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anti-press ezine 1999 08 28
ANTI-PRESS EZINE #09
"We're Positive About The Negative"
An August E-dition
(C) Copyright 1999 Anti-Press
Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by Anti-Press. Articles
submitted by others do not necessarily express or reflect the opinions
or beliefs of Anti-Press.
Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our Reality Center. We're presently
entrapped in the alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York
State, USA. (For your own good: STAY THE FUG AWAY!)
=============================================================
HEALTHCAST: NEWS OR PSEUDO-NEWS?
You're sitting there, viewing the local evening news on TV, and a
reporter comes on to tell you about a medical breakthrough, a pill,
surgery, treatment, etc. She's a "health reporter"-- a professional
journalist supposedly giving you objective reports on the latest
developments in the medical world.
But instead of health reporter, maybe the term PR flack would be more
appropriate.
Ever notice that generally the local health reporter doesn't cover a
story in person? Now and then there's a story pertaining to the health
care system in your area; the health reporter might interview a doctor
and then add a comment from one of your neighbors. But most of the time
the health reporter is just doing a voice-over from a prepared script
interspersed with statements by specialists and patients all over the
country, from Tarazana, California to Blue Balls, Pennsylvania.
Obviously your local TeeVee station ain't sending a news team all over
the country to produce these pieces. They have a hard enough time
trying to cover that two-car-and-one-tractor-hauling-a-manure
wagon-pile-up on Route 9. Sitting there one evening, we realized that
the "healthcast" segment wasn't locally produced, it wasn't real "news".
Obviously it was produced by a public relations company representing
major clients in the health business: PR disguised as journalism.
Welcome to the wonderful world of VNR-- Video News Release. A public
relations company will produce a slick quasi-news segment to promote a
client's new product or service. Of course, there's usually more than
one side to an issue, but a PR "news" release won't go into great detail
if it will negatively affect the soft sell. They want you to look
favorably at a recently introduced treatment or device, even though "FDA
approval is pending for this medication" or "this technique isn't
recommended for all patients".
We paid attention when the healthcast VNRs popped up on the local TeeVee
news. There is no disclaimer saying that the segment is prepared by a
public relations firm and therefore might be slanted. Now why would the
station run such segments, deceiving most people into thinking they are
watching real news?
Simple. There's not enough reporters to cover everything. Deadlines
squeeze the schedule. It takes considerable time to go out, interview
some people, and then edit the footage into a story with a script. VNRs
offer an easy way to cover the "news". The PR company sends a polished
segment to the station with a ready-to-read script. All the local
"health reporter" has to do is follow the script, blending in bits of
voice-overs and on-camera appearances.
Now the VNR company kinda "washes their hands" of any accusations that
they're exclusively disguising public relations as news by providing two
versions of each report: one polished with a script for the TeeVee meat
puppet to parrot and a second one of raw footage that the TV station is
supposed to use as the basis of its own objective report. Guess which
version gets used the most? From the VNR company's POV, it's not their
fault if a TV station only uses the polished version.
So how does a station's news department "get away" with this? Well, how
many times do you really WATCH television instead of just viewing it?
Pay attention, especially when the health reporter says you can get more
info from a Web site. Unlike most viewers, we followed her suggestion.
We checked the station's Web site and discovered that the slick features
were created and packaged by some company in another state that tries to
promote the latest info on medical discoveries. But we couldn't glean
too much info going to that company's Web site to find out who
financially backed them. Hhhmmm, a wealthy philanthropist? Or-- could
it possibly be?-- a bunch of greedy pharmaceutical companies,
businessmen doctors, and that ilk trying to influence public opinion
through pseudo-news stories?
Since VNRs are provided free of charge, somebody has to pay for
production costs, right down to that broadcast-ready tape that is mailed
or transmitted to the station. We're pretty sure we know who is footing
the bill and what kind of company is spewing all this stuff. Walking,
quacking... must be a duck trying to fob itself off as an eagle.
The local health reporter seems to be a pleasant enough lady-- but what
are her qualifications to be a "health" reporter, beyond reading a
prepared PR script? Does she have some background in medicine,
chemistry, any of the hard sciences? Can she define a word like prion
or explain to us which one oxygenates blood, a vein or an artery? Can
she even tell us what the letters "HMO" mean without referring to her
notes? Did this pretty blonde even pass high school biology class?
After all, if someone is a purported "science" reporter, you would hope
that they could tell you how many planets in our solar system or how
lightning strikes or even why the sky is blue.
And take the word "reporter", meaning someone who covers all sides of an
issue. There's a difference between a reporter and a script reader.
Remember that the next time you're sitting there, viewing the "news" and
some wonder drug is being touted to possibly cure your ailment-- with
qualifiers added like "pending full FDA approval" and "not recommended
for all patients". If you want to be a guinea pig, be our guest. You
might discover the downside of PR disguised as news and also learn what
some people mean by "social Darwinism"...
