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Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 24 June 6:00
__ __
\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 24 vol. 2 June 6/00
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
__ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __
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In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLES
SHNIBBULAR SHITE - BY BRENDAN H.
HOUSEHOLD CYCLOPEDIASHITE - SUBMITTED BY BUNNIEE
BLIMPS AND THEM AS LIKES EM - BY MITCH S.
MISDIRECTED MAIL SHITE - SUBMITTED BY BUDGERIGAR THE HOLY
INSTAGON NEWS - BY LOB/VD
NOT BREATHING TOUR INFO - FROM THE INSTAGON LIST
SHITE TO SAY AT WORK - SUBMITTED BY ANGIE C.
FREEZING DEAD MOM SHITE - SUBMITTED BY NIB
MOON OVER LONDON
SORCERER SHITE
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "look, I don't want to waste your time or ours..." spam-
assed-I'm-annoyed-up-to-my-ass-shite issue. What I am I on about you ask?
I keep getting this really fucking annoying spam that begins with the
above quoted line. After getting it for like the 50th time I actually read
it to see if there was anything I could glean from it to try and annoy
the sender. Well, I got a phone number. A 1-800 number to boot. which
means they're paying for the calls. So I called it and got a recording. I
left a brief message saying something like "oh sorry, I'm wasting my
time..." Anyways, I called them back a half dozen times or so and hung up
a few seconds into their recorded speal just to add charges to their
phone bill. And now I offer you, valued reader, the change to fight back
against spammers - the phone number is 1-800-231-5349. And keep in mind
that calling 1-800 numbers is free from public payphones.... Just call
and wait for the message beep and then put the receiver on top of the
phone (to keep the line open picking up background noise) and walk away.
Let VD know if you called them so we can report on it in future issues.
In other news...Nib and I tried out Odigo's (www.odigo.com) voice chat
feature last weekend and it rocks. He was on a cable modem and I was on
a 56K dial-up. Worked perfect. Great product - check it out. Fuck Ma
Bell.
In other news, there is no other news. Oh wait, there is - this week VD
surpassed the 300 subscribers mark! Woohoo. Not bad for a toss off piece
shite that is mainly for my amusement. Thanks to all you new (and
continuing) subscribers for making this thing what it is.
And now for words from the mouths of babes....(that's you - the readers):
Regarding an item from the very 1st issue of VD (how much you wanna bet
he just did a search for references to his name and found the article
by chance?), Gregory K. had this to say:
just read your review of po-po night with hakim
bey in toronto 1997, and the commemorative "zine"
from that event . . . as a contributor to that
publication, and someone who knew Jubal Brown
before he was "famous", and had no friends, I
must say that I am in full agreement with you on
how bad the writing was (including my own, which
I repudiate and am quite ashamed of). Pure tosh.
I didn't even go to the event, because I thought
it was kind of stupid to be charging people 10
dollars for an "anarchist" event. I wrote the
piece for Jubal, but in attempting to reason in
the manner of ressentiment (sic) for the sake of my
then friend, I lowered myself to generalising
such concepts as technology, art, socialism, etc
in the manner of a true moron, which is the only
kind of person I can imagine believing such a
meaningless statement as "art is dead" or "we
demand a beautiful life". at best I can look back
and say it was meant as a humourous, satirical
piece. who could actually believe for a second
that suffering is good and technology is bad ?
adorno wasn't so far off . . .
Hmmm...maybe Greg should have written the original review I wrote as
penance? Maybe he just did? <g> Nice to know my assessment of Jubal was
on the money (not that I really cared - he's a twit, period). Jubal
definitely falls under the "where is he now" category...probably looking
for things to puke on (besides himself). Thanks for the note Greg.
The Shnibbular One himself sent in this little bit of.....whatever:
WARNING - The attachment is Pornographic, use
your discretion when opening. It's called
Barbie Goes On Vacation. (I don't usually send
pornography to people I don't know, but does
the style of this picture remind you of something
(hint, hint - www.god-emil.dk/~bunniee/shhh/alligator.jpg)).
