walls with smaller panes. Small = big savings on
replacement costs. Say goodbye to having a good view with
plenty of light coming in.
So what? Well, it's a symptom of what has been going on
for too many years in the Fake City. A good word for it
would be fortressing.
A prime example of fortressing can be found at another
corner restaurant, a pizza parlor. It stays open late at
night when a lot of drunks come in. This establishment
used to have large windows but apparently such expansive
plates of glass were just asking to be smashed. Now you go
to the pizza parlor and you'll see that not only did it put
in smaller windows, it also reinforced its exterior with a
high brick wall. Try punching or kicking that when you
want to vent.
Usually incidents of vandalism jump after the fall session
starts up at the college at Plattsburgh University. But
not all destructive spoor can be tracked back to roaming
P.U. animals; local yokels can also go on their little
rampages.
For example, there used to be oversized panes fronting the
office of the Municipal Lighting Department. To fill in
the visual space the MLD put appliances on display,
apparently to urge its customers to use more electricity.
One time a couple of the boys were window shopping and they
wanted a TV set. So they smashed in the window, but not
completely from top to bottom. One of them reached in for
his prize and a large shard fell, nailing him in the back.
The cops had no problem finding the perps. After seeing
all the blood left behind, they just went to the hospital
ER and inquired if someone had come in with back trouble.
When the Air Force base was still operating, downtown would
be treated to battles in the streets between squadrons.
During one squadron war one wingnut threw another through
the front window of a furniture store. Yup, it was a large
plate of glass. Apparently these boys didn't realize the
stunts you see on TV or in the movies aren't real life.
When a screen hero jumps through a window or is thrown
through one, special breakaway glass is used. That way our
hero gets up without a bloody scratch.
As for real life -- in this case, the wingnut propelled
through a furniture store window -- he was almost
castrated, according to the newspaper account.
So as the years roll by -- and downtown rolls with the
punches -- pane size will keep shrinking for shop and
office facades. Of course, smaller windows can still be
targeted. The next thing will be bullet proof glass. Then
steels walls with peep holes.
At that point the fortressing will be complete. Windows of
any size will be dodo.
* Letters To Other Editors *
> > President Bush should put the nerve gas to the traitors
left over from the Clinton Administration.
Or so proclaims one letter writer to a local newspaper.
His opening paragraph shows a gift for imaginative
exposition:
"The Iron Triangle was an area in South Vietnam where we
could not find the enemy because they were hiding right
beneath our feet. In the 1990s the Clintons embedded so
many of their own people in the executive branch that
these saboteurs are still undermining the current
administration five years later."
This writer maintains that Bush is the victim of
backstabbers; he's really a good president. CIA Director
George Tenet, a Clinton appointee, deceived the President
with the story of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
Most department heads on 9/11 were Clinton appointees.
There are so many "Clinton moles" that the government
resembles a Viet Cong tunnel complex.
The only mistake that Bush made was that he didn't fire all
Clinton appointees on the first day of his term. In fact,
says the writer, Bush should've rolled "a nerve gas
canister into the rat's nest of treasonous scum destroying
our republic."
* 22.99 *
By Stan Spire
Mr. Coffee wasn't cutting it.
Why go through the bother of buying good beans to have my
drip-brew electric toy not give me full flavor? Then
there's the hassle of using paper filters, especially when
you have to throw out a used one. Wet grounds like to
spill out all over the place. I don't need any help with
being a slob.
Then I remembered: my French press.
It's a simple system, a glass beaker with a sliding metal
filter attached to a plunger rod. Add some coffee, pour in
near boiling water, and put the top in place, pushing the
filter down to sit on the surface of the brewing coffee.
Wait a few minutes, slowly push the plunger the all the way
down, and pour the coffee. The metal filter keeps the
grounds in place. Cleaning is easy: just open up the glass
container, rinse out and pour the grounds down the sink
drain.
I hadn't used it in a while. I got out of the routine of
having coffee at home when I used to hang around
coffeehouses. The drip-brew toy seemed OK when I used the
regular canned coffee. But when I switched to better
beans, I knew something was missing.
So I dug out my French press from a cabinet. It was safely
sealed in its original box to keep the dust out. I noticed
something before I opened up the box. The original price
tag was still stuck on top.
The French press was an Xmas present from an ex-girlfriend.
I had forgotten about the price tag deliberately left
there. That tag summed up the whole relationship. She was
the one with the money and I wasn't. That was one of the
ways she tried to control me -- that and sex.
It's amazing how relationships change over time. When you
first meet, she doesn't find any fault with you. In fact,
your flaws are all so adorable.
"It's cute the way you snore at night. No, your snoring
doesn't bother me. It's reassuring that someone is there
next to me."
Six months later:
"You son of a bitch. Your goddamn snoring kept me up all
night. Why don't you get an operation? What? You're
afraid that it's too dangerous and you might die? Well,
you better do something or I'll take a brace and bit and
drill a new hole in your block head."
That's how things can change.
At least I have the French press. After all these years,
it still makes a good cup of coffee.
==============================
NOTICE: Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by
Anti-Press. Articles submitted by others do not
necessarily express or reflect the opinions or beliefs of
Anti-Press.
WHERE WE'RE AT: Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our
Precision Reality Center. We're presently entrapped in the
alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York State
(NENYland), USA. ("Uh, officer, that hole in my back...
uh, it's not from a broken window ... uh, I hurt myself
using a garden hoe.")
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