THRU THE FILM GATE:
The Blair Witch Project: Over the Cliff You Go!
"Moreover, such population booms are so unusual that when Walt Disney
needed a lemming migration for his 1958 short feature _White
Wilderness_, he had to pay Eskimo children to collect enough of the
animals for a mob scene. Later, when the little creatures refused to
dive into the water on cue, the film crew bodily tossed them in. Thus
legends are made." From a review of the book _Do Lemmings Commit
Suicide?_ by Dennis Chitty. _The Sciences_, Nov./Dec. 1996; Laurance A.
Marshal, reviewer.
So how many of you lemmings fell for the hucksterism and the hype for
_The Blair Witch Project_? Did you allow the promoters throw you over
the cliff or did you go along with the crowd and leap with everyone else
because you were supposed to?
We first heard of this movie's hype when a high-school-age kid was
buzzing on how it was a true story, that it used real footage of three
student filmmakers who turned up missing in the woods during an
encounter with something really weird. The students were dead,
murdered, and someone was responsible. The high school kid had heard
that _TBWP_ was being initially released only to a few theaters. He and
a friend had been speculating the parents of the victims were
threatening a lawsuit and that's what was holding back the film from a
wider release.
Suppressing a guffaw we diplomatically expressed our incredulity. We
mentioned the name of William Castle, B-movie horror producer from the
1950s/1960s. The story goes that he would take a third-rate movie and
promote it with all sorts of gimmicks, ranging from a creating a
whispering campaign to putting electric buzzers under theater seats to
make the audience really jump. Check out John Goodman's character in
the film _Matinee_ if you want to see how a pro does it. Those who
don't learn from movie history are doomed to repeat it.
Anyway, we can envision two "pros" sitting around, trying to decide how
to foist _TBWP_ on an unsuspecting public. "If this film was the best
at the Sundance Film Festival," says one huckster, "I hate to see the
worse."
"Doesn't matter," says a second huckster, "The idiots who hired us
snapped it up and now we have to distribute this thing. Man, did you
see that herky-jerky footage? What moron wants to sit thru that?"
The first huckster ponders. "Maybe we can sell it as being filmed in
'Vomitorama', a new process--"
The second huckster puts up his hand. "Hey, kids are too sophisticated
for that stuff nowadays. This isn't the 1950s. Cyber-space is the
thing. We gotta set up a Web site and promote this as if it's a real
documentary, not some low-budget, pretentious, artsy-fartsy crap that
only senile beatniks and mentally-defective philosophy professors would
enjoy."
"OK," says huckster #1, "but let's play up that low-budget bit. You
know, allowing movie-goers to excuse this thing for not being that good
because it was only made for $30,000--"
"Higher."
"OK, we'll sell it as a $60,000 movie--"
The second huckster laughs. "Hey, let's stick with $30,000. You know,
our hero Hitler and the Big Lie..."
Thus legends are born.
When we went to see _TBWP_ we knew it wasn't real in any sense and that
the money saved on production costs was poured into advertising, the Web
site, rumor-mongering, drugs, whatever. We gave the film a chance
because we enjoy low-budget, non-mainstream movies. It started out OK,
no problems with the mockumentary format, but after a while we said to
ourselves, "This thing is not more than the sum of its low-budget
parts." Characterization, pacing, story, &C. were lacking.
For example, at one point the three students are lost in the woods and
decide to follow the stream. Since a stream usually runs downhill to a
larger body of water where you're more apt to find civilization, this
seems to be a reasonable decision. But suddenly the Idiots Three are
going south; they forgot about the stream.
So now the viewer is treated to unsteadycam footage of the Tard Triad
walking through the woods, arguing and using the f-word ad nauseam, and
then they discover all they have accomplished is travel in a big circle.
The way this was presented, it suggested that some sort of supernatural
force was keeping them lost in the woods. But instead of "going south",
wouldn't it be more logical for them to follow the stream-- and then
find that the stream goes around in a full circle, adding to the lurking
supernatural menace?
Sorry, we don't consider it a great movie when we're sitting there,
watching it, while writing in our head a better screenplay.
This was one of the many flaws with this overhyped, improv B-movie.
After a while we couldn't keep ourselves entertained by envisioning a
better movie in our head. The frenetic, flimsy filming and the babyish
bickering, all punctuated by the superfluous f-word, just dulled our
senses. When the screen went dark-- the students in the "documentary"
were trying to save battery power and so just kept their DAT recorder
on-- we started to nod off. (Naps are important, you know. Keeps us
rested to enjoy real movies.)
We woke up enough to catch the ending in the cellar of insipid horror.
Gee, that guy we see standing in the corner-- was he wearing a dunce
cap? If William Castle was behind this thing, he would've handed out
dunce caps to everyone at the end of the movie. And if that had
happened, discriminating movie-goers such as ourselves would enjoy the
joke-- on the lemmings.
TELE-VIOLATION: CUTE TWINS STILL BEING SLUTTIFIED
In a previous issue we told you how a local TeeVee station was misusing
promotional material from the series _Sweet Valley High_. The station
was running ads using images of the wholesome twins who starred in _SVH_
to advertise a "gentleman's club" in the area.
Well, we still haven't heard from the creator of the Sweet Valley
characters, Francine Pascal, even though we emailed her twice. In the
meantime the ads have been updated, at least with new shots of the
"ladies" at the club. But the same misappropriated clips of Brittany
and Cynthia Daniels, in character as the _SVH_ twins, are still being
repeated, even though we thought they would be worn out by now.
In the clips the twins are talking about the _SVH_ TV show, saying
things like "You'll never know what will happen!" But within the
context of the ad this statement takes on a questionable meaning when it
cuts to shots of dancing ladies who know how to work the pole and the
lap. It seems this tittie bar-- oops, we mean "gentleman's club"-- is
now featuring a boxing night. One wonders what the ladies will box
with. (What is the bursting point for a silicone implant?)
We're shocked-- just shocked-- that the Daniels twins are being violated
this way (copyrightwise, that is).
Any suggestions, readers out there? Does anyone want to join our
crusade to desluttify the Sweet Valley High twins? Please email us.
Help us rescue those cute sisters from the boob tube gutter.
IF PBS DOESN'T DO IT TO YOU, WHO WILL?
Those smiling, apparently friendly people asking for you to contribute
to your local public television station-- some of 'em need a good kick
in the ass.
Years ago, before we knew better, we worked briefly at a public
television station. For those of you not familiar with public
television, it is a network of non-commercial stations that offer
intelligent television: opera, documentaries, investigative journalism,
educational children's shows, etc. Each station is supported by state
and federal monies but most revenue must be raised by abject begging
targeted at local citizens and companies. A majority of the programming
comes through the Public Broadcast System and each station has to pay to
carry PBS shows.
During a begathon, employees at the station would go on air and try to
get the phones ringing with pledges of $upport. Unlike televangelists
who promise God's blessing, the public TeeVee personalities promised
quality programming, in contrast to the commercial networks that,
according to one employee, "offer programs that will rot your brain".
The on-screen personas were sometimes at variance with the off-screen
personalities. Sick with themselves for begging for a paycheck, they
would take out their frustration on any lackey unfortunate enough to
cross their paths during a bad day. One time we asked one of the
station VIPs where he had been, just a friendly inquiry, because he
needed his input on a project.
Since this is a family publication, let us paraphrase this VIP's
professional reply to us:
"Mind your copulating feces-skull business! I'm sick of your copulating
feces-skull questions, you copulating feces-skull."
See what we mean when we say that some of 'em need a good kick in the
ass? We thereafter called that VIP The Geek.
The worse one was the Big Head, Boss Number 1. He would also growl and
snap at anyone on a whim. One time we couldn't answer a question from
an intern at PBS HQ and so we passed along the inquiry to the Big Head.
The station was getting ready for another stressful begathon and he
didn't care who was calling, even if it was the Blessed Virgin Mary. He
ripped into the young intern on the other end of the line, then thrust
the phone back to us. We could hear the tears of that girl at PBS HQ.
We apologized, even though it wasn't our fault.
We used to have a colorful description of the Big Head when someone
wanted a thumbnail sketch. We described him as an obese, Neo-Nazi
werewolf.
What was funny was when the same personalities cited above would get on
the air after another enlightening and delightful special by a therapist
known as "The Love Doctor". The Love Doc would talk about loving
others, how to grow love, how to share love. He claimed that senility
was not due to any physical ailment-- it was only caused by a lack of
love. He would gush on, wiping spittle from his flapping pie-hole,
repeating the themes of love and respect and love and peace and love and
self-worth and love, love, love.
"Isn't that great," the Big Head or the Geek would unctuously claim.
"Only here at this public television station do you find such
programming. After all, blah, blah, love, blah, blah, love, blah, blah,
send money, blah, blah, love..."
That disingenuous crap sucked most viewers into reaching for the phone
and pledging their money, not thinking that the Love Doc show wasn't a
regular series, it was one or two specials during the year. The
viewers' money was going towards stuff they wouldn't watch at gunpoint
like opera from the Met. Here were Mr. & Mrs. Rural Middle Class,
helping to pay for opera on PBS so that the Rockefellers could stay home
in their mansion on a rainy night, drink some bubbly, partake of some
caviar, and delight in the sounds of Beverly Sills on their giant TeeVee
screen while starving children in Africa ate grass.
Anyway, as soon as the "Love Rap" was over, the smile would fade and Big
Head or the Geek would return to their usual prick mode. So think twice
before you pick up that phone during a public TeeVee begathon. Do you
want to support such pricks? Do you want to pay for opera for rich
pricks while African children chew grass?
The fateful decision rests in your hands-- and wallet.
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