Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 26 July 4:00
__ __
\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 26 vol. 2 July 4/00
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
__ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __
__ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __
__ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __
In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLES
BIPOLAR APPEAL - BY MITCH S.
VD CD - BY MITCH S.
SHNIBBULAR SHITE - BY BRENDAN H.
AFEXT IS A FART STUCK IN A DEAD PIGEON - BY MORBUS & AFEXT
PMS HUMOUR - SUBMITTED BY BUNNIEE
ENGLISH AS A FRACTURED LANGUAGE - FOUND ONLINE
ASK DR. LAURA - FOUND ONLINE
STUPID MAILSHITE
RECENT EBAY PURCHASES
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "50th issue of VD/I'm in a pissed-off mood" issue. Uh huh.
This is the 50th issue of this stupid-assed rag?!?! Yahoo. Half a hundred.
VD started on Aug 4/98 and still going strong (though it sucks big time if
you listen to what AFeXT says). Hopefully there be at least 50 more.
Hopefully they won't suck. Hopefully I'll care. And speaking of caring,
I don't. Because I'm in a pissed-off mood. Woohoo. <g>
In other things unrelated... Just celebrated Canada Day last Saturday.
Lot's of food, fun, friends, fireworks and other four letter words to help
celebrate Canada's 133rd birthday...
And speaking of celebrations... Happy 4th of July and all that to all our
American friends out there. Hope y'all are having a good holiday.
Well, that's that for being nice. I hope a lot of redneck Yank's get real
loaded and shoot themselves or their relatives. Let's purify the gene
pool... <g>
Shall we move on? Let's shall... Here's what you, dear reader, had to spew
forth from the trenches...
In response to our little tag line last issue ("This issue is missing
something...") and to explain his absence, The Shnibbular One had this to
offer:
After the gushing response from our readers
regarding the whole FREE pornography givaway I
decided I wasn't loved enough to write. So blah!
No, seriously. I wrote something and sent it off
only to find out that our companies ISP, being the
team of lazy drug addicts they are, somehow deleted
our mail server configurations on their side. My
message is in effect "lost in the mail". I was also
dumb enough not to make a backup of it. This all
happened on Monday afternoon. I found out about it
on Tuesday evening...
What? You weren't talking about me. Um. ok. I think
I'll just go back to having a bad week.
OK. I have nothing witty to add here. So lets move on.
Ron L. had this to offer about Goatboy's response to the homo hatin' bible
thumper:
LMAO. Your reply to the homoseckshul hatin woman was
better than pukin on a velvet elvis painting.
To which Goatboy responds:
I'm touched. Really, I am, that someone reads my
drivel.
Talking about Elvis, every morning I go by this
store with ceramic portraits of Elvis. I want one.
No idea why.
To puke on?
AFeXT, the whinny little turd wunderkin, vomited this bit of wisdom from
his cocksucker:
I don't like VD anymore.
Since it joined Disobey it's gotten Devil-Shat-Ized...
which means it's withering away into nothing. Stupid
Morbus fucks all good things up.
I'm gonna cry.
Funny how VD only started to suck after you stopped contributing to it
AFeXT. Try this - go fuck yourself you pimply-assed little punk bitch. I
hope you choke on your fucking electric biscuit vomit. Naturally, I
forwarded the note to Morbus who had his own retort that you can read
below in the "AFeXT Is A Fart Stuck In A Dead Pigeon" column. Oh yeah,
AFeXT, don't take it so seriously it was a joke - just like your jokes
with no goddamn punchlines...ha ha fucking ha.. Bite me.
I feel much better now...<g>
This issue is VD's attempt at self-reflection...that means there is
nothing
funny in this issue.
Well, enough venting as prescribed by our anger management therapist.
Let's stick our fingers down our throat and tickle the ole gag reflex...
:: QUOTABLES ::
"It was a joke like all my jokes."
-AFeXT trying explain his stupid-assed comments.
:: SHNIBBULAR SHITE - BY BRENDAN H. ::
Apparently not even the promise of free truly debauched pornography is
enough to get a reaction out of the our esteemed readers. A week after the
release of the ill-fated VD No. 22 Vol 4, no one seems to be interested
in the free give away, and there I was believing everybody on the net was
a porn freak. Oh, well. For a scathing attack on his Vdness, and his
choice to touch upon (the subject of) porn read Chico's Groove. The
Shnibbular One is displeased with this latest development.
