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anti-press ezine 2006 04 06
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< ANTI-PRESS EZINE #59 >
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"We're Positive About The Negative"
This E-dition filed 04/06/06 from NENYland (pronounced
nee-nee-land), the northeastern corner of New York State
(i.e. the hinterlands). Our Precision Reality Center,
located in Plattsburgh -- The Fake City -- features Bull
Tracker 9000 with Super Dopeler Radar.
(C) Copyright 2006 Anti-Press
NOTE: If you want positive negativity hot off the keyboard,
check out www.anti-press.blogspot.com . Bookmark it or get
a RSS feed via such services as www.bloglines.com .
==================
* Big Change: Mailing List Being Dropped *
This will be the last e-dition of APE available thourgh
email subscriptions. Morbus at disobey.com is moving on to
a new server and won't be keeping his mailing list service.
I'm not set up to run one myself. He has offered to
archive the plain text editions at his new server.
At the same time I do have my blog:
www.anti-press.blogspot.com . Like I say, Don't Forget THE
HYPHEN! Someone already claimed antipress (no hyphen) at
blogspot. You'll know if you've gone to the wrong blog if
you see it hasn't been updated since Jan. 30, 2003. Also,
I could give a rat's ass about the Lakers or any other
sports team.
RSS feeds are available through my blog. Or just bookmark
it and drop by every month or so.
I want to thank Morbus for managing the mailing list all
these years and promoting Anti-Press to the world at large.
When Anti-Press came to a quick dead end as a local print
zine, Morbus offered to publish me on the Web. Thus began
the Anti-Press Ezine -- APE. Morbus's help kept Anti-Press
going all these years. Thanks, Morbus.
* Why Not A 14-Karat Wig For Uncle Baldie? *
Why are funeral homes like supermarkets? Besides the
packaging of dead meat, they both want to sell you certain
products that you don't necessarily need.
To see what I mean, read "The American Way of Death" by
Jessica Mitford, either the book or the original article
that inspired it. The article is included in the recent
anthology of investigation journalism called "Tell Me No
Lies," edited by John Pilger.
Even though her skeptical look at the funeral industry
dates back to the 1960s, some of her observations are still
valid today. She did document certain egregious
transgressions by the funeral business at that time and
reforms were made. But her questioning attitude towards
some expenses can still be applied.
Of course, funeral homes aren't non-profit entities.
They're entitled to make a decent living. Also, I would
never tell others how to spend their own money. But I
reserve the right, like Mitford, to think that certain
purchases are extravagant, beside the point.
I wonder how Mitford would react to a article covering the
local dead meat beat in a recent Sunday edition of the
Plattsburgh (news)paper, the Daily Snafu. The article
explained how "new" innovations (aren't innovations by
nature "new?") in the funeral industry offer more options
for consumers - to spend more money, of course.
I think Mitford would be greatly amused how modern
technology has reached its apex with personalized DVD
tributes featuring photographs of the loved one with family
and friends. Now you don't have to touch those dirty
prints; just pop the tribute DVD into a TV set during the
wake. A tribute producer explained that his service
provided more than a slide show: he pans and zooms for an
interactive feel. Hey, I can do the same thing with a
print in my hand, moving it sideways or back and forth in
front of my face, for a lot cheaper.
And let's not forget the packaging of the dead meat.
Coffins - I'm sorry, I should use the euphemism, "caskets,"
- can be outfitted with gaudy options that just end up
rotting in the ground. As the Daily Snafu article states:
"The sky's the limit when it comes to choosing - and paying
- for a casket."
How about a bronze casket with 14-karat gold hardware?
Yours for about $30,000. (Just don't let any grave robbers
know where the final resting place shall be.) How about
some fancy lid panels? Such a panel could show the stiff -
sorry, the "dearly departed" - pursuing one of his favorite
activities when he was animated: golfing, boating, or
fornicating. Was the departed an avid outdoorsman? Well,
you can get a casket in camouflage colors for only $2700.
Nothing says decorum than a coffin adorned with splotches
of earthy green and brown.
But who would buy this stuff? Let's face it, a fancy
coffin is about as practical as a third tit on Dolly
Parton. As Mitford has pointed out, it's normal for a
person who has lost a close relative or friend to be in
shock. There might also be feelings of guilt, that they
blame themselves for not treating the person better when he
was alive.
How better to relieve that guilt than to spend extra for
the cammo exterior with the 14-karat gold handles?
* Mayor Trying To Market Hole In Ground *
One end of the downtown parking lot in Plattsburgh has been
dug up and isolated by chain link fencing. An ugly,
abandoned sand pit. This was supposed to be the site of a
great building project. But the endeavor has hit a snag.
Due to environmental issues, the site had to be cleaned up
at a cost of $43,000 to city taxpayers; the rest of the
clean up -- which came to about $1 Million total -- was
paid by state taxpayers. Since most city taxpayers are also
state taxpayers, they have paid twice to create an
environmentally-safe hole in the ground. And people wonder
why their taxes keep going up.
There's nothing wrong with progress - when it's real
progress, instead of spinning your wheels in the mud,
getting stuck.
And the city taxpayer might be stuck again, thanks to the
truism, "Build it and they will come."
It was assumed that it would be easy to lure tenants to a
brand new retail and office building in downtown Peeburgh.
Plans went ahead for construction before tenants were
signed up.
An investment company from Vermont initiated the project
but when it couldn't find tenants, it walked last summer.
Another investor from Albany is now involved; it says some
tenants are interested, but so far this second company
hasn't convinced anyone to John Hancock on the dotted line.
So the site sits there like a gaping financial wound. As
for the pollution issue, apparently everything would have
been OK if the parking lot hadn't been dug up. There was no
pressing need for environmental remediation; the city
could've let that sleeping dog lie there.
But the mayor says he will try to sell the spot to someone,
somehow. He stresses the positive, saying the site is
shovel-ready, that the city could find another developer.
Or it could just pave the lot over again. New pavement for
only $1 Million.
Meanwhile, the hole keeps filling up with water from the
snow and rain. I think about all those scary ads on the
TeeVee during the warm weather last year. Dump out any
potential containers, old cans, even tires, that might
accumulate water. Don't let standing water become a
breeding ground for death from the sky.
Spring is on its way. Maybe the parking lot construction
site will see increased activity -- as a breeding ground
for mosquitoes carrying the West Nile virus.
* A Sinking Feeling *
What has happened to common courtesy?
The other day I walked into the men's room at the public
library. Maybe I should be inured to the few characters
that hang around the library, that nothing should surprise
me. But I was caught off guard by a longhair washing his
skull-mop in a sink.
How rude can you be? I mean, there's his sluffed hair lying
all over the sink. Now how could I wash my socks with that
unsanitary mess?
=================
NOTICE: Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by
Anti-Press/Stan Spire. Articles submitted by others do not
necessarily express or reflect the opinions or beliefs of
Anti-Press.
WHERE WE'RE AT: Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our
Precision Reality Center. We're presently entrapped in the
alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York State
(NENYland), USA. ("As we continue our tour of downtown
Plattsburgh, please note the million dollar sandpit to your
right.")
EMAIL: Antipress1@yahoo.com
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