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anti-press ezine 2001 04 17
ANTI-PRESS EZINE #22
"We're Positive About The Negative"
An April E-dition
(C) Copyright 2001 Anti-Press All Rights Reserved
THIS E-DITION'S LINE-UP:
I - RESTAURANT IN HOT SOUP WITH CUSTOMER
II - TRY THIS ACRONYM ON FOR SIZE: S.C.R.E.W.E.D.
III - PROFIT$ FROM PROTEST
IV - A QUESTION OF TRADE-OFFS
VI - GUEST ESSAYIST MITCH SHRADER: A MORE
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RESTAURANT IN HOT SOUP WITH CUSTOMER
According to a recent editorial in The Paper a customer had a problem
with one of the local McDonald's in the Plattsburgh area. The editorial
said the customer purchased some soup and when she opened it up later,
she noticed an adhesive bandage strip floating about in her portion.
The editorial stated that the outraged customer couldn't find any
satisfaction from the police or the local restaurant. It said she
called a national complaint line and was told by a McDonald's
representative that if she didn't eat the soup and got sick from it,
then there was nothing that they could do. That, concluded the
editorial, was no happy meal.
Over the last few months Jay Leno on The Tonight Show has been making
jokes about similar cases at other McDonald's outlets. One time he
mentioned that a customer claimed a rat-head was found in a meal in
Toronto, Canada. On this side of the border Leno told the story of an
American outlet that supposedly served a fried chicken head (the new
Voodoo Meal, he quipped).
We're no fan of a greedy corporation like McDonald's. At the same time
we're no fan of someone who slips something in their meal and then tries
to scam a company. We don't know what is going on with these cases of
unappetizing objects claimed to be found in various Mickey D's meals.
Who's guilty? Who's innocent? Obviously it was a bad public relations
decision IF McDonald's did treat the tainted soup customer as described
in The Paper's editorial.
So what is the real story? What is truth?
But there is an issue that overshadows any other issues raised by this
topic.
What about all the bad jokes about adhesive bandages in soup?
Q: Why is McDonald's soup like peanut butter?
A: They both stick to the roof of your mouth.
Q: Why is McDonald's soup like a donation to a blood bank?
A: They both have to be screened for hepatitis.
Q: What is the difference between McDonald's soup and Richard Simmons?
A: Richard Simmons isn't HIV positive.
Q: What do you call McDonald's soup with a bandage inside a condom?
A: Safe soup.
Q: Why is trying to satiate your hunger with McDonald's soup like giving
a dollar to a bum on the street?
A: Both are only Band-Aid solutions.
These jokes are despicable and shouldn't be repeated (unless proper
credit is given to Anti-Press with appropriate payment of royalties).
Despite its problems, McDonald's does it best to provide a good,
wholesome meal to its customers. Such adolescent humor should be
condemned.
(Editor's note: Anti-Press will be opening this weekend at Bob's Comedy
Barn, somewhere between Fond du Lac and Sheybogan.)
* * *
TRY THIS ACRONYM ON FOR SIZE: S.C.R.E.W.E.D.
On April 20-22 there's going to be a meeting of the minds in Quebec
City, Canada -- greedy minds.
The Summit of the Americas will discuss a working draft of the FTAA, the
Free Trade Area of the Americas. According to critics of trans-national
companies, the FTAA is essentially an expansion of the North American
Free Trade Agreement, NAFTA.
(Editor's note: Sorry for the alphabet soup but if someone wants to make
an issue difficult to understand, they dream up all sorts of confusing,
similar-looking acronyms. You know, you hear about SALT, then SALT 2,
followed by Son of SALT, SALT Rides Again, Beach Blanket SALT-O, SALT
Versus Godzilla, etc.)
Remember years ago Presidential candidate Ross Perot talked about the
"big sucking sound" of jobs going to Mexico? NAFTA made it easier for
trans-national corporations to move their factories down to Mexico to
take advantage of cheaper labor and lax environmental standards. This
struck home here in NENYland: there was a stitching factory in Malone,
NY that terminated a bunch of workers to move its operations out of the
country. One displaced worker mentioned his "pleasure" towards NAFTA on
the TeeVee news.
NENYland stinks for decent-paying jobs. The Paper ran an editorial
about how this region needs better jobs to keep its youth from moving
away. On second thought, maybe they should move to Mexico. At least it
doesn't have six months of winter weather that can destroy mind and
body.
(Editor's note: We saw the first sign of spring here in NENYland -- a
robin frozen in the snow.)
Apparently the FTAA is more of the same great stuff that NAFTA has
wrought, expanding similar public "benefits" to Central America, South
America, and the Caribbean. The most disturbing part is that all 34
countries are conducting the negotiations in secret.
We know from previous experience to be suspicious when someone is
talking about us, either behind our back or in whispers. Sometimes
they're planning a good thing like a surprise birthday party. But
usually they're up to no good. If the FTAA is so great, why all the
secrecy?
After the WTO protests in Seattle, The Powers That Be are concerned what
will happen this weekend in Quebec City. Security has been beefed up at
the Canadian border. If you look like a hippie protester and you've got
an arrest record for anything, you're not crossing, go home. One
activist made the news when she was turned away. She was dressed up as
a dollar bill; she said 