The pornography debate (or lack thereof) reminded me of a discussion me
and some friends got up to concerning the true nature of evil (long story
involving Rabbits, an ex-girlfriend and the spice girls) . This in turn
reminded me of Rown Garnbii's assaholic column in Devil Shat. So I've
decided to take a break from my usual brand of vapid nothingness and
release my own Good vs. Evil debate.
The title?
"The Internet, diabolical tool of Satan in his quest for all encompassing
spiritual domination? Or the first step towards mankind's upliftment to a
new age of enlightenment and prosperity?"
Bear in mind that this is a working title and may be changed in the near
future.
To get it out of the way now, I'm going to start with the availability of
porn on the net.
Ok, for those of you who haven't skipped to the next article let me say
I'm as sick as you are of the usual, social dysfunction/degradation of
women debate, so I'll quickly touch on a more insidious aspect of internet
pornography.
Lets start with the scenario:
It's 1987, 13 year old Johnny has been a naughty boy and has been sent
upstairs to his bedroom without supper by his irate mother. Being bored,
Johnny proceeds to conjure up fantasy scenarios of himself, Jessica Rabbit
a life-sized Barbie and that cute weather lady on the 6 o'clock news. He
reaches for the box of tissues and
[quick wobbly fade to the year 2000 to appease the censors (and to prove
my point)]
This time a little 13 year old Timmy is caught doing the new millennium
equivalent of what Johnny was doing. Once again up to his bedroom he is
sent. He doesn't even have the chance to get bored before he's on his PC
and accessing horsielust.org. Once again he reaches for his tissues and...
If you're wondering what I'm on about (and it's not just in order to
justify the use of the word "horsielust") , ask yourself how many of the
teenage boys of today can actually visualize a scene in their minds
without resorting to visual cues? The internet is slowly eating away at
the worlds imagination and soon there will be nothing left in the minds
of our children.
Verdict - I may conceivably be wrong here but in my opinion this is a Bad
Thing.
Satan's Minions : 1
Global salvation : 0
Coming next week: Absolutely nothing to do with porn. I promise.
THE SHNIBBULAR ONE
:: BIPOLAR APPEAL - BY MITCH S. ::
Thanks to all concerned for upscale tone of last issue, bodily functions
of limited appeal as ongoing literary theme..wuzzit forreal?; that humho
hyperhomo rant thingy? Gotta say guys, yer tolerance of fluffy thought
never ceases to amaze, must be major enlightenment abounds on editorial
staff or maybe just short of material, needed filler..Love yer emag,
especially ads with porsches, beemers, and 'ceds, buxom blonde women, and
alcohol..oh, no..that was playboy..sorry, it's so hard to tell you two
apart..thanks for personal notes, m'very own daughter child had 12th
birthday last wk, have decided she has vocation as religious hermit..sure
hope I can convince her of this..at least for next 3-4 years..alternative
long sabbatical in Antartic research station..puberty..AAAARGH!!!**
Congrats on degree obtained to determined, mature, intellectual and
selfdisciplined femaleperson..you realize, of course, that now you are
obligated to go to Europe and have a pointless affair with a bipolar
french filmmaker? Enjoy! Till next issue, Mitch S.
:: VD CD - BY MITCH S. ::
How bout a best of VD CD? C'mon, ya could keep it a mystery CD and hype
it forever..Why hate Spam? Jes forward it to Political Action Committees,
Televangalists, and Corporate Lawyers..maybe you got a list of "forward
all porn spam to..., and maybe those vinyl siding people could be
forwarded to EXXON, and the Save the Rainforests by joining an offshore
investment company spam to Pat Buchanan's campaign headquarters..ya get
the idea..poetic spam-forwarding, with extra points for irony...try hard
to get all the spammers on each others list's ..a little creative forgery,
uh, literary license, just to expedite the feedback loop...got any
creative amoral computer literate obsessive compulsives hanging around
with meds running low? Here's an after school project guaranteed to keep
em outa the pool halls! Without, of course, ever infringing upon anyone's
right to privacy, or causing any emotional distress, or otherwise
transgressing electronic good manners..<DISCLAIMER/// Mitch S.
:: AFEXT IS A FART STUCK IN A DEAD PIGEON - BY MORBUS & AFEXT ::
I'd like to insert a couple of points, if I could. I'm sure you won't
mind. This is your happy, friendly neighborhood Morbus speaking...
>I don't like VD anymore.
That's fair. Every since eB turned into a laughable excuse for a "weblog",
I don't like it either. It's turn into a pathetic, whiny "dammit, i'm not
on the top bloggers list today!".