I personally laughed my ass off when I saw the one
with the little hands
Could Bunniee be moonlighting as a... well...
you know... big bad pornography person?
Yes, the attachment was pornographic - no I don't have it anymore. But I
did take the time to contact The Shnibbular One's Network Administrator
and his local police department...so I suspect that the column in this
issue will be his last. OK, I kidding, but did you notice how Brendan
said "I don't usually send pornography to people I don't know..." Hmmm,
does this mean the he does usually send porn to people he knows? I'm sure
he'll let us know next issue... Oh and yes, the one with the hands was
quite funny. If y'all wanna see Shnibbular Porn let me know and I'll
forward your request to the Shnibbular Porn King himself. As far as
Bunniee being a moonlighting porn maven? Naw....couldn't be. I know her
and she's this virginal, Christian Princess who lives in a church in Texas
and she's saving herself for Prince Charming...really.
In response to one of the questions asked in Goatboy's spam letter last
issue Moira Y. provides this bit of info:
The prerequisites to gaining entry into the world
of Scientology is lots of cold hard cash and a
vapid stare - blonde roots seem to be the binding
force of most of its members.
Hey, I have blonde hair (sort of) does that mean I have some special
connection Ron L.? Gawd, I hope not. I'd rather be an American than a
Scientologist. I actually had a Scientologist stop me on Yonge Street
years ago and ask if I wanted a free personality test. I barked really
loud at her that I had no personality. Man the look on her face was
priceless - the same look Yanks get when crossing the border into Canada
and get caught with a gun and charged.
And the paying attention to subscribe/unsubscribe details award goes to:
TheDman55@aol.com
sstop sending me thesse please
Uh, no. Figure it out for yourself. Nice sssssspellllling twit.
Well, let's puke this hairball up and call it art...or Jubal...
:: QUOTABLES ::
:: SHNIBBULAR SHITE - BY BRENDAN H. ::
I'm officially in my nut. I've received some pretty twisted pornographic
material by email over the last six months, normal porn is boring, but
truly perverse porn I fund highly entertaining. Some of the tricks
involving fruit, fish produce and canned drinks are truly staggering in
their perverseness. They have absolutely no erotic value whatsoever (No,
really...). Anyway I usually save them to my hard drive to reroute them
to friends and (I'm not going to try kid anyone here) save them for my
later amusement. I also usually hide them after I've done this. Before I
went on holiday I settled in for some company email abuse and sent large
clusters of the stuff to friends. To cut a long story short, in my rush
to get out of the office I never hid bunch of them again. Doh!
So here I am a month after returning from work. I realize this blunder of
Titanic proportions. I decide to see just how badly I put my foot in it
this time. I go to Profiles - Bronwen - Recent. This is what I find :
Fruit.mpg, Brittany.mpg, Veg(1 - 4).jpg, Giddyup.jpg, CokeCan.jpg,
barbie.jpg. I'm mortified. Of all the people who find it it has to be a)
One of two women in our department. and b.) The one woman I have a great
respect for (quiet, competent, was extremely helpful when I first started
working here.
Basically just a really decent human being. (although the fact that she
kept opening the pictures after she first saw what they were leaves me to
wonder...)). I just thought it was my natural paranoia causing me to
think people in my department were looking at me funny. Now I can see it
as clearly as..., well something really clear. The whole department
clustered around my monitor :"Awww, what a freek.", "My God that's
disgusting.", "I think I'm going to puke!".
I'm renouncing porn from this day on. My playing with porn at work is
like Pakistan and India playing with nuclear weapons. Slightly unnerving
and when something goes wrong it does so in a big way. Any advice as to
what I should do now to try save face, condolences or observations as to
my stupidity (and no requests, I've killed it all.) should be addressed
to theshnibbularone@hotmail.com.
God, what have I done...
THE SHNIBBULAR ONE
:: HOUSEHOLD CYCLOPEDIASHITE - SUBMITTED BY BUNNIE ::
I've been amusing myself with the Household Cyclopedia (pub. 1881) and
came across this little gem in the section on medicine:
Involuntary Emissions.
Symptoms. - An involuntary emission of semen during sleep,
inducing great emaciation and debility.
Treatment. - Abstain from all sexual indulgence and
lascivious ideas or books, sleep on a hard bed, use the cold
bath daily, with a generous and nourishing diet. Chalybeate
water and all the different preparations of iron, with the
cold infusion of bark and elixir of vitriol, as directed for
indigestion, should be freely employed.
And then there's this remedy for inflammation of the brain, which
involves bleeding the patient and shaving their head. What, no leeches?
Treatment. - Bleed the patient (as quickly as possible) until
he nearly faints. Upon the resolute employment of the lancet
in the onset we must place our chief dependence. The bowels
should be freely opened with Epsom salts, the head shaved,
and a blister or cloths dipped in iced vinegar and water, or
pounded ice, be applied to it, and the room kept perfectly
cool, dark and quiet. Rice-water, lemonade, or cold water is
to be the only diet. Should the violence of the disease not
give way to these remedies, repeat the purging, blistering,
etc., as often as may be necessary. The most vigorous measures
to reduce the inflammation are required, or death will be the
consequence. Quietness of mind and body is also essential
throughout the attack.
You can find the complete Household Cyclopedia here:
http://members.xoom.com/mspong/
:: BLIMPS AND THEM AS LIKES EM - BY MITCH S. ::
Blimps is fun, tho not for their size, and surely not for mine...Blimps
has grace and savoir faire, and piggy eyes divine; Blimps is sweet and
do not fight, no gatling guns or 'tomic bums, and to solitude incline.
Hurray I say, and so Hurrah!, for Blimps deserve at least cheers three,
and for the last (twill do), yipee! Let us not, no never let's, the
blimp be yet forgot, for blimps is free, and cool and kind, but must be
loved or will not mind. Burma Shave.
:: MISDIRECTED MAIL SHITE - SUBMITTED BY BUDGERIGAR THE HOLY ::
From: Budgerigar The Holy
To: v_d@iname.com
Subject: Fwd: I am heterosexual and loving it!!!
Misdirected mail... the magnificent alternative to spam. I love when
ignorant people can't spell. It's the tofu icing on the vegan cake.
-----
>The crap you are talking about is just stupid!!
>I am a heterosexual woman and love my guy. I'm not sure where some of
>your readers are coming from, but yuck!?! How can you say
>heterosexauality is abnormal, that tells me something about you!!
>I went to an almost completely women university and I happen to love men
>and have had some great experiences with them. I have also had some
>terrible experiences with women.
>I can tell you that I think two women is just as sick as two men
>and if anyone has a problem with that then they can e-mail me. At
>toots_30@hotmail.com
>I'm proud to be heterosexual and I'm tired of all the gays and lesbians
>thinking they have the right to call me abnormal. I'm the normal one!!!
>And I enjoy hetersexual sex!! and I don't apologize to anyone! So eat
>shit and die homos!! I lived with 85 women, some of them were really
>gorgeous, but being a real woman, I was not attracted to any of them but
>I am still friends with a lot of them.
>Don't tell me that I have lesbian Tendencies!! What a crock!
>You are just trying to justify what you are doing!!
>Nice try! I love men, and can appreciate the beauty of any body but I'm
>normal and only get turned on by nice male bods. I don't care what you
>do but don't try to tell me I'm not normal, beacause as much as you
>spout about homosexuality it is still sick and abnormal and you will
>never have what I have. A great heterosexual relationship, I am offended
>that you even try to suggest that heterosexuality is abnormal. I think
>you had better start reading your bible and realizing that you are going
>to hell real quik!! Got a problem with that E-Mail Me Back at
>toots_30@hotmail.com
:: INSTAGON NEWS BY LOB/VD ::
As you may or may not know, the band Instagon, out of Orange Country,
CA., is a favourite of mine. Instagon is fronted by the one and only Lob,
"Mystical Master ov Space and Time" and all around good guy... Lob is
actually the only constant thing about Instagon as the line-up changes
with each performance/recording. Music in kaos" is a term used I believe
Lob has used to describe their sound. Instagon's style of music would
probably be best described as ambient but that doesn't do it justice
completely. It's just plain good - and different. Instagon isn't trying
to sound like anyone else. Anyways, here's an update of things Instagon
for those of you interested...-Ed.
INSTAGON on besonic.com
ahh the wizardry of Dav..
a few years ago.. Instagon recorded a "techno" based song for a
compilation that was put out from some TOPY/AIN brothers in Australia
called "UNOFFICIAL CHANNELS".. this cd-r was limited to only 100 copies.
the song was called "Embracing In Thee White Light Ov Thee Sonic Death",
and it features words and singing by Lob.. the first since "thee Arrow"
was recorded in 1995. it also features musical collaboration from Dav
Huddleson (of Annodelleb) and Thad Matson (formerly? of Utter Pratish)
well, this song is NOW AVAILABLE as an mp3 file.. so now EVERYONE can
hear it..
set your browser to www.besonic.com
and do an artist search for "Instagon"
enjoy...
~~~
Instagon will play at 9pm this wednesday, June 7th, 2000
at Club Mesa, 843 W. 19th St., COSTA MESA,CA (949) 642-8448 for
directions..
this show is free.. and is 21+
we will play at 9pm..
and possible a 2nd set at 11pm or so.. if there is anyone there left to
see it..
~~~
INSTAGON - MY LITTLE RED PLANET limited edition cassette single
b/w JOYRIDE
recorded at Club Mesa, Costa Mesa, CA 5-24-2K
features; LOB, ROBERT FISHER, MIKE WIENTRAUB, & BILL BURK
with cover art creation by Lob..
so far only 30 copies have been made..
cost is $4 w/shipping within the USA..
send $4 cash .. or check or moneyorder payable to "cash"
to:
Instagon Foundation
po box 894
Huntington beach, CA
92648-0894 usa
or come see us at a show soon and get one..
-/\-
TOPY.instagon
:: NOT BREATHING TOUR INFO - FROM THE INSTAGON LIST ::
greetings people
first off i'm going on a US tour with Damage Manual and Meg lee Chin
the dates below - while on this tour ITCHY TINGLES, the new Not Breathing
album, will be released.
you can come get it at shows or at sam goody (well maybe if your lucky).
major updates to www.notbreathing.com - including new mp3s, photos, news
and real lame crap.
www.carrionsound.com - a sort of online gallery of my home made
instruments now has a few mp3s as well
all the best
xoxo
/dave
NOT BREATHING / THE DAMAGE MANUAL / MEG LEE CHIN - US TOUR
Tues. 13-Jun Washington DC 930 Club
Wed. 14-Jun Pittsburgh PA Club Laga
Thurs. 15-Jun New York NY Bowery Ballroom
Fri. 16-Jun Philadelphia PA Trocadero
Sat. 17-Jun Northampton MA Pearl Street
Sun. 18-Jun Boston MA Middle East
Mon. 19-Jun Ottawa ONT Zaphod Beeblbrox
Tues. 20-Jun Toronto ONT The Phoenix
Wed. 21-Jun Williamsville NY Runwayz
Thurs. 22-Jun Grand Rapids MI The Intersection
Fri. 23-Jun Cleveland OH The Odeon
Sat. 24-Jun Detroit MI St. Andrews
Sun. 25-Jun Chicago IL The Metro
Mon. 26-Jun Minneapolis MN First Avenue
Tues. 27-Jun Denver CO The Gothic Theatre
Wed. 28-Jun Seattle WA Catwalk
Thurs. 29-Jun Portland OR Crystal Ballroom
Fri. 30-Jun San Francisco CA The Filmore
Sat. 1-Jul Los Angeles CA Troubador
Sun. 2-Jul Santa Ana CA Galaxy Concert Theatre
:: SHITE TO SAY AT WORK - SUBMITTED BY ANGIE C. ::
1. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship
me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
:: FREEZING DEAD MOM SHITE - SUBMITTED BY NIB ::
Nib ripped this off from Netscape news and sent to VD...
Freezing Dead Mom in Basement Illegal, Court Says
BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) - A brother and sister who cannot bear to be
separated from their deceased mother may not keep her corpse in a glass-
fronted freezer at their home, a French appeals court has ruled.
Joelle Leroy, 50, and her 52-year-old brother Michel both unmarried and
deeply devoted to their mother wanted to install her last resting place
in the basement of their house on the French Indian Ocean island of
Reunion.
But the court ruled Monday that, "The conservation of a dead person
through freezing is not considered as a way of treating a body in the
eyes of the law."
The body of Lise Leroy has been kept in a morgue freezer in Reunion since
she died last July.
Local authorities rejected the Leroys' request and the pair, both
teachers, took the case to the court in this southwestern French city
which deals with appeals from distant Reunion.
"We think we are suffering an injustice here. French law is the toughest
in the world with regards to this," said Joelle Leroy, who said she and
her brother might take the case to the European Court of Human Rights.
"We refuse to see our mother forcibly buried," she said.
Under French law, bodies can be either buried or cremated.
:: MOON OVER LONDON ::
Found this bit online somewhere...(what? it's a credit of sorts...)
MAM - Movement Against the Monarchy had plans for a mass-mooning of Her
Majesty the Queen. They had hoped to have over 2,000 nekkid butts facing
Buckingham Palace for the big event. Unfortunately they got nowhere near
That number and the BareBumPolice arrested a few people. But the MAM
People have plans for another mass mooning in August for the Queen
Mother's birthday. So if you're in London and want to put your best
cheeks forward...I just hope the *Movement* Against the Monarchy doesn't
turn into a bowel movement Against the Monarchy... <g>
:: SORCERER SHITE ::
This was ripped from an old edition of the Toronto Sun newspaper...
'Sorcerer' condemned
Lubukpakam, Inodnesia (AP)
A sorcerer was sentenced to death yesterday after a court found him
guilty of killing 42 females over an 11-year period. The victims, aged 12
to 30, were seeking the help of Ahmad Suradji, 47, to make their husbands
or boyfriends faithful. Police said he lured each victim to a field,
buried her up to the waist and strangled her before reburying the body
with the head pointing towards his home.
:: RECENT EBAY PURCHASES ::
Here's a list of the things I've bought on Ebay in the last 2 weeks:
Nine Inch Nails live at Woodstock94 CD
Nine Inch Nails Downward Spiral CD (my booklet got water so I wanted to
buy another copy cheap - and did so)
:: ETC ::
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or if you just hate VD and want to send in cheap
ass stupid insults, type 'em up and send it to v_d@iname.com.
Music that inspired this issue: NIN - Fixed
NIN - Broken
Tori Amos - Boys For Pele
Rollins - The Boxed Life
This issue suffers from peeps....bad peeps...killer peeps....
http://www.god-emil.dk/~bunniee/shhh/killerpeep.jpg.
Secret message #2 from Bunniee
geek pinups http://totl.net/Postcards/ yay!
This issue has no references to AP in it.
Next issue June 20/00 <-my daughter's 9th birthday!
__ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __
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Morbus wants this disclaimer shite here because the devil shoots hockey
pucks at his skinnywhitevampiricbinky ass.
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
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...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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