ZAN HOW TO FAKE SICKNESS AND GO HOME EARLY!

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Zhit Axis Nation

 · 5 years ago

  

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o           Zhit Axis Nation (ZIT)           o 
o               Presents ...                 o 
o                                            o 
o  HOW TO FAKE SICKNESS AND GO HOME EARLY!   o 
o                                            o 
o          By Homocidal HitchHiker           o 
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 School is coming up soon, <sigh> so this file 
is for all of you who long to go home and call 
out! Hopefully by the end of this file you'll 
be ditching <legitimatly> like the pros. (Me) 

First you will need: 

    3 GULLABLE ADULTS 
         1 Parent 
         1 Teacher 
         1 School Nurse 
     
    AND A STRAIGHT FACE. 

STEP ONE: While going into the class of your 
choice, do the following: 
    Put your hand to your head or stomach 
    let your eyelids sag 
    Walk slowly to your desk 
    Rest your head 

Okay, Rest your pathetic little head on your 
desk for about five or ten minutes, or until 
your gullable teacher says "Are you feeling OK" 
Then reply in a weak voice, "Hell no bitch!" or 
something to that effect. If they ask whats  
wrong, make up some shit about your head/stomach 
within realitic boundries. (i.e. NOT "I ruptured 
my spleen!") If she sends you to the nurse,  
GOOD! You're on your way! If not just say "Fuck 
you then!" and go slash her tires or firebomb 
her house. 

STEP TWO: The Nurse's Office 
Okay, you've faked out your sorry teacher and 
you're on your way to the nurse... Think about 
what you're going to tell her (or him? Yech!). 
Tell her that you feel weak and nauseous and 
you just want to go home and rest. They'll  
probably let you call your parental figure after 
taking your temperature. Now, when they take  
your temperature, make sure to put it under your 
tounge and then suck on it real hard (oooh!). No 
seriously, this will reduce the amount of air in 
your mouth and it will rise faster. Just don't 
suck too hard, or you'll end up with a mouth full 
of mercury! (Yech!) 
So, no matter what your temperature is, call your 
parent anyways. (That wasn't so hard was it?) 

NOTE: DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT say your throat 
hurts unless you have a strange urge to get a 
giant Q-Tip shoved down your throat! 

STEP 3: YeR DUm StOOpId PerEntz 
This is by-far the funnest part. Okay dial up 
your parent, or better yet call some of your 
friends in the Orient (It's not YOUR phone  
bill! <grin>)! Okay keep your soft voice and  
ask for your parent. When they say some dumb 
thing like "Where are you?" say something like 
"Where do you think ?@#%!" Or tell them that 
you're in the Nurse's Office and you don't feel 
well. if they ask what's wrong, feed them the 
same bullshit that you fed the other gullable 
adults. After which, have them talk to the  
nurse so she can verify your pitifulness. If 
That doesn't work and your parent won't let you 
go home, keep coming back to the nurse and  
calling your parent EVERY period until they are 
so sick of you that they will FINALLY send you 
home! 

NOTE: If your parent sends you to the doctor, 
just put on the act and lie like a dog and they 
will say "Yes, your son/daughter has the Flu" or 
something and then you will be snickering under 
your "sickly" breath! Muuuhahahahahaha!!!! 

>>>>>>>>>>> DISCLAIMER <<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 
This File WORKS! But should anything 
happen to you, I'm not responsible so 
there! 
************************************** 

This File Was Written by: 
                   /-/omocidal /-/itchHiker 
                   07/22/91 

Greets to: Erasmus, Eightball, Ronnieman, 
and all ZANists everywhere! 

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