You'll notice, in the history of Disobey, that I've never done anything in
quantity. I've never sped up the number of times I release something. It's
always gone backward - Devil Shat from two weeks to a month. Same with
Ghost Sites. And so on.
Quantity is not quality. By your constant whining about Power Bloggers,
you obviously haven't grasped this. All you care about is being a number
on a list - in hopes that some joe will hit your site, impressed by your
ranking. As I'm sure you know (after complaining about the lack of hits
you get), people may hit your site once, but they'll never come back.
Remember, if you will, long long ago, when people complained that most of
the webpages around were pictures of the family or of the dog, and that
they contained no content and were boring?
You'll notice that that complaint isn't voiced all that much - family dogs
and family pictures have really disappeared. In it's new place is a
"weblog", a bunch of self righteous shit, pathetically screaming "look at
me! i update daily! i'm important!".
>Since it joined Disobey it's gotten Devil-Shat-Ized... which means it's
>withering away into nothing. Stupid Morbus fucks all good things up.
This is *intensely* funny. One of the primary things that Neil bitched
about when we were talking about VD was that he'd be able to do anything
and everything he wanted with. I trusted his judgement. The only thing I
was getting from VD was his pathetic 70 readers or so, in hopes that
they'd cycle over into the rest of Disobey. Plus, I liked VD, so why the
hell wouldn't I want to see it with a Disobey tag?
Because of this, I have no clue what the hell he's going to release until
he does. He used to give me a preview release the day before the issue
came out. We must've both realized this was pretty stupid - he wouldn't
change anything even if I told him to.
And he's been reading Disobey far longer than you have - far longer than
anyone else really. He's been there ever since I told him the design of
The Annihilation Fountain sucked ass. If I've been DevilShatizing him,
it's been happening far longer than you ever graced either of our
presences.
Which means that VD or Neil isn't changing - it's you. And I believe that.
You're changing from the deadly 15 into the mature 16. And that's
incredible! That's an furious change that must be playing with your head
rather deeply.
Or, maybe it's because Neil decided not to publish your final rant, and
instead offered it to the Devil. Perhaps you're just indignant, and you
figure you can shit on VD and blame it on me, all at the same time.
>I'm gonna cry.
Oh, you shouldn't cry, my friend. You should jump up and down! You're
changing both mentally and physically, and just like everyone else, we
want the world to change with us. It's just not going to happen.
And yes, knowing your site, I won't be surprised if I find this up on eB
somewhere, with your response interspersed throughout. It just sounds like
something you'd do.
:: PMS HUMOUR - SUBMITTED BY BUNNIEE ::
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else
in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the
bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE
DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they
wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've
been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did,
by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair
that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID
light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE
THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE
NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE
HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN
THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
:: ENGLISH AS A FRACTURED LANGUAGE - FOUND ONLINE ::
The Edward Bulwar Lytton Prize is awarded every year to the author of the
worst possible opening line of a book. This has been so successful that
Penguin now publishes five books-worth of entries.
Some recent winners:
"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in
the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it."
"Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
"With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
defied description."
"Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was
about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon - to
become the woman he loved."
"Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from
seeking out a living at a local pet store."
"Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often
do."
"Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
"Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of
the word 'fear' - a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in
the eye of death - in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
:: ASK DR. LAURA - FOUND ONLINE ::
This letter was sent in response to Dr Laura's claim that
homosexuality is an abomination because it's against the Bible...
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have
learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination..... End of debate !
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of specific law
and how to best follow them as a true believer.
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do
I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around
us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not
Canadians. Can you clarify?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
(Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't
agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear prescription glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident that
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.
:: STUPID MAILSHITE ::
Here is a stupid piece of email I received:
> I have a rock that has faces of animals also where there is an eye
> for the animal its sparkles. And the serphent mound is on it, it was
> found in Oklahoma where arrowheads have been found since the 50`s.
> please write back!!!!!
Uh, no. Does anyone else get random weird shite like this?
:: RECENT EBAY PURCHASES ::
A bunch of Cages comics by Dave Mckean
:: ETC ::
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or if you just hate VD and want to send in cheap
ass stupid insults, type 'em up and send it to v_d@iname.com.
Music that inspired this issue: NIN - Maple Leaf Gardens bootleg
Sweet - Desolation Boulevard
NIN - The Fragile
Soundtrack - Natural Born Killers
This issue has wedgie burn...
Next issue July 18/00
__ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __
__ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __
__ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __
Morbus wants this disclaimer shite here. Why? Ask Morbus...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion
TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion
...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
__ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __
__ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __
__ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __
